Bartman
by metallicanirvana
Summary: Follow Bart as a teenager, the time when life is hard. Now he and his friends must fight off aliens, Sideshow Bob, ghosts and drug addictions. A mix of romance, adventure and humor fill his life. Please R&R, both constructive critism and praise is loved.
1. Bart: The strangest day of my life

Bart relaxed in his seat as he saw the sea below him. The trip to Egypt was a much need vacation for the whole family but Bart was happy to go back to Springfield to get up to more mayhem than one town can possibly handle. Bart falls back into his seat listening to a conversation Alex Whitney and Lisa are having. Marge allowed her to come only because Lisa needs to spend some time with friends rather than studying all the time. I feel happy that Lisa is making friends. Wait…. What did I just say? I must be tired. I meant Lisa is a douche bag.

"Hey Bart, I heard you and that slut Jessica are back together" says the voice of my best friend before I nearly fall asleep.

"Yeah dude I told you like 10 minutes ago and she isn't a slut" dam stupid Milhouse; even at 16 he is as stupid as ever.

"O really Bart?" this time it was a sweet and pleasant voice, I hope my eyes too see that Lisa is leaning over her chair with her head hovering an inch away from mine.

"Ahhh get off me Lisa, its about time you got a boyfriend that isn't Ralph" I say harshly remembering a very funny event that took place when Lisa was in the 2nd grade.

"O shut up you, that was in the 2nd grade" she snaps. Lisa, Milhouse and Alex continue talking about topics that aren't off interest as I tried to block out there voices. I didn't get much sleep last night and I thought I could fall asleep on the bed.

"Awwh" I grunt in a tiredly manner. What is going on?

"Homer, what are you doing?" I ask realising he is carrying me on his back.

"Well you wouldn't wake up so I decided to bring you home, I should have left you on the plane" Lisa, Alex and Milhouse all I jump off Homer and realise I am home, 742 evergreen terrace.

Instantly I see Jessica come out of no where and pull me into a choking hug. She has changed, I don't know why but ever since she went to boarding school she isn't a little rebel anymore. Well…. Not as much as a rebel anymore. I guess she is afraid of her father, Minister Lovejoy, the most religious (excluding Ned Flanders) and strict father in this small humble town.

"I missed you, did yah miss me?" Jessica says once she releases me from her grip.

"Yeah" I lamely respond still half asleep even though I nearly died in her chokehold. Milhouse signs and follows my family and Alex into our humble dwelling.

"I got you something" I suddenly say remember the gift I had gotten her. It was an ancient Egyptian necklace, it was pretty… o dude did I just say that? I think I need more sleep.

"Wow this is awesome dude" she responds as she wears the necklace. I comment her on how beautiful she looks but I tell her to go away, not harshly, so I can get some sleep. I wave her goodbye as I enter my home. I haven't been inside this house for 4 weeks and I can instantly see Homer missed his ass curve on his recliner. He is lazily watching T.V with a beer in his hand, returning to his normal daily routine.

I laugh on my way up the stairs. Lisa and Alex are playing with some stupid dolls, I can't believe even at 14 Lisa and Alex play with dolls all day but always get the highest marks in everything. It's annoying, I actually have to put time aside to study while I never seen Lisa revise for a test and she still gets better than whatever I had on that test. She does a lot of reading maybe that has something to do with it.

"whatcah doing there bart?" the sweet voice awakes me from my daydream followed by 3 girly laughs. Wow Milhouse sounds feminine. I didn't even realise I walked into Lisa's room and I must have stood there for like 2 minutes looking like a complete idiot. I can feel the colour in my cheeks change.

"Ahh nothing" I respond to Alex's question. "Come on bart, come sit and play with Malibu Stacy with us" I eye Milhouse and am appalled he would say something like that. I grunt in disgust but I decide I might as well hang out here since they would probably draw on my face if I decide to go to sleep.

How the hell do they play with those dolls anyways? And why? Well I don't really want an answer; in fact I want to avoid the whole doll thing. "I guess you 3 are patiently waiting till the holidays are over" I know that was a stupid thing to say but I rather talk than "play" with dolls.

"School sucks," says the divine voice of Alex. Wow that took me by surprise. "But I can't wait to see the rest of my friends again". Oh… well I guess she isn't as nerdy as Lisa.

"Yeah me too" I respond still sleepy. "Uhh dude go get some sleep" I was shocked to realise that those words came out of Alex's mouth and not from Milhouse. Wow that something Jessica would say. "I'm fine" I grunt in a way that makes Milhouse laugh in a girlish way. I decide to leave though, no point on "playing" with dolls. "Uhh I'm gonna go now" I lamely stutter out. "What's gotten into him?" I hear Lisa say as I walk down the hallway.

Where should I go now, talk to homer or mum? Nah screw that. Maggie. Yeah, I guess I haven't talked to her in a while, although not sure what I want to talk to her about. I knock on her door. "Go away" I hear from inside the room. That's weird, she has never responded angrily before. "It's me Bart"

"I said Go away" I feel a little heart broken after I hear her scream this out. Me and her always had a good relationship, even though she was kind of preppy. She is a good sister. Something is bothering her; I want to know what so I decide to enter the room whether she wants me there or not. When I walk in I am traumatized to see her sitting on the bed, crying with a fully loaded gun pointing at her head. O fuck!


	2. Bart and Lisa: A life and death matter

Bart

I wrestle Maggie for the gun. "Mum… DAD!!! Someone help me!!" Lisa, Milhouse, Alex, Homer and Marge all run into the room. The gun however is fired before Maggie is restrained. It was too late. Where did she get that gun from? Why was she going to shoot herself? I always thought Maggie was happy, if anything I always though if Lisa would be more suicidal out of my two sisters.

Nothing made sense too me anymore as my world started to fade. Maggie had tried to shoot herself but accidentally shot me when I attempted to grab the gun from her. "Call 911" I hear Lisa scream at the top of her lungs. "Ok, what's the number for 911?" Homer replies. Good old predictable Homer, even in a life or death situation he can't use his brain.

"911 DAD" Maggie screams in tears. "I know sweetie, but what's the number?" replies Homer. Finally mum gets the phones and calls for an ambulance. I wonder if I got my dad's stupidity or my mum's average intelligence and how did Lisa get to be so smart? Maybe mum is smarter than she lets us believe.

How did the day end like this? I had gone on a trip to Egypt, a place I always wanted to visit and returned refresh and ready to return back to my normal life. I was so glad to see Jessica today; I hadn't seen her in weeks. Maybe I should have gone to sleep like Alex had suggested. Wait, no way. Maggie would be dead if I did. At least Maggie is still alive. The ambulance took what to me felt like an eternity. They are finally here and guys come and put me in a stretcher and my vision starts to fade and all I hear is distance voices. The voices are becoming distorted, I can't hear anything, I can't feel anything, and I can't believe anything that's happening.

­­­­

I don't understand how the day ended like this. All of us crowded in the waiting room, wondering if Bart will ever wake up. Maggie has been taking to an asylum for a couple of weeks because of what has happened. I don't understand why she wanted to shoot herself; she has never ever acted depressed or suicidal.

"What happened?" Jessica frantically arrives and I am forced to go over what happened. She sits there silently, is that a tear in her eye? Jessica, the heathen raised in a religious family, was crying over Bart. What a change from getting him in trouble with making it seem like Bart had stolen from the church, when she did stole it.

I never saw why Bart liked her, it wasn't new news to me that had been dating, but I now she why he likes her. Her eyes show that he is dejected by this situation, she looks so sad that it's almost as her whole family died; she looks more suicidal now than Maggie ever did. Maggie suicidal! It doesn't sound right. My thoughts are too scattered over everything that has happened to be able to focus on something.

I don't know what's going to happen to mum. She must feel more down in the dumps than I do. Bart is nearly dead, Maggie is in a madhouse and I feel a strange feeling of depression I have never felt before. I need to be strong for mum; she can't see me like this.

I sighed; Jessica looks up as if she just realised that I was sitting her. I have never been alone with Jessica before, even though I was the first person to know that she and Bart were going out. I never liked her before and I guess know would be a good time to attempt to like her.

"Maybe we should visit Maggie once we hear from the doctor about Bart." Jessica starts in a concerned tone I have never heard from her. I nod my response to her. Dr Hebert walks in, asking where my parents are.

"They have gone with Maggie; they told me to call them when I hear news about Bart." I was appalled when Dr Hebert started laughing like he normal does. I could see the disgust on Jessica's face since she hasn't been around in Springfield long enough to know of Dr Hebert's bizarre laughing times.

"Well, he is alright?" Jessica angrily asks causing the Dr to stop laughing. "It depends what you mean by alright" The Dr replies laughing even harder causing Jessica to look like she was going to punch him.

"He should be fine in a couple of weeks" Dr Hebert finally spits out causing me and Jessica both to sigh in relief. Jessica looks a lot happier now and I can see the colour in her cheeks start to redden. She was so close to snapping at Dr Hebert, it was kind of funny, although no one is in a laughing mood right now.

We decide to go to the mental ward which Maggie is at, which isn't very far from Bart's ward. The first people I see are Milhouse and Alex who both look extremely upset by what has happened. I tell them and my parents Bart should recover in a couple of weeks, which automatically makes mum look happy.

I go closer to the door of the room Maggie is in with Dr Caboose, a shrink. I can see threw a small window in the door, Maggie sitting there crying. What have you done Maggie? Why would you even consider an idea like suicide? I know Bart will be fine but now I am anxious about what Maggie will do. My mind is working on overload, I need to sit down and relax. I suddenly am embraced in a tight, compassionate hug, ahh mum I thought. I look to see Jessica hold me tightly, almost in tears.

Wow today has been the most shocking day of my life, I never expected anything like this to ever happen, but now that it has…..


	3. Alex, Ralph, Alison and Lisa: Recovery

Alex

This is the worst first day of school I have ever seen, especially for Lisa. She seems so depressed but with good reason, it was only 2 weeks ago when Bart and Maggie went to hospital.

"We should go visit them today," says Alison, one of Lisa's best friends and one of the only people she has told.

I wait for Lisa's response and she nods. "Hey what are you girls mumbling about," the teacher yells at us. Last period English, the most annoying of all subjects with a very annoying teacher.

"Nothing," I reply just like everyone else does in a situation like mine. Well I couldn't say in a situation like mine, my best friend's sister tried to kill herself and her brother is in hospital after a gunshot wound.

Wow this is totally not cool. The trip to Egypt was rad but when we came back I never thought this would happen. I glazed at Lisa, she is resting her head on the desk and looks the worst she like ever has looked. Totally not cool…..

"Are you a lesbian or something, Alex? Stop staring at Lisa," the teacher is so annoying and the class erupts in laughter.

"No it just….." I couldn't tell them about what has occurred.

"Something wrong with her hair or clothes?" wow this teacher is so annoying I hate him. The class erupts in laughter; the school basically already knows me as Fashion Goddess, the girl who can't let go of her phone and is up to date with the latest fashion. Well I am not always like that… am I? I mean I thought everyone was like that at high school and plus I'm not a self-centred, popularity-seeking, annoying little girl. I can be caring about out people too and I don't even care about what my friends where.

"Fashion Loser," says someone from the third row and everyone starts chanting. Dam it, what did I do to deserve this?

Ralph

Something is wrong with Lisa, my first girlfriend and my first ex-girlfriend. She made me a card that said choo-choo. HAHAHAHA. It had a picture of a train. The bell rang that means I can go home. I walk up to Lisa and her friends uhhh yellow hair and red brain. I think that might be there names. "Smell nice," I say once I smell the yellow haired one. She sighs and then starts laughing. I don't know why they are laughing but Lisa seems to be not laughing. "Is Lisa okay?" I ask. They eye me in a scary way. "No Ralph but its okay we are going to take care of her, so go run along and play," says the yellow hair. "Ha-ha you got a funny voice" I say before running off home. What's wrong with Lisa? Hey it's daddy. He has tomato sauce all over his t-shirt. Daddy sure is a messy eater.

Alison

"I don't really have a funny voice do I?" asks Alex once Ralph is out of earshot.

"No," I respond. "Bart said he always liked it." I have no idea why I added that. I see the colour in Alex's cheeks rise. I was surprised to hear a laugh, one I haven't heard in 2 weeks. Lisa's laugh assured me that she was slowly returning to her normally state. Me and Alex started laughing too, I wasn't sure what I was laughing at but I just couldn't stop. Sounds stupid right?

When we enter the hospital there is an awkward silence though, who should we go see first? "Bart is still…. Resting…." Alex says, not being able to find the right words. Lisa sighs and silently walks towards Maggie's ward. Me and Alex follow, also silent, and sit watch her run up to Maggie and embraced her in a crushing hug.

I still want some questions answered by Maggie, everyone does but I think it's not the best time to ask. I never actually been here before, there are rooms, I guess where they sleep, and one dark room that looks creepy, must be for therapy, and there is a large room with a T.V, piano, pool table and tons of seats. It isn't half bad really, and outside there is a tennis court.

"I think maybe we should leave them alone for a little, lets go sit down," Alex says as she grabs my hand and drags me to a seat.

Lisa and Maggie look like none of this ever happened, they are joking and laughing and look extremely happy. I think they both needed to see each other.

"Wow they look happy," Alex says suddenly. "Yeah," I smile, this is how it should be and I hope things stay like this when we return. Maggie is only 8, how did she even get a gun or thoughts about suicide? How does she even know what suicide is? She is way to young for any of this to have happened to her.

Alex suddenly grabs my arm like she always does. Now what? She gently rests her head on my arm…. Uhh okay?

"You okay?" I ask, she used to do this when we were like 10. She doesn't respond.

What is going on, suddenly Lisa walks into the room and sighs. "Its time to go to see Bart."

Lisa

Maggie seems to be making progress and I told her not matter what is going on she can always talk to me. She seems really happy, I guess because I haven't seen her in the past 2 weeks and she was excited to see me walk in. Mum and Dad have been visiting her and Bart everyday but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

As we walk into Bart's room we see that Jessica and my parents are already there.

"Hi," I say lamely as I take a seat. I can see Alex and Alison enter the room but they both know this might not be the right time. The people closest to Bart are in this room right now, but I guess Alex and Alison have become….. Bart's friends.

Bart looks so happy in his lifeless state. There is a deep silence in the room, no clocks ticking, no crickets, and no patients coughing or wheezing. Just silence, no noise at all is being made.

Someone cleared there voice to announce there presence. We all look around shocked as we see Maggie walk in, with 2 doctors behind her watching her every move. Every jumps up and in shock they all go to greet Maggie. Maggie however ignores them all and goes to Bart. The room again is in silence. Maggie observes Bart and her eyes show she is starting to realise what she has done.


	4. Bart II: Bart meets Bartman

Bart

I look at the house that stands before me. It's my home but it doesn't look anything like it is now. It looks much newer and cleaner, this is weird. As I knock on the door I am shocked when I fall straight threw into the house. What just happened I wonder as I get up onto my feet and try to touch the door. My hand goes through it bizarrely, is my mind playing tricks on me?

"Hello Loser" I know that voice, it was me, when I was like 10. I turn around and nearly scream when I see a 10 yr old me.

"Don't have a cow man" says the 10 yr old me dressed in a super hero costume.

"Call me Bartman, Bart"

"Uhh…. Bartman, how is this even possible?" I asked a little freaked out.

"Dude your in a coma" says the little rascal. My brain struggles to understand what is going on. When we arrived home after a needed vacation, Maggie was going to shoot herself, for some reason I can't understand, then I got shot instead. Kind of like the Mr Burns scenario except I was the one who got shot. And now I am here, in my home staring at a 10 yr old me. Can this day get any weirder?

"Do you want to save Maggie or not man?" That instantly snapped me from my strand of thoughts.

"Save Maggie?"

"Yes, look I'll show you will happen unless if you can't help her" the little me rubs his temple and a flash of light nearly blinds me.

"Follow me" he assertively says. We walk up to Maggie's room and there she is on the floor. Her lifeless corpse is surrounded in blood; I thought this was what I tried to stop. I kneeled down and started to cry, holding her in my arms.

"Dude its not even real, but it could be very soon," The little Bart knew how to stop this.

"How do I stop this, how do I stop her from doing this?" I ask as I stand up and walk out the room. He follows me as I sit down on the stairs.

"You must figure that out for yourself" he responds. I grabbed him by the throat. That little bastard knows how to stop this and he isn't going to help me, why am I even here then? I realised punching a 10 yr old me wasn't going to help me save Maggie.

"When Maggie returns she will seem normal, you will figure out the rest," He signs. "The gun is located under her bed in a secret room."

"What!?" A secret room in this house? He eyes me in a cold way before he adds "It's a tiny room but she isn't the only one you must save." As about to shout out what but he disappears. How did he do that? If he is gone shouldn't I awake and find myself in a hospital bed or something and say this was just a twisted life changing dream?

Why would an 8 yr old girl that has a very good life try to commit suicide? Where did she get that gun from anyways? I bet that one of the questions she is being asked right now. I think I should go for a little walk, maybe I might find the reason why I am here. As I step into the street I hear gunshots. What is going on here? I rush to the closest one I hear. Flander's house.

I try opening the door and I fall through it the same way I did when I tried entering my house. I find Rod and Todd lying on the floor cover in blood, each with a gun in their hand and now they are both dead. What the hell is going on? I can hear distant gunshots but why? Todd and Rod of all people, they knew if they commit suicide they go to hell or something like that.

"See?" I jump when the 10 yr old me in a super hero costume returns. "In due time all your friends will be dead" he says before disappearing yet again.

"My sweet little guy, please wake up" That's my mum I say before I wake up in a hospital room with my little sister Maggie's arms wrapped around me.

Everyone looks like they just won lotto or something except Maggie. My t-shirt is covered in her tears.

"How was the hospital food, boy?" my dad asks causing everyone to look confused. "Can I go home yet?" I ask quickly when Dr Hebert walks in. "Yeah, although you should rest" says the Dr before he starts laughing.

"How long has it been?" I ask on the way home.

"3 months" Lisa replies. Maggie seems to have gotten out of the mental institute, cured I hope.

"Check the secret room" I basically scream as I hear the voice of the 10 yr old me. I didn't imagine that, it was loud and clear. Maggie wraps her arms around me again. Dam it, what the hell is going on? Maybe I need to visit the ward Maggie was in.


	5. Bart and Homer: Seeking Answers

The next few days, everything seemed to return to normal and no one mentioned the horrible events take took place. Maggie seemed more attached to me and Lisa for some reason but I guess she is just really sorry for what happened. I don't want my sister to die when she is only 8, I wanted Lisa to die when she was 8 but that was a case. I can't believe how I and Lisa were so against each other…. Well I was against her anyways.

"Hey can you take me to the park today," asks Maggie softly. I hate to say no to her but I got a shit load of studying to do. I already behind enough on my school work and I wasn't exactly the faster learner in the world. "Uhh okay" I say weakly as she enters my room and sits on my bed. I put my book down and face her before Lisa walks in.

"Maggie don't bother Bart right now sweetie, I'll take you to the park," I will need to thank Lisa later for that. Maggie quickly jumps off my bed and grabs Lisa's arm and quickly starts making her way to the park.

I return to my books, trying to study, chemistry is hard, why can't it be more like physics? I mean how am I suppose to remember Metal carbonates, Metal bicarbonates, Metal oxides and Metal hydroxides are all bases and all the stupid ions stuff. It just too hard.

"Need a break," says a familiar voice causing me to jump out of my chair and scream.

"you… me…" I stutter out, my mind is playing tricks on me, no way can a 10 year old me dressed in that stupid superhero….

"Don't have a cow man," says the 10 yr old snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Check the secret room," he says and disappears.

I need a break, I been studying too hard for the past few weeks. I mean I might not have done much work but I am making progress, it's not my fault that I am a slow learner. I sigh and walk down to the kitchen.

"Hey boy," My father says lying on the couch, after I walk out of the kitchen with a sandwich and a cold drink.

"Homer… do you think,"

"No, I don't" he responds quickly cutting me off. I know exactly which of my parent's mind I have and I am sad to say it isn't mum.

"Look boy if something is bothering you, find out the answers" That might be a stupid thing to say but it is the smartest thing he has said to me in a while. I quickly pace up the stairs to Maggie's room.

I take in a deep breath before opening the door and I shift the bed. Oh my gosh. I can't believe it. There is a small door-like thing underneath Maggie's bed. I open the small door and see a ladder. I quickly climb down the ladder and see a dark room but there is no gun here. My parents got rid of the gun so why did I feel like I might find a gun here?

"Bart?" I froze at the sound of my name.

Homer

Something seems to be bothering the boy, probably some teenage problems like the boogie man. I think I should sit this one out at Moe's bar. My second home that I prefer to this home. I walk down the driveway when I hear the most annoying voice. FLANDERS!!!

"Hey neighbourino"

"Go away Flanders" I say as I block my ears and pace out before he can say his aggravating catchphrase.

"Ahh the happiest place in the world," I say as I enter Moe's bar. Everyone look's down in the dumps today and they don't even acknowledge that I have entered the bar.

"The usually Homie?" asks the pleasant bartender. Okay so he has a facial problem but he is a nice guy, I mean most of the time, well at least to me he is.

"Most certainly" wow I can sound super smart sometimes. I don't know why Moe stared at me before getting me a nice, cold mug of Duff.

The bar hasn't changed much in recent years except that there are more costumers, mainly cause it's now the only bar in town.

"Look we are so close to achieving our goal, don't fail me now!" says a voice I recognise as that guy who tried to kill Bart. Sideshow bob had gotten out of prison due to the fact that he was proven innocent for his last conviction, he never shot Apu. Although the fee for shooting Apu is only $10 due to it happening so often, Bob was sent to prison for a full year before they let him out. The police just wanted to lock up Bob for any reason they could find.

"Look Maggie nearly shot herself, she will be the first of many" suddenly I pay attention to their conversation. Now I am mildly drunk, well I am slurring my speech and Moe looks pretty dam hot right now. Okay, maybe I might die of alcohol poisoning any second, Bob's mentioning of Maggie and her suicide attempt makes me focus on what they are talking about.

"Are you totally sure about this dude?" says one of the ex-prisons Sideshow Bob is talking too. Snake I believe it is and Sideshow Bob mumbles his response in a way I can't understand.

"Well let's put our 2nd plan into action then dude, it will be totally awesome ruling this city," says Snake. I would if that's his real name or it's because we decided to call him snake and we forgot his real name.

Sideshow Bob, Snake and a third guy I never heard speak stand up and leave the bar. "Whhhattthhh waahhss daattt allll aaabouth?" I ask Moe, who replies by shrugging his shoulders.

"I didn't hear anything," says Moe and the other guys all say the same thing. Oh come on, why was I the only one to hear that? I walk out the bar trying to gain my balance when Lisa walks by. "DAD, Its 3 am!!!!" she shouts.

"Not so loud honey, daddy's head hurts and he is going to go throw up for a little while sweetie," I say slowly sobering up enough to speak normally. She sighs as I throw up in a dumpster near the bar.

"Dad how much did you drink, you can't even walk straight or talk straight, come on lets get you home."

When we got home it was about 4am, Lisa had to walk really slow because her daddy wasn't feeling to good and felt like crashing on the streets. Marge looked angry as I walked into the house and collapsed into her arms.

"Oh, Homie why do you do this to yourself?" She asks, wiping a tear from her eyes.


	6. Bart III: The Overdose

**Disclaimer: I would love to own the Simpsons, I sadly don't however and if I did, this story would be a budget movie with giant robots in the background.**

Dam it I'm too scared to turn around, that was Maggie's voice. "Why are you in my room?" she asks angrily.

I quickly climb out of the secret room and look at my displeased sister. I can't answer her question, I got no good reasons even though getting to mischief and talking my way out of it was what I was known for.

"I'm sorry," I say lamely and watch her sigh. I should have just gone straight into the secret room instead of going to get a snack.

"Now you know about my secret room, don't tell anyone else," she says automatically making me calmer.

"Ok, just so you know I didn't get a good look at anything, it was too dark," which was partly true since I never found what I was looking for. I don't know why I would think she would have a gun there anyways; she is happy, very happy now.

"You know you can talk to me about anything you want," I say before kissing her on the forehead and leaving.

Wow for a second I thought she was going to be pissed and snap at me for going through her stuff. Well she is only 8 I guess, an 8 yr old who somehow got a hold of a gun. No one told me how she got a hold of a gun; I guess she hasn't told anyone yet. Oh well, I'll ask another time, right now I got to get some studying done. I return to my room and sit down. Stupid chemistry, why couldn't it be easier? I don't want to learn about acids and bases and boring stuff like that.

As I pick up my book to start attempting to learn this bullshit, my phone rings. Yay another disturbance, I don't think I will ever get time to catch up on my studies. Not that I was up to date in the first place. I stare at the number, it's Alex, and I flip my phone open.

"Hey Alex," I say calmly, not sure why she called me.

"Come to Jessica's house quickly," she says frantically immediately snapping me from my calm mood.

"What? What happened?" I quickly ask.

"Lisa and I met in the park, we decide to visit Jessica and she is lying on the floor," She quickly speaks. Typical she told me that she and Lisa were at the park, she always tells unnecessary detail but I don't have time to worry about that.

"What do you mean she is lying on the floor?" I ask basically screaming into the phone.

"She isn't moving, Lisa can't get a pulse on her, get her quickly the ambulance is coming," I snap my phone closed. Dam it. I run out of the house ignoring my mum's questions as I run into her. She hits the ground hard, I'll have to apologise to her later.

I run as fast as I could and basically faint into Jessica's recliner. She isn't here, they must have taken her. As I am about to make my way to the hospital, I realise Jessica's door is open and I walk into the room. Her purse was sitting on her desk inside her beautiful black and pink room. I rummage threw what's in her purse; I just have a feeling that I might be able to find something of use.

"Selling from my daughter Bart?" I know that voice well; I have heard it every Sunday as long as I can remember. Reverend Lovejoy, Jessica's dad. I ignore him as I find an injection. Heroin.

"Heroin!!!!" he screams at me. She must have overdosed on Heroin, I keep searching the purse as Reverend Lovejoy takes the needle and sits on Jessica's bed looking dull. "I raised my daughter to be better than this, not to do drugs, not to disobey the laws and teachings of God" I hear Jessica's dad mutter.

A blue piece of paper catches my attention and I decide to read it. "What are you doing? That could be something personal of hers" He yells at me as he stands up.

"It is," I say before adding "It's a suicide note." After I said that I could see the life in the father fade away. "She… She knows it's a sin" he says has he makes his way to his car. I follow him and I jump into his car, he doesn't even oppose to it.

Mr Lovejoy and I aren't exactly friends, we hate each other and we always have. Our hate goes a long way back, even before I knew Jessica. It's not a surprise the ride to the hospital is in silence. We always have avoided each other and have never been alone together, at least as far as I could remember.

What is going on here? First Maggie and now Jessica, why are people committing suicide? I knew Jessica better than anyone in this world knew her; even her father knew that, we had been friends ever since she returned from the boarding school she was sent to. I know Jessica would never, ever contemplate suicide and I felt the same way about Maggie. They had been happy all their lives, I mean with Jessica I know there were ups and downs but I know she wouldn't consider ending her life.

Heroin, I thought she quit heroin a while ago. She returned to Springfield when she was like 10 and we instantly became good friends. I mean Milhouse was fun and all but he wouldn't dare do the risky stuff me and Jessica would do. I knew she was addicted to Heroin when she was 13 but I helped her escape her addiction. If she started taking heroin again I thought she would tell me.

"Hi Bart, you back already?" asks a nurse before she starts laughing. I agree with her in a way, I didn't think I would be near a hospital for a while, at least not relating Jessica.

We directed to Jessica's room. She seemed to have survived, another lucky to be alive moment to add to the book for me and Jessica. Alex and Lisa were sitting next to a sleeping Jessica. I could see that her pulse had dropped to 20, dangerously low, but she was still alive. We sat in the room in absolute silence, was this how they were when I was in hospital? Alex and Lisa were best friends or pretty close and they didn't even speak. Mr Lovejoy and Me weren't expecting a conversation but he stood up and said "Bart, you got to help her," before leaving.

Why is everyone expecting me to be the answer to all their problems? Of cause I want to help Maggie and Jessica out but Reverend Lovejoy is Jessica's father and he looks like he has given up on her.

"Hehehehe" I heard that laugh so many times it's difficult to forget it, although I wish I could.

"She'll be fine tomorrow, was it a suicide attempt or a general over dose?" he asks curiously.

"I guess it was an overdose not relating suicide," Alex promptly says after an awkward silence. The doctor laughs before leaving before I could correct her.

"It was a suicide attempt," I could see the shock on Alex and Lisa's face. I hope they don't plan on dying any time soon as I hand them the suicide note she had written.

They both sigh. "Something weird is going on here," Alex says before flicking her pretty hair back out of her face.

"Yeah, Maggie was never unhappy or suicidal, and I guess Jessica wasn't," says Lisa before thinking for some kind of logical explanation. Lisa has always been the brains of the family, if anyone could find an explanation for all of this it would be Lisa. I am not surprised when she doesn't have an answer. No one has an answer but I'm as anxious as hell to find one.

**AN: Don't worry this story isn't going to be about everyone trying to commit suicide. No more suicides for sometime now :p**


	7. Lisa,Maggie and Sideshow Bob: The Device

Lisa

That two-faced harlot, even though I'll stand by Bart and his decisions no matter what, I have serious objections to him going out with a heroin addict that wants to kill herself. I rush into Maggie's room and scream "why did you want to kill yourself." She isn't here, but I thought she came home and went straight to her bedroom after school. I decide to lie down on Maggie's bed, I feel kind of tired and it's been a tough day. Plus I want to wait for Maggie to return.

I could swear I heard a groan come from underneath the bed. I am way over my head right now.

"Hey Lisa," I hear the sweet, sugar-coated voice that I recognise as that heroin taking whore.

"You recover fast from drugs? Must take it often," I say angrily looking at the bitch that was going to end up ruining Bart's life.

"Look calm down Lisa, I don't know what came over me," she responses looking a little frightened.

"Well you tried to commit suicide by overdosing on heroin, I want some answers," I say harshly making her wince.

"So do I!" grunts my brother Bart. I can see the pain in his eyes and I know Jessica can as well.

"I was coming to see you Bart," she responds slowly before embracing Bart in a loving hug that begs forgiveness.

"Why did you try to kill yourself?" Bart says with an expression that I can't read.

"I don't know why…." Typical, she must have really badly overdosed for her not to remember.

"I thought if you started to take heroin again, you would come see me, we could have prevented this, the shrinks, the medication." Bart says this almost like a shrink.

"What do you mean started to take heroin again," I snap at Bart.

"She took heroin once or twice when she was like 13," Bart replies, although he knows I know it was more than that.

"I don't remember buying the heroin," says Jessica. I guess she really hasn't forgotten why she wanted to commit suicide.

Maggie

I was a little annoyed that they decided to have this conversation in my bedroom while I was in my hiding place but now I remember something. I don't remember where I got the gun from or why I wanted to shoot myself. I need to talk to Jessica after they get out of bedroom; she seems to be as lost as me on what is going on. I didn't get a shrink or medication; they believed I was fine, maybe Jessica was suicidal though. No, she would have told Bart or so I assume, unless if she wants to but Lisa is here.

Finally they leave and close my door as I push my bed across my room and jump out of this hole. It's good to be really small, you can hide underneath you bed pretty easily or access any secret rooms located under your bed. As I step down the hall I hear crying coming from Bart's room. I never heard Jessica cry before, it's weird she always seemed like the cool girl who fits in with the popular group.

I knock on the door before entering, I feel like this was maybe a bad idea as I stupidly stand in the doorway.

"Mag come sit down," says Jessica almost as if she knows why I am here. I forgot why I am here, maybe she can help me. I slowly walk near them as I am pulled in by Jessica. Wow she has never acted like this before. Bart seems just as shocked as I am, I knew Jessica had become nicer throughout the years but I never expected this too happen.

"Why did you go it Maggie?" my brother slowly asks while I am being crushed by his girlfriend. "I don't know," I say sadly. It was true, I didn't know why.

"Where did you get the gun from?" he asks another question as Jessica slight loosens her grip but doesn't let go of me.

"I don't know," I say again, why did I come in here again? "Bart I don't know why I did it," I don't know why but I collapsed into Jessica's arms and started crying. We both cried for like 5 minutes, while Bart patiently sat there. I know Bart has no idea on what to do. He stands up and says "I love both of you, don't worry me like that again," before he leaves.

Sideshow Bob

I could swear I saw that idiot of a man Homer at the bar a couple of days ago. If it was him I am sure he is too drunk to hear or understand what we talked about. Bart will pay for all the times he has foil my plans, however this isn't concerning the little devil.

"Why hasn't anyone died yet dude?" Snake asks, one of my close and personal friends who helped me some much in recent years.

"Don't worry, we know the device works at least," I quickly respond to his question although it doesn't really answer it. I want an answer as I walked into the lab where Martin Price is working on some kind of potion.

"Martin!!!" I harshly grunt at the young boy who is running for mayor of Springfield.

"Yes sir?" He asks before I pat him on the back.

"Well done on the device boy, but I want to know why it hasn't killed anyone yet," I gave Snake a rubbish answer, I want the real answer.

"I don't know sir; I guess Maggie was stopped by Bart and Jessica….. I am not sure." He nervously responds knowing I am starting to get angry.

The device is a nice piece of work, the demon unleasher 2. I mean it has a stupid name but it's still a nice device.

"Maybe it's got to do with the fact they haven't killed anyone," Snake walks into the room and looks at Martin waiting for a response.

"Maybe, I guess Maggie never really killed Mr. Burn and Jessica never really overdosed on heroin or killed anyone under the influence." The evil genius promptly responds. If he does make it as a mayor it would make him the youngest mayor this hick town has ever had and also allow us to take control of this city.

"Fix it boy," I say and he knows exactly what I mean by that. It's a revolutionary device however it can be made better.

Lisa

"hahahaha" I laugh at Bart's frustration, he can't go to sleep on his bed tonight because Maggie and Jessica are peacefully snoozing.

"Shut up Lisa," he finally snaps and decides to close the curtains and the door and leave them to sleep.

"But Bart they look so peaceful," I exclaim but he doesn't bother with a response.

"I guess I'm going to crash on Maggie's bed tonight," he says in a much happier tone.

"Yeah, but lets go watch some T.V first," I say heading down the stairs before Bart has any time to respond. I can hear his footsteps behind mine even though he doesn't bother responding.

"Hey kids, want a donut?" Dad asks, typical he is sitting on the couch; it's like a new hobby for him.

"Dad you need to get some exercise and stop eating so much food," I angrily snap at him and he grunts in annoyance.

"I wasn't going to give you a donut anyways," he says before I sigh. We watch the T.V silently laughing at some stupid buildings falling down; I can see why it's funny now.

"O… I need to tell you something and its important" dad quickly says and scratches his head.

"What?" I ask, I doubt it's important, most likely an event that took place at Moe's or the power plant.

"Well I can't remember too well, I know I was at Moe's," I knew it, but he seems to stop, struggling to remember the rest. He really must have had a lot to drink; maybe it was that night when he was the bar till 3 am. I can't believe how drunk he was, I don't think he realised he spew up in a dumpster on top of a hobo.

"It's got something to do with Maggie," Bart and me give my dad our full attention; waiting for him to remember what is going on.

"There was this guy, uhhh you know him Bart, Sideshow Bob or someone, he was talking about Maggie's suicide attempt," he says, I realise he was probably really drunk, I doubt Sideshow Bob knew about Maggie's incident.

"He acted like he knew something about it," He lazily finishes as his attention goes back to the T.V

How could Sideshow Bob be involved? Did he sell her the gun?


	8. Jessica, Marge and Professor Frink: Do'h

Jessica

Oww!! The sun's bright light really hurts my eyes. Where am I? This isn't my room. As my brain slowly starts to work I realise I am in Bart's bed and Maggie is next to me. What happened? My brain starts to work a little better as I remember me and her had talked a lot last night before we both fell asleep. She is a nice kid.

"Bart," I nearly jump at the sight of Bart sitting at his desk, I never realised he was there.

"Oh your up, you want a cup of coffee or something?" he asks as he turns and looks at me.

"Uhhh nah I think I'll be fine," I respond lamely. In fact I think I need a cup but oh well.

"Have you seen sideshow bob lately?" he randomly asks. Maggie groans and hits me in the face before waking up.

"Uhhh sorry I didn't mean to hit you," she says holding in the laughter.

"Have either of you seen sideshow bob lately," Bart asks again looking very serious.

"No" Maggie and I answer in a tone that says "Bart what the hell are you talking about?"

"Either of you have any ideas where he lives or where I could get contact of him?" that's even weirder question. "No, honey why are you asking us these questions," I say to him as he stands up and walks out the room.

"Uhhh okay, what was that all about?" I ask Maggie as she shrugs her shoulders. Suddenly Lisa walks into the room and asks us the same stupid question.

"Have either of you seen sideshow bob lately?" Ah this is fucking annoying me.

"What's up with you and Bart, you both asked us the same random question about Sideshow Bob." I ask firmly as Lisa looks away. She explains to us everything that her father told her last night.

"Daddy might have be drunk and imagined all those things," Maggie looks so adorable sometimes, a child like innocence that my dad used to see in me.

"Hey does my dad know I am here," I quickly ask with random scenarios going threw my head of what he might just do if he thought I went missing. Lisa starts to laugh.

"Don't worry, Bart took carry of that last night," she responds. "Thanks" although I should be thanking Bart.

"Where is mommy?" Maggie asks and I realise I haven't seen Marge in a while come to think of it.

"You look so cute when your worried Maggie," I say before I hug her and cause Lisa too roll her eyes.

"Dad, where is mum?" Lisa asks as the man who never fails to make me laugh walks into the room.

"I don't know, I haven't seen her since that day Lisa brought me home after I was drinking with boys," He said that in a very high pitched voice for a guy.

"BART!!!!!" Lisa screams. I guess when Marge isn't around Lisa is in charge, Homer seems to be the lazier of two adults, well Lisa is only 14.

"What?" He basically runs up the stairs almost as if someone died.

"Do you know where your mum is?" I ask, deciding to give Lisa a break from being the only one who does any work.

"At my Aunties house, why?" He looks confused at the look of relief on everyone's face.

"When did she leave boy?" Bart explains that she had gone to her sisters' house for a break but he said he assumed they knew.

Marge

I needed a break; I just had enough of Homer's heavy drinking and spending nights worrying about him. I stand up and get my stuff before telling my sisters that I am leaving. "Ok bye Marge," they say distractingly watching MacGyver. Just as I am about to leave the apartment a guy walks in. Martin Price, a 16 yr old that is known throughout Springfield as possibly the youngest and smartest mayor this town could have. I don't see how a 16 yr old can be allowed to run for mayor.

"Who are you?" Selma asks suddenly as an ad break causes her to acknowledge Martin's arrival.

"Oh you shouldn't worry about who I am," as he pulls something out of his pockets. A gun. It looks exactly like the one Maggie had. Sideshow Bob and Snake force there way into the apartment, holding the same type of guns.

"You three… gave my daughter the gun didn't you?" I say scared that one of these maniacs might shoot me.

"Yes dear Marge, we gave your precious daughter the gun and we will give too her again," Sideshow bob seems to be the leader and he snorts his dark and twisted laugh after his response.

"Maggie won't accept it, she won't kill herself," This makes the three of them erupt in laughter.

"Did you think that the first time she nearly shot herself?" asks Martin. That little rat I would like to ruffle his feathers right now. They forced us into the car and took us to what they called "The evil Lair."

Professor Frink

I never enjoyed politics however I think it will do me good to get out of the lab once in a while. Martin Prince looks like he will be a fine mayor, his policies and rules comply with what we need to move forward and make a better town that can have an average I.Q level of 185 which is much better than the current I.Q level of 50.

Well that was a waste of time; now back in my comfortable car I can relax and listen to some soft tunes to easy the sorrows of life away. Where is my slayer C.D? Good golly Gavin. Look at what I have found, it's my old Transition Ionic Measurer, or as I like to call it, T.I.M. I turn the old device on and I am shocked at what I see. It must be busted because the polyatomic ions forming around this region are phenomenal.

I got to check if this thing is broken or not. "Computer Activate Transition Ionic Measure" My car responds with a beep as it starts to upload a new and fully functional T.I.M. Oh jiving. How is there so many polyatomic ions forming around here? Something else shows in the screen, the negative charge is causing a sudden mental paralysis which means someone could control your thoughts and actions as long as you have done them before.

Oh jiving. Martin Price!! He just jumped into his car and is starting to drive off, if anyone could pull just a stunt it has to be him. I wonder where he is going, oh well only one way to find out.

Jessica

"How are you feeling darling?" a question my father hasn't asked me for a while. He cuddles me in a tight hug, dad is acting like a…. father. What has he been smoking?

"Dad, are you feeling okay?" I ask him as I watch him eye me steadily. "Yes pumpkin, I just want you to know that no matter what, God will forgive you for your sins." Did he just call me pumpkin? God will forgive me for my sins? I know a broke a couple of laws here and there but sins?

"That's good to know Dad" I warmly respond, hiding the distaste of my bad daughter image.

I hate this man so much but I want to start again, I tried so hard to have a father but all I had was a dad. For a while I thought I could make me and him work, but it turned out we were too very different people, he was so caught up in religion, I was shamefully an agnostic for quiet a while. Now I believe in God, I mean I should have died more times than I could possibly count.

"Daddy, I love you," oh fucking hell, that was just a lamely thing to say. I can feel my cheeks start to redden and I decide to let go of my dad and go into my room, too do some thinking.

Wow I can't believe how fun church can be; I never really paid attention fully to my dad's sermons before. "Wow I can't believe how cool God is," I say to Bart whose shoulder I was leaning on. "I agree," He answers and I am shocked too see the look in his eye; it wasn't one of his fake agreements.

"That was cool, I like the one about Lepers," Bart quickly starts at my father before he embraces Bart much like he did to me the day I told him I loved him.

"Thanks for helping Jessica," My dad says causing me to look confused and I could see hints of confusing from Bart to.

"How should we spend the rest of the day?" Bart suddenly asks as we walk out of the church.

"Romantic walk across the beach," I affirmatively say causing him to look confused.

"I thought you were too cool for that kind of stuff," he responds

"Well now I am lame," I say in a self-loathing tone and start walking towards the beach. Bart follows wondering what has gotten into me, I would like to know as well, I would never tell my dad I loved him but I did, I would never find church interesting but I did and I certainly wouldn't go on a romantic walk across the beach but I am.

After our walk we sit down on the sand and lie in the sun, Wow I was right, I am lame now. "Bart I love you," I didn't like it the first time I said it to my dad but I felt like this time it meant more. Bart looks confused and he looks up at the clouds before he says "That's nice, are you doing drugs?" and then laughs.

"I'm joking, I love you too Jessica" he says before cuddling me in a bone crushing hug. "All this love shit is annoying me," I smirk before I look up to see Professor Frink staring down at us.

"Uhhh hello professor," I say starting to turn red; I guess he heard most of our conversation.

"Ah Gavin, your mum and her sisters have been taken by sideshow bob" Frink frantically says. What? Has this got to do something with why Bart and Lisa asked me if I knew where he was?

"WHAT?" Bart screams causing me and Frink to wince. Bart automatically jumps up and I guess this is the best way to get rid of my loving mood. I jump up and follow them to Frink's car.

"I advise we get a plan before we run in there like idiots, oh jiving," says the professor looking as frantic as ever. We rush too Bart's house and are greeted by Alison, Alex, Lisa and Homer. Professor Frink tells them what he told us, something about brainwaves and negative charges and mind paralyse and a long and confusing science explanation, he followed Martin Prince, soon to be Mayor, well like anyone will vote for a 16 yr old. It seems that Martin had teamed up with Snake and Sideshow bob, which kidnapped Marge. They got some kind of mind control device that nearly cost me and Maggie our lives.

"Where is Maggie?" I ask suddenly.

"Out with a friend," Lisa responds before realising that she might be dead.

"We got to hurry," Bart says frantically.

"First we got to return to my lab, I got some stuff that can be very useful," Homer groans and asks why we must go to see Sideshow Bob. On the ride to professor Frink's lab I explain to him that Marge is kidnapped and Maggie might be dead.

"Do'h!!!!"


	9. Bart and Sideshow Bob: Bob's revenge

Sideshow Bob

"This is quiet amusing, Maggie is like a puppet on a string, she will do what I say, won't you Maggie?" I can see the resentment in Marge's eyes.

"Oh but dear Marge it gets better, Lisa and our friend Bart shall join Maggie," I hear Martin snort at the blue haired lady. He has invented what is of unimaginable power, a device that can control every under 18 citizen of this town. I don't understand how it works but it sure does look fancy.

"Go on sweet little Maggie, slap mummy, she has been a bad lady," Snake erodes in laughter when Maggie slaps her mother and causes her to cry.

"Martin, get ever other under 18 person too come here immediately, it time for a little fun," Snake says promptly as Martin types up something on his laptop that is connected to the demon unleasher 3. Yeah, well you think of a better name.

"Oh here they come now," I say blissfully after hearing a riot marching this way.

"Ok, make them grab the guns in the storage facility" says snake in a non-merciful way. Marge is shocked too see every young adult and child with a gun; were criminals so it's obviously we will have a bunch of guns.

"Strange Bart and Lisa aren't here," says Martin after staring at the blue haired lady.

"They probably went out of town or something, as soon as they return to Springfield they will be puppets just like all of these people," he snorts in a childish but evil way.

"Don't worry lady, these children's won't kill themselves till Bart and Lisa are here," Snake joyfully adds.

"Patty, Selma, go grab a gun, once Marge watches her children die, you will shoot her," I say harshly, I think I might be a bit hard on Marge but she is the reason that heathen walks this earth, since he was 10 he was foiling my plans but not this one Bart. No, this time you're going to be 6 ft under.

"I thought you could only control teenagers and children with that device," Marge says sadden.

"Or anyone with a mind like anyone 18 or under," Martin says.

"Which reminds me, Homer should enjoy suicide," Snakes snorts at the depressed lady.

"Bart gets to watch all of his friends and family die before he shoots himself, it's going to be fun," I add not showing a hint of remorse. I shouldn't be remorsefully, sorry or guilty for anything, in fact it should be Bart feeling all of those for his actions against me and landing me into prison so many times.

Bart

"Take this pill, it will make your brain it will make your temporarily smarter so you can't be hypnotise," snorts out the professor in a smile.

"What there is a pill that makes you smart?" I think I needed to steal a couple later on, if there is a later on.

"Bart you don't need a pill that makes you smarter," Jessica is doing hard drugs, the way she has been acting lately is too nice. I sigh and take the pill, swallow it with a glass of water before turning around and saying "Well let's get going then,"

Everyone quickly runs into the car, waiting for professor Frink, who appears after a few minutes and quickly drives towards what is an abandoned 2 storey warehouse with the words "The evil lair" written across it in black. I try hard to hold in my laughter but I decide to spill my guts out.

"Come on, we got to be quick, Maggie might…." I stop laughing realising the seriousness of this. I didn't even know there were abandoned two storey warehouses let alone one called "The evil lair"

As we walk into the warehouse I can see the bottom floor is like a lab or something with a bunch of highly dangerous experiments. I can see it wasn't a two storey warehouse like I thought it was, it seems like there were in some kind of office located up some stairs that look they well crumble when I put my foot on it.

"Hey Lis' this reminds me of my old abandoned warehouse," I say with a laugh remembering my old warehouse that had crumbled one day when I left Milhouse to guard it.

"hahaha, yeah

Sideshow Bob

What could possibly be taking them so long? I don't understand this at all, they should be here right now, the demon unleasher 3 should have hypnotized them by now and Homer too.

Chief Wiggum suddenly walks in causing Snake to flinch. "This is great, the chief of the police force can't stop us," Martin snorts as we watch him pull out his gun.

Someone is laughing, outside, who the fuck could that be? "Snake, check where that laughter is coming from." I snarl at him causing him respond with his typical response "Okay dude"

"Its no one," He says after taking a long stare out the window. Suddenly the door is busted open. "Bart, I knew you would come, how have you been? Wait a bet question is, how will you be after you blow your brains out?"

"Go into the second room and grab a gun boy, your friends can join in, hahahaha," Snake snarls at the group of teenagers plus Homer.

Bart

Stupid predictable Sideshow Bob, he probably thinks I am hypnotised by that machine over there and now I know where the guns are. Time to put on a fake hypnotised act and walk into the second room. Ay Crumba!!! How many guns do they have, I can see a shotgun that looks cool, a .22 gauge. I like that one, AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

"What's wrong Bart," I hear someone one say, a girl, but who I don't know, I can see my world spinning and turning. I feel the life being sucked out of me; the pill must be wearing off. "NOOO!!!!!" Oh no I can feel my world turning to darkness as a new Bart is slowly starting to take over, oh no someone help this hell I am feeling. Aaarrgghhh someone in the light, I can't see them, I am fading in a shadow, It is me taking over me, what the fuck is going on, nothing makes sense anymore.

"You haven't failed yet!" not this shit again, the 10 year old Bartman is standing in front of me as I am in darkness. I thought I was in the second room of the warehouse or something, but it seems that my world slowly faded to darkness and now I am here. I am so lost and confused, it's too late they are all going to die.

"Let me out of here, I can still save them," I yell at myself. The 10 yr old I start to fade away, now I am alone and I know that I have no control on what I am doing it.

"Ah Bart, I don't think it would be fair to not allow you to watch this," the dark and sinister voice says. The world starts reappear with a sight I can't believe is happening. Everyone I can see is standing with a gun, all pointing to their heads and I am tired to a chair next to my mum.

"NO WAIT," I yell.

"Bart revenge is sweet, vengeance is even sweeter, isn't that right dear Jessica, why don't you show Bart that suicide is fun."

She slowly picks up her gun and puts it next to her temple.


	10. Bart and Sideshow Bob II: Last Battle?

Sideshow Bob

Yes, I can't believe after all these years I will finally get my revenge on Bart, a little hooligan who has ruined my life since he was 10.

"No, you can fight it Jessica," I hear the boy scream, stupid boy; there is no way she can fight it. She has the gun to her temple as Bart continues to shout at her to stop. It won't work but it causing her to hesitate.

"Martin, why is she hesitating?" Snake asks the question I want to ask, she is just standing there with a gun to her head, not pulling the trigger like she should be.

"I don't know," he spits out rather nervously.

"Bart?" Jessica suddenly says in her hypnotised state of mind. What the fuck is going on here?

Suddenly there is three gunshots are shot off at once. All 3 of them aimed at the device, automatically destroying it. Alex, Lisa and Homer, they must have all been to smart to be affected by the device. Dam it; Martin should have developed the device better.

"so you wanna play huh? Can we play poker instead?" okay maybe Homer was a little too stupid to be affected by the device.

"Hands up!!!" oh sour lemons, I forgot chief Wiggum was here. Well they aren't going to get away that easily.

"Did you think I didn't consider this to happen? Bart always ruins my plans," I grunt out at that stupid boy who didn't really do much this time.

"Move again and this place blows up," I didn't think a self destruct button would be necessary in an evil lair, but you can always be wrong.

"Totally dude," Snake says as I pull out my remote and push a few buttons causing a massive bomb to appear in the first floor of the warehouse.

"There is a massive bomb down there," The chief squeals as I command them all to drop there guns.

"Oh this is going to be fun," Martin sneers.

Bart

Okay, Okay!!! I am strapped to a chair next to my mum, sideshow bob has a big bomb and we are all going to die. I got to think of something to do. Anything, Oh shit I think Sideshow Bob has won. There is no way we can escape from this.

"What do you want Sideshow bob?" Alex says fiercely, what a stupid girl, Bob has a gun and her sounding so angry might just get her shot.

"What do I want little girl? I want revenge," He says the part in a cold tone before turning to stare at me.

"Bart we always had such fun together, you ruined my life and all, so its time that I ruin yours."

Oh no, I am too young to die. Oh well its been a good life I guess, live fast, die young, I mean its probably time to accept my fate. Suddenly a Laser gunshot hits Bob causing him to go flying back. Snake and Martin quickly turn around before being shot by a bright concentrated light just like bob had been.

"Grab the remote," I yell at the children of Springfield. I never realised how big this office was, it was a load bigger than my old warehouse, and this room alone looks almost as big as my entire warehouse was. It's massive; I guess the rent on a warehouse like this would be extremely high even in the old state it is in.

Uhhh I suddenly snap out of my strand of thought to see Homer and Sideshow Bob fighting for the remote. Go DAD!!! He is obviously the stronger man. My dad grabs the remote after a short struggle.

"Oh yeah your not so big are you now," says my dad is a low tone mumble that makes him sound like the bad guy.

"Hand it over fatty," Snake gets up and pulls out his gun. Dam it, why didn't someone pick up a gun when they were all down. Where was the person who shot off the light, it had to be professor Frink, he must have stayed back to grab a laser gun of his.

"I am not fat, I'm just big boned," Homer groans as he is forced to hand the remote back to Snake.

"Just for that little disturbance, your going to die Homer," Bob's voice has never been that serious as he pulls out a gun and shoots my dad.

"NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!" I scream in a chorus with his family and friends.

"HAHAHA, I guess I got some form of revenge," says Bob before a laser shoots his gun and is followed by two more lasers that obliterate the guns of Martin and Snake.

"Okay put your hands up," says a nerdy voice that is professor Frink. I knew he was planning something, he spent sometime at his lab before driving us here, he also didn't enter the warehouse, said he is going to stay watchman. Watchman? HAHA, who are we going to watch out for?

"Oh I have had enough of this shit," Says Sideshow bob as he pulls out his remote and is about to push the button. I can see his hand in slow motion going pushing the button, why didn't Frink shoot him or at least the remote? Is this really the end?

"Hey what the deuce?" says Sideshow bob as he pushes the button of his bomb around 20 times before realising it isn't going to go off. This reminds me of the time he try to ban all T.V with a bomb, that didn't work.

"Hahaha, I was only kidding," Sideshow bob says slowly back towards to device.

"Well that's that, arrest him Wiggum" says Frink proudly before Sideshow Bob makes a run for it, where I don't know but he is coming my way. Wiggum picks up a gun and shoots him in the arm. He continues running pass me into a pod. He looks injured but the pod disappears, oh dam he escaped.

"We got to get Daddy to a hospital," Maggie suddenly says, its weird they have been in control of their minds for quick sometime but everyone has been silent. I guess they are all scared.

Alex quickly pulls out her phone and dials 911 and assures us an ambulance will be arriving soon. The once hypnotised people slowly start making there way home and Alison unties me and mum.

"Oh I nearly," Marge quickly says once the ambulance is outside and we prepare to leave. "My sisters are locked up in the room behind the thing that made sideshow bob disappear" Chief Wiggum walks in as Homer groans.

"Do we have to let them out," he says in annoyance before he is lifted up onto a stretcher. The gunshot got him in the upper leg area and it looks quite painful, more than my shot in the stomach, I guess it was a more powerful gun.

In the backseat of the ambulance there are only a handful of people, which are my entire family and Professor Frink, Milhouse, Alison, Alex and Jessica. Everyone else including chief Wiggum has gone home after a shocking day. Homer is peacefully sleeping or so I hope when a question comes in my head.

"Why didn't the bomb go off?" I ask looking at Professor Frink, knowing he would have an answer.

"When I followed Martin to "the evil lair" I realised there was a bomb and as Martin disappear I saw snake come out with a remote control and made the bomb disappear," He snorts a little and before adding "I knew that they had a bomb, so I decide to grab a few things to disable the bomb, a machine that can weaken the effect the mind controlling device had and of cause my trust laser," he smirks as he holds strokes his laser.

"Oh that's why Jessica didn't shoot herself," I say bluntly cause her to look confuse. I laughed, I guess she will ask some questions later on, as far as she knows she walked into the warehouse, pill wore off and then she was in the middle of a room with a gun.

"Only if I had shot sideshow bob," Professor Frink gloomily states referring to his escape.

"At least no one died," Milhouse states after being silent for so long, that's the first thing I have heard him say in a while. Come to think of it most of my friends have been very silent, I guess they are all in shock or something.

The rest of the journey to the hospital is silent and when we finally stop only the doctors are speaking as my family and friends silently follow them. My mind goes in a dazed state and when I finally get out of it I see that the doctors have left and I am in Homer's room with my friends and family.

Maggie is lying in Jessica's arm talking about some girl stuff, almost like a mother and daughter, Mum is holding on to Homer's arm as he groans in his sleep, Lisa, Alison and Frink are having a very confusing conversation about science and Alex and Milhouse are talking about movie about unicorns. I sigh in relief, I was so close to losing all these people in the room and I don't think Homer likes the fact he was shot at and won't be mobile for a couple of weeks.

I can feel life suddenly start to return to normal for me, I hope this is the end of all our crazy adventures especially ones that involve suicide, heroin, guns, bombs and most of all sideshow bob. I mean I have loathed that man for quiet a while but I am increasingly getting scared of him. I won't admit that to anyone but it seems like he is getting better and closer to killing me or my friends.

Maggie giggles as Jessica tells her a joke; wow its great to see them be so happy after all of this, after them both nearly lost their lives in a revenge plan against me. I decide to go for a walk, "Hey guys, I'll be back soon," I say leaving before any objections. I walk and think for a while before I decide to return to the hospital, it is getting dark and I must have gone for an hour or so.

The door is open and I walk in and clear my throat to announce my presence. "Bart, where did you go?" my mum angrily says before Homer says "Ah boy, did you bring me a duff?" Dad's awake now and I guess he wants a beer which I obviously didn't bring

"Dad I am only 16! How are you feeling?" I say before eying his leg. He looks kind of gloomy mainly because I didn't have the beer.

"Ah don't worry about my leg boy, I'll be walking in a couple of weeks," he says before laughing. He slightly groans before I run up and hug him, causing him to groan even more.

"Get off me boy," He barks before I let go of him take a seat next to Jessica who has Maggie tightly locked in her arms. What is up with Jessica? She seems so much nice since her uhhh… Ah forget it; I shouldn't worry or think in a time like this. Homer's room is filled with lots of talking and laughing unlike last time causing me to feel really happy. There will be no more worrying about Maggie dying or Jessica overdosing.

"Honey hurry up before you miss the bus," My mum frantically says as I get a few last things for my last day of school. I finally am sort of understanding chemistry but I say the two week holiday break up term one should be enough for me to finally catch up. I want to work really hard and pass this year. Ah I am thinking way too much into this, I am a new Bart Simpson I sadly have to admit. No one else is going to know it though; I like my reputation as a hooligan that doesn't know when he has gone too far. Two or three weeks have passed since Homer has been shot but the doctors said he can go home today.

School is also starting to get back to normal, nearly everyone had been there the day sideshow bob nearly got his revenge but people are starting to get over that and return to their normal states. I have had to explain to them everything that happened that day as all they remember are the parts after professor Frink destroyed the mind controlling device. Speaking of Frink I am shocked when I walk into my chemistry class too see him standing there, announcing him self as the new teacher for our class while our old teacher was on maternity leave for a year. I go near my usually seat in between Alex, who has been put up along with Lisa, and Jessica when Jessica pulls me by the arm causing me to collapse on my chair. She rests her head on my arm, I don't know what has gotten into her but I guess she is remorsefully for all the bad things she has done in the past or something.

"Hurry up Lis," I say after school when she is talking to some friends. She finally has friends, the thought of that makes me laugh especially since its not Alex or Alison. I hate to be so pushy on Lisa but I am as patient as hell to see my father and take him home. Lisa and Me walk silently to the hospital, something we have done often, I am not sure why we don't talk as much.

"Hey kids, look at Daddy's walking stick," My dad promptly says proud of his walking stick for some reason. "That's so cool," Lisa responds holding my dad's arm free arm before she does something I didn't expect her to do. She grabs my arm and kisses me on the cheek, almost like a… sister!

"Did I miss anything good on T.V?"

Well everything is returning to normal and I am prepared to start living my life without any adventures although I have a funny feeling this isn't the end of my adventures.


	11. Alison and Milhouse: Samantha and Willie

Allison

It's kind of weird how much smart Alex has gotten just by hanging around me and Lisa, I wonder if we have become that preppy. I hope not, not going to tell her that but she is really uhhh to into her fashion. At least she has been put up for like 2 or 3 subjects, it kind of pissed off Bart and Milhouse that we got to jump ahead 2 years.

"I thought Lisa was going to come to," says the pretty blonde that is one of my best friends.

"So did I," I truthfully say wondering where my other best friend could be.

"Alex, Allison!!" I know this voice; I heard not that Irish accent since primary school. Groundskeeper Willie, a rough Irishman that sometimes showed a soft side.

"How have you been Willie? You look fabulous," says Alex, although that is a lie, he looks extremely depressed, his beard has grown out of control and shows some white hairs.

"Really?" He says starting to turn as red as he beard once was. He takes a seat, that was suppose to be Lisa's seat and starts telling us about changes in the school and his life in the past few years. The last one leaves us shocked and we didn't hide it very well.

"I was kicked out of the school a year ago and they destroyed me shack, all me stuff was taken and I been living in the dump for the past year," I can see why he looks so depressed and so much older. I can't help but feel sorry for this man; he was always really nice to us, especially near our latter days in the school.

I remember one time when Nelson grab my favourite book, at the time Harry Potter and the Goblet of fire, and ripped it too pieces. I spent the whole day crying, none of the teachers did anything but he felt so sorry for me he bought me a new copy even though he was struggling with finances. That was just one of the times he showed me he wasn't always a hard man.

Now I look at the same Willie that had been so kind to me before and I can't believe it's the same person, I got to help him. I don't know what I could do; I don't have enough money to help him.

"Sorry I'm late, Hi Willie, how have you been?" Lisa finally arrives, taking the last vacant chair near the table.

"Can't complain," Willie has been modest but can't complain isn't what you say when your homeless, live in the dump and look like a skinny twig. He used to be a very strong man, in fact he had more muscle than any other man in this town in one stage but now he looks so weak that I feel afraid to touch him

We fill Lisa on in what has happened to him in the past few days and she looks at Willie very pessimistically. I know she too is looking for a solution, I hope she can think of one because I am failing in my attempt of finding one.

Milhouse

"Guess who," I recognise the voice of the person who is closing my eyes with her soft hands but I don't know who. Samantha Stankey; my first and only girlfriend. She looks even prettier without her braces.

"Oh my gosh, how have you been Samantha?" I couldn't hide the excitement of seeing her out of my voice.

"I been fine, I miss you, I am sorry we didn't keep in touch after I was sent to an all girl school." I agree with her but a part of me didn't want to keep in touch with her. I didn't understand it, I guess mainly because I was so young and stupid and she had cooties. 10 year olds are so stupid.

"Well we got to make sure we keep in contact now," I sheepishly say. I should have stopped by once or twice but a part of me said no and it's the part of me I usually listen too.

"Yup, so you got a girlfriend?" That answer suddenly made me nervous, very nervous, I didn't expect her to ask me that, I thought we could start off as friends.

"No," I awkwardly respond and she laughs.

"Don't be so tensed up, want to catch a movie or something sometime?" Wow I didn't expect her to ask me out, she looks even prettier than she once did, I am eager to she if her mouth tastes better too. Oh what am I thinking? I am jumping way a head, acting too childish again. She eyes me, oh right I have to answer that.

"Sure, I would love to go to the movies with you, you're my one and only" She laughs at the last bit, why did I added that? I knew I would stuff things up and I just did.

"Ok well I'll give you my number," She looks in her handbag for a pen and pad and when she finds one, we exchange phone numbers and cell numbers.

"Wow guess who just asked me out?" I say in lying on the bed of my best friend while he continues doing some studying.

"Who?" he says uncaringly as he continues to focus on something about Chemistry, he really sucks at chemistry, guess professor Frink will find that out next term.

"Samantha," I proudly say causing him to drop his book and look at me. He was the reason she had to move away. I and Samantha were making out as we usually did in Bart's Tree house, he was becoming increasingly annoyed and some what jealous of the relationship me and Samantha were having. He decided to call Samantha's strict dad who freaked out and had her change schools to an all girl school.

"I am sorry about the whole…." He starts about I just nod my head which confirms I don't care about what I did back then.

"Thanks great news, I am so happy for you," He sheepishly adds after a long silence. Bart and I had been friends since I can remember and we shouldn't let little things come between us.

Bart's cell suddenly starts playing smells like teen spirit; he picks up his cell and answers it.

"Oh, hi Alex, how have you been?"

Allison

"You should stay in Bart's tree house, we could get you food and stuff you need," What a stupid idea Alex has just proposed. Well it was better than what I had in mind; well I didn't have an idea at all.

"Are you sure lassie?" he asked, although Bart is the one she should be asking. I don't know where we could get the money or how a fully grown man could like in Bart's tree house. Well his family had to shortly live in it when their house had been stolen by crooks from the carnival but that was only a brief period, we got no idea how long he will have to live in the tree house.

"Ask Bart," I say in a tone that suggests she should do it right now. She picks up her phone, no doubt a latest phone that has just been released, and calls Bart, seems like she has him on speed dial, although I never seen her call him before.

Alex briefly explains the situation Willie is in before Alex tells him of her idea of Willie staying in Bart's tree house.

"Bart, I love you," she says causing us to stare at her, I hope she meant that in a friend loves friend way. I guess she was just overly excited about what he just told her. She blushed before saying bye and turning her phone off.

"He said yes," she screams in her normal high pitched scream. Willie automatically started to look younger and happier. He was smiling, the first time since primary school that I had seen him do so.

"How can Willie thank you?" he spits out in Irish accident. I have no idea how we are going to get the stuff needed for Willie to live in a tree house.

"Do you have any possessions?" I ask bluntly before he shakes his head.

"When is the last time you had a meal?" I ask staring at his fading muscle.

"2 Weeks ago when I found a dead rat near me box," EWW!!!

"Well it's settled then, we are going to go to Krusty Burgers for lunch, unless if you guys want to go somewhere else, I'll even pay," I am used to paying for my friends, as they pay for me too. Its kind like an on going cycle and I guess Willie as almost a friend. He has been one of the kindest adults to me anyways.

Willie's face so much glee it is kind of scary, really scary. We all issue our books, Willie I have no idea why he was in the library till I see he still has a library card, I guess books are free and it gives him something to do. The books seem to be varying from start your own business to Lord of the rings.

After everyone has there books we all head to a fast food joint that is located nearest to the library. Alex and Lisa object to her paying for them this time and agree to pitch in for Willie's meal. I am glad they do after I realise how much he orders once we tell him he can have what he likes.

"Thanks Lassies, Willie owes you one," He states after we all finished our meals with a look of merriness and satisfaction.

Once we are all prepared to leave, we go to Bart's Tree house, it looks a lot smaller since the last time I came her since I have grown since then. It was a pretty large Tree House; I guess Bart wanted to live in here when he was older or something.

Lisa had gone to her home to grab a sleeping bag and a blanket for the night. I couldn't believe how different Willie looked from the start of the day. He looks exactly like he did when I was at primary school, I could even swear his beard had less white hair. Bart suddenly walks up his ladder and eyes Lisa and Me before looking at Alex and blushing, I think I know why and I can see the colour in Alex's cheeks change too.

"BART!!!" Willie says before hugging Bart and thanking him for allowing him to live in his Tree House.

"I owe you one buddy, I gave you hell in school and even destroyed your shack once," Bart stares at the ground looking rather sad.

"It's alright boy, I promise you I will repay you all for this one day," I doubt he could fulfil his promise but…..

"I meant… as a friend… I mean you're my best friend's brother," Alex stutters out, I hold in my laughter as I can see Lisa starting to smile trying to hold in her laugher. Alex just said that in just a funny way it's hard not to laugh.

"I know, you're a good friend too," Bart says before blushing and quickly escaping his tree house. What was that all about?

"Don't tell me you're falling for my brother Alex," The pretty blonde just blushed, said no and changed the topic back to Willie who looked like he had just been granted a mansion.


	12. Jessica: Burn the witch!

A/N: I am sorry if there are errors in this one or if it's bizarre, another restless night for me so I decided to write this story out.

Disclaimer: I wish I owned the Simpsons but I sadly don't, I know I feel like shooting myself because I don't :p

Jessica

This necklace is sure pretty but unusual. It's weird that no one has said anything about me wearing it, I have been wearing it since Bart gave it too me, a gift from his trip to Egypt.

"Honey, what are you doing," My dad walks in happily embracing me, I guess he is gratefully for the relationship me and him have been sharing in the past few weeks. We are almost share a real daughter and father relationship which makes him feel really happy.

"Nothing daddy, don't you think this is a pretty necklace?" I say showing him the ancient Egyptian artefact which my boyfriend had gotten me.

"Sure is," he says observing it almost as if he actually cares. It is unusual looking heart that says I love you in the back and has a diamond in the front. It must have cost part a ton, it is gold, pure gold even the necklace is gold. The diamond looks real too, it seems pretty expensive.

"Well get ready for my first ever teenage bible study, you think a lot of people will show?" He had been going on and on about this and was worried no one would show because he believes teenagers don't take Christianity seriously enough.

"Don't worry daddy, I told my friends and they are all excited to come," Partly true, they aren't excited but they are coming that's for sure.

"Oh but Bart can't make it this week," I hear my dad sigh and mumble something in annoyance.

"Him and his mum are taking his father to the hospital, his father is nearly ready to walk normally." My father looks slightly happier there is an explanation but he still looks a little annoyed.

"Get dressed sweetie," He promptly says before leaving my room. I sigh and get dressed prepared for my dad's first weekly bible study. It actually sounds interesting, it's like a youth group kind of thing and he has some neat activities planned for us later in the year. I decide to wear a long skirt that touches the floor and a shirt and jacket along with my favourite necklace.

The trip to the church was in silence, me and my dad didn't say a word. I have no idea why, we had been getting along so good lately and I though we would talk about normal father-daughter things.

As we step out of the car I say "you look cool dad," before he looks at me and smiles. I would never though I would say something like that especially to my dad. As we approach the church I feel a cold shiver run down my spine. That's weird, after all it's a church I am about to enter. As I put my hand on the door handle I hear chanting "Burn the witch, Burn the witch!!!" followed by a sharp girlish scream.

"Daddy what was that?" I yell at the sound of the scream.

"What was what darling?" He says as he enters the church, obliviously not hearing that deafening scream. I follow him before saying "Ah it's nothing dad," He eyes me suspiciously before saying "Okay darling, go join your friends."

I think we were sort of late, I see most of my friends were already there. I guess I should have dressed up quicker, oh well dad sure looks happy at the number of people that came.

"Hey Alex," I say as I take a seat next to her before greeting the two girls next to her, Allison and Lisa.

"How have you gals been?" I ask before we erupt into conversion. I feel like I am part of there group, the 4th best friend, Lisa seems less agitated towards me since she returned from her trip and that horrible day Bart was shot.

"Silence Please," My dad suddenly says as he starts his sermon. Everyone was slightly annoyed when my dad started but near the finish everyone was hanging on to the edge of their seats. Once my dad finished everyone cheered as if it was a sporting event or something, it was shocking my dad has never gotten applauded like this, not to my knowledge.

Suddenly I see a little girl walk pass and in front of me. I and my friends were front row and centred, this little girl look much paled and she walked right next in front of me. No one else acknowledges that she was there; perhaps everyone was too moved by my dad's sermon.

"Jessica, Look at me," she suddenly says, how does she know my name? "I'm burning," she says before eroding into flames. I scream the loudest scream I have ever screamed. My father and friends look at me in a weird way. "Didn't you just see the girl, the fire…?" They all stare at me hard, some people have already left since the sermon was over but the people remaining were all staring hard at me.

"Stop staring!" Alex says before embracing me, I didn't realise I was crying till I put my head on Alex's shoulders. I ignore all the questions they ask, that was real. If felt real, I couldn't have just imagined it.

"It's okay Jessica, don't cry" Allison says before stroking my hair. Lisa looks at me in a way I can't describe. I guess she is wondering if I am doing drugs or not, I am not, I haven't done drugs since I was like 14. Well when in control of my mind anyways. I stop crying and get up from leaning on Alex's shoulders.

"What did you see?" Lisa suddenly asks. I tell them of the girl who walked in and caught on fire. They all look very confused; I can tell they don't believe me 100.

"Don't worry, it was probably just a hallucination caused by stress or depression, I mean lately there has been a load of weird events happening," Allison explains but it felt so real, it was real.

"It sounds kind of scary, just try to forget it, lets just go do some shopping or something you want," Alex suggests eying me carefully. I guess she is the less smart of the 3 even though she got put up two whole years for like 3 subjects. I want to see Bart, I don't tell them that though. I just tell them I'll go where ever they want to go.

They take me to a park and we sit on the seats staring at the peaceful pond. They engage in a conversation about trying to figure out a logical explanation of what I saw. As I watch the ducks in the pond I am distracted when I see a mob dressed in what looks like 18th century fashion. "BURN THE WITCH, BURN THE WITCH!!!!" I scream as they disappear.

"Jessica!!!" They scream together.

"They said burn the witch," I look at the confused looks on their faces; I bet they are thinking I am crazy.

"Who are saying burn the witch?" Lisa asks politely almost as if I am acting completely normal.

"A group of people, they were all chanting burn the witch before they disappeared, they were dressed in old looking fashion,"

"Uhhh okay….. I don't think there ever were witches in Springfield but ill look into," Alex said, they all look like they believe me.

"The little girl you saw in the church, she must have been a witch," Lisa states before they all watch the ducks in the pond, thinking about possible explanations.

"I don't understand, I never heard anything about witch burnings in Springfield before," Bart says after I mention everything that happened to me earlier in the day. He embraces me warmly, automatically making me feel better.

"Witches?" Homer walks into Bart's room with a duff can. "There have been witch burnings in this town, they have hidden the history about these burnings though" Says Bart's dad, he actually knows something that Alex, Lisa, Allison and Bart don't know.

"Dad…. Are you sure?" Bart slowly asks not letting go of me.

"Son, don't doubt your old man so quickly, I know some stuff, like did you know Carl and Lenny are secret gay lovers?" I laugh my first laugh since I saw the little girl burn in front of me.

"Uhhh yes they are dad" says Bart rolling his eyes, he knows they aren't lovers. "Where did you hear this anyways?"

"Grandpa, go ask him boy," Homer might be right, in fact I want to see Grandpa Simpson, I haven't seen him in a while and he is getting older, I don't want to say it but every day could be his last.

"Bart can we go see your grandfather sometime soon?" Bart looks at me before he sighs.

"Of cause baby, we will go tomorrow," Homer rolls his eyes before walking out and returning to his T.V set. I decide I should be heading home, I didn't realise it was nearly 10 pm.

"Want me to give you a ride sweetie?" asks the blue haired lady in a friendly gesture. I nod as we enter her car and she asks why I look gloomy. She is bound to find out so I tell her. She suddenly stops the car.

"Marge, Marge… what are you doing?" she looks at me curiously.

"Marge!!!!" I start to freak out before she pulls off near the edge of the road. I am starting to regret this ride.

"You saw the little girl?" Marge asks in a tone that is less happy than normally.

"Yes…. Do you know something about her?" Marge is frozen before she answers my question.

"A little girl around your age saw what you saw," she firmly says before looking extremely distressed.

"Who? When? I am not insane then?" She doesn't respond to my question.

"Serenity Granger" She says before driving off again. Was she the girl that got burnt or the one that saw what I saw? I ask Marge but she doesn't respond, she drops me off at my house and waves goodbye.

Marge knows more about these witch burnings but why is she so tensed up about it?


	13. Jessica and Bart: Serenity Granger

A/N: I am sorry if I am going too much into supernatural themes.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Simpsons.

Jessica

"I am sorry I can't give you that information" Repeats Grandpa as he eyes me very closely. I told him about the little girl and the group yelling "Burn the Witch".

"Please Grandpa, Jessica is freaking out here," Bart is practically on his knees begging.

"Bart….. I…. uhhh fine, search Serenity Granger" he says.

"Wait Marge told me that last night when she dropped me off," I say remembering what she had told me.

"I see, Marge knows more about this than I do, however I have some of my grandfather's newspapers. You will need to search threw them however and they aren't in any particular order." Abe Simpson points at the closest in which there is a box that Bart quickly grabs. I jump on the grandpa Simpson and squeeze the life out of him, I shouldn't hug the old man so hard but I am so grateful.

"Talk to Marge," He says finally before we leave his room. I knew Marge knows something she doesn't want to share with me.

"Am I going to carry this box all the way to your place?" Bart asks as he realises it's a pretty heavy box. I guess him in the cheek causing him to blush. "I'll help you sweetie," I say as I grab one side of it.

When we finally get to my house my father questions what is in the box. I tell him about what I saw in the church and all I knew about the witch burnings except the fact Bart's mum knew something she wasn't telling me.

"They restoring purity to this town, honey, don't look too much into this, I'm sure you were just tired and imagined the whole thing," I didn't expect him to believe me but it kind hurt when he said I imagined the whole thing. We left the box of newspapers in my bedroom before Bart and I went to see Marge.

"Go away Jessica!!!" she barked at me in a way I have never seen her act. She was always the nicest and most helpful person I could talk too but she was acting so angry on this witch burning subject.

"Please Mrs Simpson," I begged only causing her to bark at me and Bart even more. She wasn't going to talk, I don't understand why though. Bart begged his mum much the same way he did to his grandfather but Marge wasn't going to crack.

"What's going on?" Maggie said as she ran up and gave me a tight hug and I hugged her back.

"Its nothing you should worry about," I assured her as I stroked her pretty blonde hair, I think I might just dye my hair blonde, the same shade as hers.

"Get out of town," Marge finally said after an awkward silence.

"What?" I asked

"Get out of town, don't try to solve anything, don't try to wonder, don't try anything, just leave this town," She says

"I can't do that," I sadly say, I got too good of a life in this town to leave. Marge sighs.

"Maggie honey, go play with Lisa, you to Bart, I need to talk with Jessica," They both nod and leave me and Marge alone.

"Let's go for a ride," she says, I guess she is going to take me somewhere forbidding and spooky. She starts driving for a little while before opening her mouth again.

"Honey, this ruin my teenager years, I went through what you went through in my teenager years."

"But you went through it and survived?" I asked although I have no idea what she went through.

"I still occasionally have nightmares about what I witnessed."

"Which was?" A question I regret asking as I watch Marge's response. She doesn't seem like she is going to respond, she pulls off near the edge of the road. She just sits there looking depressed. I put my arms around her as she starts to cry. I don't think she will be able to help me.

"Serenity Granger was burnt in the church early 18th century, she was known as a witch and the town believed they were cleansing the town of evil," She slowly says, that must have been the little girl that scorched in front my eyes.

"However she didn't go to sleep peacefully, she wants justice, something I tried to give her," Marge slowly says before crying some more. I guess she wasn't a witch but was convicted of one.

Bart

"Why are mummy and Jessica so sad?" Maggie suddenly asks as we are half-way up the stairs. I can see why Jessica finds Maggie so adorable.

"Don't worry about it Maggie, I don't know why to be honest," I admit quiet truthfully. Apparently they both know more than I know and Jessica has experience the death of a girl that was burnt or something. It's too confusing for me but I want to help.

"Do you remember groundskeeper Willie?" I ask Maggie and she nods.

"Did you like groundskeeper Willie?" I don't know if Willie and she had a good relationship or not.

"Yeah, he was a nice man but he got fired after him and Principal Skinner got into a fight" she says as I redirect our path to my tree house.

"Well groundskeeper Willie didn't have a home, so I allowed him to stay in my tree house," I say as we climb up what used to be my own hideout.

"MAGGIE" Willie says delighted as he hugs Maggie and gives her a kiss on the cheek. Maggie slightly blushes as Willie starts asking her about school and other random questions. I realise all we gave Willie was a sleeping bag and a blanket; I should probably get him something to eat.

"You hungry Willie?" I ask interrupting his conversation with Maggie. He nods and I tell them to go inside and I'll cook them up a good lunch. They continue talking as they sit down on the sofa and I am kind of shocked to see Homer isn't there.

"Hey Boy, you cooking Lunch? I want pasta!!!" Homer says as he walks in and catches me in the kitchen. I was deciding what to make but I might as well make Homer some healthy pasta. Everyone in this family has been deeply concerned about Homer's health although he doesn't seem to care much.

I grab a packet of pasta from the cupboards, put it in a saucepan, add some spices mum and start making the pasta before I remember about Jessica and Mum.

"Dad, how much do you know about the witch hunts that took place in Springfield?" Homer had seemed to be reading some kind of joke book which he dropped after I asked my question.

"Well they burnt a lot of witches, one was burnt in the church, Serenity Granger," That's the same one Grandpa had mentioned.

"What do you know about Serenity Granger?" I ask leaving the pasta to cook and I took a seat next to Homer waiting for an explanation. Maggie and Willie walk in.

"Serenity Granger was innocent," they look in Willie's eye shows he knows something.

"Maggie, sweetie, the grown ups are going to talk, go play with Lisa," Homer says realising Maggie was in the room. She groans but does as Homer told her to do.

"Early 18th century they had burnt an innocent girl name Serenity Granger," Willie started.

"As Serenity body was completely burnt but soon the fire got out of control, the whole church caught on fire."

"Serenity's spirit is not at peace, she wants justice."

"Marge tried to help her; she also experienced what Jessica is experiencing."

Mum was experience what Jessica experienced? I stand up and turn off the stove. I dish out the pasta as Homer calls Lisa and Maggie.

"This is really good pasta, Bart" Willie says

"Bart is a really awesome cook," Maggie says, I guess cooking was one of the few things I found easy, although it took me a while to master it.

Jessica

"Look, we can help her, I don't know how but we can do it, she can have justice." I bluntly speak.

"I don't know…." Marge says before sighing, she has some bad memories involving this Serenity but if we help her I know Marge will not feel so depressed concerning the issue.

"I failed the first time….. I will help you, we will do it together, last time I felt alone and scared," I haven't let go off Marge since she started crying and I don't plan on, she looks really scared and poignant.

"Let's get you home sweetie," She suddenly says before starting the car up again and driving me to my home. Before I leave the car I give her one last hug and a kiss on the cheek. I wave her goodbye and make my way to my room before I am confronted by my dad.

I tell dad about Serenity Granger and the fact that she was innocent and that she was burnt in the church.

"Honey, she was a witch, why do you think she came to you? She is trying to hurt you!" he bluntly started. As I was about to open my mouth to protest I see a pale looking girl in the corner. Serenity Granger!!!!


	14. Milhouse, Homer and Alex: The promotion!

Milhouse

Wow her mouth tastes even better than before. I can't wait to tell Bart about my major score with the even more beautiful Samantha. We didn't even watch the movie if that's any sign of how good her mouth was.

She was destined to be mine I know that, I have no idea why I didn't want to keep in contact with her. Oh well that's all water under the bridge.

"I really enjoyed 'watching' the movie today, we should do it more often," Samantha says looking into my eyes so deeply I am sure she can read my soul.

"Hell yeah we do!!!" I say happily before turning around to see Alex and Allison walking towards me. They probably saw my tongue in her mouth, I can't hide this I guess, not that I want to.

"Hey Milhouse" says Alex while putting down her shopping bags on a nearby seat and resting her arms.

"Hey Alex and Allison," I say as I introduce Samantha to them. Alex and Samantha seemed to get along well; I always thought he was too annoying and preppy. My cell rings playing ABC as I search my pockets for it.

"Hello?"

"Hey Milhouse, its me Bart,"

"Oh hi Bart," the mention of Bart's name makes Alex blush while Samantha looks a little angry.

"There is something seriously fucked up going on here. Are you free?"

"No, I'm with Samantha, oh and also Alex and Allison"

"Give the phone to Alex or Allison,"

I hand the phone to Alex and she nervously takes it. I heard Alex's half of the conversation. They are talking about witches or something, that just out of it, its weird, they must both be high. Alex finally hands my phone back to me, it's weird for such a talkative person she seems really quiet.

"Look I got to go Milhouse, tell me about the date later, bye" He says before hanging up.

Well forget it, Samantha and I are going to back to my place to chill out a little bit.

"See you girls later," I say holding Samantha's hand in mine and walking towards my house.

Homer

I wonder what Mr. Burns wants me for; I am forced to patiently wait outside his door before he calls me in. I have been here for ages. "Come in Homer Simpson," says Smithers, the gay assistant of Mr Burns.

"Well hello old chap, how do you do?" Mr Burns asks in a rather weird jolly mood before gesturing me to sit down.

"I am fine sir! If this is about the peanuts…"

"What peanuts? You're in here because you're getting a promotion." He cuts me off with a statement I though I wouldn't ever hear.

"A pro-pro-promotion?" I stutter out lamely feeling my jaw drop, Mr Burns seems to find my reaction rather amusing.

"Yes young fellow, see I am too old too run this power plant forever so you are going to take over, since me and Smithers are going to retire. We are filthy rich and can do what we please, you can have the plant." I am sure my jaw fell off when he told me I was going to own the power plant. I wonder why he wants me to have it though, I think someone who actually does work her deserves it but I'm not going to argue.

"Well that's, that" He says as he hands me a folder, some legal mumbo-jumbo and leaves his office. Wow this is freaken sweet.

I own this dangerous hazard of a power plant now; this is going to be so awesome. Well I guess I would need an assistant. I need Lisa too check out all this stuff in the folder. The phone rings, should I answer it? I am in charge so I can if I want too. Wait I'm in charge.

Well I'm going to go to Moe's and take a business leave.

Alex

"Jessica?" I knock gently on her door again before she tells me to enter. Wow her usually clean room looks messy and she herself looks a mess.

"You okay?" I ask looking at weird old newsprints from what looks a very long time ago. She explains to me everything that has happened to her in the past few weeks. I have no idea why I believe her, it is the most stupid story I have heard in a while.

"I see, well I want to help," That wasn't the smartest I ever said but I did want to help her get back her normal self, which weirdly she hasn't been since last year. When we came back to Springfield she seemed to act very uhhh nice, not very Jessica-like.

We sort threw some newspapers from who knows when, one catches my eye, I throw the rest away and I say feel Jessica's eyes on the paper I am holding.

_Serenity Granger was convicted of being a witch and an ally of Satan. The 8 year old has been proven guilty of countless acts of witchcraft. She was finally sentenced to death in 1715 but the death sentence has not been carried out. The main reason for the delay of her sentence is the church is nearly completed and the good people of Springfield feel that it is only fair that she is burnt in the church._

They burnt an 8 year old in a church? How cruel, she was only the age of Maggie and they seemed to have proven her guilty of witchcraft.

"Serenity Granger," says Jessica as if trying to remember something.

"She was the one Marge and I saw burning," Jessica says as I remember her experience in church after her dad's first teenage bible study session and Marge had seen the same thing 20 years ago or something like that.

"She was innocent, right?" I don't believe in witches so I have no idea why I asked such a dim-witted question.

"Yeah," Jessica softly responded.

I got to do some more research on this Serenity Granger. I almost shriek when I see a little pale girl sitting in the corner. Is that her?


	15. Serenity Granger: The Truth about me

A/N: Going to take another gamble, hope you like flashbacks and italics because that's pretty what this chapter is about.

_I was born in a Christian home was name Serenity Granger. I grew under strict rules and my family was very religious, I was an only child and try my best to be a good daughter. My mum and dad were always fighting, I felt alone in the world as their struggles continued to wreck my life and family. My father ended up hanging himself; I was told he went away for a very long time._

_I never understood why he did what he did even when I understood the truth. School was a terrible place once my dad died. I was called a witch, everyone had forsaken me and I was bullied extremely harshly daily. The teachers didn't stop the mean kids; they too believed I was a witch._

_My mum became crazy and she believed what they were telling her. They told her I was guilty of being a witch and that I was the reason my daddy died. The elders brainwashed my mum into cleansing the town of evil. I had no idea what they meant by that but I would find out soon._

_They locked me away in a cage and told me I was going to be burnt inside the brand new church they were building. I was evil and was a follower of Satan in the eyes of the elders and the townsfolk. I was kept in a dark cage till for a year before they sent me to the brand new church._

_I was only 8 when they set me on fire. They should have been careful of how they killed their witches because the fire spread. Even though I was dead their planned of ridding evil ultimately backfired as the church was burnt down along with half the townspeople._

_I realised I was dead but I witnessed all of this. I had become a ghost. I had roamed for so many years before I ran across the first girl I though could help me. Marge was her name and she was a kind person just like me and she too had been picked on by kids at school and her older sisters. _

_I befriended Marge and over the time I had learnt how to control my ghostly powers much better. Marge was first scared of me, but she later accepted me as a friend and wanted to help me._

_However when Marge attempted to help me she suffered a terrible tragedy. People started to think she too was a witch, although they weren't going to burn her. Marge started off very brave, she attempted to bless the church along with Reverend Lovejoy. I showed Reverend Lovejoy all that I had shown Marge and him attempted to bless the church and send me to a different place._

_They failed, I wasn't the only that was earth-bound. All the people that had died the day I had died in that fire was in the church too. They to have learnt how to control there powers. If someone had blessed the place straight after the church had burnt down nearly 300 years ago then it would have been fine but everyone was too afraid. Marge and Lovejoy attempted to restore peace to this church but the people who killed me were afraid. They thought I was using witchcraft to control the reverend and girl to plan my revenge. Lovejoy ended up being killed, and Marge witnessed the killing and saw the people who killed me and became very frightened of them. Luckily for Marge they believe I no longer controlled her. I was however banished from the church, I was afraid of what they would do to me if I stayed. _

_I was forced to flee the church and I watched Marge grow up, she slowly got back to normal but I had ruined her teenager years and childhood. I felt guilty and I wasn't ready to seek help again for quiet a while. However I saw a young girl name Jessica who was similar to Marge, she was a very nice girl and ironically was the granddaughter of Reverend Lovejoy, I though she might be able to help me. I appeared in front one day and she seemed frightened just like Marge did at first but as I secretly followed this girl. She was determined to find out more about me and to help me. She even found Marge and convinced her to help me. _

_Jessica was searching the newspapers from the century which I was burnt and her friend Alex came. I too revealed myself to her and soon I revealed myself to her friend Alison. Marge's son and daughter too were friends of Jessica and I soon revealed myself to them. I had found people, who could help me, but I was selfish, I should have left them to live normal lives._


	16. Jessica and Bart II: Crucifixion room

Jessica

"Well that's it, we can all see this little girl," says Lisa sitting in Bart's tree house or Willie's home.

"How do we get rid of it?" Allison asks before we hear someone climb up the ladder.

"Oh hey Willie, sorry we just felt…" Alex starts before she is cut off by the Scottish man.

"I heard you talking about Serenity Granger, I am sure you know all about what took place in the old church in 18th Century." He starts

"Marge and Jessica's Grandfather attempted to bless the church, it's the only way, but they failed," Marge told me her and the reverend at the time tried to bless the church but she didn't tell me it was my grandfather. No wonder my dad never talks about my Grandfather's death.

"Your dad needs to bless the church," Obviously he is talking to me but what I didn't tell them is my dad believes that the town was being cleansed when serenity granger was burnt.

"Are you ready for church pumpkin?" my dad asks as I put on my skirt, shirt and jacket and dash out the room.

"Look dad, about Serenity Gra…"

"I told you to drop it," My dad cuts me off. "Come on Helen, we don't want to arrive late do we?" He says totally ignoring me standing there.

"But dad, grandfather…"

"Who told you that?" He screams out at me before I decide to quickly make my way to the car.

"I asked, who told you that?" He asks in a much calmer tone when my mum is in the car.

"I just….." I don't want to get Willie in trouble; he was the one who told me. I already feel sorry enough for the Scottish man living in a tree house with only a blanket and a sleeping bag.

"My dad was just like you, he believed what happened in the old church was wrong,"

"It was dad,"

"He ended up being crucified."

"What, who crucified him?"

"Honey, just behave like a good little girl," My mum quickly says before my dad can answer. Did Marge witness the crucifixion?

"Burn the witch!!!" I can hear the chants in my head as I enter the church. I find a seat next to Allison and Lisa. Where are Bart and Milhouse?

"BURN THE WITCH, BURN THE WITCH!!!" Ah the chanting is getting louder as my dad starts his sermon; I can't hear a word he is saying. Can't Allison and Lisa hear the chanting? I know they both have seen the little girl that I have seen burning but they don't look like they can hear this.

Suddenly the doors open causing everyone to quickly look at the back of the church. Serenity walks into the church once again holding the hand of a rugged looking man only around the age of my dad. It's not hard to identify this old man; he looks just like dad with longer hair.

"Jessica, make sure me and Ms Thorn can rest in peace," Granddad….. He disappears in front of my eyes and I can see Marge saw that, she is staring directly at me. Ms Thorn? It must be Serenity's dad's last name.

"Honey are you okay?" my mum asks as I see that the sermon is over and only me, my dad, my mum and Marge are here.

"Dad you got to cleanse the church, please," I beg him as he stares at me before thinking about it.

"I can't do it alone," he suddenly responds before I realise what he means, maybe one priest isn't enough.

"Can't you get a hold of some more priests?" I ask him as he continues to stare at me.

"Marge, you know where the scriptures my father used are?" Marge looks a little scared, I guess she witnessed my grandfather's death.

"I have them locked up in my attic," She says after trying to remember we she placed them.

"Well make 4 more copies of them; I will have 4 more priests join me in the cleansing." I realised the church wasn't the best place to discuss this as we heard a large protest.

"You are servants of Satan," Screams voices, I know I am not the only one who can hear this, my mum and dad both wince at the scream and Marge locks up again. I want to get out of hear as quickly as I can but it feels like I touch Marge she will break in a million pieces. Marge awakes from her slight dazed when my father pulls her and we run for the exit. "You are doing the work of Satan, you are banished from the church," Screams the same voice as a loud roar of cheer starts.

Bart

"Willie me and Milhouse are going to get in trouble," The Scottish man was obviously not listening as he continued to walk up to a hidden area of the cemetery.

"Ah how you been Billie," he says looking at his cousin Gravedigger Billie, I have never been to this part of the cemetery.

"Well these boys here are going to try purifying the church again," says Willie as Billie look of glee fades to a serious look before he walks deeper down hill and takes a sharp left near a river. He suddenly stops and stares at us before taking a deep breath and sighing.

"Well Lads, Serenity Thorn was killed at the church in order to bless the church, you must sprinkle this in the hidden room." He hands Milhouse a bottle, probably Holy Water of some sort. Serenity Thorn?

"The hidden room was where Reverend Lovejoy failed, he had found it but as he and that little blue haired girl entered, they were both to horrified by what they saw, Reverend Lovejoy was taken and put on a cross much like Jesus was however they burnt the cross with Lovejoy nailed to it. The blue haired girl ran away and went insane or something,"

"Hey my mum isn't insane!!!" I yell causing him to stare at me; I should have kept my mouth shout.

"Well she has some demons left to face," says the Gravedigger before walking off. I stare long and hard at the bottle Milhouse is holding, it seems like he isn't entirely convinced about any of this, I guess for good reasons too, he hasn't seen the little pale girl that we have seen.

Jessica

"Mum, I am going to go to the Simpson's house, I want to….." I didn't know exactly what I wanted to do; I just knew I should go to the Simpson's house.

"Why wasn't Bart at church today?" my dad angrily asks. I don't know why Bart and my dad haven't been enemies lately, it seems like they are almost neutral on each other which is weird but Bart missing church could possible ruin that.

"I am sure there will be a reason," I know Bart wouldn't miss church just because he didn't feel like going.

"Well run along honey, daddy has a few phone calls to make," he pulls out his phonebook and starts dialling some numbers. As I leave the house I see Milhouse coming up my driveway, which is weird because it's a rare occasion he visits me. Something might have happened to Bart.

"Give this to your dad," Milhouse speaks in a know-it-all tone before pulling out a small little bottle.

"You will need to sprinkle it in some hidden room or something," Uhhh I thought he didn't believe us about the whole witch thing.

"Hidden room?" I ask but he shrugs his shoulder, he was obviously just a messenger.

"Where is Bart?" he shrugs his shoulders again before he says "probably Home, Willie took him and me to see his cousin Gravedigger Billie,"

"That's why you weren't at church?" he nods as I wonder why he took them at such an inappropriate time.

"Well I got a date with Samantha, see ya Jessica," He says before jollily running off.

I knock on the door waiting for an answer. Maggie answers it before embracing me in a lovingly hug. She grabs my arm and drags me inside the home before I am confronted by Homer.

"Hello Jessica, Marge is in the attic looking through some stuff. Ah do you know where Bart is?" I guess Bart isn't home, maybe he is in the tree house with Willie.

"Hey Homer, how is the kilt I gave you," Willie walks in looking amused. I look down at Homer legs realising he is wearing a kilt over his blue pants.

"It's okay,"

"Well that was a spare one me cousin gave me." He says before turning to look at me and only realising I was standing here.

"Hello, Bart decided to go for a walk some where," He says before I get the chance to ask him my question.

"Oh, uhhh okay," Well Bart isn't here so I decide to walk to the attic, I got ask Marge about the hidden room. As I climb up the ladder I hear Marge's crying and I instantly walk up and embrace her. She stops crying to look at me; she had found the scriptures and put them on an old desk or something.

"Marge is there a hidden room in the church?" she looks into my eyes in a terrifying way.

"Yes, it is the room they burnt Serenity granger in; it is the last part of the old church that still exists. It was a room underneath the church."

"Wait! I thought the church caught on fire, that room should have been burnt down first," Marge silently stares at the scriptures on her desk and it just when it seems like she isn't going to respond she says

"The room was enforced by concrete," she simply stated and I was forced to drop my questions when Maggie walked in.

"What room was enforced by concrete?" she asks and when I and Marge ignore her questions she asks "What is going on here? I hear Lisa talking to Bart about Witches,"

"Don't worry Maggie," I harshly say before regretting it when I look at Maggie.

"I'll tell you later," I say as I grab her arm and she seems satisfied enough to give me a hug.

Bart

I needed to clear my mind a little so I decided to go for a walk. I have though clearly enough about what is going on and it sounds so bizarre like me seeing the 10 yr old me in super hero attire.

I decided to sit down near the church, I had missed today's service and I felt kind of guilty. I wanted to go inside but for some reason the church was locked. I rest my head on my knees before I hear a girl's voice

"Bart?" I look up to see Allison, Lisa and Alex all staring down at me.

"Uhhh I was just resting," I slurry out before they laugh, I must look pretty stupid sitting here by myself.

"Why weren't you at church today?" my Sister asks as she closely observes me.

"I was… with Willie and Milhouse," I say before they decide to sit down next to me.

"There is a hidden room underneath this church,"

"Yeah we know, we were going to tell you this at church but we found information about a hidden room underneath the church where the underground fire burnt Serenity Granger to death." Serenity Granger or Thorn?

"Where is it?" I ask

"Well the information we found states no one has found the room yet, this was from the newspapers Jessica had, I decided to take half of them home so we could get through them fast," Alex says before flicking her blonde out her face.

"Mum knows," I state the obvious before they nod at me. "Sinners!!!" we are alarmed to hear a chant from inside the church. We all stand up and I realise they are pointing at us, calling us sinners and stuff like allies of the devil.

"Uhhh lets go somewhere, friendlier," Allison says realising that the church wasn't a friendly place till we got rid of the people who burnt that little girl.

"Want to get something to eat?" Alex asks as I remember I only had breakfast before Willie dragged me and Milhouse to the graveyard.

"Krusty Burgers?" She asks after I nod my head at the first question.

"Uhhh why don't I cook you guys something?" I say deciding not to go to Krusty Burgers since most of the fast food joints were under heavy criticism from the health department. They all nod as we walk away from the church and the chanting slowly disappears.

Jessica

"I called my brothers, they are all going to be here in 4 days," my dad says as I walk into my home and take my shoes off.

"Oh that's good, I nearly forgot," I search my pockets for the small vile that Milhouse gave me.

"Holy Water from Jerusalem," He states after staring at the vile for about a minute. "Where did you get this? I haven't seen any of this in Springfield since my father," He trails off, since he tried to cleanse the church I guess would be the sentence he was not going to say.

"Milhouse told me Willie's cousin gave it too him," He eyes me carefully, I guess the water sounds kind of hard to find, I wonder wear a gravedigger could have possibly attained it.

"So my uncles are all going to be here?" I say, trying to change the subject. My grandfather had 5 sons, three which were adopted from orphanages. My dad and Uncle Daniel were the two real sons he had. All 5 of his sons became reverends just like he was.

"Yes pumpkin, go set the table for dinner," he says before patting me on the head and disappearing into his prayer room.

I set the table for dinner before returning to my room, I went through most of the newspapers and Alex took the rest, it doesn't matter though. My dad and uncles are going to bless the church; the spirits may have hidden in the church till now but its time they finally rest in peace.


	17. Homer: A Scottish Solution

Homer

"I don't care for your excuses!!! Get me more sugar-coated donuts!!!!" I shout at Lenny before hanging up the phone. Its kind of obvious he has no idea what he is suppose to be doing and decides to waste his time with doing nothing. Idiot!!!

My phone rings again and I am forced to pick it up, still a little annoyed at the fact we are low on sugar-coated donuts.

"What!!!" I yell into phone.

"It's me Willie,"

"Willie? You got a phone?"

"No I am at your house, helping Maggie with some homework." Pfft at MY house helping MY daughter with homework. Who does he think he is? A Scottish homeless person?

"Can I ask you something?" he says sounding a little nervous

"Shoot me buddy," I have no idea what it means but I saw it in a movie about talking trees that saved the world with enchanted fairies.

"I know you need an assistant and I am jobless." He says

"What? You call that a question? I'll give you a question. Where are my sugar-coated donuts!!!!" He sighs on the phone for some reason

"Can I be your assistant?" he asks and now I get it.

"Ok, but you need to answer some questions."

"Uhhh okay,"

"Where do you live?"

"Uhhh your son's tree house"

"A wise cracker aye? I like you attitude, go get me a dozen donuts and you got the job, but they must be chocolate coated" My shirt seems to be covered in some sort of stick liquid that tastes like saliva. I hang up my phone and decided to go for a little snooze, the boss will never know.

-

"Here's your donut, sir!!" I open my eyes to see Willie sitting in the chair next to me with a packet of donuts.

"Uhhh I was just resting my eyes," I sheepishly say before he laughs.

"Homer, I been doing some research on business….." blah blah blah, He talks on and on about complicated stuff and uses big words like Lisa.

"Anyways, Let me take of this plant, you can own it but I'll be in charge," Wait is telling me he is going to let me get away with doing nothing and getting paid!!!

"You got yourself a deal, I'll be at Moe's" I say quickly standing up and leaving this dead trap nuclear tree.

"Hey Homer," says Moe and the regulars of the bar. The bar might have gotten more costumers but the regulars have been with Moe since the start and we are always here, like always.

"The usual," I say attempting to hide the glee from my face.

"What you so happy about Homer?" Moe asks and I explain to them about the nuclear power plant that is mine and the fact that Willie is willing to take care of everything.

"Sure sounds sweet Homer," Moe says and I couldn't agree more with him. The guy living in my son's Tree House is doing all the work for me. Over the next few hours I get wasted, really wasted before I realise that its night.

"Well I got to be off guys, c yah Moe, Lenny, Carl, Talking Rat and Imaginary Ray"

I try my best to walk straight well I accidentally fall on a fat guy.

"Hey, what's the big idea?" I know that Italian accent and voice to be of the mob's leader.

"Oh sorry Tony,"

"Don't mention it Homer, didn't see it was you,"

"Hey, can you take me Home?"

"Uhhh Homer, you're talking to a lamppost." He says before laughing his evil crime lord laugh.

"Well duh," I say before I realise he has called me a tab.

"742 Evergreen Terrace, Oh and Homer, is your wife interested in doing business with us again?" I decide to pass out, not because I am drunk but because I like sleeping.

I grunt in annoyance as I am wetted by some invisible force. I open my eyes and see that I am on my front lawn and that the sprinklers had soaked my clothes.

"Marge, Honey, why didn't you wake me up?" I say as I walk into the kitchen. He doesn't respond, she just stares at her cup of coffee. Oh right the witch thing.

"Oh sorry Marge, how did you sleep?" Uhhh I don't want to talk to her right now, she is too depressed but I think I should, it's what a good husband would probably do. I wouldn't know though.

"Homer!!! Where were you last night?" She asks as if I just walked into the room.

"Uhhh I was in a magical fantasy,"

"You were drinking heavily again weren't you" I like depressed Marge a lot better than angry Marge.

"Yes, but in a way no because…. Hey, I should be complaining, I had to sleep on the lawn the whole night!" The anger in my voice made her wince and she quickly went back to depressed Marge.

"I'm sorry Homie," She says as she puts her head down. I go up and embrace her, that was a mistake, I forgot I had been awoke by sprinklers.

"Homie, go take a shower, Get off me!!"

"Sorry," I walk towards the bathroom slowly when Willie grabs a hold of me.

"What is it Willie?"

"I have checked the documents Mr Burns left you, it seems the power plant was going down hill, but don't worry sir I will make sure we go back up hill." I want to tell him I don't care but instead say "That's great Willie, I don't know how I could have managed without you,"


	18. Jessica, Homer and Marge: History ends

**Jessica**

"Okay, let's go inside and bless the church," Screams my father as we enter the church.

"The power of Christ compels you," I, Bart, Lisa, Allison and Alex scream as we enter the church. I almost scream when I see the church looks different and the spirits that once looked weak and harmless now look like real people.

"What is going?" Bart screams as Marge locks up again.

"It's happening again," Marge says as she finally gets out of her daze.

"Marge, where is the hidden room?" one of my uncles screams but she is in a daze again.

"Marge, Marge!!! We can fight this, we can beat!" I tell her but she doesn't seem to respond. The church doors suddenly close and I can hear them lock up.

"You want to find the hidden room? You heathens will see the hidden room as we burn you for your sins!" Says an old lady who walks to where I first saw Serenity at the front of the church.

I am nearly scream out loud when the ground starts to fade away when the group do some chanting in what sounds like Latin.

"The power of Christ compels you!!!" We scream even louder but the mob is just laughing. They grab Marge and pull her in the underground room as we follow them. The room is quiet large, it looks like another whole church underneath the new one. However it looks very old, in ruins and there is ash all over the floor and walls.

"MUM!!!" I hear Bart and Lisa scream in unison but my father tells them to continue chanting.

"The Lord will appear over them; his arrow will flash like lightning, I of the lord…." the 5 Reverend Lovejoys start speaking from their father's scriptures in unison. The chanting and scriptures don't seem to be weakening them at all.

"We shall cast this sinner to the lake of fire for she has sinned twice with her evil witchcraft." 2 of the spirits are holding Marge while the rest of them are chanting burn the witch. Marge isn't fighting back at all, she looks frightened.

"Marge, fight back, please, you can do this, don't let them win," I shout out as if she was in a boxing match. I return to my chanting, why is she allowing them to do this to her?

**Homer**

"Emptiness is loneliness and loneliness is a second ship"

"Ah okay but what is your point?"

"That the world is a vampire duh," What an idiot I think to myself as Lenny sighs on the other side of the phone.

"We are talking about reducing nuclear radiation in the rivers in which Mr Burns dumped nuclear waste in,"

"Vampires are nuclear beasts sent from the world of dark evil unicorns" Well duh, everyone knows that, why are people so stupid these days?

"Don't worry; I'll talk to Willie about it,"

"Ok but Willie is a vampire," Lenny sighs before hanging up the phone.

"Hey dad, where are mum, Bart and Lisa?" Little Maggie walks into the kitchen look a little gloomy.

"I don't know," Last thing I want Maggie to know is that the rest of her family is in a church attempting to bless it before some evil witches burn them or something.

"So dad, what are we going to eat?" I can cook, sure I can

"Let's go to Moe's for lunch,"

"Dad, isn't Moe's that bar you hang out at with your drunken friends?"

"It's a social tavern" Maggie sighs, she is kind of smart like Lisa was at her age. She looks almost like Lisa when she was 8 as well, except she doesn't have a pineapple like haircut. Her hair is just normal blonde hair that goes down to her shoulders. I wish she had gotten a haircut like her old man but no, they got all these trends in school. Pantera didn't make a song called the great southern trend kill for nothing.

"Let Daddy cook you something," She starts laughing, probably at something that happened to at school last term.

"Dad, I'll cook you something,"

"That's what I said, ok cook me a beer," Maggie sighs and opens the fridge and hands me a beer.

"That's a good Maggie, Isn't that a good Maggie?" She blushes slightly, where in the book of parenting does it say I can't treat my baby girl like a baby? I wouldn't know because I never read the book of parenting and I didn't know there was one.

**Marge**

They are doing what they did to Reverend Lovejoy, the same people, I could never forget there evil faces. Why aren't I resisting? I feel weakened by them, what happened to me 20 years ago is just too great.

"Marge!!! Forget the past!!" Reverend Lovejoy. It wasn't the 5 Reverends chanting from the scriptures, 4 of which I photocopied last night, but it's Jessica's grandfather. Holding his arm is Serenity Granger, the girl who I befriended in my childhood. In my teenage years I had tried to do what I am doing again but I failed last time. Not this time!!!

"The power of God compels you," I scream as the Reverends sprinkle Holy Water around the room.

"Run," I scream once they finish their scriptures.

"What have you done, do you have any idea what you have done?" screams a lady from the witch hunters as we climb up the ladder. All of us get up and look down into the room; the room seems to have been set on fire by something.

We all sigh in relief before we see the room vanish and the floor restore itself to what it normally looks like.

"Mum, you were so cool you snapped out of your stunned state," says Bart as he puts his arms around me.

"My special little guy," I say as I relax now that it is over.

"What happens to grandpa?" Jessica asks suddenly.

"He goes to Heaven now, angel," Answers her father and then pulls her into a loving hug.


	19. Jessica II: Daddy?

**Jessica**

I walk into Bart's home and he stops banging his drums to look up at me.

"Wow, you have always been awesome at drumming," I say, everyone in the school knew Bart was a radical drummer. He is just good at hitting things I guess. He smiles before he stands up and hugs me.

"How you been? I haven't seen you in a couple of days," I hadn't had the chance to talk to Bart since we blessed the church.

"I am fine, you okay honey?" I ask looking at his eyes; he looks like he hasn't gotten any sleep for a while.

"I'm fine, what's going on with you?" I don't understand what he means by that, but he looks at me as if he wants an answer.

"What do you mean darling?"

"Like that, you called me darling,"

"You don't like being called darling?" I asked confused.

"Uhhh I do but that's not what I am trying to say, your acting nice, ever since that day I was shot, Lisa said you hugged her and it wasn't fake, you hugged my sister and it wasn't fake, also you been acting really nice around Maggie, its like you two are best friends," She says that in a frantic slurry, it seems like he really wanted to say that in quite a while.

"I was only… trying to be a better person," I don't understand why he doesn't like me being nice.

"Oh I'm sorry, I guess I am not used to seeing you so nice, I like it, no I love it actually," He sheepishly says after he realises I was in fact only trying to be a better person. I am only 16 but I have a very bad past even though I have been raised in a good family. Bart is kind of like the same, we were both hooligans but he seems to have straightened up too.

"Bart, you realise you have become nice too?" He looks at me with confusion.

"I have?"

"Yeah, you been really nice to me, well you always have been, to your sisters, to your sister's friends, even Samantha, Milhouse seems grateful for that," He takes a second to let it all sink in before he kisses me on the cheek and leaves. What was that all about?

"Hahaha you're blushing," Maggie came running in and hugs me in the way she has done lately.

"I so am not blushing," I knew I was blushing, I didn't know why though, it made no sense, Bart kissed me on the cheek a ton of times, even in front of my dad.

"Want to go to the park?" She asks as I feel the heat in my cheeks return to normal.

"Sure, hey I want to ask you a question, do you think I would look pretty as a blonde?"

"You already look pretty," Its good to know that my boyfriend's sister thinks I pretty.

"Uhhh okay, I'm going to dye my hair blonde." I hear laughing coming from the door way.

"I always wanted to know what you would look like blonde," says Bart's other sister as he walks into the room.

"Why don't you dye your hair black, and get a decent hair cut," I respond making her poke out her tongue at me.

"Typical Old Jessica," She says with a laugh, that's what anyone would say of her hair, it makes her look like a pineapple actually. Its weird I feel remorse, so much remorse I hug her and apologise.

"What has gotten into you?"

"I don't know, I wanted to be a better person but now I like being a nice little girl," She and Maggie laughs, fine I didn't really need their approval anyways.

"Oh, Where's Bart, I got us Breaking Benjamin tickets, they are doing a tour with 50 cent, its going to be awesome,"

"Why are you breaking Benjamin's tickets?" Asks Maggie causing me and Lisa to laugh.

"They are a band honey," I say wiping the look of confusion off her pretty little face. She sighs before Bart walks into the room looking rather serious.

"Hey baby I got us breaking Benjamin tickets." He ignores me and looks straight at Maggie, which is weird since Breaking Benjamin is one of his favourites.

"Gerald is dead," Maggie shudders and looks morbidly depressed.

"What happened?" I asked, trying to remember who Gerald was, I think it was her boyfriend but I might be wrong.

"He was in a car crash," Bart slowly speaks before he embraces Maggie who lets out a stream of tears. I feel sorry for Bart; it must be hard to tell your sister than her boyfriend has died, especially when she is just 8. I feel even sorrier for Maggie who lost her first love. I remember that they had started off as enemies too, so she might feel bad for hating him in her youth.

Homer suddenly walks in and asks what is wrong when he sees Maggie crying.

"Oh don't worry, people die all the time, in fact you might wake up tomorrow dead," He says before leaving the room. I think Maggie felt even worse after her dad gave her his words of wisdom.

"Maggie, you know if you die you get to go to heaven, heaven is a wonderful place with angels, angels are like fairies but even prettier and bigger wings. Heaven is the coolest place ever, Gerald is heaven right now," Bart looks at me in an expression I can't read before he smiles and Maggie stops crying.

"Really Jessie?" asks Maggie before wiping away the last of her tears. I nod and she happily returns to her room.

"Are you doing drugs?" Lisa laughs before leaving the room as well. Bart looks at me weirdly before hugging me and gives me a warm kiss.

"What?" I ask when he smiles at me.

"Nothing," He lets go of me and leaves the room, leaving me alone in his room. A photo has catches my attention, it was one of me and him when we were 13. I laugh at it, we both look so angry and mean in it, totally contrary of what we are now.

My cell rings and plays one of my favourites from breaking Benjamin; blow me away, before I answer it.

"Hello Jessica," says a nerdy voice that I can recognise easily as Bart's best friend.

"Hey Milhouse,"

"I was walking home and I saw your father lying on the ground, he was badly beaten up" he says anxiously.

"WHAT?" I can't hide the disbelief and irritation in my voice. Why would someone beat up my dad?

"Come to the hospital, I am in the ambulance right now," I snap my phone, turning it off before I could say bye and madly run down the stairs, ignoring the questions the Simpsons were asking. I realise I should have told them and we could have gone in the car as soon I run out of breath half-way to the hospital. I had to walk the rest of the way since my pathetic body was out of breath and I wasn't able to recover. I shouldn't have done all the drug and alcohol abuse to myself.

When I arrive at my dad's room I see him lying in bed in bandages. "How bad is it?" I ask finally start to regain my breath. I am annoyed when the doctor starts laughing before telling me it's pretty bad. He might not survive.

A/N: Yay it's not about witches anymore, just someone's dad getting the shit beaten out of them.


	20. Jessica and Bart III: Just like dad

**Jessica**

"Daddy?" I thought he woke up but it was just him groaning in his sleep. He is still alive, thank God. I did something I haven't done since I was 8, I said a truthful prayer and I guess it worked since the doctors said his chances of striving the night were very slim.

"Jessica is he…." Alex walks into the room before trailing off; I know she wanted to ask if he is dead. She looks regretfully for speaking and instantly holds me in her arms. I hear my dad move again and she does too, making her look slightly happier.

"Lisa and Allison couldn't make it; they said they would come later,"

"Oh, don't worry about that, I guess they couldn't help him get out of a coma anyways,"

I felt extremely sad last night, so sad I had to take one of my anti-depressants that were left over before they realised I was hypnotized and not suicidal. It didn't help much, but then I read parts of the bible, that actually helped and I said a prayer. I knew my dad was going to be okay after I prayed.

"Did they find out any information on who did it?" I shake my head but whoever did would be in deep trouble once I found out who they were.

"Leave your dad alone for a couple of weeks, come visit him after 3 weeks, he should be better then," says a deep masculine voice before it erupts into a heap of girlish laughter. I wonder if this doctor Hebert knows what he is doing.

"What do you want to do?" Asks the blonde haired girl before grabbing my arms and guiding me out of the hospital. I wanted to say I want to go home and go to sleep in a depressed state but I don't think that would be a good idea.

"I am not sure, want to go to church to pray?" She looks at me weirdly before nodding. On the way she muttered something that sound like "Wow she has changed,"

"Yeah, I like being a good girl," I say and she smiles at me.

"How come you and Bart have become nice anyways?"

"I don't know, we just have," Which was true but I would wish people would stop making such a big deal out of it. We spend the rest of the day in the church, talking about so many things my head started to hurt. Alex is has a lot of energy which we expresses into talking.

"Hey it's getting late," she says as she locks at her flash watch. Everything on her looks flash and pricey, she is probably one of the richer kids in Springfield, either than or a really good thief.

"Yeah, let's go home," I say as we leave the church, it's still going to get dark soon but oh well.

"Your actually kind of fun sometimes, I can see why Bart likes you so much" she says before blushing in pure embarrassment. I just smile and pretend I didn't hear that.

"You got pretty blonde hair," she laughs and blushes more. I was going to get my hair dyed yesterday but my dad ended up in hospital.

"You should so totally go blonde; it will highlight your attractive face," She says it almost like a professional; she is probably going to end up as a fashion designer. I tell I was going to dye my hair blonde but I got a phone call from Milhouse. She hugs me again; dam it I am starting to get sick of getting 1000 hugs a day.

"Bye, Jess" She says before going down the street her house is in, I decide I don't want to go home yet. My originally plan might have been to lie in bed all day but now I feel like doing something else. I have no idea why I do what I do but I decide to give Abe Simpson, Homer's father, a visit.

"Hello Mr Simpson," I say as he looks around.

"Are you here to fix my T.V?" I tell him it's Jessica and he doesn't actually have a T.V in his room.

"I don't have a lot of things, a phone, a chair, a T.V, a door but I most certainly have a T.V" the old man protests making me laugh, I can see where Homer get's his intelligent and complicated mind from.

"So who are you again? Lisa?" I think in his old age his mind is starting to fade, I feel sorry for him; the Simpsons never bother to visit him.

"I am Bart's girlfriend," I say before he wheezes.

"Since when does Bart have a girlfriend, you look familiar." I had seen him a lot of times but I tell him of the last time I saw him.

"There were witch burnings in Springfield?" I wonder if he is faking some of this.

"Anyways there I was in WWII, my entire force was down, I jumped with the opposition with my gun and there was superman, lying in the ground with a kryptonite bullet in his heart, they shot me 5 times in the heart but folk were tough back then, me and superman won karaoke that same night." I started laughing at his random ramblings, I knew he was in the army and he was a sergeant during World War II or something like that. I spent 3 hours there just listening to this old man happily tell his life story.

"Wow that's so awesome," I say after he tells me one of his stories that I have heard before, the one of him invading a Nazis Concentration camp and releasing all the lock up prisoners.

"Oh, look at the time, I have to go, I promise I well come back soon," I have no idea why I came here in the first place but I knew I needed to visit Grandpa Simpson again sometime.

"Okay, see you Jessica, and tell Batman, I'll give him one of theses if he tries to blow up the world with his bats," he starts punching the air as if someone was there. I wave him goodbye and I as I turn off the lights I could swear he just fell asleep and started to snore.

As I was walking down back home, I felt someone was following me.

"Hey Bitch!" someone hit me in the head with a cricket bat and dragged me into a dark alleyway. I tried to see who it was, all I knew was there was 3 of them and they continued to beat me till I lost consciousness.

**Bart**

I don't understand where she could be, I haven't seen her in 3 days now.

"What do you mean you don't know where she is?" I yell at Helen Lovejoy.

"I though she was at a friends or something,"

"For 3 days?"

"Uhhh well I didn't think she would run away," I don't think she ran away, she has no reason too. My cell phone rings and the caller I.D shows it is Alex. I am not in the mood to speak to her.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ALEX?" I scream causing Mrs Lovejoy to rant on about how the word 'Fuck' is not needed in any conversation.

"Ah sorry Bart, I didn't mean to make you angry, I just found Jessica," Wait Alex knew she was missing?

"In the back of a dumpster, she was covered in blood and I called the ambulance straight away, they told me they chance of her surviving for another day is very slim,"

"WHAT!!!!" I can both Alex and Mrs Lovejoy afraid of me at the moment.

"Look just come to the hospital, her room is next to her dads." She hangs up on me quickly, mostly because she is afraid of me right now. I look at Mrs Lovejoy and she looks as if I am going to murder her.

"Jessica was beaten up, she is in hospital, she might not survive….." I calm down as I realise what could possibly happen. Mrs Lovejoy quickly grabs her keys and starts the car, I jump in too and oddly enough she has no objections. Our ride to the hospital is silent, I look at Mrs Lovejoy a few times, she still seems afraid of me.

As I walk into the hospital room I see Alex, sitting there crying and she automatically looks frightened when I walk in.

"Alex, do you know what happened?" I calmly say as I watch her fear turn to anxiety.

"No but the police are looking in it, they believe who ever did this to Jessica were responsible for the Mr Lovejoy's assault."

"My sweetheart and my baby girl in hospital at the same time," Mrs Lovejoy weakly says before she stands up and leaves. I can hear her crying as she walks away until Alex says "Bart, are you going to be okay,"

"I'll be fine," I lied to Alex and it's something I am not proud of doing but I can't worry her about me.

"I think I am going to go home now," I say trying to hide the feeling of dejection in my voice.

"Uhhh, are you sure your going to be okay?" I didn't hide to well I guess, I don't give Alex an answer, instead I leave and start walking home. I can hear Alex's footsteps behind me before she says "If you need to talk or something you can always come to me," and embraces me in a deep hug. I don't thank her for her gesture, instead I continue walking when lets go of me.

I never realised how long the journey from the hospital to my home is, I must have been walking really slow since it was nearly dark when I got home.

"Bart, what's wrong my special little guy?" I don't answer my mum; instead I walk up to my bed and go to sleep.

_I hate you Bart, What did I ever do to you? You think I could ever forgive you? You can have Alex, you little bastard. I am dead now and I hope you happy._

"NO JESSICA!!! PLEASE, I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!!!"

"Oh, that's nice to know," Allison and Lisa are sitting near my bed. I blush slightly.

"What are you too doing?"

"Well we were going to wake you up, you were screaming pretty loud,"

"Ah sorry,"

"Why are you apologising, you were pretty funny,"

"Get out of my room!!!" They both laugh before standing up and leaving. My cell phone rings, I feel like smashing it too bits, it always has bad news for me. It's grandpa's retirement home. Oh no, is grandpa dead?

**Jessica**

"OWWW!!!!!" I awake and scream in pain, I didn't realise it hurt this much to move. I hear laughter as Dr Hebert walks in.

"We thought you weren't going to wake up," Ah I hate this doctor, who ever called the ambulance, couldn't they get me a better doctor, one the possibly knows what he is doing.

"My dad, where's my dad… OWW!!!!!!" I shouldn't move, it's really painful.

"He is in the room next to yours, he is still in a coma," I am starting to hate this Doctor and his uncanny laughing periods more and more.

"Did they find out who did all of this?" He shakes his head before exploding into laughter again.

"Fuck you!!!" I say, I have had enough of his shit.

"Oh, young people have no manners and no respect of other people,"

"JESSICA!!!" I am happily to hear the voice of Bart as he runs and attempts to cuddle me before I scream in pain.

"Uhhh sorry," he sheepishly grins.

"I missed you," he says and I tell him I missed him as well. A fat man slowly runs into the room, I know this man as Ralph's dad, the chief of the police force.

"Hi, Jessica" he says as he tries to regain his breath.

"We know who did,"

Bart

"Hello,"

"Hi Bart, is your friend Jessica going to come and visit me again?" I am glad to hear my grandfather's voice again.

"Jessica visited you?"

"A couple of days ago, she said she would come back."

"Do you remember when?"

"Thursday, I believe," The day Jessica was beaten up. I thank Grandpa for his information and hand up the phone. I dial a number on my phone before I hear chief Wiggum's voice.

"Yes?"

"Its me Bart, look my grandpa said she was with him before she got beaten up, he is probably the last person that saw her."

"I see, well your grandfather's rest home isn't too far from where she was found."

"Yeah, any ideas on who did it yet?"

"Nope, Sideshow Bob possibly but I doubt he would still be in Springfield."

"Oh well see ya,"

**Jessica**

"Well who is it?" Bart asks as the chief of the police force collapses into the one of the chairs around my bed.

"It was Nelson," He says after he regains his breath.

"But there was three of them," I say in protest.

"Nelson, Jimbo and Skinner" That's an unlikely trio and I can see that by the look on Bart's face.

"Are you sure man?" he asks before Wiggum nods his head.

"But why?" I ask.

"Well tell where paid to do it,"

"By who?"

"Look I don't all the answers, they aren't speaking, they are locked away but you were beaten up near a camera and it is hard to see them but it was surely them that beat up you,"

"You can go home now little girl, but you don't get a lollipop for your swearing," Is Dr Hebert for real? He gives 16 year old girls lollipops when there father's is in a coma?

"Come on pumpkin, daddy isn't going to wake up today," says my mum on the way to the car. Apparently he has healed physical just like me but he is in a deep coma. It's been 6 weeks since the attacks that were done on us apparently by Nelson, Jimbo and Skinner.

"Hey Jessica, I can hug you without you screaming" says Bart who sucks the life out of me with his arms.

"I can still scream when you hug me, if I feel like it," my mum must have though it was sexually or something because she groaned in disgust.

"I didn't mean anything like that mum," she just jumps into the car and starts the engine.

"Hello Bitch," I turn around to see someone I didn't want to see ever again.


	21. Homer II: Barney

A/N: As helpful pointed out, 19 Chapters and 26,406 words in 4 days. Well it's the holidays, creative spell, I can type at a moderately-fast pace also I have no life :p Well I hope you guys enjoy this chapter.

Homer

"Oh that's great Willie, I can't believe you were able to triple our profits, I didn't even know we had profits," I can't believe that what I am earning is now in 5 figures, Willie is a great worker. I am glad he got fired from his old job and now lives in my son's tree house.

Another day at Moe's I have been spending a lot of time her lately and with the money I am making, soon I'll be able to pay off my tab. Uhhh but I won't pay it, its too many figures long. Don't tell me 6 isn't a big number, its one of the biggest numbers I know.

"So Homer, you planning on doing anything ever again? I mean I love you around here buddy but you can't spend the rest of your days in a bar" It's a strange day today, only me and Moe are at his bar.

Maybe the handsome bartender has a good point, I need to do something. "Ah Moe, I am going to do something," I say not sure of what to do.

"Well this place is pretty deserted, so I'll along with you, it will be like old times." We leave the bar and he locks it up before I nearly choke on the clean air the town gives me compared to the nice poisoned one inside of Moe's bar.

"Well where to Moe?"

"Ah I thought you had ideas,"

"Well I obviously don't,"

"Ah, well let's just visit the new music store that's opened across the street," I groan in aggravation. I drop my duff just to go to some stupid music store? I follow Moe's footsteps, and as we enter the store I see a familiar face I hadn't seen in quiet a while.

"Hey Barney!!! Haven't seen you in a while, where you been buddy?" asks the bartender grinning at his once best costumer.

"Well you know I recently I embarked on a world tour, I stayed a year or two in L.A before returning back to Springfield. I decided to open up a music store." Explains the man who had completely turned his life around. He was on a fast lane to death before he quit alcohol, it did him good.

"You know what, here," He got a limited edition saxophone off a shelf that was priced at $5000 and hands it to me.

"Barney, I can't accept this,"

"Oh, come on you puss, your little girl Bart deserves it." I guess the alcohol did a lot of damage to his head. Maggie is the one that plays saxophone.

"Oh and your boy Marge plays the drums doesn't he? Well maybe he might want to try this," He pulls out a limited edition ESP Explorer and a hard case along with some other complicated looking stuff.

"Don't you have a 4th kid?" I think he has forgotten how to count as well, weird how he was able to get so successful yet still be so stupid.

"No, only those two," 4 kids, 3 is enough for me.

"Well you can have this one for yourself," He gives me a violin that looks pretty expensive.

"Wow Barney, thanks so much" I say as I help him ship all the stuff into my car.

"I want to pay you for all of this,"

"Oh it's okay Homer, once a buddy, always a buddy,"

"No, no I want to repay you,"

"Well it's just a little above $10,000 if you really want to pay me, you don't have too."

"Ah Barney, thanks for the gifts man I really owe you one," $10,000 I am not paying that much, until recently that was nearly double what I earned in a whole year.

"Well it's been great seeing you again," He says as I hope into my car, I kind feel guilty if I take these gifts and do nothing.

"Hey Barney, maybe you can come and hang out with my at bar, like old times"

"You know I don't drink Homer, I don't plan on ever drinking again," A life without alcohol? I don't care how successful you are, you just can't have a life without a beer or two.

"Well maybe me and you can hang out sometime, you still got my number?"

"Yeah, I got your number and I will be glad to hang out with you anytime buddy," He writes me a number that is obviously his home number.

"That's my cell, ill give you my home when I get a phone installed, well see you Homer," I wave him goodbye as I drive towards my home. My family have looked kind of sad lately, they been acting crazy about Witches and Girlfriend's getting beaten up, the whole works.

"Hey Bart, I know your sad that your girlfriend died or whatever," I say as I walk into his room.

"Dad, Jessica is right here," He points at his girlfriend who now has blonde hair.

"Oh, well sorry you're dead but anyways Barney is back in town."

"Oh really, well that's good. How did his world trip go?"

"Never mind that boy, ah just go check my boot, he gave you some presents. Get Maggie and Lisa to go too." He disappears along with his sisters in order to check my boot.

"Sorry how is it being dead?" I ask Jessica

"Uhhh I am not dead Mr Simpson."

"Then why did you tell me you were?"

"I didn't…." Wow they just get dumber as they grow up. I hear screams of joy some from downstairs.

"Wow this is so awesome daddy, how did you pay for this new saxophone?" asks Lisa as he holds it like a baby.

"I didn't," I can see the looks of happiness on their faces fade.

"Dad, it's illegal to steal!"

"I didn't steal them, Barney gave them to me, and he opened a new music store opposite Moe's tavern." Automatically there looks of glee reappear on their faces.

"I always want to learn to play violin, I mean Bart has his drumming and Lisa has her sax, I got to have some musical talent right?" Wrong!!! I hear he bash the bow to make a loud shrieking noise.

"Ah, I'll practise I promise," she runs off to her room looking rather embarrassed.

"This guitar is great, I haven't seen one of these explorers in a while, he even threw in a ton of leads and picks plus 3 different distortion pedals and a wah-wah"

"Guitars don't cry,"

"Oh sorry I didn't get your dead girlfriend anything,"

"Dad, Jessica isn't dead," says Lisa before she leaves. She mustn't be dead if Lisa said it, Lisa knows everything. As I sit down to relax and watch some T.V and drink a beer I realise I should have sold the music instruments. "Master, Master where are the dreams I been after?" I hear Bart scream in an awesome grunt backed up by drums, guitar, saxophone and awful violin. A cover of Master of puppets with saxophone and annoying screeching.

I want to tell them to shut the hell up, but they seemed too pleasant with the gifts Barney gave them. As the sound of heavy metal covers finally fades I see the man who made me earn 5 figures a year in front of me with a huge grin.

"Willie, how you did you do it?"

"Well it was quite simple really; I have been reading this business book,"

"BORING!!! Anyways, thanks" I cut him off but he doesn't look angry at all. Suddenly the heavy metal covers start again and Willie goes to investigate. Soon I hear some bagpipes enter the noise, I rather not stop them since the volume on the T.V goes up to 12!!!


	22. Jessica, Homer, Marge: A friendly game!

**Jessica**

"Sideshow Bob!"

"What are you on about?" No one was there, but I could swear I saw sideshow bob.

"Ah don't worry, Bart lets go to your house," Bart's house was a little weird today, Marge was overly happy, almost as if she was smoking weed and Homer thought I was dead for some reason but we got to play on some mint instruments that Homer got off his friend.

I was drumming, Bart was playing the guitar, Lisa was playing her new sax and Maggie… well she was trying. "I'll practise," she kept saying. Willie would soon join us with bagpipes.

"Where did you get the bagpipes from Willie?" I ask when we take a break of mucking around on these new instruments well except for the drums.

"I bought it today, Homer and I are making 5 figures now," Homer was providing for this family with an income under $10,000 a year? Kind of hard to believe that but it probably is true.

Around 6pm everyone got bored of playing, we had played endless covers ranging from Metallica to Johnny Cash. Maggie went to learn to get better on the violin, while Willie and Homer were discussing something about Beer. Lisa was helping her mother with dinner and Bart and I were alone.

"Oh I got us breaking Benjamin tickets." I say as I give him his ticket.

"Today has been the best day of the year, you awoke from your coma, and I got a new guitar and tickets to a concert of one of the best bands around." I can't help feel slightly unhappier, I don't want to drag down his mood with mine but I knew I saw Sideshow bob. He was there, or was it in my head? Maybe my mind was just getting used to working again and it showed me an illusion.

"Something wrong darling?" Bart asks as he picks up a book about chemistry and studies. How can he not get chemistry after studying about it for months? It's the only thing he keeps complaining about.

"Wow today got even better, I finally understand chemistry," Bart looks at me pleased.

"About time honey, I knew would get it sooner or later," I give him a kiss on the cheek before I decided to go home. I wanted to stay and eat one of Marge's delicious meals but I feel with daddy still in hospital I should spend time with mum. Maybe I can mend my relationship with her much like I did with dads.

"Hey Jessica, I didn't think you should be coming home for dinner," she says happily once I arrive home.

"Come in, Sweetie I made some vegetable fried noodles." She says before returning into the Kitchen. I though just occurred to me, it worked with dad so maybe it will work with mum too.

"Mum, I love you!!"

"What darling?"

"I love you,"

"I know sweetie," She says almost completely ignoring me and going back to heating up our dinner. I guess mum and dad are different. We ate our dinner in silence and as I was clearing the table my mum said something to me that shocked even her.

"I love you too dear,"

**Homer**

"Marge I discovered a meal between brunch and lunch" I am such a genie, that's a smart person right? Blunch is going to be what all the kids are talking about and what are the gays are doing.

"That's great; I just wish you didn't discover chocolate bacon donuts,"

"Don't you have a job to do Marge?"

"Uhhh Homie, I haven't had a job since I was looking after the kids while you were at the power plant."

"Well I don't work at the power plant anymore, go get yourself a job Maggie,"

"I'm Marge,"

"I don't care go get yourself a job," I hear her mutter something in the kitchen about cooking and do it too earn money and not feed a bunch of…. I didn't get to hear the last bit of that.

"Maggie what are you doing home? Don't you have to go to school?" I ask as the 8 yr old comes and sits next to me, lying on my arm.

"Get off me Maggie, Daddy is busy thinking," She sighs and annoyance before she tells me about her boyfriend dying.

"Oh that interesting sweetie," I say distracted by the super bowl, if parents want to kill their kids in car accidents during the football season then go ahead, just don't expect me to be at the funeral.

"Today's the funeral," She grabs the remote and turns off the T.V before I get the chance to protest. What the hell? No one has done that…. Ever!!!!! Just as I am about to strangle the little runt she starts crying on my shoulders.

"Don't worry sweetie, he is a magical land with fairies and enchanted forests and all the good people that died," He is probably in a lake of fire but I won't tell her that.

"Heaven?"

"Yeah, anyways go get something to eat, what time is the funeral?"

"2 pm," Did she have to come and bother me at 12 pm? I could have watch the superbowl for 2 more hours, I am casually dressed to go to a funeral.

"Ok dad I'll go have lunch, uhhh make sure you were some pants and something black, that white t-shirt looks to happy?" She thinks she's the boss off me ill give her nod but you better watch your back little girl.

**Marge**

My darling littlest child walks into the kitchen and hugs me in the loving way Lisa and Bart once did.

"Hey mum," She says with a smile, she reminds me of Lisa, with better hair not that there is anything wrong with Lisa's hair cut.

"I made you something special, a lobster, they are more of a dinner but I think you deserve something special because…… you are special," Well really cause her boyfriend and best friend just died. She seems to be taking it a little better than I thought she would.

"Mum, what is heaven like?" Well that explains it.

"Its like the best place in the universe, you can get anything you want pretty much and everyone there has wings,"

"Gerald's a fairy?

"Sure, honey," I set the table and gesture her to take a set; I get the steamed lobster and put it on the table. She starts eating and says how good it is. I have been cooking for this family so long that I am finally good at it. Bart seems to share my skill of cooking which is a nice thing.

I wonder if I should open my own restaurant, I differently got the money to go now that my family isn't on a tight budget of $7000 a year. I realised my little girl finished her lobster while I was daydreaming about owning a restaurant.

"Maggie, I got you a new nice dress for the funeral, it's on your bed, and you can go put it on around 1 pm okay?" I stare at new clock in the kitchen and its 12:35pm. She nods before disappear into the lounge and up the stairs.

**Jessica**

Last night was weird, my mum and I spent the night watching movies we hadn't watch since I was like 8 and they were pretty crap movies too. Today is the day of Gerald's funeral so I need to get prepared. "Ah shit it's already 1 pm," I realised I slept in too late once I look at the clock.

As I walk into the kitchen I see someone I didn't think I would see in the house again.

"DAD!!!" I ran up to him and choked him in my arms.

"Pumpkin, I awoke last night and the doctors said I was good to go, Nelson, Jimbo and Skinner attacked me and you?" I nod before I let go of my dad.

"Do you have idea why they would attack us pumpkin?" I shrug my shoulders, I was never friends with either of them but they always showed a certain amount of respect towards and I showed some back towards them.

"Uhhh mum we only got 1 hour, uhh 45 minutes before the funeral," I stare at the clock which seems to be moving faster than normal, I wish it would do that in school.

**Homer **

"Ah Willie, you have done some good work but today your going to come with me and my mates, at bowling ally," I climb up into my son's tree house and I see him nod with delight.

"Well that settles it, which of your mates are these?" I look confused at what the hell he just said, before I tell him Moe and Barney.

"Uhhh your old drinking buddies? Ah I haven't hand a pint of beer in almost two years," Whatever a pint is, but no beer in two years? How does this man live without wanting to shoot himself? Maybe he just doesn't have the money for a gun.

"Alright get into my car," I say in a cool tone, a jazz influenced tone of cause. What the hell did I mean by that, am I getting smart or dumber? I am so confused; it must be because I haven't had any bear today.

He jumps into the purple car which I upgraded with rocket boosters and a small blue stripe.

"Hey homer how came there was Pepsi bottles tied to your bumper and your roof is blue?"

"Marge did it,"

"Ah what? She ruined your car on purpose?"

"Hey, have some gum," I say as I shove some bubble gum down into his mouth.

As soon as we arrive at the old bowling ally, which I escaped to on countless occasions to get away from family and friends, I notice Barney and Moe sitting there and talking to Barney's uncle. Barney once worked here, in fact I once worked here too, Barney's uncle owns the place.

"Hey Hey it's homer, how you been old champ?" I hope he remembers I was the first person in this town to score a perfect 300 and I am glad there was no cameras around when Maggie did as well. Ah actually she got a 297, not a 300, don't tell anyone she got a 300!!!

"Not bad, I am here to get a perfect score again,"

"You wish Homer," Says Ned Flanders. I want to tell him to go away, that stupid Flanders he wasn't even invited.

"Oh glavin," The professor, what are these people even doing here, its not a public place where people can walk in when ever they want, this is a true sports arena where only the strongest ah screw it I been doing too much thinking and thinking hurts.

"Well how about it Homer, me and 4 eyes and moustache face against you and your drinking buddies." Barney starts protesting on how he doesn't drink anymore but we all agree, I remember when my team won the trophy. Mr Burns still has it; they had to get a new trophy for the competition the year after.

We play a fun little game of bowling for hours and it really was a day well spent. All my friends, plus Flanders, decided to go to Krusty Burgers for dinner around 6 pm. Krusty Burger's might not be the best place for dinner but who cares?

"Hey, Hey!!!" Krusty the clown jumps at us gleefully as soon as we enter the fast food joint.

"Hey Krusty, how you been?" I ask the Jewish clown as he gestures us towards a table.

"I have developed manic depression and I take weed daily to say in a mania state, other than that I am fine." Bipolar is so the coolest disorder ever, well the mania state is anyways.

"I watched your show the other night with my boys rod and Todd, its funnier now than it was 6 years ago," Oh shut up Flanders!!!!

"Yeah, yeah, thanks Ned, having seen any of you guys for a while."

"Hey want to go play a game of golf this Saturday?" asks the humble bar tender and we all nod. I don't like golf that much now but I was pretty good at it once.

"Oh before I go, there is something I wanted to ask you guys," I say standing up once we all finished our dinners. They give me their undivided attention.

"Do you know if Lenny and Carl are secret gay lovers?"

A/N: Bipolar is the best illiness ever.


	23. Lisa: My sister and friend are weird

Lisa

"Maggie you look really good in that dress," I say as I hug my little sister. She smiles at me weakly as we sit into the car.

"Is dad going to be coming?" Bart's asks mum before she takes the driver seat.

"Yeah, he is," as she shouts Homie!!! Dad suddenly appears in what makes Mum sigh.

"Homer, you were suppose to get dressed, going in your underpants isn't right for a funeral." My mum steps out of the car and drags my dad to the bedroom, to get him dressed I assume.

In 3 minutes or so my parents appear, fully dressed in funeral clothes, they both jump into the car and Mum drives us to the church. Maggie looks really sad when she enters the church and Reverend Lovejoy, not Jessica's dad, will be doing the sermon today. Milhouse takes the seat next to Maggie and starts attempting to cheer her up. Milhouse has never acted so nice before, he actually looks like he has gotten more uhhh stronger.

"Lisa, why are staring at me like that?" I didn't realise I was staring at Milhouse, oh no!!! Am I falling for Milhouse? I am glad something ruins my current stream of thoughts when I see Jessica's dad sitting next to her. He must have gotten out of the hospital today. The reverend suddenly starts saying his sermon and the church quickly falls in silence.

After the sermon is over and everyone leaves Maggie stays, looking at Gerald's lifeless body. "Oh Honey, I need to go, I have this uhhh business meeting today," Dad lies, I know he is going to go bowling but I guess Maggie doesn't need to know that. They are going to burry his body at around 4 pm, which is rather late.

"I wonder how he likes being a fairy." I look at her confused before she grabs my arm and pulls me out of the church. I see Milhouse and Samantha walking down into the other street and I have no idea why I feel I should be with Milhouse, not Samantha. EWW!!! What I am thinking?

"Lisa, will I get to be a fairy one day?" What the heck is all this about fairies? I just nod and she smiles at me.

"Hey Lisa,"

"Get off me Alex," I say pushing one of my best friends of me.

"I haven't seen you in a while, where have you been hiding yourself?" I hadn't been hiding, just busy.

"I haven't been hiding," She pokes out her tongue before looking at Maggie. She goes and hugs the life out of my little sister.

"Look Gerald is in a better place honey," She says before Maggie smiles at her.

"I know, he is a fairy now," Alex looks at me confused and I shrug my shoulders.

"How is your insomnia?" I ask Alex after we watch Gerald get buried, it's about 5pm and I am at her house. Her massive, fancy house with ponies.

"Its fine, I am getting more sleep but insomnia is actually the best illness ever," I laugh at her as we turn off the movie we were watching on her 225 inch plasma screen T.V. I never asked how her family was so rich but it doesn't bother me, those ponies are really pretty.

"What if I told you, I want am sick of this,"

"What do you mean?"

"I always liked having money, but I am sick of living this life, I was never able to handled being so rich before."

"But you…." She cuts me off

"I always acted happy, I hid myself into this fashion craze not by choice," I look at her confused. What is she trying to say? It would be better if she would stop beating me around the bush and get to the chase.

"Look lets just say I envy you and Allison, you guys have always been so much more….. Normal" I don't think you can call us normal. She suddenly bursts into tears; I don't understand her sudden weird behaviour. I give her a shoulder to cry on trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with her. Me and Allison always envied her, the fact that she was super rich and lived in a mansion with pretty ponies.

I feel like scream fuck you Alex, what the hell is wrong with you, you got the life everyone wants, a life where you don't have to do anything, a life where you are handed everything on a silver platter. If I screamed that at her I am afraid that she will fall into pieces, she has been crying for almost 10 minutes, probably some teen problems. Being a teenager is pretty lame.

A/N: Insomnia is kind of annoying, but its all good when you just realise you got a project due tomorrow and you haven't started.


	24. Bart IV: The return of Skinner

Bart

I think I am a finally starting to get this chemistry shit, professor Frink agrees on that, I got a C+ on a practise test. School is kind of back to normal, except Alex for some reason. Alex seems kind of sad, not her normal fashion goddess act.

"HEY FASHION BITCH," says one a girl before pushing Alex off of her seat and into some mud. That skirt looked pretty expensive and now it was in a mud. Alex looked as if she was going to cry, where the hell are Lisa and Allison?

"Hey Alex, you okay?" I lamely ask as I take a seat next to her, there was a crowd that was laughing at Alex that disappeared as soon as I picked her up and put her in the seat she was sitting in.

"I'm….. Fine I guess," She says with the fakest smile I have ever seen.

"Are you sure, you can talk to me about what ever is bothering you," I don't really want to talk to her but she looks to sad to ignore. She suddenly lays her head on my shoulder, grabs my arm and starts crying. I ignore the fact that she totally fucked up my shirt and try to think of what to do.

"Maybe you should go home," I suddenly say after I see she is causing a scene. She doesn't respond but continues to cry on to my shoulder, my t-shirt must be wet and muddy, how am I going to get away with this when I show my mum?

I grab her arm and take her towards the principal's office and when I walk in, I nearly cry like Alex.

"Principal SKINNER?" I let out a scream as I wonder why he is here.

"Bart, you're still in school? I thought you would have dropped out," He says with a laugh.

"What are you doing here?"

"I am your new principal," I feel like shooting myself.

"But how?" Not a good way to word it but hey I just met another one of my enemies.

"Well your school need a new principal," says to me as if I was a child.

"But aren't you in jail?" He laughs. He should be, he nearly killed Jessica and her dad.

"Do you think they could really build a case on me? The principal of a primary school?"

"But you nearly killed Jessica,"

"That slut of a girlfriend? Yeah and I would do it again, it was for the money, but getting revenge on Bart Simpson is always fun." I want to slice his throat open and jump rope with his vocal chords when I realise something.

"Hey you just confessed, Alex, did you hear that? ALEX?" It was almost like she was dead, I never seen her act like this before, she was just frozen staring at the ground. Maybe she didn't get any sleep last night, and the night before that… and the night before that, maybe that's why.

"Do you really think they would believe you Bart?" asks the principal before gesturing me to leave. He was right, Principal Skinner was known as a nice, humble man while I was known as a little demon. Oh fuck this isn't good.

Alex can't attend classes in this dazed state, dam it I don't think I can think of a way to get her out of that. The nurse!!!

"Lunch lady Doris?" What the fuck is going on?

"Principal Skinner runs the school," I can't live Alex with her no way.

"Hey Bart, oh galvin, what's wrong with Alex?" Professor Frink, at least he hasn't been replaced.

"I don't know but she can't attend classes like this," He eyes Alex before taking her hand and taking her some where. I don't want to worry about Alex; she isn't the only thing I need to worry about, as I look around all my old teachers from primary school are walking around. Mrs Krabapple…. Walks pass me and laughs.

Just Shoot me!!!

A/N: I am sorry about the short chapters, Bipolar isn't always fun, in fact you go into a depression phase and then you can't do anything good any more.


	25. Bart and Homer II: Sick of the weirdness

**Bart**

"What?" asks Lisa and Allison in shock after I tell them all about the school teachers and Alex.

"She was acting like this last time I went to her house," Lisa says as I watch the two rattle their brains trying to figure out what's wrong with their best friend.

"Where were you too today?" They ignore the question completely. They weren't at school today which was weird considering school is like their second home.

"Oh yeah Skinner admitted to beating up Jessica and Mr Lovejoy,"

"I can't believe they let him go, what happened to Nelson and Jimbo?" I shrug my shoulders. I guess they didn't have any proof that skinner, nelson and Jimbo did it; it was too dark so the video footage was probably really crap.

"I'm not going to make it through," I was surprised to see Alex walk into my bedroom, I haven't seen her since Professor Frink took her.

"What do you mean?" Lisa asks eying the usually pretty girl who looks a mess.

"I….can't…..I want to be happy, I'll be happy if I blow my lights out" I take some time to think about what she means but Lisa and Allison obviously got it straight away after I observe their expressions.

"Don't do it, please your our best friend," Do what? What does she mean? Oh she wants to commit suicide, we didn't she just say that? Why is everyone committing suicide? This will be the three attempt; I won't let it happen…

"Wait, we can get you help, don't do anything stupid," I suddenly say as I see Allison hug her in a bear hug.

"I don't want help; look I just want to go, please don't mourn for me." Ah Fuck!!! I don't understand this, she is super rich plus she has a lot of friends and well I haven't met her family but I assume they are nice.

"Why do you want to die?" not one of Allison's best questions but maybe we can prevent this from happening, I hate the fact that this is the third time the issue of suicide has been mentioned this year. I can imagine it could have something to do with the anti-fashion school we have but I doubt that's enough for her to kill herself.

**Homer**

"Ok, Honey, bye, bye" I put the phone down and think about what I just heard. Marge wants to start her own restaurant; however we may need to take a second mortgage on the house. Even though we are earning $95,000 a year we seemed to be strapped for cash for some reason. I guess I have to actually wait a whole year before I can get $95,000…..

"Hey Willie, can you increase our profits more?" I ask dialling the number of his office phone.

"What? I couldn't see how I could possibly do that, however if we sell the power plant we could get around 10 million," My heart stopped, possibly due to the fact I had been eating so much fried pork ribs lately. When it started again I let out a joyful scream.

"Ok, we are selling the plant," I wonder, what kind of loser might be interested in buying a nuclear plant, probably a rich hippie that wants to shut it down.

"Ah right Homer," I guess I will need to give something to the poor Scottish man living in my son's tree house.

"Hey Kids, we are going to be filthy stinking rich," I say walking into Bart's room, it seems like all of Lisa's friends are here.

"We be little that blonde girl crying on Bart's bed," Bart gives me a weird look.

"What happened?" They explain to me about the rich bitch wanting to commit suicide.

"Oh I committed suicide once, it was fun, should do it more often"

"Dad it means she wants to kill herself," like I didn't already figure that bit out. Stupid Lisa, she is starting to nag like her mother except in a more girlish and younger voice.

"Well, of cause, little cats blow their brains out all the time," Its true too, I saw it in this documentary with Troy, the guy who married my sister in law, sick freak he is.

"In fact snowball III died once it found daddy's gun," I pat Lisa on the head, which for some reason annoys her.

"Dad do you realise how serious this is? She needs help!" Oh just shut up Lisa.

"Daddy needs help too, I lost the remote, and do you know where it is?" They sigh before I decide maybe it is best that I leave them alone.

Teenagers are complicated, they all have their problems and they can't drink them away like I can. "Hey Maggie," I walk into the room of my littlest child and I see she is crying.

"Daddy?" She looks up for the pillow her head was lying on, she looks so cute when she looks up at me and jumps up and hugs me. He is pretending like she wasn't crying, probably over her dead boyfriend, Jarred or something.

"Sweetie, I though we discussed this, Gerald is a fairy and know lives with the enchanted unicorns inside the Kingdom of fairyland." I had told her that last night when she wanted a bedtime story and I didn't want to read her one.

"I know daddy, it just hard when someone dies unexpectedly like that,"

"You will get use to it, I have had lots of friends die, the important thing is Flander's will die one day," She looks up and me confused before she smiles.

"Dad, why do you hate Flanders?" No one has asked me why I hate Flanders, the guy who I hate most of all in the whole world.

"He is too…. Nice,"

"But I thought you always said being nice is a good thing,"

"Ok, he has a funny moustache, he smells funny, his "Hiddley diddle doo" or whatever the man does is really annoying."

"But Dad is so nice he let you take so many things that you never returned, also he always gives you such nice presents."

"The man is a nut, okay?" Maggie giggles in a cute and childish way. I got to admit I almost can stand Flanders now; he has lived next to me for so long that I have gained a special tolerance for him.

"Daddy lets go some where, just me and you, the museum?" Oh great, its little Lisa all over again when she was so fascinated with that lame museum. Get over it, Dinosaurs are dead and looking at them isn't going to bring them back.

"Ok Sweetie, but you know Dinosaurs are all dead now and they are fairies too but the bad ones are in a lake of fire," She looks scared at what I said for some reason.

"Not everyone goes to Heaven?" Doesn't she listen to the sermon's Lovejoy gives every Sunday? Guess not! That's daddy's girl.

"Bad people become little red goblins with forks," She looks really terrified. Not sure why, the 8 yr old girl deserves to know about this stuff, Lisa was smarter than me when she was 8.

"But goblins are mean daddy, what if Gerald is a goblin?"

"Now sweetie, he probably isn't a goblin and if he is, then I might be joining him soon," She starts crying, I don't understand why, probably preteen issues or something.

"Homie, what did you do?" My darling wife walks in looking a little annoyed and I tell her I told Maggie about hell.

"Oh honey it is okay, don't cry, Gerald is a fairy,"

"What about dead?"

"What do you mean?"

"Will dad be a fairy too?"

"Most likely," Marge gives me a hard and evil stare.

"Do fairies and goblins live in the same place?" Dam it; I got to get her a bible for her birthday. Marge starts explaining about Heaven and hell, well Fairyland and the Lake of Fire. I decide I don't want to listen to this, I have heard it every Sunday since I was like 5.

"Hey Willie, why are you in the house?" I ask as I watch the Scottish man frantically run up the stairs.

"Someone dumped all of our uranium and carbon rods into the Springfield Lake,"

"And?" I don't get his point.

"Well it's dangerous,"

"Well fix it, out of my sight," I command my servant and he runs out of the house. I feel kind of thirsty.

"Well I'll be at Moe's,"

"No you won't!! You promised to visit your dad today," Oh yeah, I nearly forgot I have to go visit my dad. He is probably going to bore me with some stupid story that I have heard already. His stories have no point and they go on and on and he adds pointless details that no one needs to know.

"Can I come to daddy?" Maggie is begging me to visit grandpa?

"Sure honey, but be warned grandpa smells like old people." Marge groans before heading down the stairs. I definitely like depressed Marge over angry Marge.

**Bart**

"Your uncle did what?" The shock and disgust is obviously in Alison's voice, me and Lisa are just traumatized by what we heard.

"He…he…raped…you?" I stutter out, what a sick and twisted freak he must be to rape his niece. Alex started off by telling us her problems at school with bullies and stuff, then her problems at home with her parents who completely ignore her existence and hate her but where she ended was what shocked us the most.

"Look, none of this is your fault; don't kill yourself because of your disturbing uncle." Allison wipes the look of disgust of her face and replaces it with concern. I need to go for a walk, I need to think about this and figure out a way to help Alex.

"Where are you going Bart?" The beautiful voice of Alex questions me as I was about to leave.

"I need to go for a walk," She stands up and walks towards me, Lisa and Allison follow her.

"Ah ok?"

"Well aren't go going to go for a walk?" Alex's looks sad, really sad, but maybe I can help her by being a better friend. I sound like a girl, I shouldn't even care if she dies, right?

I start walking towards the stairs when I see Maggie pop out of her room and she walks towards us.

"Bart, if I had shot myself would I have gone to fairyland?"

"Ah what?" I question her.

"No, honey, if you commit suicide you burn in hell." Alex let out a loud scream; I could swear I heard a window or two crack. She started crying and speaking incoherently. Why did I get stuck with a sister that thinks her ex-boyfriend is a fairy and a friend who I must help before she shoots herself? I sometimes hate how things played out for me.

"Maggie, how come you're here, I though you and dad went to visit grandpa," My mum suddenly comes up the stairs.

"Yeah but after half an hour dad said it was time to leave and he told me he was going to Joe's,"

"He's at MOE'S!!! I am getting sick of his habits; he is going to die soon if he doesn't stop living like a teenager."

"Daddy's going to die?" Maggie starts crying, she has been doing that a lot but I guess it's related to the fact her boyfriend just died in a car crash. Mum looks remorsefully for her words before she says "I meant if he kept on drinking at Moe's the way he still does honey, we got to stop him."

It's nice to know dead is all we talk about lately; it's getting kind of depressing. My cell phone rings, it hasn't rung since my granddad called me and told me about him seeing Jessica. Its always bad news, its never good news, I look at the number, it's Milhouse. Well Milhouse rarely has bad news for me.

"Hey Milhouse,"

"Samantha's overdosed, come quick, please," I throw my phone to the ground and smash it pieces with my leg.

"Hey, hey, that phone was brand new Bart," my mum starts to protest. I am done with all this bad news and people overdosing and shit like that.

"What happened to Milhouse?"

"Samantha's overdosed, not my fault the hypocritical catholic was doing drugs, I am sick of all this bad news, first it was Maggie's suicide, then it was Jessica's overdose and then it was this witch shit and now its all this bullshit about Alex wanting to shoot herself, well do it don't just talk about it, just fucking do it"

Oh shit, did I really say that last bit out loud? Maggie was crying, Alex was crying and the other 3 ladies were staring at me hard. Oh fuck it; I am going to go for a little ride.

"Bart, Bart!!! GIVE ME MY KEYS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" My mum screamed it me as I jumped into her car and drove off.

**Homer**

"What's the problem now?" I walk into my home where Jessica and Alex are looking rather depressed.

"No one knows where Bart is, he ran off with Marge's car,"

"He did what?" When I get that boy he is going to be in so much trouble. I make my way to my car, just as I am about to get into my car I see Lisa and Marge coming home in Flander's car. There better be a good reason for that.

"Homie!!!! Bart's took my car and drove it off the edge of Springfield heights into a lake." Oh crap, the lake is contaminated.

"Is Bart still…?"

"He was rushed to Hospital; they didn't tell us anything except to come back in the morning." I run up to Willie's current home and I tell him about what happened.

"The lake beneath Springfield Height's is a river, it's a different strip of water from the Springfield Lake."

"Oh, but still, he is in a hospital in a critical situation."

"Why is everyone ending up in hospital now?"

As I re-enter my home I see a depressing sight, Marge, Maggie and Alex all were in tears, ruining my carpet, now it's all wet and Lisa and Jessica looking relatively stressed out. I think I should leave them alone. I decide to go up into my bedroom.

I don't understand why the boy would do that, did he try to kill himself? Why would he do that? I know it's like a trend now with all these emo homos that have funny hair and cut themselves but I don't think Bart would kill himself. Something's not right.

**Bart**

I don't want to hurt them, I need to find a way to control my anger so I decided to take mum's car. I am going to be in so much trouble when I get home, oh well at least they won't have to deal with my angry, destructive side.

I turn on the radio as I hear soft and soothing Iron Maiden songs that put my mind to ease. I didn't want to hurt them especially Alex, I love Alex, and she is such a good friend and for me to say something like that….

_its all this bullshit about Alex wanting to shoot herself, well do it don't just talk about it, just fucking do it_

What was I thinking, is that part of the old me trying to escape? I want to go back and apologise but I can't go back right now. I am still in a bad mood even though I am starting to think better. My car is going pretty fast, I didn't realise I was near Springfield heights. I push the brakes but they aren't working, they have been cut. Oh shit!

A/N: You guys deserved a long one, I am going to take a short break from this site due to the fact I am in a depressed state and my ideas suck during these times, just look at the last 2 chapters and this one. Is there a limit to how many chapters you can have in one story? Thanks to everyone who has read this story and/or reviewed it. I will try to write a new chapter by next week.


	26. Alex and Bart: Now he's dead

**Chief Wiggum**

"Don't worry Bart will probably be okay," I reassure my little boy Ralph.

"Bart told me to burn things," Ralph can be so cute sometimes and moronic most of the time.

"But dad, what happens if Bart turns into a sleeping person?"

"Well then he gets to rest in a big bed that is underground and he probably live happily ever after in an underground fire."

"Wow, does everyone get a big bed?"

"Yes son, the beds even have a cover,"

"Is the underground fire hot?" I shrug my shoulders; I'm a police officer not a scientist. My phone suddenly rings and I gesture Ralph out of the room. I pick up the phone and here I displeased grunt.

"Hello, Clancy Wiggum,"

"Hey Chief, we retrieved Marge's car," Oh Eddie, I don't really care that he found Marge's car.

"And we also found out that the brakes have been cut."

"Get to your point,"

"Well its seems like a murder attempt, someone wanted to kill Bart or Marge," Someone wanted to kill Bart or Marge, I don't think Marge has any enemies or friends…. So it must have been the boy.

**Alex**

What have I done, lately Bart has become one of my best friends and I made him angry, very angry. He had so much to deal with, I knew I wasn't important to him or anyone but why did I persist on being such a loser? Why didn't I just shoot myself? Why did I have to be such an idiot to annoy Bart and make him do what he did?

"Alex!!!" Here comes his sister frantically running into my room.

"What?" I ask trying to act happy.

"Someone cut Bart's uhhh Mum's Brakes,"

"I don't get where you going with this, Bart's in a hospital…. And its my fault."

"No its not, someone wanted to kill him or mum, probably Bart, they cut off the brakes, none of this was your fault." Yes it was, if I had been nicer to Bart and just shot myself he won't have gotten so angry he stole his mother's car. Lisa suddenly hugs me, I am suddenly realising what a stupid mistake it was not to shoot myself first, I though they could help, they just made things worse.

"Bart is going to be ok, I know it," Lisa sounds full of hope, whatever hope she has left.

"And so are you," She adds. Maybe they can help me, but Uncle…. He gave me raped me anally and pushed me down and told me to suck. I don't want to think about this, when Bart is ok I'm going to do it, I'm going to shoot myself. I can't make it; I hope they won't be too sad.

"Lisa, I love you," She responds by saying she loves me. I'm not going to make it through.

"Can we go see Bart, I miss him" I really do miss him despite the fact he hated me so much he attempted or even worse, committed suicide.

"Ok, but I want you to promise me something,"

"Ok what?"

"Don't kill yourself," I look at the ground sheepishly because it was kind of what I was planning.

"Alex, Alex?" She starts to look concern and angry, didn't know you could mix those two together like she is doing. She sighs before taking my arm and dragging me to the hospital.

"Today I found my friends, they are in my head," I didn't realise I was in the hospital with all of Bart's friends and family around me, luckily for me it was a quiet slurred incoherent mumble.

"What was that sweetie?" Bart's mum asks looking at me with sorrow, I don't know if its cause Bart is in a coma or because she is feeling sorrow for me.

"Nothing," I mutter out almost as incoherent as my first statement.

"Mummy, why did the doctor say Bart is a vegetable," Maggie is so young and cute, full of questions and life. I wish I was like her, with a normal and loving family. I didn't realise how long I stayed there, everyone was gone except for me, Jessica and Lisa.

"Bart, I am so sorry," I suddenly say, give him a hug and run off, I can't believe what I did, and if I had shot myself he wouldn't have been involved in all this. I love you Bart, I wish I was in that coma, I deserve to be, and I would anything to bring you back.

**Bart**

Oh fuck I'm dead aren't I? I don't get this, why I am a ghost? I can see the people around me mourning; Alex is still alive which is good to know. Dam it, I feel bad for what I did. Suicide is mean, I hope she doesn't shoot herself, only I said that when I was alive. Why am I still at the hospital?

"Cause your bodies in the hospital idiot," Dam it I didn't want to hear that voice ever again but here we go again.

"Hey 10 yr old me,"

"Hi annoying older me with a stupid face," Uhhh I won't to kill that bastard, I don't want to be stuck her all entity with a younger version of me.

"Wait, what happens when I'm buried?"

"Heaven or Hell," Oh I see…. Well might as well enjoy being earthbound before I have to meet Hitler. I decided to leave my room when I am suddenly pushed back by an invisible force.

"What are you stupid? I told you're here because your bodies in the hospital." Oh well typical, I didn't enjoy life and I can't enjoy death.

"Well what am I suppose to do?" I am kind of pissed I am stuck her until they decide that I am fucking dead and burry me.

"Listen," Why? I made them all sad especially Alex.

"I miss Bart mummy, when will he wake up?" Sweet little Maggie, I must have really scared her when I threw my little fit at home.

"Don't worry, my special little guy will make it," Oh how your wrong mum, I shouldn't listen to this, it just makes me sad that I can't apologise for my last actions and the fact that I am actually not coming back.

"I will always love you, I can't live without you, I don't want anyone else," Obviously my darling Jessica who I won't get to see ever again.

"Boy, do you know where the remote is?" Predictable dad I say with a smirk while smiling, although this isn't a smiling matter.

"You were the best brother I could have ever had, I know we didn't always see eye to eye on things but I miss you much," The typical sister wishing her brother was still alive and is really remorse for what a bitch she has been speech. I heard they usually come with a hug but this one came with a hug and a kiss.

"Hey, Hey, that's for reuniting me with my father and that bagel you gave me," Uhhh Krusty is sometimes a little crazy just like any clown with bipolar. Bipolar is fun, you get really happy and then you get really sad and want to shoot yourself. Insomnia is even more fun when you don't get to sleep for days and days and listen to nirvana during school time and get your Ipod taken off you because you're not allowed to listen to music during class. It wasn't my fault; I was just trying to stay awake.

I listen to the rest of the regret, remorse and half asked apologies. These people will really good to me even though I wasn't good to them at times.

"That's right Bart; you weren't good to them were you?"

"Hey your too blame for most of it, the 10 year old me was so stupid,"

"I am not the 10 yr old you Bart, I am you,"

"Yeah a 10 year old me," He sighs as he gestures towards Alex. She looks beyond depressed; she looks more lifeless than my body does on the hospital bed. I wish I could help her, what kind of sick uncle does she have? He can't get any so he has to go to his hot niece. Asshole. Luckily my uncles never did that to Lisa or Maggie, although I don't have any uncles.

"Sideshow Bob was once your uncle idiot," Oh right, I may not had blood relatives that were uncles but my mum's sisters, Selma mainly, had been married her and there.

"I want to help Alex, I want to help myself, and this isn't justice!"

"What is Justice Bart? Is it the fact that you're paying for your crimes? The fact that you lashed out in front of these people before your death? What is Justice Bart?"

"Justice is what I deserve; I need to fix this,"

"You were just having fun weren't you? Just a few pranks here and there, now look at what you done, everyone is crying and in pain over what you did," Dam it how did a 10 yr old me get so much smarter than me?

"I want to fix this, Alex is my friend and I want to save her from this fate even if it means I'll burn in hell,"

**Alex**

I don't care for the anti-depressants in the world, I deserve to be dead, I deserve to burn in hell. Where is my gun, if Bart does wake up he will know I did this for a reason.

_I can't continue to live like this. One of my best friend's is in a coma because of me, my uncle raped me, the sick freak raped me and told me not to tell anyone. I feel disgusted inside, dirty and sad. I wish I could start again, in a normal life away from what I had forced myself to be. I forced myself to be like mum and dad, so glamour and money hungry, I just wanted a loving family, a mum and dad not just two people who raised me up in a home. There is a difference between putting food on the table and having a shelter and teaching me how to be a person. You failed at the mum and dad, I hope you would think about what you did to me when I'm 6ft under. No one understands me, and when I seek help I end up hurting my friends. Good bye, please be strong, I hate you all and myself but I love you all too much for you too be around me._

I pick up my gun, I point it towards my head when two friends walk into my room, see what I was doing and restrain me. I don't want to shoot, I remember what happened to Bart when he tried to stop Maggie from shooting herself, and I don't want these too to get injured. Lisa and Allison hold me back from myself.

"Alex there is a better way, we'll get you help," I don't want help; my solution is so much better and easier. I don't want to go through a life where I have to regret what I did.

"My uncle, Bart, my parents," I slowly state before falling into my own river of tears.

"We'll get your uncle back, there is a better way, and we'll help you with your parents,"

"What about Bart," Lisa and Allison both look at me, trying to hide the fact that Bart is probably dead, the fact that he died because of me.

"Bart… he didn't do what he did because of you,"

"Yes he did it was my fault, I wish I could tell him how much I miss him," It's only been a week or so but still, knowing that one of your best friends is in a hospital because of you is a scary and sad thing.

"It's not your fault, he didn't mean what he said, he was a little angry, he wants you to live," That's a lie, Bart wants me dead. He wasn't a good friend, I am so lost and confused, and I make another strive for my gun.

"Where did you get this?" Allison questions me before shooting herself.

"Ahhh what the fuck?" Lisa grabs the gun and shoots herself too. No, I'm sorry, don't kill yourself, don't do it…. Please….. I awake in cold sweat with my two best friends standing over me. It was just a dream, well a nightmare to be exact.

"I love you too, don't kill yourselves please," They look at me confused, I want to ask why the fuck they are in my bedroom in the first place.

"Alex, please don't kill yourself, you had a nightmare, you were screaming and whatever it was, I know it involved someone killing themselves, that's how we would feel if you died," Allison was always smarter than me and she always make perfect logic.

"I won't kill myself, I promise," Lisa smiles; I know it was what she was waiting for since yesterday.

"Uhhh I look a mess, I look like you too." We all laugh as I continue to stare into the mirror, my reflection looks so shattered.

"You guys are going to help me right?" I ask suddenly and they laugh this time at me rather than with me.

"Why are you even asking such a question? We will do all in our power to bring you justice," Lisa was always smarter than me too, I can't believe I actually they are actually my friends. It makes no sense, they are the smart people and I am the self-centred little whore.

"Can we go to the police station? I want to report my rape," They nod as we make our way towards the police station, each one of them grabbing one of my shoulders. As I walk out of the house I see someone I didn't want to see.

"Oh hey bitch, did you like Uncle Morris's penis? It was nice and long in your tight little sweet ass wasn't it?" I want to shoot myself again.

"You sick and twisted freak," I can't believe my eyes as I watch Allison fly at my uncle with rage and smash the shit out of him. How the fuck is Allison that strong? My uncle is trying to fight back but he can't.

"Hey, Hey calm down…. What's going on here?" Looks like we don't need to go to the police station, here comes Wiggum.

"My uncle raped me," I embarrassedly admit as Wiggum pulls Allison off my uncle.

"Is that so?" He asks as he gets his handcuffs out, I don't know why he believes me so easily. I guess I and Ralph are good friends in some sense, I spent a night at the Wiggum's house and they are a nice bunch of people.

"Wait, I didn't…. she…..you wait you little bitch, when I get out I fucking swear I am going to kill you," The death threat sends shivers down my spine.

"Don't worry Alex, you'll be just fine, Ralph says Hi" Wiggum says before shoving my mentally disturbed uncle into the car.

"All is good with you darling?" Allison suddenly asks before hugging the lights out of me.

"…. I can't breath" I choke a little before she lets go of me, she is strong… a strong nerd, that's so cool.

"I'm fine I guess," I am not fine but I guess I'm getting there. They both smile at me; I can't believe I have friends that are this kind and patient.

"What about your parents?" Oh right….

"Ah screw it; I don't need loving parents when I got loving friends like you too…." I must sound like a retard saying that but whatever; it's from the heart…..

**Bart**

"Look Bart, you got to realise something, Alex will be happy once you're awake, but her depression won't go away, in fact I'm afraid that she might do something totally out of it and shoot herself." One thing stood out from that, once I'm awake?

"You said when I'm awake; I thought you said I was dead,"

"I never said that," A bright light, yeah another thing I hate is this bright light… I mean I'm going to be blind soon, flashed before me and I awoke in my hospital bed.

"Bart!!!" they all screamed as if I was a million dollars lying on the bed.

"I am so sorry Bart, I won't be suicidal, and there will be no talk of suicide ever again,"

"Alex, I'm sorry, I was in…. a fantasy land thing and all I could think about was the last thing I did, the fact that I had been so mean to you," She blushes a little and gives me a hug that nearly makes me go into the third coma this year. I hope this shit stops really soon, too many conversations with suicide mentioned, too many comas, too many people crying.

"Did you see Gerald at fairy world?" Uhhh I said fantasy land but whatever, I nod at my littlest sister who gives me a warm smile. I want to go home right now, I never realised I was still strapped to the hospital bed with a machine measuring my pulse until I jumped up and accidentally smashed it too pieces. The room erupted in laugh and cheer, something these people didn't do in a while by the looks of it. Oh I wish they would just leave me and Jessica in the room alone, I want to feel the familiars of her mouth again.

"How long was I in that bed for?"

"You were a vegetable for 6 weeks," Who tells Maggie these things? When Lisa was 8 she knew twice as much as I did, in fact she was probably smarter than most Professors.

"Hey darling, please don't go in the coma for another 2 weeks or so," I laugh at Jessica's joke and embraced her deeply. She returns the favour my giving me a warm and loving kiss.

"Bart, what did Gerald say? Does he miss me too?" Uhhh yeah, sure, why not? I nod at Maggie's question and she giggles in a childish manner.

"Did they find out who did this? I mean someone…. The brakes didn't work," I slowly stutter out, I don't know if they know that.

"No, But chief Wiggum is trying to figure out what happened, also he is trying to figure out who beat up my dad and me,"

"It was Skinner, I know that much, he confessed… right Alex?" Alex gives me a smile and nods, I guess she scarcely heard what he said but she still heard it. I decide to go up to her and give her a hug, and I kiss on the cheek which made her blush and Jessica look stunned.

"Alex, your uncle, we'll get him back,"

"You don't have to Bart, I told the police and they locked him away," Alex smiles at me, finally Wiggum was able to do something right.

"This might sound weird, I want to go home and watch itchy and scratchy Lisa," They all give out a small laugh but we decide to do just that. When we arrived home, Alex and Jessica decided to stay with us and watch the show, the violent show suitable for adults and children.

"Why did the mouse kill the cat?" Maggie cringed at the episode, it was her first time watching it, weird that since me and Lisa used to be addicted to the show.

"Hey, Hey Kids," Its Krusty, my favourite clown in the world.

"Hey… what are you doing here? Someone stop him," We watch the T.V as someone let off a shot, the camera fell down and all we could see was a side angle of Krusty's red clown shoes. I think I went into a coma again when I heard another shot fired and Krusty lying in his blood. His heart had been shot out and a disturbing image of it could be seen near the backdrop. Krusty was dead!

A/N: I am still not my best but I think you deserve this one. I'm sorry it if it's bad… or something…. Your reviews were really good; it made me get out depressed phase of the bipolar. Hey that insomnia thing about losing your ipod in class, that happened to me lol


	27. Maggie and Homer: Words from a real dad

Maggie

The sun had awoken me, perhaps an hour or two after my usually wake up time. My window is open… weird I thought I closed it, hey cotton candy. I don't remember buying any cotton candy… maybe it's a present from my brother or sister.

"Hey Bart, Do you want some of my candy, I haven't eaten any but I wanted to share some with you," Jessica sighs when I walk into the room and smiles at me. It must be late, Jessica and Bart were talking about some difficult to understand. I look at my watch and it's 1pm. Wow that's a good night's sleep.

"Ok Maggie," He puts his hand into the bag and pulls out a piece. He observes it… feeling it…. You don't feel candy do you? He suddenly took the bag out of my hands.

"Hey," I protest… and Jessica tells him that's mean. "This is fibreglass insulation disguised as candy,"

"Does it taste good?" I can hear him groan very loudly.

"It could cut your throat and kill you,"

"Yeah but does it taste good?" Suddenly Jessica grabs me and starts putting her sweet spit all over my cheeks. Bart does some thinking, pacing in a line in his room, he is really sad his idol died.

"Hey, do you know where you got this?" Jessica asks while cuddling me, she is like an older sister sometimes… or an annoying aunt that won't let go of you.

"I woke up and it was on my table," She and Bart both stare at me, suddenly I want to leave the room. I walk out quickly, escaping Jessica's tight grip. I run down the stairs and accidentally run into mum.

"Sorry mum,"

"Oh thanks okay sweetie,"

"Uhhh mum what's libregas infection?" My mum looks at me confused and shrugs her shoulders and walks into the lounge and falls on to Dad as he deeply embraces her. Everyone is in love; I wish you were still alive Gerald. Suddenly the door and a nerdy couple walk in.

"Hey, Maggie," Samantha picks me up and cuddles me in a way Jessica usually does but its more annoying coming from here. Once she finally lets go of me I see her and Milhouse walk up the stairs. I have no idea where to go; I guess I should visit Alex… since she is so sad right now. I don't like it when people are sad, it makes me sad.

"Who the hell are you?" A big man with a moustache says puffing smoking from a cigar into my face while doing it.

"Alex's friend," I say before I cough.

"What do you want?"

"To see Alex," waving the smoke away from me.

"Why?" Ah what must I do to have access to this big house, Alex must be like really rich.

"Alex, Bitch get down here now," Did his father just call him a bitch… and the way he yelled.

"You are a bad man," I say before he grabs my neck and starts screaming something at me.

"Daddy little her go… daddy," Alex pleads as I am choked the life out of me. He finally caves and throws me at a wall. All the over a short sentence, how can Alex call him daddy?

"Don't cry Maggie its okay," She tight cuddles me and lifts me up, she takes me to her room.

"Why did you come here Maggie?" She suddenly asks and starts stroking my hair.

"Cause I missed you," She looks at me with eyes of tears.

"Alex, don't cry…."

"I'm not crying, I'm fine…." She says wiping tears from her eyes; no one told me why she was sad.

"Are you sad that Rusty is dead?"

"Yeah, Krusty was a funny clown," I know that's not all that's on her mind but I don't want to go too deep into it. I just decide to lie there with her like she wants to… she seems really sad about something.

**Homer**

"I can't believe that, yes that one… take it," I yell into the phone and I know they can hear the joy in my voice I try so hard to hide. Marge walks into the room suddenly and falls onto me, I embrace her and tell her the good news.

"We got an offer for the plant, 15 million dollars," I believe I lost my hearing more from her scream than that The Who concert I went to.

"That's great Homie," She delightfully sticks her tongue down my throat in an R13 way.

"Ewww!!! Homer scored," Bart and Jessica say laughing down the stairs, I didn't realised we were lying on the couch for about an hour kissing, something we don't usually do unless if there is something else we are planning to do, like chocolate fried ribs.

"Someone tried to kill Maggie,"

"WHAT!!!" We both scream making Jessica wince.

"We found fibreglass insulation that was suppose to be cotton candy," He pulls out a bag of delicious candy and as I reach for it Marge slaps my hand.

"It's candy baby,"

"No it's fibreglass insulation,"

"It is bad candy?"

"No its stuff you put behind your walls…."

"Why would you put candy in your walls," All three of them sigh. Oww my back is starting to get itchy.

"Boy would scratch my back?" I think the boy threw up a little bit but my sweetie Marge clawed through my fat. I purr like a walrus.

"Well run off you two, you got your virginities too lose don't yah?" Marge slaps me while the youthful laugh out their fucking hate.

"What?"

"Marge…. Timing needs to be right,"

"Ah Jessica just fuck me, take it anal," Marge kind of looks disgusted but the two teenagers are rolling on the floor laughing, must be some kind of pre-sex ritual.

"Shouldn't you be crying like a little girl like last time Krusty died?" I want to take part in there ritual but I rather make fun of my son who's so sweet like a little sissy.

"Dad!!!!" He groans in process as Jessica's continues the ritual.

"Ah fuck you two, I need some fresh air, going to be at Moe's" I hear Bart say something to Jessica and they start laughing while Marge starts complaining about my time at Moe's. Well I'm a millionaire now, I bet I could grow long hair if I felt like it.

"Hey diddly hoe," Ah its fuck face.

"Hey Flanders, what do you want?" I stare at the man who now had a beard as well as a moustache.

"Oh nothing, can't we just sit back and talk?"

"I was going to go to Moe's for a few beers," I harshly grunt at him.

"Oh why don't we go together?" I groan and start walking, he starts following with no command to do so.

"So, how's the kids?"

"Just fine," Stupid Flanders, doesn't he know I don't want to talk to him, after all of these years he denies the fact I hate him.

"Would you consider going on a vacation with me and the boys? Just my family and yours," Fuck no.

"I'll ask Marge,"

"Okle dookle, it's that old Burn's mansion, him and Smithers are going on a holiday, though it would be fun if we weren't the only ones there,"

"Sure we'll come, you don't have to come…. I'll take care of everything,"

"No that's fine Homer, well see you there in a next Friday," Ah fuck he runs back into his house before I can complain.


	28. Bart V: A source of selfdestruction

A/N: I personally don't like this chapter, it's based on a real life event so yeah :P I just hope it's not too…. Lame. Just thought you guys deserved an update… I'm sorry if you don't like it, I will try to miss school next week to write some stuff that's…. uhh not this bad 

Bart

"No, there has been no more information on the scene…. The killer seemed to be masked or something, look if I get anything new I'll call," I nod before realising he couldn't see it over the phone.

"Ok Wiggum, well bye," I slam the phone down; I had wished they could work harder on these investigations. I want Krusty's killer, I want him or her right now, just give us 5 minutes alone.

"Hey Bart, I'm sorry Rusty is dead," Stupid little Maggie with that innocent childish look, I am not in the mood for her.

"Bart, you got to get some sleep…. You have been up all night?" My other bratty sister who needs to learn when to butt out.

"Look I can't sleep, okay?"

"You want to take one of Alex's sleeping tablets?"

"No I don't want to take any fucking pills, leave me alone" I gesture both of them out of the kitchen. I had been up all night reading, something I hate to do.

"Boy, start packing, we need to be at the burn's mansion this week, we get it for like a week or two or until the old clod comes back," The joy in my father's voice is eerie; I don't think he has been this happy all year.

"I don't want to go…" I lamely say automatically causing him to sadden.

"Why not boy? Are you still sad?" What kind of stupid question is that?

"I'll stay at home, you guys go…."

"M-E-H, ask your mother,"

"Fine," I don't need to go to some smelly old mansion anyways. I just need to get a gun and blow my brains the fuck out, me and Krusty can be together again.

"What the fuck is wrong with you now?" I hate hearing that voice, I hate seeing him appear out of nowhere, I don't understand how any of it is possibly.

"What do you want?" I bark, causing my dad to look confused, he obviously can't see the younger me in a stupid super hero costume standing next to him.

"I just need to get a gun, blah, blah, blah… don't you ever stop complaining about your stupid problems?" I realised the last time I encountered me… he or I could read my thoughts or whatever, its confusing and unrealistic, I must be going mental.

"Look kid," He starts, last time I remember I was the older one, "don't get all depressed over this shit, the restless nights, the anxiety, the depression,"

"Don't get depressed over the depression?"

"Ah, shut up, take Alex's sleeping pills, then find Apu,"

"Alex's sleeping pills? Apu, what the fuck are you on about?"

"Mummy why is Bart talking to himself?" I didn't realise my whole family was watching me talk to myself until Maggie's voice rang through my ears. Me, or him, disappeared as quick as he appeared. I am lost and confused.

"Bart…. You….. take an imovane, one of Alex's sleeping pills, it will help you…" Stupid Lisa, I sigh and nod… I got nothing better to do.

"It didn't work!!!" I growl at Alex grabbing her tablets, I had taken one about an hour ago and I was suppose to be sleeping.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know,"

"Well I'll just take a couple more," There was 14 tablets left so I decided to take them all, I really need some sleep.

"Bart? What did you do that for?" Ah I'm still not tired. She kept going on about how dangerous it was and stuff but the only part that came through to me was that she was going to call the ambulance.

"No your fucking not bitch,"

"You can die from taking that many pills,"

"So?" I laugh it off, these pills make you feel happy, and it's good to feel happy after being depressed for so long. Maybe it's the lack of sleep that made me feel so happy, nah it's got to be the pills. I decided to go to Jessica's house; I haven't seen her in a while.

"Hey Darling!" I exclaim when collapsing into her arms.

"Are you okay Bart? You were walking all unbalanced…. And your speech is totally slurred, did you take one of your dad's duff?"

"My dad doesn't drink anymore, no more duff in the house," I let out a high pitched laugh.

"Your totally incoherent, oh right you have had trouble sleeping…. Do you want to lie down?"

"No way man,"

"Bart…. Are you sure you didn't take any thing?"

"I took some of Alex's sleeping pills,"

"How many is some?"

"Who cares? I feel happy and I got a flight of ideas, it's so fun…. I can fly!" I decide to prove this by grabbing a ladder and climbing on to her roof.

"Wait, Bart… it's okay I believe you," She looks concerned, probably though the ladder was broken or something.

"Come down Honey," She quickly says when I lose my balance and fall. She was fast enough to catch me, ironic, I should have been catching her… like one of those love action movies where the girl falls and the guy is the hero. She takes me inside and drops me on her bed.

"Bart how many pills did you take?"

"Just a couple" I hear her sigh and then she goes into the phone and makes a call.

"You took all 15 of her sleeping pills? How reckless are you?" She storms into my room and starts yelling like a bitch.

"Shut up, I wanted to sleep,"

"That's fucking suicide you idiot, did you even think about Alex? She has no more pills… how the fuck is she going to sleep?" 

"Who cares about Alex?" Why is she trying to ruin my happiness? I stand up and start thrashing around the room because I'm sick of her shit and I got a sudden outburst of energy.

"Bart, Calm down," She screams, pushing me down on to her bed.

"Ok, I'm calm, I just wanted to sleep, no suicide, I don't want you to cry," She still looks extremely angry but she embraces me and starts to cry.

"Hello, is he Bart?" An ambulance driver bursts into the room.

"You bitch, you called the ambulance,"

"Calm down son, she was just worried about you," The bastard said as he and another guy forced me into the backseat of the ambulance, Jessica came with me in tears. As soon as I entered the ambulance and the other guy start driving, I was questioned.

"Why did you do it?"

"Too get some sleep," I was trying to escape the stretcher but it was obvious I was tied down really good.

"Trouble sleeping?" I nod, deciding to calm down; I don't want to get into any more trouble than I am probably in.

"Having trouble concentrating?" I nod and then I decide to tell him about Krusty's death, I don't know why but I thought it would be best if I did. The questions suddenly end on me, and they start on Jessica, I decide to ignore them, I finally am starting to feel tired.

I awoke sometime in what looked like an interrogation room, it had 3 chairs and I though I was in jail.

"Your awake sweetie? Were in the hospital," I was lying on Jessica's arm this whole time, her chair was next to mine and there was one empty chair opposite us.

"Why did you call them?" I never thought I would be betrayed by my darling little Jessica.

"I was scared, I though you might die… do something crazy, like try to fly again, I was really scared, forgive me," She started crying again, annoyingly my arm automatically embraced her and attempted to comfort her.

"Hey Mr Simpson," A doctor suddenly walks into the room and sits in the last seat in the room. Why does this place look like an interrogation room anyways?

"You been out for about 5 hours, left your friend in deep worry and anxiety and your family too…" He starts speaking as though I had committed a crime.

"I spoke too your family, you were talking to yourself?" Ah fuck why did they tell him that?

"I…. thought… I could… see someone…. Is all" I stutter out, I'm glad this isn't Dr Hebert or I would have been laughed at.

"Had a flight of ideas or random though that no one has been able to understand? Been speaking faster than normal sometimes?" I don't know if that was supposed to be one question or three…. This doctor seems must nicer than the doctors I have experienced in the past, he seems trust-worthy which is weird cause I only known him for 5 minutes and he has been questioning me about random stuff.

"Yeah, I been having some random rapid though and flight of ideas," He looks at me though his glasses before he tells me I am feel to go, I should go home and get some more sleep. There was something about a 3 month suicide watch also but none of that was relevant to me as I walked home with Jessica's hand in mine.


	29. Homer III: Beeswax

Homer

I guess I should be relaxing now that I'm at the burn's mansion despite all that has happened.

"Marge do we have any more beer?" I bought a pack when Bart went to hospital and now I'm back under the curse of Alcoholism. It's a disease.

"Homie, can't you just quit again?"

"Can I just quit? No I can't quit… it's a disease honey, I have no control over it, ok I'll be at Moe's" I hear Marge groan as I step out of the mansion, this will be our first night at the mansion.

I never realized how much Moe's Tavern had changed till I walked in and saw my old buddy Otto. I found it weird that he didn't come; I guess he was more into needle drugs and heavy metal.

"What up Dude?" Says the bus driver of some primary school bus.

"Hey Otto, how you been?"

"Well I just got out of jail; remember the two year sentence I got for cocaine possession?" He laughs because he knows I'm linked to this.

Two years ago Otto had been doing some cocaine with me and the guys (Moe, Lenny and Carl). We all had a mild addiction that we tried to hide. However how addictions worsen, I mean I would just lie on the couch all day and do nothing except watch T.V, Otto's addiction got so bad it was only a matter of time before he was caught or dead.

The day he did get caught was possibly the worst day of his life, that all missing out on the Gun's N' Roses concert that took place 3 days after he got caught. He was driving the bus to school when he stopped and got some cocaine and sniffed it. His drug addiction got so bad he had too… too bad Ralph told his dad that Otto had been sniffing flour on the school bus and looking all crazy.

"Anyways, It's good that your finally out,"

"Hell yeah dude, I'm never doing cocaine again, just good old heroin is all I need," He says this with a smile as he drinks up his beer.

"Play some tunes dude!!!" He yells at the bar tender while gesturing him to refill his now empty beer mug. Moe sighs before refilling his mug and turning the new stereo which was obtained about a year ago.

"So, Otto now that your out of jail… what you planning to do??" I ask pretty pathetically.

"I want to try and get my old job back, I mean it's all I could possibly do, and I don't even have a house anymore." I felt like offering him a place in my tree house next to the Scott but I don't want the whole primary school staff living in my son's tree house.

I nearly forgot I am a millionaire now and I could just buy this guy a house.

"Yeah, life's a bitch" Says the handsome Moe who now has a bar that looks almost new. It's weird what paint can do to a shit shack.

"I nearly forgot, Moe I sold the plant, we had a bit of argument on the price… we started at 10 million but the finishing price was 15 million." I could hear grunts, growls, yells of shock, joy and jealousy from all over the bar. I haven't actually got the money yet though, the officially settlement date is next Friday.

"Dude, that's so awesome, you can buy… like... lots of beer,"

"Can you tell that I been drinking?" I suddenly say cutting off Otto's slowly ramble about nothing. I don't want Marge to think I was heavily drinking, which I didn't realize I was doing till I felt a little dizzy.

"Yeah Homer, your slurring your speech and your making love with the pool table," Oh… I was wondering why I was on top of the pool table. I decide it's time to go home and as I am half way to the burn's mansion I remember I had taken my car.

"Daddy's home, Maggie," I say as I step into the house and am greeted by my youngest daughter. She immediately runs up and hugs me and as she lets go of me I gently fall to the floor.

"Dad are you okay?" The voice of Maggie's older sister suddenly fills the air as I attempt to stand again. I start to wobble when I finally am standing, I guess I pretty much walked here considering I was half way there and had to walk back to get my car.

"I'm fine honey but don't tell Mummy, she will get sad and angry, your mum is good at mixing those two up," I say before I hear them both sigh.

"Dad, you shouldn't drink as much… it's bad for you,"

"Lisa… you shouldn't study as much… it's can't be good for you," She looks like her mother sometimes when she is angry, despite the fact she doesn't have long blue hair. Thankfully Marge got a haircut and her hair goes down to her wastes and not up to the bloody ceiling. Speaking of Marge…..

"Lisa, go play some saxophone or something, Maggie go have your bath, Homie…" She pauses before gesturing her daughters to live the area and do the things she has asked. The girls grown as they make their way out of the room and leave it with just me and Marge.

"Oh… hi honey…"

"Don't hi honey me!!!" Ah what is she so angry about now?

"You know you're in your 40s and you still act like a selfish moronic teenager."

"But… Marge… I might be dead soon, I mean no point on wait for death to come to me, might as well enjoy the last years of my life," She suddenly drops her anger and replaces it with a sea of sorrow as she starts crying.

"Don't say things like that Homer, please don't…." But it's the truth. I would want anything to break this gloomy atmosphere… I don't want the crying… or the worrying about me drinking.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" A loud high pitched scream suddenly broke a few windows. Marge and I suddenly run up to the bathroom, where we heard the scream come from. As soon as we open the door I can see Maggie… cry and covered in… blood?


	30. Homer and Flanders: The white knight

Homer

"What happened sweetie? Were you eating tomato sauce in the shower like daddy does?"

"Homer!!!! It's blood…" Marge says as she inspects Maggie. My darling little wife always coming to inferences instead of facts.

"I was just having my shower and suddenly blood started coming out of the shower head," Maggie says in a non childish manner.

"Hey neighbourinos, everything okay?" Dam it… stupid Flanders and his two sons walk into the bathroom to observe my daughter covered in blood with nothing but a towel wrapped around her.

"Didn't I tell you too stay on your side of the mansion?"

"Why is there blood on Maggie?"

"Why is there blood in the Nile?" Obviously something to do with… pharaohs and… Uhhh… hmm Beer!!!!

"Okay I'll be at Moe's!!!"

"Homer…. It's nearly 10 pm and your extremely drunk now," Oh yeah right I had been drinking… a lot.

"Well Flanders will be Moe's; one of us will be…" Flanders finally leaves with a look of anger but also concern for Maggie. It's only blood… it's not even her blood. I decide it's not my place to bother with after all she is only my daughter. I step out of the bathroom and leave Marge to do the fixing up while I got and watch the big screen T.V in the lounge. I think I'm start to sober up… probably am.

"Homer, the tap was running blood… Blood!!! But now it's water like it should be," My wife suddenly storms into the room and sits down next to me before lying her head on my flab.

"Honey, this house is so old there has got to be regular problems with it; I doubt the cheap old owner has bothered to fix it up in years if not decades." It was probably one of the smarter things I have said all year.

"Yeah but that doesn't explain the blood,"

"Well we all know Burn's is a vampire… so he probably wanted something to drink when he takes a shower,"

"Uhhh Homer… Burn's isn't a vampire" That's just a popular misconception. Or is that when you have babies?

"Ok… well maybe Smither's is a vampire"

"No Homie, no vampires"

"Well maybe they are kinky," She groans at this… probably thinking about them doing it in blood.

"I am calling the plumbers tomorrow to see if they can find a reason why blood had been in the pipes," Marge says before stroking her long blue hair, that's a typical girl think I assume.

"Look if it bothers you that much I'll kick Flanders out,"

"Homer that won't actually solve anything,"

"Oh yes it will!!!" I start shaking my fists. No one bothers me when I'm drunk. I decide it's past my bedtime… well I'm still drunk so I think going to sleep will be relatively easy. Not much difference between being knocked out and sleeping, so the insomniacs say. As I drift into my own fantasy world… I start to dream about naked… Marge? My wife is screaming.

"What's wrong Honey?" I ask not realizing that she is lying next to me and I probably been peacefully sleeping for hours.

"It's… nothing… it was just a bad dream," Marge has never screamed like that… even if she was having a really bad dream… something's not right.

**Flanders**

I heard a loud scream, coming from what seems like the Simpson's half of the house. I can't go and barge in to their side of the house; it really annoyed my best friend Homer last time.

"Daddy…." My son Todd suddenly walked into the room with a horrified look on his face.

"What is it angel?"

"Someone put raspberry juice on the walls," I wish these boys would grow up about some stuff… I decide to go check out his room… which has "raspberry juice" on the walls. He looks awfully terrified about raspberry juice on the walls.

"This is blood…." I say after observing the walls for 5 minutes.

"Well I'll be darned, who would put blood on the walls. Did anyone come here Todd?" He doesn't reply but he looks more scared than before.

"Why are you so pale? It's almost as if you seen a ghost,"

"I have daddy!!!" Well shiver my moustache did he just say what I think he said?

"What do you mean?" I questioned him while trying to determine if he is lying or not.

"Well I was asleep and I had this bad dream…. When I awoke I saw this pale… transparent… person sitting next to me… he vanished and then the blood starting coming out of the walls… I was too scared to get you daddy so I lied in my bed for about an hour before I heard a scream." I try taking all that in at once but it's hard… very hard…

"Your right, I heard a scream too…. Sounded like it was coming from the Simpson's half of the house.

"Homer… Marge?" I rampage my way into their room to see them wide awake despite the fact it's 3 am.

"Everything okay?" I promptly ask. They may feel I am being a nosy no gooder but still as a friend I need to check up on them.

"It was just a nightmare," Says Marge looking as pale and lifeless as my son.

"Uhhh… did you happen to see… well this may sound like gibberish… did you happen to see… a ghost?" Homer lets out a smile, obviously trying to stop the laughter from spilling out of. Marge on the other hand looks like she isn't going to respond before she nods.

"You did? Wow… a ghost!!" Homer sounds like he is at a candy factory.

"… My son saw one too… Uhhh… you don't think this place is umm… Haunted?" This time Homer doesn't hide his laughter.

"You two are just imagining things, just feeling a little nervous about staying away from home or something…." Homer tries to explain, Homer has always been an odd ball.

"Yeah… but there was blood on Todd's walls…." Homer again doesn't hold in his laughter. He gets up to get this evidence for himself; I guide him towards the room.

"See Flanders… there is nothing here…" He was right; the blood on the wall had disappeared. This only made Todd more scared…. Is my mind playing tricks on me? Have I lost my marbles?

**Homer**

"Calm down Honey, maybe you were still dreaming… maybe…." I struggle to think of a good reason why Marge believes she saw a ghost. Maybe she was getting intoxicated by my alcohol fumes, I had been drinking pretty hard and I bet she could have possibly gotten drunk of my drinking… or something.

"Kids… we are leaving the house today," My darling pretty wife says as we eat our breakfast.

"But why mum?" Lisa exclaims.

"Simply because we have to…" That's a lie; we don't have too… she just wants too…

"But mum," Both the girls protest but Marge's mind is made up.

"Get out!!! Get out!!!" says a loud, low pitched un-human scream barely coherent.

"See… that's why we have to leave,"

"But honey… that could be the Flanders," She looks at me in a way that says shut up Homer.

"Why don't you want us here?" Maggie suddenly says as she walks near the stairs, closer to where the sound came from. This is total Déjà vu…. Except its Maggie this time who stands up to the talking house. Last time the house killed it self because it didn't want us to leave in it…. You can't help but feel a little rejected after that.

As Maggie makes her way to the top of the stairs there is no reply from the house… but she continues asking questions before she is suddenly push off the stairs from a hidden entity. The stairs are pretty high and Maggie seems to be unconscious. Marge and Lisa run quickly to where Maggie was dropped, she might be dead…. Doubt it though. Oh well since Marge and Lisa has already gone I might as well finish there breakfast.

"See Homie, this is why we have to leave, go warn the Flanders"

"Ah but Marge…."

"Don't but Marge me…. We are leaving this instant…"

"But we haven't even backed all of our stuff,"

"Well hurry up,"

"Ah but Marge…"

"I told you not to Ah Marge me…"

"Ah jeez…" I stay as I stand up, leaving my breakfast only ¾ eaten. I walk up to the rooms and pack our bags.

"Stupid Ghost, why did you hurt my daughter?" I shake my fists at skies up above or… at least the ceiling. I am suddenly choked by an invisible force… I try to fight it but it's too strong.

"I was only joking, you can hurt my other daughter too if you want" I struggle out when I'm choking before I get the half back suit case and swing it as hard as I can. Doesn't seem to do any good… but I feel the grip around my throat finally released. I finish packing my suitcase plus the rest of my family's, it's really tiring work and I'm not used to doing stuff. It took me around an hour… I really needed help.

"AAAAHHHHHHHHH," One of the girls let out what is the highest pitched scream I have heard in a while. I run down the stairs to see that Maggie has awoken from her little sleep and that all of the girls are fine including Marge.

"That sounded like it came from the Flanders side" Maggie says rapidly almost as if she was a rapper or someone with bipolar.

"Oh don't worry then," I say as I head up the stairs to get the bags. I promptly put the bags into my car, stupid ghost thinks he can hurt my family… stupid ghost can hurt Flanders.

"Wait… don't enter the house," Jessica… Bart's girlfriend suddenly comes flying out of no where.

"Yes?" I question her as she regains her breath.

"My dad has been watching the electro-magnetic radars in Springfield and their appears to be an unbelievable amount of paranormal activity in this house."

"I don't get it… wait… you miss Bart don't you? Well he is at home so bye-bye," She sighs before entering the house… with a gun. Is she going to shoot Ned? Yay I finally like this girl. The gun seems to be one of those fancy ones where they got a screen coming out of the side and you can see everything on a high definition small plasma screen T.V.

"Where do you get the plasma screen T.V guns?" She groans this time as she seems to be watching the screen… I wonder what else is on.

"It's a plasma gun, it kills ghosts… well more or less sends them to heaven or hell… the screen ensures that I can see and these headphones allow me to listen to any E.V.Ps that might be taking place."

"there are ghosts in this house," She seems to ignore my cry of help completely as she makes her way into the living room.

"Where is the rest of the Simpson family?"

"at the Flanders side of the house, come on I'll show you… does that gun make hamburgers" I assume it possibly if it has a T.V. I lead her into the Flanders Side of the house. She freezes completely when we enter the room the rest of my family is in along with the Flanders.

"There must be… like a hundred spirits in this room," She says before she promptly gets out of her frozen state and starts shooting into the air. She freezes again and doesn't move at all.

"What's the problem Jessie?" Maggie finally asks before I get a glimpse at the screen.

"Are you watching Godzilla? I wanted to watch too…." She doesn't move but she does speak "It's not a movie… that thing is in front of us…." She slowly says.

"No way… we are in Godzilla? Is this the sequel or something?"

"What are you on about, it doesn't even look like Godzilla… it's a huge white…. Knight?" My little girl Maggie is almost as smart as Lisa (at times) because it certain did look like a huge white knight.

"Shoot it, Shoot it… don't just stand there," Marge frantically screams before Jessica realizes she is holding the gun. She shoots the ghost but it's too strong and it is hardly getting harmed. The beast suddenly gets out its sword and swings at Jessica. If that was a real sword she would be dead. The gun goes flying out towards me and I pick it up, I guess I should fire like a manic and run all over the place, so that's what I do.

"Dad… run away from the ghost… we can see it now… the…. Uhhh bullets firing from the gun made it visible."

"I am not running towards the ghost... oh wait… sorry," Jessica suddenly gets up and picks up a random plank of wood lying on the ground. I don't know where there was a random plank of wood there… I guess Mr. Burn's isn't a vampire since it looks like a stake. Jessica throws the plank at the white knight thing but it doesn't seem affected.

"It can be hurt by objects, throw stuff at it,"

"Or we could just run," I suggest.

"It will follow us," So… let the town deal with it.

I continue shoot at the white knight and it seems to be working, although he is become less transparent, he is also become smaller. Flanders suddenly runs out of the room, stupid Pacifist.

"Ah pacifists are stupid, no wonder Maggie used to suck them, just keep shooting…. It's getting smaller,"

"You have restored me to my human state, amazing," Says the white knight before grabbing his sword and swinging at my gun. My gun is automatically slashed into two and falls to the gun now useless.

"I am finally free, do you know how long I have waited to be free from this foolish mansion?"

"3 days?" Maybe 4…

"700 years," Oh… I was kind of off…

"Now that's I'm free, it's time I complete the Riddle's quest,"

"Oh a quest!!! Can I come?" I ask excited, maybe I missed judge this white knight fellow, he doesn't seem that bad when he isn't killing my family.

"No you're a part of it," He said before kicking me really hard causing me to fall to my knees.

"Say your prayers," He says as he pulls out his flash sword and prepares to swing at my head.

"Say your prayers," Ned suddenly re-enters the room with what looks like a shotgun and a hand-held pistol. Flanders starts firing at the knight whose attention is obviously on Flanders now.

"You think you can penetrate my armor? You're more moronic that you look," Says the white Knight before she slashes the two guns Flanders was holding and it too suffers the same fate my gun… well Jessica's gun had.

"You die fir…." Jessica had swung as hard as she could at the white knight with a lamp stand.

"Ok little girl you die first," Says the knight, starting to get tired of us trying to live. He gets his sword and swings directly at Jessica's head. Jessica was pretty fast and lucky was able to dodge only getting a few hairs cut. I decide its old Homer's time to be a hero. I dive towards the white knight before he strikes at Jessica again. We were both down but luckily for us, the sword the white knight was carrying flew out of his hand on impact.

"Get off me you bafoon that is morbidly obese,"

"I may be morbidly obese but I am not a bafoon, I don't even know what a bafoon is… it's some kind of monkey right?" He seems to be pretty strong for a guy stuck in such a heavy armor, I really wish I though more better about my dive cause my back kind of hurts, he pushes me off of him and attempts to get the sword which Maggie quickly grabs.

"Give me the sword little girl,"

"No!!!" She says it in an adorably sweet way… dam it stupid Maggie swing it already.

"Your not going to hurt me are you little girl?" Says the white knight before laughing.

"Go on do it little girl, kill me," Says the white knight mocking my daughter's non-violent ways, I didn't raise a fucking pacifist.

"….your mean… but if I kill you… then I'm just as mean as you," Ah I did raise a pacifist…. The white knight erupts in laughter before patting my daughter on the head.

"That's okay sweetie, when the quest is fulfilled I will make sure you are still alive," What the hell is he talking about? Stupid ghost things that turn into white knights… they are all so mentally challenged, and the good kind of mentally challenged either.

"Well I bid you farewell," He concludes before he runs out of the room and disappears into the huge town Springfield. Why didn't she kill him? That is it…. I am not teaching my daughter righteous values anymore, KILL KILL KILL!!!!

"It's okay Maggie," Jessica says as the little girl starts crying, over what? It's her fault the white knight got away… or the giant ghost thingy that turned into a white knight. He is probably gotten to kill lots of people… but I doubt he can without his sword, oh I bet this will get us a fortune on ebay or trade me.

"Maggie… at least we got his sword, he can't kill anyone without probably," Lisa tries to comfort her little sister who is in tears for some un-understandable reason.

"I guess so…." She responds.

"Flanders… thanks," I awkwardly say… causing Maggie to smile.

"What are you smiling at?" I question her before runs at me and hugs me.

"You don't hate Flanders anymore," Meh I let her believe that if it cheers her up. On the inside it kills me to know that Flanders is standing adjacent to me and also believes I don't hate him. I hate Flanders, Okay?

A/N: Most of you probably don't know what trade me is… it's a New Zealand website that's like ebay. Anyways I been working on some songs and stuff with my band… and also been "studying" which has kind of interfered with my writing. Hopefully I can stop studying soon in order to write more for you guys. 


	31. Bart and Sideshow Bob III: The sword

Bart

"Still no word on what happened? You officers really suck," I don't try to hide my anger and distaste for their uselessness at solving a crime. Some guy in a mask… I hear a car drive into my driveway, who could that possibly be?

I get out of the kitchen and put the phone in it's usually place before walking into the lounge too see a purple sedan and my family emerging from it. I am kind of in shock, it's only been like 2 or 3 days, I though they had the place for 2 weeks. Guess dad couldn't handle Flanders was my next theory before I saw the Flanders car also drive into his driveway. I open the door and am immediately embraced by my youngest sister Maggie.

"I missed you Bart," She said in the childish charm that she is known for.

"I missed you too Maggie, Where are you all home early?"

"Oh Bart… it was terrible, the place was haunted and then the spirit turned into this white knight," I have never doubted Lisa's sanity till now.

"Uhhh…. Okay?" She sits down on the couch and I take a seat next to her before she explains to me everything that happened to them on the trip.

"Blood from the showers, Ghosts… White Knights…. Doesn't sound like a very pleasant holiday," Lisa laughs as though she hasn't laughed in a while.

"Maggie, Where is the sword," Maggie quickly runs out the door before reappearing with a sword. It was a weird sword, the part of the handle that you hold is a snake and the blade seems to be very sharp…. I'm so glad Jessica dodged this thing. This isn't the only time I have heard of ghosts in Springfield, in fact one time me and Jessica went to check out this abandoned house, big mistake….

"Don't you think the white knight will come after this?"

"Yeah… but I doubt he knows where we live,"

"Uhhh Lisa…. He was a giant invisible entity that turned into a white knight who ran off like a sissy because an 8 year old girl had his sword…I think he is kind of unpredictable."

"HEY!!! I'm nearly 9 you know…" I shrug this off as I pull Maggie into a hug… she acts a lot younger than an 8 yr old, she acts like some little baby. It's probably got to do with the fact everyone treats her like a little child. Lisa was involved with PETA at her age… although I don't want Maggie doesn't anything that stupid. Who cares if a couple of animals die in order to make some clothes? Some people die when they wear leather but no one protests about that. Am I supposed to feel sorry for some stupid Seal that was killed and turned into an otter? Maybe in its next life it may come back as something is smart enough not to be killed by a species as stupid as humans.

"Hey Maggie, how is your grades?" I never asked her that before, I didn't know if she was childish and stupid or childish and smart. I wonder if she is like me, a failure of life, or Lisa, the over achiever that deserves to be deficiently beaten.

"Oh I got a report card if you want to see it…." I would have preferred a good, bad or neutral but she ran off upstairs before I could stop her. She seems to be very energetic today… which is bizarre because if I was sprayed in blood 3 days ago, I would probably be terrified.

"Here Bart," She handed me a report card which shocked the shit out of me.

"You got straight A+ for everything? And you were skip into the 4th grade? How…" She looked at me as if she was disappointed; I guess I didn't pay much attention to the school life of either of my sisters. I mean for Lisa it was… "You mess with my sister and I will make the rest of your life a living hell," but Maggie was different, we never attended the same school… I never saw her at school. I still should have known she was skipped ahead 2 years and still got straight A+… something even Lisa didn't do. I don't get how she is so smart… yet so stupid….

"You're probably smarter than me," I say with a grin before she smiles and snatches her report card out of my hands in order to return it back to her room.

"You didn't know she was skipped to the 4th grade?" Lisa says once Maggie is far away not to hear.

"Nah, I didn't… I thought I would have known something like that… did she try to keep her grades a secret?"

"She's modest but Mum and Dad sure aren't… you can't remember them mentioning it? Oh wait… never mind,"

"What? Never mind?"

"It happened the first time you were in hospital this year," Oh that explains it partially but I still I don't understand why no one told me, it would have made more sense if they told me. Maggie promptly enters the room, it was shocking we were able to get that conversation because Maggie is moving twice as quick as she usually moves.

"You know, forget going to Lisa for homework, I'll come to you Maggie," I embraced my youngest sister and tickle her to death. I wonder if I had been nicer to Lisa when she was 8 if we would be better friends… almost at a stage where she could call me a good brother like Maggie does.

"Lisa… do you think I'm a bad brother?" This question obviously shocked both of them.

"That's an absurd question, you're a good brother…. At times," She murmured the last part so we could barely hear it, I doubt Maggie heard it otherwise she would probably protest.

"Bart can we go play outside? Or visit Jessica or go to the park or visit Milhouse?" Her rapid speech has taken me by surprise, she is starting to sound like Alex once did… all preppy and shit.

"Uhhh why don't we visit someone, Jessica, Milhouse or Alex?" She seems to be struggling to decide who to visit.

**Sideshow Bob**

"You have succeed in a way but you were so close to being caught, you shall now leave my sight,"

"Sir Yes," Replies the man before walking off. What a suck up!!

"So you're the sideshow bob?"

"Yes and who the devil are you?" I turn around to see a weird man, a man that seems to think he is a knight or something. He is dressed in full white armour that looks extremely heavy; I doubt he can walk very fast in it.

"Well who are you? You seemed to know me,"

"Dark alley ways your thing or something?" He questions me ignoring my question. I just like dark alley ways especially this one since police never come near it.

"I asked you a question,"

"I am Sir Luke Hemmingway but you may call me the white knight if you wish,"

"Sir eh? Well how do you know me? Your not a cop are you?" He lets out a laugh.

"On the contrary, I want to be on your side," It's my time to laugh, I got limits I don't like people dressed in stupid armour and thing they are knighted join my group of villains or what ever.

"See I knew you would laugh but we both got the same idea in mind,"

"Oh really? I don't plan on fencing,"

"See Bob, me and you both want revenge on the Simpson family,"

"Well I don't got anything against Maggie, Marge or Homer but your close enough,"

"But what makes you think I can trust you?" I have already gained considerably amount of revenge on Bart, he just doesn't know it yet but I'm sure his sweetheart and her daddy know all about that.

"See they possess something of mine, the sword of vulgar supremacy"

"Wait…. It can't be…." Am I talking to… thee white knight? I thought the name Sir Luke Hemmingway rang a few bells.

"It is and if we can regain that sword then this town will be ours for the taking,"

"How did you lose the sword in the first place?"

"I don't like to talk about it," He looks gloomily at his feet, Bart must possess the sword right now but I am sure he doesn't know of its powers. A power which will soon be mine!!!


	32. Homer IV: I am finally a millionaire

**Homer**

"You mean its official?"

"Yup its official Homer old buddy, the settlement price was $15 million and you're an official multi-millionaire," I couldn't believe it, my years of hard work was finally paying off. Who would want to buy some plant anyways? Nuclear Power Plants suck… but I don't care… I'm rich now.

"Willie I couldn't have done this without you," Well the fact is I didn't actually do anything, Willie did everything…. And I mean everything.

"You get $3 million just for helping out," I think his heart came to a halt as he got the best surprise he has ever gotten. Although I don't think it was a surprise, if you help out that much you probably expect at least half of the profit, however now that I'm rich I am also cheap.

"Marge sweetie, we are rich… millionaires, oh how Patty and Selma were wrong, you might have married a complete loser but that loser is the 2nd richest person in town…" Mr burns…. Holy Marconi… we forgot to tell him about his house being haunted by some white knight, well the knight fled like a sissy and the house is spirit free, and Jessica even checked it on her flash broken gun… apparently the side that could see the ghosts wasn't broken. Oh damn I just realised we fled an awesome mansion for no reason… who cares? I can now afford that mansion.

"Homie, you know it was never about money,"

"pfft that's what you said before cause we didn't have any," She smiles at me before getting a small vacuum to clean the drapes.

"So Willie, what you want to do today?" I place my attention back on the Scott standing in my lounge with a look of glee that can't be hidden.

"I don't know, visit one of our lads?" I nearly forgot about Otto… he is currently living under a bridge.

"Let's give Otto a house," The Scott laughs as we make our way towards the main bridge, underneath it lives my former junkie friend. As we make our way to the bridge we see a scene we didn't want to see. Otto was apparent high, very high….

"Otto… I though you quit,"

"It's only harmless weed,"

"Oh ok that's cool, I got a million dollars for you," I tried to sound as causal as I could and his reaction implied "What the fuck? Are you for real dude?"

"Remember how I sold my plant well today was the settlement day and we got the money," I see a state of happiness come over him that wasn't cause by the drugs.

"Hey dude I feel wasted, you guys got any plans to go anything today?" Asks the stoned man.

"If I did don't you think I would be doing them?" I respond before Willie and Otto erupt in laughter.

"Let's go bully teenagers," I suggests just for the fun of it….

"Or burn the school down," Otto suggests…

"We should visit your father, he is but an old man crumbling away," Willie's suggestion seemed like the lamest one of the three but we decided to do it. As we entered my father's rest home I was shocked too see Jessica there.

"What are you doing here?"

"Just talking to Grandpa Simpson," She actually wants to talk to my father… wow she must really have no life. Its weird how even just a year ago this demonic spore and my non-perfect son were causing all kinds of trouble and now they were the most humble people in the town.

"Did you tell him about the ghost?" She replies with a no before explaining what had happened in the burn's mansion.

"Sir Luke Hemmingway," My father seems to be getting old and saying random things that have no relevance to anything, I wonder what I would be like if did that.

"What grandpa?" Jessica asks before he tells us about the White Knight.

_Sir Luke Hemmingway was earth bound because of his lust of power, his greed consumed him as he become a spirit, neither dead nor alive. He had become a spirit when a town hero fought him to death. The hero was able to attain to sword of vulgar supremacy and finish the White Knight with his own sword, but in return his spirit was drained into the sword. _

"Wait that sword Maggie has? It's that important?" Wow I should have put it on ebay….

"What does the sword do grandpa," I don't know if I like the idea of Jessica calling my dad grandpa… I know everyone else does it… but I can't get used to the fact that Jessica is now nice… she kind of faked niceness half her life so it's hard to tell if it's real or not.

"The sword simply erases you, anyone killed by the sword doesn't go to heaven or hell, it also allows you to attack entities or as you call them… "Ghosts.

"Meh, Jessica can stay and talk with my dad, lets go grab a beer guys," I don't want to stand around talking about stupid swords and ghosts especially not to my senile old father.

We walk towards Moe's where I see a slight that nearly kills me….Moe's Tavern has been completely destroyed.

"What happened here lad?" Moe looks in as much shock as me…

"I don't know… I left the bar closed for 3 hours and it blew up, my life is gone… all my memories…"

"Don't worry Moe, We will get you a new one, I'm rich now…" He too looks beyond happiness, maybe I could fix some of this shit town up.

A/N: I know the chapters have been kind of short lately… I will try to get more chapters up A.S.A.P…


	33. Milhouse and Alex: Kidnap!

A/N: Despite the lack of reviews I have been having I decide to continue writing. I would love it if I had some constructive criticism or praise… even I don't get either I will still write for me small (very x 3067 small) fan base.

**Milhouse**

It's weird I haven't seen my best friend or… any of my friends for so long, all I been doing is hanging out with my girl. I wonder what Bart is doing, last time I talked to him there was something about witches and that was so long ago.

"Honey, are you okay?" I nearly forgot I was sitting next to my darling Samantha in a movie theatre.

"I'm fine… you know that overdose…."

"Oh I guess I didn't tell you what happened," Yeah you kind of didn't…

"Well I went through my father's stuff and found some… tempting stuff…"

"Wait your dad…. The guy who is almost as religious as Ned Flanders had drugs?"

"Who is Ned Flanders?" Dam it, why is she turning into what Jessica once was and Jessica is turning into what she was once. I wonder if I'm going to turn into a tough rebel like Bart was once. Nah I doubt it… but I don't understand why Jessica and Bart have turned good… maybe they are both doing weed or something….

"Are you sure you're okay? You keeping zoning out," I didn't realise how distracted I was, I probably making my honey bunch worry about nothing.

"Ah screw it, let's ditch this movie,"

"Let's just no watch the movie," Samantha says before her spit fuses with mine. Her tongue is moving like a snake in my mouth.

"Relax Milhouse… are you sure you are ok?"

"I'm fine," I lied to the one person I don't like lying too other than Bart… I don't even know what is wrong. The movie finally finishes at I glance at my watch realising it's really late. I'm staying at dads tonight so it doesn't really matter what time I go home.

"It's 10 pm, how long was that movie?" I promptly as before I start walking towards my home. Something doesn't feel right at all….

"Hey I know a shortcut," Samantha says pointing towards a dark alley way that looks to creepy for Goths. I decide to take her shortcut but soon I wish I hadn't.

"Milhouse, you have just given me the key I need,"

"The…. Key?" I look towards Samantha who shakes her shoulders and I look towards this lunatic in white knight armour.

"How do you know my name?"

"You are the key too Bart… well actually your dear Samantha is,"

"That's right Milhouse," A deep and cold growl echoes through my ears, I know who that is. I turn around to see Sideshow Bob.

"What do you want?" I promptly ask before the white knight picks up Samantha and runs for it… I prepare to run but I am stopped by sideshow bob who grabs me by the neck and smashes my head hard onto

My world is slowly fading and the dark alleyway slowly gets dark and dark before it is completely covered in nothingness.

**Alex**

"There, 12 new pills," Says the doctor as he grabs a small bottle that holds my sleeping pills, life has been hell without these. It's almost as if time as slowed down completely and I am starting to cross the line between reality and fantasy after a week of not sleeping.

"Now your friend Bart…." Oh he wants to question me… I quickly slip out of the room before he can ask me questions about Bart. I have no idea why he did that… I mean he could have taken like 3 or something but 15… that is just going overboard. I didn't realise where I was going, some how I automatically arrived at the Simpsons house, I must have visited this place so many times I can do it without thinking about it or something I guess.

"Alex… why have you just been standing outside my door for 10 minutes?" Lisa opens the door and laughs before embracing me.

"I didn't know I was standing here for 10 minutes…."

"You never do… you feeling okay?" How am I supposed to answer how I feel? I never feel okay, not now anyways.

"Who cares, how's Willie?"

"He has a home… a good home… plus he is freaking rich," Lisa says with a laugh. I sit down on the couch with Lisa and weirdly her dad is no where to be seen. Lisa tells me about Willie and how he and Homer sold the power plant

"We got our finals next term, it's going to be hell…" Lisa says once she tells me of the unlike pair striking some hard cash. I didn't think the Simpsons would be the third richest family other than my family… and Mr Burns although he is an old lonely man that is probably going to die soon. Suddenly Milhouse comes rushing into the house.

"Samantha was taken…"

"Oh the catholic… you catholic too now?"

"Yeah…but that's not the point… this white knight guy took her…" He has really lost it. Lisa looks at the news rather dreadfully.

"So how's the virgin mother? Has she gotten laid yet?" I and Lisa crack up laughing and the gloomily look she had on is washed off.

"Argh I don't have time for your stupidity," He ran up the stairs and into Bart's room. There was frantic incoherent ramblings coming from Bart's room and it took about 3 minutes before Milhouse came down the stairs again with Bart.

"Samantha was kidnapped by that white knight and Sideshow Bob…" This made Lisa look to the ground even more dully than the first time. Sideshow Bob was one of those people you never wanted to miss with… and Bart did that way too often and successfully if I may add. Why did Milhouse have to run to us with his stupid problems, doesn't he have any other friends? The only person that can upset Lisa and Bart is me….

"Well what are we going to do about it?" I ask after realising now one has talked in a while.

"I don't know…" Bart sounds as if he is actually out of ideas. Its weird Bart is so smart at having ideas… ones that usually get him in a heap of trouble but he was barely passing in school. Some of his ideas are so amazing, I, Lisa and Alison could spend months at trying to figure out a plan as great as his and it would still suck… but he is so stupid…

"We'll we need to some how figure out where sideshow and this white knight are hanging out… any info… I don't get this… if they wanted Bart… then why they not even gave Bart any details to where they are…" Milhouse sounds frantic and his speech is so rapid it's hardly understandable.

"Yeah there plan doesn't seem logical… Sideshow Bob is smart though…. What ever he is planning… I feel we are going to find out when it actually happens," Lisa made a good point, although some of plans in the past have sucked.

"Relax….. So Milhouse lost his girlfriend, well just get another one…" Me and Milhouse haven't really gotten along in the past, he and Bart used to always hate me and Lisa. It wasn't really my fault Lisa didn't want to do out with a nerd…. But our hate over the years grew. I don't really hate Bart anymore…. But Milhouse and me… I am forced too act nicely to him most of the time due to the fact he is friends with Bart and Lisa….

"No time for a feud… we got to find sideshow Bob…" Lisa breaks the tension between me and Milhouse knowing perfectly well that neither of us likes each other.

"I don't know what to do….." I say back nastily… I can almost see why I been known to my school as a heartless bitch that spends all her time on the phone. I am not the only who doesn't know what to do… maybe Milhouse should really look for a new boyfriend…..

No that wasn't a typo, stupid Samantha, maybe she will be buried with her penis in her mouth just like Anna Nicole Smith… although Samantha is nearly as whorish but they both had O.Ds and freak masturbation accidents.


	34. Homer and Sideshow Bob: The bank Robbery

**Homer**

"WHAT!!!" It had been a month after I had become a millionaire and now I heard something that scared me…

"Who could have stolen that much money?" Someone had robbed my entire bank of it's money, I was penniless till the bank got some more money. At least Otto, Willie and Moe all got to take advantage of the money I had given them by now but I didn't get to spend any of it…

"I don't know who stole all your money, I don't know who stole all the money in this bank…. It must have been a gang of criminal master minds," Hmmm criminal master minds, sounds tasty.

"Do I get my money back?"

"I doubt we will be able to attain so many millions in quick time frame, it will take years… they also pretty much destroyed the bank…"

"Who does that?" I groan slightly before putting my phone down, I don't want to tell the kids and Marge that we got no money for at least a couple of months after they fixed the bank up. I am going to have to work again? I was once a workaholic and now I had to live that life once again.

"Homer…everything okay sweetie?" Marge walks in the room and embraces me, I can't tell her about the robbery and our current financial status.

"You know how we didn't change houses because we didn't want to look really rich…." I start attempting to charm my way through this one.

"We got no money?" I didn't even get to explain it too her… I guess I am bad at acting sweet.

"Well technically we do, but the bank was robbed and the lady man thing told me they have to repair the bank first which could take months,"

"… Springfield First Bank was robbed? Well that's the last time I'm paying attention to the T.V ads telling us our money is safe," Marge is talking about T.V…. he-he-he-he-he

"Look on the bright side," Wait I don't have anything to add to that….. She knows that and completely ignores what I said. That bank was the only bank in town… they destroyed all the other banks due to the fact Mr Burn's was getting annoyed with having too many accounts. He was so rich he brought ever other bank and turned them into Burn's Stationery shop, which was a strong franchise despite there being 3 of them in Springfield. Everyone knew Mr Burn's had two accounts though, one with Springfield First Bank and one in New York… How could he be so rich he was able to purchase 3 banks?

"Look Honey relax, I could get a job… didn't you want to start up a restaurant?"

"Yea Homer but where am I going to get the money from now?"

"Oh right…. Well that's your fault; you should have brought a restaurant 2 weeks ago,"

"Don't blame me Mr; I wasn't the one that put all of the money into the bank… why didn't you leave any of it in the house?" I wanted to have a smart and witty remark to this but I couldn't think of anything.

"Let's not play the blame game; I can still get a job…"

"I don't think so… that was the only bank in Springfield… I don't think anyone has any money left…. At least not for a while…. Stupid bank should have had better security,"

"Yeah honey, Blame the bank. Oh yeah I nearly forgot, Maggie has that sword of vulgar supremacy thing that is suppose to be super power and the white knight is probably going to try to get it by killing her…" Marge has had a rough day, she goes into the cupboards to get a bottle of wine which has been sitting there since Christmas. She rarely drinks but when you find out you're broke and your daughter is going to be killed by a manic, I think that's the perfect time to drink away all of life's problems.

**Sideshow Bob**

"Haw-haw I never seen such money before," Nelson sits back and stares at the millions we were able to escape with. We had first destroyed the prison in order to get back some of our follow comrades, the white knight even without his sword is very powerful. Having the brains of an evil genius like Martin is also a good thing and he helped execute the next part of our plan perfectly.

We were able to rid Springfield of its money while increasing our wealth dramatically. An army of robots we exactly what we need, we had 15 robots that were 7ft tall and could suck in all the money that the Springfield bank had. The main members of my gang relaxed in our mansion, a mansion in Shelbyville that was abandoned to the fact it was presumed haunted. The main members were me, the white knight and Principal Skinner. Nelson, Jimbo, Snake and Martin were also in the room drinking alcoholic beverages.

"I feel good that I was able to get revenge on Bart Simpson even though he didn't know it but it's not over yet," Bart may not realise yet but I had caused him mental harm over the past few months. Jessica and Mr Lovejoy were both attacked by Nelson, Jimbo and Skinner who I had paid but now that we are in a gang I don't really need to offer any more money. They decided to join as soon as they found out how fun it was too be evil.

Krusty the clown had been killed and the slow cops still don't know the perpetrator. I had done that one personally and it wasn't just to get revenge on Bart, that clown and me had a fall out. Over the years he had been my other enemy who I planned on getting revenge on one day.

Now we were sitting in a mansion with 15 robots that held all of Springfield's cash, the town would soon be filled with chaos and riots. It would be filled with flames, death and destruction. Dying time is here!!!

"All that is left for me to get the sword back, it rightfully belongs to me," The white knight had seemed to like the 21st century life much more than his old 14th Century life. He especially like the alcohol since it was a lot stronger than before, obviously causing a lot more damage to your brain. No one cares about your brain, just drink up!!!

"The sword of vulgar supremacy is extremely power; the damage that can be caused with it is unparalleled." I say adding in 21st Century slang as all the young kids do these days with their popular music.

"It's just a sword right?" Nelson's futility is unmatched at times although Bart sometimes stands as an unintelligent opponent.

"The sword if used right can be a dangerous weapon, erasing you completely, there is no heaven or hell for you if your soul is slashed by that sword," The white knight makes it seem like it's the most valuable item he has ever possessed and it probably is.

"Maximus Dominay," The white knight suddenly says and his body is covered in blue electricity. It looks kind of painful, electricity usually hurts.

"If I had my sword when I entered my ultimate form then I would have been able to summon my precious dominay,"

"Dominay?"

"My 14ft 3 headed fire breathing dog," Now I'm convinced we need to try our hardest to get that sword out of the hands of Maggie Simpson, even if it means killing her in the process.

A/N: I feel a shortage of ideas relating this story right now…. I been working on another serious fic, a South Park fanfic "No Escape". Despite a crap title it's probably worth a read if you like this fic.


	35. Bart and Homer III: Seek and Destroy

**Bart**

"You guys have too, there is no one else in this town we trust and is strong enough," Milhouse was begging the locals at the bar. It might seem stupid but Moe, Homer, Willie and Otto are better at solving crimes than Springfield's police force.

"But it sounds risky, we could die…." Moe truthfully states.

"Don't worry Moe, no one will miss you anyways," Says some random drunk at the end of the bar. Moe wears his usually ugly and grim expression.

"You have to they got Samantha and they are sure to come for Maggie soon since she has the sword," Milhouse continues to beg as the regulars of the bar stop to think. Me and Milhouse had taken the sword off Maggie and hidden it in Milhouse's dads place. They will still probably come for Maggie so we hid her at Allison's house.

"But we got hardly any money left, I'm even almost out of beer, as these guys are nearly out of money they keep in the house," Moe's words caused groans of annoyance from all over the bar. It's true that in order to fight these guys we will need some serious cash although we already have certain weapons we could use. Willie has a rake, Moe has a barb-wired 2x4 and a shot gun, Otto can smash their hideout with his school bus….. We don't even know where their hideout is…. We got rakes and wood while they probably got guns…. I am starting to reconsider if I want my father to be a part of this.

"Lets just do it for the kids," Caves the Scottish man as he stands up. Apparently he too has a tab at this bar along with my dad and Otto. Willie says goodbye before leaving to his car. We hear an engine roar and him drive off before the car's sound fades in with all the other cars.

"Fine, Fine I'll do it but there better be a reward for doing this crap," Otto seems fairly drunk but he doesn't seem to stop drinking. I have no idea why most of these people are spending their family's last dollars on beer.

"Are you going to help too dad and Moe?" They look at each other kind of confused before they both nod. I and Milhouse decided to go back to my place and study up a little bit since we got finals next week. It my sound nerdy and all but it has to be done. As soon as we enter the house we see Lisa, Alex and Janey reading something.

"Milhouse it's a threat letter," I assumed if it was a threat letter for Milhouse then they would have sent it too Milhouse's home. I grab the letter and I see Milhouse's eyes starting to read it.

_If you tell the cops about this letter or about our location than their will be trouble. If we see even one police car go across the street we will not hesitate to blow Samantha's brains the fuck out. Now Bart, Milhouse and whoever also wants to get involved in this, we have stolen your money, we were the ones that killed Krusty, we were the ones that assaulted Jessica and Tim. We want the sword back, you know what we are talking about, meet us next Friday at the old man's death trap mansion. Bring the sword and if you aren't there then we won't hesitate to kill Samantha._

"Old man's death trap?" I ask before looking at Milhouse who looked as pale as a ghost.

"Yeah, it's this mansion that is supposedly haunted by some old man that died their centuries ago, it's in Shelbyville," Lisa explains and I know she is no longer a sceptic about ghosts.

"Guess who!!" My vision is suddenly blinded by hands before I hear a sweet voice. I know exactly who it is and I turn around to see a blonde girl staring back at me.

"Uhhh Jessica…" I start before I tell her all about the latest news on the white knight. She seems shocked to hear Sideshow Bob and him have formed an alliance and decides to read the letter herself.

"Old man's death trap isn't haunted, that's just a rumour, I been there before," I try to think of a time when Jessica went to Shelbyville but I can't seem to find one. I guess it was one of the places she stopped by before returning to Springfield after she was dismissed from boarding school.

"Ah fuck it, you guys go tell Willie, Otto, Moe and leave Homer to me," I bark at them and immediately they disappear. I guess they got scared by my voice or something, I knew they won't go tell anyone about this especially when it's this late. Lisa and Milhouse are the only ones that stay.

"Calm down, Bart, you still get angry at times…"

"Oh shut up Lisa," I shout at her, I'm not in the mood for being nagged at. She is really starting to become like Mum except her hair is stupider, mainly because mum's hair is now just normal blue hair that hangs down near her lower back and not the bloody ceiling.

"Bart, I think I'm going to go, I feel too tired to do any study and what ever," Milhouse stutters out before running out of the door. I could see he knew I wasn't in a good mood. I deserve to be angry, I find out my hero was killed by my worst enemy because of me.

"Ah get off me," Someone was on top of me trying to wake me up, someone small for sure. When my eyes decided to open I see Maggie lying on top of me attempting to wake me up.

"What are you doing her Maggie?"

"Today's the day you have to go to the mansion with sword," I knew that perfectly well but I wanted to get some sleep, little sisters can be annoying and stupid. She gets off me before giving me a hug and I realise it isn't 12 pm like I thought it was.

"How could I sleep in till 6 pm? I…" I look sheepishly at the people in my room who were ready to go to Shelbyville. This was highly embarrassing for me as I get out of my bed and gesture them out of my room in order to get changed. Milhouse leaves the sword of vulgar supremacy in my bed room. It looks pretty cool, I wonder why they call it the sword of vulgar supremacy. I get dressed and I grab the sword and run out of my room.

"Alright lets go, Wait Maggie you can't come…." I say when she starts following us.

"You know, you guys can't come either," Homer points at me, Lisa and Milhouse.

"What?" Marge grabs the sword out of my hands and give it's too Homer.

**Homer**

"But mum," I hear Bart protest as I leave my house.

"It's too dangerous, Homer… be careful," She says before I step outside and wave goodbye to them and close the door. That might be the last time I close that door… But if it's not I can get wasted on beer.

"Okay we'll take your weapons, I'm sorry I got no more bullets left for my shot gun," I want to slash Moe with the sword I am holding. Willie takes his rake, an old favourite of his while Moe takes his own 2x4 wrapped in barb wire. Otto seems to have taken a guitar….

"You are going to beat up bad guys with a guitar?"

"I don't see why not, guitar's can be used as weapon, remember when Kurt Cobain smashed a bouncer with a guitar and made him bleed," Who could forget that? Kurt Cobain was a hero among men, everyone agrees on that… and if they don't then I'll kill them.

"Fine, the sword's mine," We had told one more person too pick up before we go to Shelbyville.

"Oh Glavin," Says the last person before taking a seat on Otto's bus. We drive off towards Shelbyville.

"Does he expect we just hand this sword over to him?" I ask observing the lion handled sharp sword that looks really, really expensive.

"I suppose so; I guess we have to try to save Samantha" Says the intelligent professor that was informed about what was happening about a couple of days ago. He automatically jumped up at the chance to be a "hero" again.

About an hour later we approach the mansion and see that it's heavily guarded by around 150 criminals, the ones that probably escaped from the prison when it was destroyed.

"That was their big plan? Scare us with prisoners," I laugh at their stupidity.

"Grab on to something dudes," Otto violently runs down all the prisoners with his bus, instantly killing many of them.

"Metallica!!" Screams the bus driver as he rampages his way through all of the prisoners and smashes his bus into the mansion.

"Now that's what I call an entrance," says Otto although the rest of us are trembling in fear over what he just did.

"What the deuce?" Says Sideshow Bob as he realises there was a large commotion happening outside his mansion.

"Oh it's just you guys, bring the sword?" He doesn't seem to care that all of his former allies are dead. We enter the mansion and try to ignore the fact Otto smashed a school bus into the wall.

"Well hand over the sword," Commands Sideshow Bob as his goons appear almost out of no where. The white knight, Principal Skinner, Nelson, Jimbo, Snake and Martin all appear to out number us. The white knight brings the girl with him.

"I said hand over the sword, or she dies," Sideshow bob pulls out a gun and the gagged Samantha's tries to scream for her life.

"Dude shoot the girl, woah I see pretty colours," Otto joins us with a bud in his hand, he is obviously doing marijuana. Couldn't he share his drugs with his friend Homer?

"Meh do what you want with the girl, but no one hurts my family and gets away with it," I charge towards the group with the sword and the automatically run in fear.

"You had your warning," Says Sideshow Bob before shooting his gun and instantly blowing Samantha's brains out. There was blood dripping from the left side of his head while the bullet and a portion of her brain had hit the wall. Her blood was falling all over the carpet, luckily the carpet is red.

Suddenly we hear the sound of a car pull up and I turn to see my purple sedan. Bart, Milhouse and Lisa suddenly appear out of no where.

"Oh that's just great, you stole my car and in order to die?"

"We don't want you to get hurt dad, we came here to help you,"

"Well if you're alive at the end of the day, you're grounded!!!"

"Do'h" My children screamed in unison.

A/N: This isn't the end of a chapter; it's just a break from Homer's POV. It turns more or less into a non-slash story for the rest of this chapter. I suck at non-slash or so I assume.

Milhouse looked around the room and turned a pale colour when he saw his girlfriend's decaying corpse lying on the ground. He robotically ran up to her but was stopped by Nelson. Nelson threw a punch at Milhouse's stomach causing him to drop to his knees. Milhouse knew that Nelson was strong but decided to fight back for once in his life. He threw a punch back at Nelson but he dodged. Nelson threw another punch at Milhouse. Milhouse feel to the ground and Nelson dragged him up the stairs.

Willie took swung his rake towards his former boss, Principal Skinner. He dodged so Willie decided to throw a few more. Principal Skinner dodged all of them and led Willie into a room that resembled his old shack before picking up a rake of his own and swinging it at the former grounds keeper.

The white knight had another sword, a plain sword that was extra sharp. It didn't possess any special powers like the sword of vulgar supremacy but it was still a very powerful sword. He swung the blade at his opponent, Homer, the man who was currently holding his precious weapon. The fat, bald man quickly blocked the sword with his own sword, a sword that had powers he didn't know how to use.

"It's good to see you again, Otto, old buddy," Said the twisted Snake before swinging a knife at his former prison inmate Otto. The former school bus driver quickly dodged the knife before counter-attacking Snake with a swing of his guitar. Snake promptly dodged but realised his knife wasn't going to do much damage to the guitar Otto was swinging. Snake searched the room for an object that could possibly be used to fight back a guitar swing manic while he dodged the guitar, on numerous occasions he was close to getting harmed. He finally saw in the other room a rival guitar, although it was only Martin's acoustic guitar, it was still a weapon he could use.

The humble bartender was swinging his 2x4 covered in barb wire at the teenager named Jimbo. Jimbo knew well that there was a baseball bat covered in barb wire in one of the 2nd floor rooms. Jimbo evaded the manic and his dangerous weapon and made his way up to the room. As he grabbed the baseball bat, he was hit by Moe. Jimbo was close to tears as the bartender withdrew his weapon and pulled flesh off his shoulder when doing so. Jimbo in extreme pain grabbed the baseball bat and with the hand opposite his shoulder and swung at the bartender.

"So it's come down to this Lisa?" Martin questioned his former adversary. He led Lisa down into his lab.

"You won't get away with this Martin, why did you ruin your future? You could have been the youngest ever mayor in the world," Lisa screamed as she entered the lab and stared at her rival.

Martin didn't seem interested in answering questions from Lisa. He shuffled through his papers in order to find two tests.

"Here, Standardise Tests at a genius level. We both take them, even professor Frink would have difficult answering this test," The boy genius exclaimed causing Lisa too look confused.

"You want to do a test?"

"Yes and the loser will automatically be gassed with sleeping gas," Lisa looked confused but she took the paper and suddenly a giant glass container came down on her and Martin. A desk appeared in front of them and they sat down before they were instructed by a computer.

_You have 45 minutes, you may begin._

Professor Frink's metal detector was running wild. It was normal for it too do so but what shocked him was the amount of lithium, radium and iron hydroxides it showed. He followed the signal to find himself in a room with gigantic robots that grabbed his metal detector and smashed it. One of the robots locked the door and soon the professor was surrounded by robots, he pulled out his laser gun though he doubted it would do him any good.

"Ah Bart, Looks like it's just me and you," The sinister master mind was laughing towards his greatest enemy, a 16 year old boy who had made his life a living hell over the past 6 years. Bart knew that sideshow Bob was quiet a powerful man now, physical and mentally, a year or two in prison caused him to have absolute boredom till he started lifting weights.

"Well then Bob? How do you want to do this?" Bart asked as he cracked his knuckles ready for a physical fight.

"Ah Bart, violence won't be need for this," He pulls out the gun he had shot Samantha with. Bart had nearly forgotten about that and what's worst is that Bart doesn't have a weapon that could be used to fight back. All he brought was a slingshot, which was accidental since it was somehow in the pants he decided to wear.

"How could you do it?" Milhouse screamed at Nelson. Milhouse and Nelson weren't exactly the best of friends, they had a long history of fights and every one of them had Nelson succeeding mainly due to his physical strength.

"I didn't do it, it was Bob," Milhouse was filled with a rage he had never felt before; in the past few months his girlfriend had been everything to him. Milhouse hated Nelson mainly cause Nelson had bullied him all of his life but this went far beyond anything he had done to him before.

"How could you work for such a man?" Milhouse's raged was unleashed when went flying at Nelson and for the first time in his life he succeeded in hurting Nelson.

"I'm sorry I didn't want your girlfriend to get killed," Said the former bully as he got up and kicked Milhouse painfully in the crotch.

Homer's fatigue was getting to him as he struggled to keep up with the speedy knight. The knight had been training for nearly 800 years and it had shown because he was only toying with the fat man. Homer on the other hand was trying his hardest to defeat the white knight once and for all.

"Homer, why do you even try?" Said Sir Hemmingway after Homer finally ran out of breath and had to take a time out. Luke Hemmingway was finding the duel quite fascinating, so fascinating that he allowed the fat man to regain his breath.

"I must do it, you won't be hurting my family," Luke Hemmingway never intended to hurt the Simpsons. He just wished to have back what was his and complete the Riddle's quest.

"I never intended to hurt anyone Homer, all I wanted was the sword that belonged to me," Homer was smarter than he looked (at times). He had been doing some research on the white knight which isn't a normal thing for him to do. Apparently the white knight was in the middle of finishing a quest known as the Riddle's quest. The quest was too drain the blood of every royal family and head family member in Springfield and Sir Hemmingway was pretty close to achieving this goal. The blood of children was sometimes taken but the father was usually killed as well. The last family however had a member who was able to stop this. The information on the last family was very difficult to find but Homer knew that one guy had finished off the white knight with the sword of vulgar supremacy. Apparently the sword of vulgar supremacy can be used to summon some sort of 3 headed beast capable of breathing fire. The sword it self had the power to erase souls but when the white knight was cut with the sword, the guy and the white knight were imprisoned into the sword. "Maximus Dominay," Suddenly the white knight was in control as he conjured up electricity and struck Homer with it. Homer wasn't dead but he knew exactly what to do know. The words that must be chanted in order to summon the 3 headed dog was just said. "Maximus Dominay," Screamed Homer as his body was ached in pain. The white knight laughed as the sword shuns a bright light before a 3 headed dog was visible. The dog looked like a regular 14ft black dog excepted it had 3 heads. "You fool, Dominay only obeys me," The dog lifted its paw and swung it at Homer, causing the fat man too go flying into the wall. His body was in extreme pain but his grip on the sword did not loosen.

_Time's up_

The un-human voice says as a robot hand comes out of the ceiling in order to collect the exam papers. Lisa never though a test could possibly be so difficult her life and Martin feels the same way.

_Test Analysis Complete_

_Martin: 51_

_Lisa: ..._

Both Moe and Jimbo are in extreme pain, their limbs hurt and scars will soon form on the wounds that have been inflicted. Moe can feel the life inside him slowly drifting away and he strikes a final blow before collapsing due to exhaustion, pain and possibly death. Jimbo watches Moe fall as he joins him and has no control over what his body does. Jimbo's head had been busted open by Moe's final shot causing more blood to fill the stream of blood already present.

Professor Frink kept shooting at the robots although he knew it would do them little harm. The metal chest of one of the robots is cracked after around 20 shots and Frink can see money hidden with in of the robots. There was hundreds and hundreds of hundred dollar bills within these robots. As Professor Frink continues shooting he is overpowered as one of the robots grabs his laser gun and destroyed it.

"Oh glavin, not glavin, my first ever laser gun," Screamed the professor once his laser gun, glavin, was smashed to pieces. Professor Frink can't help but feel defeated as the robots take turns in punch him.

"Yew was alweys a bewk worm skinner!!" The Scottish man screamed as he attacked his former boss. They had once shared a long and happy friendship but Willie was fired by Skinner. Willie became angry and felt betrayed by the man who he had worked so long with and could call his best friend.

"Why yee do it eh?" Skinner hadn't told Willie the reason he was fired from Springfield Elementary school.

"You know why, your annoying and self-centred," Skinner said as he struck Willie with his rake which caused the Scott's beard to go even redder. The rake had ripped flesh off Willie's forehead and revealed his skull. The Scot was known for his toughness and this seemed to affect him only a little bit as he attacked Skinner in the same way. Skinner however didn't take the attack as well and fainted at the slight of his own blood.

Homer was terrified but he wasn't willing to back down. He was about to fight a 3 head fire breathing dog and his body was tender from the beating he had already endured.

"Give up old chap, no way you can beat a 14ft dog that can breathe fire," The dog let out a burst of flame towards Homer. Fortunately Homer was able to shield himself with the sword. The dog had smashed the ceiling when it was summoned and Homer could see the outside when for the wall had been destroyed when he was beckoned too.

"Here goes nothing," The fat man ran up to the beast and swung the sword into its belly. He held on to the sword as it seemed to be stuck somewhere in the dog's lower-middle body. He attempted to set the sword free but the dog responded by thrashing its left head and causing the chubby man too go flying out of the house and landing on the ground that was a whole storey below them.

The white knight started laughing at the sight outside the house. He saw Homer lying on the grass field below him and not moving. However the white knight's laughter was soon replaced with horror when he observed Homer's hand.

"He broke the sword!!!" Screamed the white knight in horror as he observed the other half was trapped with in his beast.

"Kill him," Sir Hemmingway barked at the dog……..

"Oh you fight well Snake, but you got to realise Heavy Metal is the superior form of all music," The former prison friends had been bashing guitars with each other for an hour but Snake seemed to get tired.

"You forgot Nirvana dude, Nirvana!!!"

"Oh true… but still," Otto randomly stared playing some chords on his guitar and the stereo has some how picked up the frequency and the pickups was causing the room to be filled with music.

"Oh we shouldn't be fighting," Snake cries as he joins in and starts playing some calm soothing music.

"Arrgh that hurt my ears," Screamed Otto before he swung his guitar at Snake and knocked him out.

"No one makes me listen to soft soothing country music, unless if it's Johnny Cash," Otto decided to continue filling the room with heavy tunes.

Milhouse's anger didn't die away at all, it weirdly made him one thing he was afraid of doing all of his life. He stood up to Nelson and he was currently winning. He kept punching at Nelson's face.

"Damn you Nelson," He screamed when he was on the floor. He picked up a lamp on a lamp stand and smashing Nelson on the head causing him to bleed. He continued the assault until Nelson was just holding on to life.

"If I kill you, I'll be no better than you," Milhouse says as he watches Nelson lose his consciousness and while his own fatigue causes him to sit down. "She is dead," Thoughts of sorrow enter Milhouse's brain.

_Lisa: 53_

"Wait, stop!!!" Martin's plan had horribly back fired as his chamber got filled with gas. "You're a freaking Nazi," Screamed Martin as he fell into a deep sleep. Lisa's chamber disappeared as quickly as it appeared and she was free.

"Wow that test was super hard and I still got above 50" She though too herself as she looked around the room.

"Robots?" She muttered to herself as found a remote control that said… "ON" and "OFF" with the words robots written across the top. It was currently on the on position and she turned if off thinking that their might be Robots terrorising her friends and family.

"Oh not in the jungles, oh glavin," Screamed the professor who was known extremely battered up and holding on to his crotch because a robot kicked him there with its cold hard leg. Suddenly all the robots collapsed to the ground and broke into pieces. The professor however didn't know this because the kick to the crotch caused him to faint soon after due to the pain he was feeling.

"Wait, AH!!!!" Bart screamed as Sideshow Bob kicked him again. Bob had shot him in the legs 5 times, shot him in the arms twice each and beaten him up physically all over the place.

"See Bart, I got more than my vengeance, beating up Jessica, Killing Krusty… that was my vengeance, now you owe me something, although your not going to get the chance, I will slowly kill you," He kicks the boy in the gut once again as he winces.

Homer knows this is the end; he is close to lifelessness and is barely conscious as he watches the dog slowly get closer to him.

Suddenly Homer sees the dog starting to glow, although it wasn't the dog but instead half the sword of supremacy. Homer's half soon starts to glow soon and the light slowly starts to fade into a figure.

"Christian Simpson at your service, what the deuce?" The fat bald man looks around too see he has no idea where he is. Homer looks at the man and it's almost like looking into a mirror except the clothes the man is wearing is more old fashion.

"Are you the one that defeated Luke Hemmingway in the first place?" Homer asks the odd man as he nods.

"Well good luck," With the last ounces of energy in Homer's body, he throws Christian Simpson the sword of supremacy and passes out.

"Are you still alive? Oh wait you can't respond, your sleeping, Do'h" The man observes the broken sword and the fire breathing dog that is about to kill him.

"There is one way to set this," The fat man charges towards the beast and cuts off one of its heads with his half blade. The dog screams in agony as the fat man swings at it's another head. The middle head is all that remains and as he attempts to swing at it the last head shoots out a beam of flame towards him. The white knight watches in shock as his mortal enemy jumps out of harm's way.

"None of this is possibly," Thinks the white knight as continues to watch. "We must evacuate right now." The white knight knows that Christian Simpson is a slowly witted and unlikely hero but he is also the only man that can completely destroy him even though he failed to do so in the past.

Christian Simpson was starting to feel tired now but his fight was over as soon as his half of the sword touched the beast's half of the sword. The two pieces fused together and the beast was blasted by a strong beam of lightning mixed with fire. Christian regains his breath before looking at a man that could possibly be his twin.

"I got to get this man to the local doctor," Thought the man while observing his smashed up corpse. "But I'll get a beer first,"

**Bart**

Sideshow Bob has nearly kicked all the life out of me and I lay here dead. "We must go know," Says a distant voice and I hear Sideshow Bob groan in annoyance before I hear footsteps. I assume he had disappeared and just then I fade away in darkness which I have done way to often lately.

-

"Look Mummy, Bart is up," My little sister Maggie gives me a hug and kisses as I awake into a place I visit to often these days.

"You were close to death Bart," States as she gives me a smile.

"You are a good brother," She laughs before she runs out of the room.

"Daddy is still hurt though," I thought Dad was sitting next to Milhouse but apparently I was wrong.

"Who's that then?" I question them and they tell me about Christian Simpson.

-

"Yes!!!! I got better than you" I scream at Lisa, she observes my report card and gives me a smile.

"Yeah but not by much, A… A+… what's the difference?" That isn't what Lisa normally says but I'm used to change.

"I got a good report card too," Maggie says as she shows me her card which is full out A+ for everything.

"My card isn't that bad," Milhouse sadly says, he has reasons for only getting majority of Bs anyways. His girlfriend has been shot a month or two before the finals.

"Well my report card is alright…." Alex shows us a report card that almost resembles Lisa's except she had gotten an A+ in a yr 13 subject.

"You take level 3 soft materials and fashion?" I ask her as she nods before smiling, how could they skip her to a level 3 class?

"Well my card is just like Bart's," Jessica for once isn't ashamed to have a report card like mine.

Mum is late today; we had been waiting outside our school for nearly an hour today. Maggie was told to come to our school since she finished early. She was going to take us to the funeral today.

"Sorry I'm late kids, you going to go like that?" We all nodded knowing we didn't have enough time to go to our homes and change.

"Alright," We all enter the car, and it's amazing that we can fit so many people into it. Although Alex, Jessica and Maggie are incredibly slim. They looked almost as skinny as Victoria Beckham, not as ugly or stupid but still….

"Now we say good bye to Christian Simpson, a man we didn't know very well but a man that had been alive for nearly 800 years and a modest man. A man who was able to slay a 14 ft 3 headed fire breathing dog, a man was able to prevent the riddle's quest being completed 7 centuries ago. Rest in Peace Christian Simpson," That wasn't one of Jessica's father's normal speeches but it still had the same meaning. It was never fun too see anyone die but I am hopefully the future will be better….

"He is sleeping?"

"No Homer, he is dead,"

"Oh thank God, I thought that was me there sleeping, cause he looks like me but he is just dead… wait that's worst, I'm dead?"


	36. Homer V: Alien Mania

**A/N: **I am sorry for the lack of updates I have had recently, there have been some reasons for it, like one of my best friends has be kicked out of his house and he is living with me for another few months. I personality been in a state of depression that seems everlasting.

**Homer**

"Another round Moe my good man," I say to the bartender that seems to be rather attractive under the influence.

"You've had enough beers homer, remember how your great ancestor Christian Simpson died? Overdose on beers!"

"Yeah but that was like three days ago, keep em coming," He doesn't seem to agree with my drinking but gives me another mug full of beer anyways. The night was nearing full darkness and I slowly walked out of the bar drunk, once again. It was a typical one of those days where I spend $10,000 on beer and get a growling from Marge.

Marge, just like the rest of the Simpsons, was getting really annoyed with my latest status of drinking, I remember when I quit and there were no fights or screams. Is drinking really going to be more important than my family? Of cause it is, I could live without my precious beer.

"Hey, you okay daddy?" Maggie opens the door as I enter an establishment that has stood the test of time.

"Dad's fine, look little Maggie your next books for next year has arrived,"

"Yeah I know, I like this one with pony daddy," She trashes through her stuff in order to find a purple book covered in glitter or what appears to some shiny metal on it.

"Oh please books are becoming so gay lately, back in my dads it used to be the old unicorns,"

"But daddy, what is wrong with the pretty pony?"

"Nothing Its fine," I guess my slurred speech have gotten the attention of Marge as she walks into the room with her pretty blue hair dangling down her neck.

"Homer," nags in a tone that only she and Lisa can use.

"Fatal existence prone to lifelessness" I respond to her and cause them both to stare at me in confusion.

"Homie, your getting to old to be acting so irresponsible," She's right… probably, I just decide to collapse on top of her. The sandman enters with his sweet hands of sleep and I fall into a rest I deserve.

-

I awake to find myself paralysed. Little green men are staring at me and there are about 3 of them surrounding me on the couch. How I ended up in the couch I would never know? Perhaps the whole family lifted me and put me on the couch and gave me a warm blanket.

The green men stare at me with interest; their black hollow eyes give me an eerie look that told me this was no dream.

"Oh you are so cute," I am suddenly able to move and I pick up one of the 4ft alien in silver clothing and start cuddling him. He seems a little annoyed and cringes when I lick him.

"You're just like a little green version of my daughter Maggie,"

"Who is like me daddy?" The lights blind me with brightness and my family walk into the room and look at me with concern.

"The little green men,"

"Dad you must have really drunken a lot last night," Lisa says as if she knows everything.

"No, no, I saw it, it was 4ft tall and had the most awesome eyes. It looked like Maggie when she was food poisoned,"

"You promised not to mention that again," Maggie looked a little annoyed and she stared directly into my eyes with hate.

"Meh, no need to worry about it Homie, probably just a dream," A dream that was all too real.

"Yeah I guess your right, cook me some eggs Marge," She groans before she disappears into the kitchen and starts frying some eggs like I asked. At the breakfast table it was usual and everyone seemed to forget about my alien encounter. Last time I saw an alien it turned out to be fake, this time…..

"Homie, you haven't touched the bacon,"

"Yeah Homer, eat the bacon, eat the bacon," Bart mocked as he picked up a piece of bacon and licked the essence of life of out it. It was dead already but you get the picture…

"Why don't you guys believe me?"

"Remember last time? It was just Mr. Burns,"

"Yeah but that was last time," I mean things don't always happen the same way the second time, although Germany ended up losing both the world wars.

My story didn't go well with the locals at Moe's bar either; Carl and Lenny were laughing their heads off while Moe and Otto looked at me with concern.

"Aliens, you really got to stop drinking this much Homer," Otto said as he swallowed down a fresh mug of beer and relit his marijuana.

"Yeah you're probably right," Everyone seems to be against me right now and they are usually right about these things. I wish I hadn't drunk so much, I said I would stop drinking lots a lot of times but come on…. It's beer….

I walk dizzily towards my car and struggle to find my keys in my pocket. I feel tired and I know Marge is going to scream at me when I go home. I find the keys and jump into the car and slowly start to drive, accidentally killing some dog. Stupid dog, should have been watching where it's going.

Suddenly I see a flash of bright green light and my car comes to a halt. I step out of the car looking for the source of the light, I been seeing too much green lately. I look up and see a giant spaceship staring down at me. The car and I suddenly start defying gravity and go slowly up into the air. I am abducted into the spaceship where I see the same group of aliens I saw before.

I must be really drunk………..


	37. Bart and Willie: Crash N' Burn

Bart

"How could you just disappear for a week and not remember what you did?" Lisa questioned my father as he continue to think about what he did during the last week.

"I don't know... i remember going to Moe's, going out, getting into my car and then i went to sleep"

"You can't sleep for a whole week though?"

"Sure you can sweetie, people can stay up for a week so i don't see why they can't stay asleep for a week.

"It's not normal Dad,"

"But who are we to judge what is normal? Maybe there is no normal," Homer continued to give his wisdom to his two daughters while i tried to think what could have happen. My dad had disappeared for a whole week, no one knew where he was and then he suddenly reappear near Moe's tavern. No one actually saw Homer drive anywhere near the place he was parked but Homer insists that he fell asleep and woke up.

"Well anyways... you can't be a pimp and a prostitue,"

"HOMER!!!" Marge screamed from the kitchen. Mum has been spending a lot of time in the kitchen, more than expected from the average woman. Although the results have been delicious meals, i am worried that she might be losing it. She had a panic attack when Homer couldn't be found and knowing Homer he could have been in some sort of trouble.

"What, i'm just singing along to the new white stripes song,"

"Try seven nation army, violence is always under practice on T.V compared to The Simpsons," I suggest although i have no idea what i am on about.

"The main issue here is the fact you forgot what happened to you in the past week," Lisa snaps us out of nothingness to bring us back to what we were talking about.

"The main issue here is shut up" Homer is obviously not in the mood to have this talk.

"Fine!" Lisa says annoyed.

"I remember when you used to be a sweet and innocent little girl," Homer finally says.

"Like Paris Hilton and Britney Spears?" Lisa asks annoyed as she walks up into her room. I thought we were buying a new house but the old house just got fixed.

"I have a mission to complete!" Homer finally says in an unhuman tone.

"What?" Maggie asks puzzled.

"I said i have to go to work," That was even more confusing, i thought we were stinking rich and Homer quit his job but i guess i was wrong.

"Where do you work now?"

"That's none of your business," He says storming out of the room, most unhomishingly. Oh well i shouldn't be stressing about this, i got to get to the airport. I was suppose to go to Egypt with Jessica last week except it was put off because of Homer's disappearance.  
This was the first time me and Jessica travelled alone, i guess our parents trust us now and before we were too poor to go on a trip without saving up or winning some plane tickets from some lame show that we had to partipate in solely to go to some foreign wasteland like canadia. Canada is boring, but Canadia...

I walk towards the airport thinking about myself and other random unuseful crap. For some reason i have an urge to give Mr Burns a cousin mate friend sticky head hole bitch slut fucking machine. Aliens should come with metallic stoner systems that are equiped with lithium carbonated mood stablisers. I would like some fetus flavored candy, literally taking candy from a baby before it's born.

"Why are my cure eyes sad?" A cute little voice interupts my precious thoughts.

"What the hell?"

"Why do you look sad?" Jessica responds again ignoring the lame phase she just said.

"I'm not sad..."

"Well okay... lets get on this plane and go for our little trip," I give her a warm smile while our bags got checked. Once on the plane i felt a little less relaxed. I am glad this disapperance thing with Homer isn't going to involve me in any way. When i return Lisa or Maggie would have some how solved this and i can be ready for our next dark and twisted adventure. There is no point on worrying over this shit but i just have a weird feeling this might involved me. I hate feelings, can you imagine the world without feelings? We would all be so happy.

"So Jessica, any reason why we are going to egypt?"

"Well it sounded nice, you seemed to like your last visit,"

"Yeah but once i returned i was in hospital,"

"Don't worry about that... i doubt your little sister is going to shoot you again,"

"I know..." I didn't have a complain to add to that or anything interesting to add so i left it to that and relaxed my head looking out the window. I got the window side which is always go to have.  
I couldn't imagine being on a plane for hours and hours looking at nothing but the grey carpet or ugly people on the plane. It would be just too depressing, i don't know how pilots handle it. Well i guess it's like driving a taxi or bus without the traffic. If i was a pilot i would just get a huge surround system and play Eminem and Metallica songs all day long. That would be so awesome. My thoughts are interupted by something outside.

"What's that?" I suddenly say after realising we are in the air.

"Uhhh it's...a... bright light?" Jessica says after observing what i was looking at. She was partly right, it was a bright green light but it was getting closer. The light gets more focused as it moves closer and i can see something nerds have been searching for. A Spaceship hovers near the plane, it's a silverish metallic flying saucer that emits a bright green glow. It hovers next to the plane for about 1 minute before it disappears quickly into the sky once again.  
It was silent and fast like Tony Blair.

"It was a spaceship?" I ask Jessica although i know the answer, i just want to reassure that what i saw was real.

"Yeah... it was..." She slowly says in serious shock about what happened.

A/N: Random message that's purpose is to thank anyone who has liked this fanfic so far, although i doubt there are many that do like it...

Willie

"Well i would agree under those rules, but there can't be any more abuse towards me," I say firmly.

"Don't worry Willie, the new principal will probably be a lot nicer towards you," I had gotten my job as a groundskeeper back, now i work at Springfield High School. I might be a rich scot but i am a bored scot.

"Any ideas who the new principal is?" I ask the staff as I enter the room, it's looks just like the springfield elementary staff. That cause Bart to freak out earlier although he didn't mind having Professor Frink at school.  
Lucky for Bart, he didn't really have any of his old teachers and he didn't get on the bad side of his former enemies.

"I heard it's Flanders again,"

"I heard it's Marge Simpson,"

"I heard it's Reverend Lovejoy," I guess no one knows who the new principal is but that doesn't matter, i'm just glad to be working with the youth of the nation. A nation that is falling pieces, hopefully the next generation won't stuff up as bad as we did.

"So why are we here?" I thought school was out and everyone taking a break so i thought i might as well pop the question.

"Because we are working on ajustments to next year's work,"

"Oh... so why are we in the staff room drinking tea and eating cookies?"

"Shut up, that's why" Answers my question in great detail really.

"Also why are we listening to Fall out boy? Doesn't the school have any other music?"

"It's either this or the wheels go round and round,"

"The wheels go round and round please, save my ears, i rather spew out my liver than listen to this useless shit, tell them to learn to play their instruments,"

There is no point to say in the school, i don't really do any teaching so i got nothing to update, except the school mops maybe. The day is young and the sun is blinding, i have no idea what to do, i never have any idea what to do. Perhaps I should pay a visit to the friends that helped me out of a tight spot. The Simpsons would be an obvious place to visit, but i been their so often it's almost like a second home. Alison or Alex? I can't remember which is which but i know one is excessively rich and i don't know where the other person lives. It's always easy to find out where rich people live, it's usually the expensive house on the street. After a couple of failed attempts i find the right house.

"Hey Alex..." I take my chances with Alex and it pays off.

"Hey Willie how have you been?" I am embraced by the suicidal distorted emo killing machine.

"Fine what about you?"

"Alright i guess," The tone in her voice makes me wished i had gone for Alison's house.

"You heard about Homer?" Alex suddenly asks as she gestures me into her home.

"No, what happened? Did he get raped?"

"Maybe... He disappeared for a week, no one knew where he was, then he awoke near that bar and said he was there the whole time but he wasn't,"

"Oh... yeah... he obviously got abducted by aliens,"

"What?" She asks confused, young minds are so stupid these days, i can't believe she doesn't know the typical rules of alien abduction.

"Well an alien took him for a week and did some experiments and stuff,"

"That's absurd,"

"I know, i'm sure there were better inviduals to pick from,"

"No i mean the alien thing existing, if there are aliens, why would they try to come near a diseased fulled primative planet like Earth?" That made me feel a bit gloomily, I worked at the school and i didn't the children were really this behind.

"I got to go to the simpsons, sorry but this is important," I burst out of her house and quickly make my way to Evergreen tearce, a dull street with happy folk. I knock on the door and Marge rushingly opens it.

"Uhhh Hello, is your husband home?"

"No... he said he was going to go work or something..."

"What?" I asked confusing knowing perfectly well that Homer is too rich and lazy to work.

"I'm not sure, he was secretive about it, he said he had a mission or something to complete... he has been acting strange today,"

"Uhhh okay... call me once he is home, i want to talk to him,"

"Ummm about what?"

"Aliens!"

"Mmm ok, but make sure you take home a batch of cookies i cooked, i made some for the lovejoys and they loved it," I don't really care but i take some of her home made cookies and go towards my home which is no long a shit shack located in a shit school.

A/N: Btw my computer crashed and i no longer got word or anything but the basic XP programs... so i'm using notepad... Uhhh at this point i would like too say it's hard coming up with good material... so i come up with crap that doesn't satisfy... enjoy!!!

Bart

"What was that?" I suddenly awake to the sound of a high pitched scream. I look around for Jessica but she seems to be missing. The lights are out but there is a storm and lightning strikes somewhere every now and then causing the place to briefly light up before returning to it's state of darkness. I walk past the first few seats and i automatically smell something. It makes me feel drowsy so i assume sometime during my sleep the plane was exposed to a colourless sleeping gas... or something colourless that made us sleepy.  
Everyone is still asleep and i walk towards the pilots room and i find out why Jessica let out a scream. She was on the floor in tears and was freaking out at the scene, the pilots hadn't be gased like the passengers were, they were killed instead.

"Calm down baby... it will be fine..." I said the last part to assure myself as well... i don't know how it is going to be find but i am waiting for a way.  
The plane was unsteadily moving in the sky and the storm only made things worst... The plane suddenly took a deep drive and i pulled the handle that was suppose to make it go up. I wish i hadn't because soon we were flying way to high, so high it was almost as if the clouds were ants.  
I tried going down again and i realised i still didn't have the right skills to operate a plane.

"Call the flight tower or whatever... tell them we need to find a way to land..."

"No signal," Jessica replied and i felt like smacking her on the head, although i restrained from doing so.

"Uhhh try find a book or something on how to land a plane..."

"Do you think they leave books on how to fly a plane lying around in the pilots area? Don't you think that's there job?"

"Just look!" I quickly snap at her although i know i shouldn't have screamed so loud. She was right, they don't leave books like that lying around.

"Uhh... well... umm..." I say slowly trying to keep the plane from crashing. This was a weird plane, although i haven't been inside many pilot chambers of a plane, this one looked more simplified.  
There was a steering wheel and a lever and a bunch of complicated looking stuff with a load of buttons that i don't want to touch.

The plane suddenly took a deep dive and i pulled my hardest on the lever... too hard... it's snapped.


	38. Bart and Homer IV: Broken Mirrors

Bart

As the plane's handle broke i could see death drawing closer to me with it's cold wings of hate. This wasn't going to be a fun day. The plane started to soar, soar way above the clouds and the sky seemed to be limitless almost as it was the soloing abilities of Metallica. Speed seemed to matter but the techinque wasn't really there... like the soloing abilities of slayer.

"What are we going to fucking do!!!" I screamed in an awesome tone that can be found on a metallica C.D

"I don't know," Jessica screamed in a girl tone, a tone that can be found on all of Slayer's C.Ds.

The wind was hitting against metal wing, making loud drum like noise. Some of the noises were fast like drum beats on a metallica C.D and some were just annoying like a slayer C.D. It was getting colder and the storm wasn't die outing.

"Wake up the people... someone might know how to fly a plane,"

"Yeah a pilot would just pay for a ticket..." I hope Jessica isn't right this time as well.

"Just go do it...go... go... go!!!" I scream at her making her shiver... or perhaps that was because it's cold.

She looks a little annoyed but decides to do what i told her. Just as she was about to enter the side of the plane,  
a huge bolt of lightning struck the plane cause it to snap in half. Both sides suddenly started falling.

"I love you..."

"I love you too..." I held on to Jessica tightly as the plane fell down, soon to be smashed into a thousand pieces.  
I could feel the dark and twisted arms of death strike towards me but i didn't care, i held on to Jessica, if they want the Reverend's daughter in heaven, they need to take Bart Simpson too.

A/N: I haven't finished my english project, infact i am somewhere near the start, we were giving 7 weeks or something to do it but i started a couple of days ago... cause i was kind of away... and now i got like 3 days till it's due. I decided to continue doing this fic cause it was more interesting than my english project... although that's not proving a whole lot.  
Homer

"What? Aliens?" Willie's fast talking schizopheric paranoia was starting bother me, i always wondered if alien's were real.

"Look Homer, just go to a hypnosis doctor,"

"A what?"

"Don't worry, just visit Dr Duffman,"

"Dr duffman, is he related to Duffman the beer dude or hilary duff?"

"Uhhh...Dr duffman is Duffman, he has a second job since Duff has been paying him less and less yearly. He is a hypnosis doctor as well, look i'll tell you the address." He gave me an address and told me to visit it on Monday and then hung up. Monday? But that only gives me Saturday and Sunday. Why is my schedule so busy? I'm rich i shouldn't have to work.

I relaxed on my new recliner and think about myself and then there she was.

"Marge what do you want? I'm trying to listen to i smell sex and candy,"

"Do you think you were abducted by an alien?"

"Stranger things have happened,"

"Yeah but..."

"Like the white knight and christian simpson, wonder how the white knight is, i hope he is doing good,"

"But he tried to kill you,"

"So did a lot of other people,"

"Well okay... but aliens... could they actually exist?"

"Did Princess Diana actually get murdered Marge, who did she think murdered her, Hitler??"

"It could be possibly, your not giving me an answer on the alien thing..."

"Ok fine... i think aliens could possibly exist, burns is a vampire and smithers is part snake so anything is possibly,"

"Burn's isn't a vampire and you can't be part snake,"

"Pfft, just go away now," She hurt my feelings but i wouldn't let her know it. I sit watching my T.V and drinking a can of beer till the next distubance enters the room.

"What is it Maggie?" I really wish the condom didn't break so often, i wouldn't have had 3 annoying and ugly children.

"What's an alien?" Do i have to teach these kids anything? Don't they go to school... isn't she supposed to be smarter than Lisa?

"Well it's like this thing... that devours people's skulls and has dark claws for ripping the flesh of a dead corpse into pieces," I didn't really know what an alien was, but i didn't want to scare Maggie. My daughter runs into the kitchen and discusses something with Marge probably some lady thing, probably about having periods or something. Heck i wouldn't want to have aborted children coming out of my vagina every 28 days.

"Well Aliens... they are like..." I hear Marge slowly say, obviously deeply considering what she is going to tell her daughter.

"They are people that aren't from Earth,"

"What do you mean not from Earth? There are people from other planets?"

"It's not proven yet... but some people believe there are little cute alien creatures living in space, for some reason certain scientist believe they would go through all this trouble to see us. I mean people are always like... aliens and U.F.Os are everywhere, don't they think that they aliens have more important things to do?  
Their home planets must be like us, but 20 million times better and i don't mean to degrade them," Marge answers in one breath. 


	39. Moe: Worthless bartender sees the light

**A/N: Due to the lack of reviews I will be ending this fanfic shortly, not sure how shortly but this fic seems to be unacknowledged and not liked very much. **

**Moe**

I was late for another one of my blind dates. It was no shocked to me that the lady ran off as soon as she saw me. I was sick of this dark and boring life I lived. I needed to relief my stress and I did so with a cheap hooker and a 7 yr old boy that likes getting ear fucked. My life was really the shallowest river ever to exist, it was 2 pm and it was about time I open my bar, a little later than usually.

I arrive too see a gang of my "friends" eagerly waiting for me to bust open my door and let the fumes of last night quickly disperse into the air and cause more intoxication to a town with an un-safe Nuclear Power Plant. I enter my death trap and the drunken locals of the town follow.

"So Moe, really like the reinventions you done around the bar," I think my bald fat friend has forgotten my bar was completed destroyed and he fixed it up for me not too long ago. Although I wouldn't really call him a friend, we would die for each other though but if it wasn't for beer…. Well I don't want that slob anywhere near this building.

The meaninglessness continues as the drunken bastards talk but nothing really matters to me since my life is full of emptiness. All I am is a grain of sand of a beach that is fueled with toxic waste and uselessness kind of like Springfield beach.

The shift that day goes through normal, slowly and painful. The clock was torturing me so slow and burning slow almost as if I have been set on fire. Nothing makes sense to me anymore, I'm sure if I died tonight then it wouldn't really matter.

"Hey Moe, you look down, why don't you come to my place for dinner?" Homer asks but I know he only wants me there so I can bring beer but I'm willing to take anything right now.

"My schedule is busy as usually," I lie "but I could fit it in I guess,"

"Well I'll see you at my place then, well got to go now, got a busy day ahead of me," Homer says as he stands up and leaves in a professional matter ignoring my screams about his unpaid tab.

-

The night is darker than usually and the regulars at the bar are sober than usually. I closed the bar early which angered some of the drinkers. I started walking towards the Simpson's home. Suddenly the sky is emitted with a bright green light and as my eyes adjusted to the brightness I was able to see an U.F.O. I observed the strange disc shaped flying machine for about 10 minutes before it disappeared into the endless darkness of space.

My heart was beating like a drum, almost like someone had inserted a Metallica C.D in my heart and now it feels like my heart is going to explode with metal spilling out inside of blood. I'm not sure why I felt so afraid, it was just some weather balloon or something that just hovered in the sky and did absolutely nothing for about 10 minutes.

I ran into the Simpson's house which fortunately was open. My noise was automatically filled with the smell of lobsters and hairspray.

"Moe, we weren't expecting you till at least another hour," says the sweet cracking voice of Marge. The family was sitting around the Radiation King watching a show about a bumblebee man

"You wouldn't believe what I just saw," I scream out before I tell her my story.

"I saw an U.F.O just like that," Says the cue ball of a man.

"There must be a logically explanation, maybe you were both drunk," Mrs. Know-it-all tries to use her science theories. This is what I hate about this generation; they are too smart for their own good. Their internets and T.Vs have helped them develop into a generation of people that are either really nerdy or really stupid. My generation might have stuffed up but I'm afraid our next president might cure cancer.

"Nah it wasn't that, I only had a tiny bit to drink," I respond to the little girl that is womanizing… uhhh I meant turning into a woman.

"Was it metallic and have a green lit?"

"Yea and it was so silent,"

"Yea it didn't make a sound, even when it moved," The other Simpson's looked at me and Homer as if we just explained to them the theories of relativity mixed with evolution and then explain why it's fun to have sexual intercourse with dead rabbits.

"Dinner's ready," Marge said looking confused as she moved into the kitchen and I could have sworn I heard her talking to herself. The family soon joined her and I too sat down at their dinner table and awaited a meal of mouth-watering lobsters mixed with lithium carbonates. Everyone found the lithium to be particularly salty but I found it just fine.

"So where's Bart?" I suddenly ask realizing that Lisa and Maggie don't have their old brother anywhere near them.

"Oh he went to Egypt,"

"EGYPT?" I screamed out causing the family to wince, well except Homer would was busy eating his lobster.

"Was he on flight 742 with Springfield Airlines?"

"Yeah… why?"

"That plane is missing and is presumed to have crashed somewhere near Africa." The family scream and even Homer reacted by eating a little slower and Maggie was soon in tears. I really wished I had waited after diner to say that, it's a really good diner and I'm forced between choosing too comforting my grieving friends or eating a really well cooked dinner. I feel like Homer…. I scoff my plate till there are nothing but plate particles on it and escaping the house leaving them to grieve. Don't they have a T.V?

I was home slowly thinking about my shallow life, I need to fix it. Homer seems so much happier than me and so does his family. I need to get a wife, some children, a better house and a new life.


	40. Homer VI: Daddy is completely insane

**Homer**

_My car is lifted by a green beam and so am I. The U.F.O abducts me and I'm in a dark room. Suddenly the lights are turned on and I am blinded and can't see what is dragging and strapping me down into a medical chair. As my eyes get used to the light I can see three little beings dressed in a one piece shiny outfit._

"_Find the place okay?" I ask with a laugh trying to ignore the fact there are sharp objects to the left of me._

"_We are just going to run some tests on you, here drink this," I stare at the glass of blue liquid he is offering me._

"_What is it?"_

"_A powerful pain-killer," I swallow down the so call pain-killer and embrace the sweet lemony taste._

"Huh what? Oh damn I woke up," I look around at the hypnotise doctor's office and realise I have awoken from my hypnosis for some reason.

"Why did I wake up?"

"Your time was up,"

"Oh…" I pay the doctor and exit the building quickly. Was my pretty purple car really abducted by an U.F.O or was that hypnosis fake commercial rubbish like psychics? Really if you could predict the future how come you haven't won the lottery?

I drive home in silence, mainly because I got no one to talk too. As I park my car in the garage I stare into the rear view mirrors and see a 3 ft green alien staring at me with it's large black hollow eyes. I turn my head to see nothing but an open garage door.

"Man I must be losing it," I thought to myself as I walked out of the garage and entered my home.

"I'm home," I announce and Maggie automatic runs out of the living room and warmly embraces me as she usually does.

"What happened daddy?"

"Well daddy is completely insane,"

"I know that, I mean what happened at the doctors?"

"oh… something about aliens,"

"Aliens aren't real…. Are they?"

"They told me Britney Spears wasn't real but you never know I have nightmares of her singing."

"But Britney Spears is real…" I run into my bedroom and lay on bed in tears. Tell me she is lying… she can't be real… the ugly talent-less creature can't be real…

"Uhhh daddy I was only kidding," Phew. I actually thought Britney Spears was real, what a relief knowing she is as fact as Osama Bin Laden and Kerry King.

"Maggie, do you know what the aliens want from me?"

"They probably just want to play hide and seek,"

"Oh hide and seek!!! Can I play?"

"Ah…. Maybe later… Dad… do you think Bart is really dead?"

"No I'm sure he is still alive but if he is dead… then he can play chess with Hitler and crash cars with Anna Nicole Smith."

"Who are they?"

"Well one was an asshole with a 3 inch penis and the other was a slut with silicon breasts, which one was Hitler sweetie?"

"The slut?"

"That's right Maggie," I pat her in the head as if she was an 8 yr old girl… which I'm sure she probably is.

"Do you think Hitler can beat Bart at chess?"

"not sure…. He is probably alive… I just got a weird feeling he is alive, I think it might be cancer."

"What?"

"Nothing, leave daddy alone now, his brain hurts from all the thinking,"

-

"Wake up Homer!!!" I am annoyed that a cold creepy voice had the guts to wake me up while I was in a deep slumber lying next to my beautiful wife. The room was dark and I couldn't see a thing but I could have sworn I heard someone telling me to wake up.

I put my head on my pillow and tried to go to sleep once again, nothing more than voices in my head. Everybody here's voices in their head and if they don't then they aren't normal. I have a feeling someone is watching me and it's annoying me, am I under surveillance or just another paranoid person?

Suddenly I feel someone pulling me by my leg, I throw the covers off my bed to see what it is and scream when I see it. It was one of those aliens playing hanky-panky with my leg.

"What Homie? Are you okay?"

"There was an alien in the bed,"

"o..k…"

-

"Good morning family, my disgusting yet okay family,"

"Hey Homer, I thought you went sober"

"Shut up Bart… BART!!!!" I was so happy to see my boy in the dinning table.

"Uhhh Dad who are you talking too?" Lisa's voice echoes in my head as I turn around and see Bart wasn't actually there.

"I'm not sure…" Am I seeing things or was Bart really there? Maybe I need to get drunk, that will help me remember.

"meh not important, you still trying to play violin Maggie?"

"Yeah!!! I can play seether songs on it,"

"Stupid little girl Seether doesn't use violins,"

"I mean I can play the notes of their songs, it's like an orchestral version of gasoline,"

"In other words you ruin a perfectly good song? Well I got to go now, please ruin smoke on the water or stairway to heaven," I walk out of house before I forgot my breakfast was only half-eaten. I return briefly to finish my breakfast as fast as I can and walk outside. I been telling people I have been working but I have just been going to my alien friends because they are controlling me. Dead people are watching me, or so I thought and then in realised they were living green people and that just made things worst.

A/N: I'm not sure about the future of this fanfic at the start I felt a passion for it but now I'm not sure. It is possible it might end soon but it is possible that it won't end for a while. I don't know how my mind could be mind up on this…. I got a lot of things to worry about right now and this isn't one of the things I want on my mind. I promise at least chapter 45 and then we will see how the fanfic is holding up at that point.


	41. Homer and Lisa: Reverse alcoholism

**Homer**

"Do'h!"

"What just happened Homer?" Moe looked at me confused as he tried to think of what just happened too.

"I think the aliens abducted us again…."

"Again, I was never abducted in the first place… why me?" Moe can complain all he wants but I been abducted like 2 or 3 times. It might be getting late but I know who we got to see, who can help us….

"We must go see professor Frink,"

"What? Why?" Moe foolishly questions me.

"You'll see," My car was parked outside Moe's Bar so we quickly jumped in and started to drive towards the bar. I don't really know why we are going to see Professor Frink and it seems as if having a nerd on the human side can help us. Also Lisa is going through her teenager phrase, these stupid depressed teenagers, and I remember my depressed phrase when I was 15, I just got a bunch of pot my dad was growing and I was all okay.

As soon as we arrived at Professor Frink's house I can see what drew me here. The U.F.O that I am sick of seeing is hovering over Professor Frink's house lab thingy. A green light is emitted from the U.F.O and we can see Professor Frink's body fall into the roof of his home. I can only assume it some how fell into his bedroom and passed through the roof, probably some alien magic device machine.

Me and Moe rush into his house and luckily for us his door was unlocked. We run into his room and see him lying in a lifeless state.

**Lisa**

_When you're alone and feel suicidal please call the doctors, 911 or a medical centre straight away and remember that the phase isn't forever, it will pass._

I was giving this booklet for a reason and I guess now is the best time to use it…. Dr Hebbit would just laugh at me so I guess I'll go with the 911….

I rush downstairs and go into the kitchen to ring 911 on the phone. I grab the phone and violently dial the numbers.

"Help me, I want to kill myself, my brother might be dead in a plane somewhere in Africa and my family is driving me completely insane, they always did, ever since I was 8,"

"Oh, another suicidal teenager, well I'll play you some music from Panic at the disco! The crap music should make you kill yourself, it's best we get rid of all the emos in the world," The lady's voice was calm and robotic but at the same time so human. It soon faded away and I heard the song start to play.

This doesn't make me want to kill myself, this makes me angry!!! How can bands like this get record labels?

Well I guess I realised the best way to get over depression is with anger…. Unless if your emo, then your screwed.

"Well, now what? It's too late to go out and I don't know where my family is, they all went their separate ways," I thought to myself but then I just did what all the Simpson's do…. Grabbed a pack of beer and went into the living room to watch some T.V.

I don't usually drink but I tried alcohol, everyone has I assumed, I mean even the Muslim extremist have despite it's against their religion. So is killing so I assume but some people just destroy the goodness of a pure religion like Islam.

I switch on the T.V. too see an old classic that has run so long now that it's almost as popular as suicide in teens.

_Scratchy was sitting in his mental hospital bed, it was a bright and beautiful day and Scratchy's mind was clear of thoughts of the little blue mouse. He was nearly over the fact that the little blue mouse was dead. He knew he killed him, he might have gone psycho with the gasoline but he had to do it, he had to burn down the house, the family, the mouse._

_He walks into the breakfast area for the mental patients and see's his friends all quietly eating food. He joins them with sausages and eggs. As he slowly swallows the horrible hospital food he realises his friends and the nurses on guard slowly explode._

"_What the hell?" Screams the innocent little cat but then he realises why, the last sausage on his plate is a dynamite stick. He only wishes the rest were really hard sausages not dynamites. Out of no where itchy comes at the cat with a knife… The bubbly mouse slices the cat's stomach and pulls out everything but 3 sticks of dynamite. He then wraps the organs around the cat and watches him explode and his skin quickly burn to ash. _

_The mouse gives a small laugh before throwing gasoline on the body and setting the cat's skeleton on fire_

"wow the show has really gone down in the past 2 or 3 years," I think but in the back of my mind the alcohol start's to work and I end up laughing. I didn't realise it was so lame that I had drunken the whole 12 pack. I didn't even know Duff sold beers in 12 packs.

As I get rid of the evidence of my alcoholic night and throw the trash out I see Maggie walk home. She waves to me but enters the house without saying hi which most unlike her. The little brat sometimes pisses me off but sometimes she doesn't… that's a good sentence right? Damn I think I'm starting to sound like dad.

"Hey Lis' getting rid of the trash?"

"Yeah, so where you been?"

"Sorry what?" I didn't realise I slurred my speech and I tried asking again and hiding my highly drunk state.

"I said where have you been? I'm a little tired is all!"

"Oh, I just been at the movies,"

"Oh… ok," We suddenly hear a loud hovering noise over our house and run outside to see a large spaceship. I watch in disbelief when it comes near our house and Maggie is abducted and then it slowly grabs me as I spew up.

**Homer**

"Oh galvin, really?" The professor zaps himself with some sort of memory ray after he drinks the strong cup of coffee I made him. He seems to remember things well and he zaps me and Moe with the ray too.

"OMG!!! Was that Bart and his dead girlfriend?" I scream as my memory slowly grows better.

"Uhhh…. Yeah," Professor Frink said as he finished off my cup of coffee.

"What were they doing in those chambers, strapped up to those awful looking machines?" I demand an answer but it's obvious that neither Moe nor Frink know the answer.

"Well what are we going to do?"

"I was able to plant a tracking a small tracking device in the ship, as long as they don't find it we should be able to locate the ship as long as it is some where in this galaxy."

"Oh and how do you suppose we get their? Get a gangster, jump on his back and yell cops?" Moe snorts at his unfunny joke but I couldn't help but think about my precious Bart. I wonder if he is dead or alive… he seemed in a brutal state, almost destroyed completely and if he is alive…. How much long till the aliens kill him?

"I have been working on a spaceship but it would take me around 3 days to complete it…."

"3 days…. Did you see the state Bart was in?" I yelled at Frink although I have no idea why my anger was directed at Professor Frink. It was those nasty aliens that hurt Bart.

As I walk home underneath the darken sky I know that Professor Frink was the right place to go but now I wonder if time is an issue. Although those times I was abducted it seemed as if time was nothing at all, a week passed by in a second, hours something smaller than a second but now it seems like all that time has added up.

"Homie, Homie, Where is my little girls?" Marge runs out of the house frantically, she is panicking and I don't know what to say. I hadn't seen Maggie and Lisa since breakfast and speaking of food I haven't had dinner yet and if we haven't had diner as a family…. It usually means something is up. Well not really, it just means I stayed at Moe's too long and I'm too drunk to know that I am getting a growling from Marge. To me it sounds like the sweet screams of love.

"Uhhh I'll go look for them," I jump into my car and am at what seems a sober state, not often am I sober this late at night.


	42. Homer and Bart V: Not dead yet

**Homer**

"Damn it," I return home with a hint of anger. It was 7 am and I had found neither Lisa nor Maggie. As I park my car in the driveway I see people talking to Marge, I guess she has let them know about what's happening. I pushed through the people and entered my house. I sat on my steps watching Marge finish telling them and then the townsfolk running off to look for them. The head of the group was chief Wiggum since it was kind of his job to find missing people although he hasn't done his job probably is oh so long.

"You okay Homie?" Marge asks and I wonder why she questions that but I realised why when I feel my shirt and it's wet. It's not the typical beer wetness on my shirt either, it's tears. I had been crying and I didn't even know, damn it I feel like such a girl.

"It's just first Bart now my daughters, this is the worst year of my life," I say as I wipe my tears.

"Yeah no arguments from me," The year started with a nice trip to Egypt and so many things have gone wrong since then. It's not fun nearly losing your children every month to murders, white knights, witches or aliens.

Suddenly the door is given a knock and Marge opens it to reveal Professor Frink standing their looking very tired.

"Oh galvin, well I finished the spaceship,"

"Spaceship?" Marge asks in disbelief although there have been many disbeliefs everyone has experience this year.

"What I thought you said it will take 3 days,"

"Well I knew you were frantic, so I took 68 cups of coffee and 53 party pills so I could finish it,"

"Wow you would do that for me? You would nearly kill yourself just to help a friend out?"

"Well I'm a scientist, I have no life and I already had insomnia but now I'm not going to sleep, ever!"

"Wait, Wait!! Why do we need a spaceship?"

"To chase the aliens that's been abducting us,"

"You planned to chase aliens when your daughters are missing?"

"Well I didn't know they would be missing,"

"Good point…. Well you're not going now, right?" The question was simple but you don't expect an easy answer.

"Well I can make your choice easier Willie got abducted during last night around 2 am and I zapped him with my memory ray and he saw Maggie and Lisa on the ship,"

"Oh, well I guess I need to go fight some aliens then," I say that in the most macho tone that I can.

"Well okay call 3 of your friends and I'll start preparing for leaving,"

"Okay I'll call Flanders, Mr Burns and Principal Skinner,"

"No Homie, friends are people you like, your thinking of enemies," my darling wife explains with a warm smile.

"Oh of cause well start preparing I'll get them to be at your place in about an hour?"

"Alright," Forget getting sleep tonight or even this morning.

**Bart**

I awake in silent horrid screams, my throat seems to struggle to make sound. Where the hell am I? I'm trapped in a glass chamber with something needles and stuff inserted me. It's almost as if I'm in a hospital except I'm standing up in a glass chamber. I don't have the strength to move a muscle.

The last thing I remember was being on the plane, we were having a nice little ride on the plane for our vacation, the year was close to an end and then something else went wrong. I and Jessica awoke on the plane to find the pilots dead and our plane falling. I assumed we fell to our deaths…..

My eyes are slowly staring to get more strength and slowly I am able to move my head. I get a shock when I take a look to the left of me and see Jessica standing their in a lifeless state hooked up to some kind of machine just like me.

This pisses me of, is this some sort of medical treatment? I would like to believe this is typical poor Springfield and that it's too poor a town to have a good working hospital but something about this place seems different. There is highly developed technology in this room that I don't think even N.A.S.A which is really mind-boggling.

"Hello, my name is nerobana, you think the humans will like my English? I been practising real hard," A small 3 ft little man walks into the room and starts fiddling with one of the most advanced computers every made. This man was strangely green and the friend that followed him was green too. They were obviously aliens, I don't know if it was the typical "greys" look or what but I knew they couldn't be anything but aliens. I was a sceptic about aliens but here I am in a glass chamber staring at uncanny men from afar.

"I think the humans will like your English, it's starting to get good, you have any idea when they are going to try and save these 4?" Both the aliens give a short laughing that with extremely high pitched and creepy. What do they mean save these 4? I only see 2 of us, who else do they have?

"They are ready," One of the aliens pushes a couple of buttons and I can see two more glass chambers pop up. I quickly close my eyes and pretend to be out cold. I hear a lot of moving and it's obvious that the aliens are being in two more people but who?

I hear Jessica's voice make something and see awakes in what could be the worst time.

"This is awake," I'm sure he meant this one is awake but meh, spelling errors and poor English is my speciality. Jessica lets out a large scream; probably just realising she is in a room with a lifeless friend, in a beaten state and surrounded by 3 ft little aliens that might be hostile.

One of the aliens gives a small laugh but they all seem to exit the room. I open my eyes and look at Jessica. I tried to open my mouth to speak but the muscles on my mouth have difficulty moving and I can see Jessica's do to. My throat feels dry and I can't imagine what could be worse than this situation till I look to the side of me.

Lisa and Maggie where asleep in glass incubation like chambers, the two identical chambers that had popped up before I closed my eyes. They seemed to be unbeaten like me and Jessica but Lisa looks like she has had a really bad day almost as if she is like Homer. Maybe she had something to drink earlier….. A good brother always knows so I have no idea.

**Homer**

"Alright, I called the three people, they should be here soon," I say as I walk into the garage in which the spaceship is resting in. The spaceship seems very complicated, it's quiet big but no where as big as the U.F.O which I massive when we were inside of it. The spaceship seems to have very complicated weapons and devices, almost unworldly. It's almost as if Professor Frink is an alien, the way he always has technology even Nazi would have difficult understanding.

"Alright I'm ready," Frink looks a bit annoyed that I called Moe, probably some warm water still around about the night he got abducted. I don't know what the means but if I did I wouldn't really want to say it again. Warm water still around….

"I'm going to save my sweet Jessica," Frink looks even more annoyed, this wasn't the list of people he wanted me call I guess. Reverend Lovejoy is definitely a sceptic on aliens and science it self, science and religion never mix… NEVER!!! Can't people just open their minds and think that maybe the big bang happened when God was playing with his chemistry set and was bored. I mean it's logical, God wanted to create the world and since he has the power to do so he just did it.

"May I talk to you inside my house?" Professor Frink says to me and I know I'm going to get a yelling almost like Bart knows that if he is still alive he is going to get yelled at for not calling his mother.

"You invited the rat and religion whore?"

"Well… I just thought they were linked to this," Moe had been abducted and he has every right to be pissed off at some short little punks that put needles through him. Reverend Lovejoy's daughter is trapped on an U.F.O so it was natural that I would invite him to fight off the green heathens.

"I can see where you're coming from…. But I would have preferred if you just called Willie or Otto,"

"Who else did you find linked to the aliens?"

"I don't know why he is late," Ignoring the question and looking at his clock. We both walk outside and into the garage.

"Well gentlemen, please enter the ship," The ship is massive and has a ladder on the side for us to access the door.

"Where is the last person?" Professor Frink asks but he suddenly makes an appearance.

"You brought him?" Their seems to be some mutter on my final choice but I felt he was the right person to go to.

"Hey want to hear a joke?" Professor Frink said as he started up the spaceship and started to pilot it. It was silent and fast, this is definitely a thing that should be up for the Nobel Prize.

"Two molecules are walking down the street and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "I'm positive!"" Professor Frink lets out a large laugh were his eyes scan the radar. I didn't know what was so funny about it but I guess that's a thinker.

"We know a guy who was so dumb his teacher gave him two sticks and he became a drummer, but lost one and became a conductor." I and Moe say in unison.

"We should really be focusing on our mission; finding the U.F.O would be a good start," Professor Frink focuses on his radar and can find that his tracking device isn't very far. As Frink puts the ship on overdrive we can see the U.F.O just resting in space. The size of the object continues to grow as we get closer. I thought it was smaller but I guess I was wrong. The U.F.O suddenly hovers over us and abducts us with a green light, much like it has done to us in the past.


	43. Homer VII: Not a good role model?

-1**Homer**

I watch as the ship is slowly suck into the giant U.F.O. As soon as we are on board of the ship I can see a massive warehouse like area. Damn it, this seems so familiar…. We hop out of our ship fully armed with the latest of Earth's technology. We see a bunch of stairs and I quickly climb it too see a shocking site. Bart and Marge were tied up in a chair and all the kids of the town were about to shoot themselves. Sideshow Bob was standing in front of Bart and laughing.

"What the hell dude?" Otto says confused while me and Professor Frink try to figure out what is going on. Are they showing us images from our memory? They got some pointless devices although this device could be really cool if I could relieve some of my high school days, getting drunk, getting Fs and getting laid. Those were the days. Professor Frink all of a sudden fires his phase at the machine much like he did in the past and all of the sudden the room starts to fade. It basically turns in sand and the sand disappears.

"Dude I must be so high right now," Otto says and I guess I must be pretty high too. We continue into the empty room and it looks exactly like the warehouse, except it's a little bit smaller. Another ladder… this is so confusing. We climb up that ladder and I nearly forget that we are in a spaceship.

The next floor is as fucked up as the last. Bart, Jessica, Lisa and Maggie are locked up in container things. 30 or 40 small 4ft aliens are observing them and one of them turns around and looks at us. This alien was taller, he was about 5ft 7.

"Homer, I can sense your feeling confused and angry," The little alien says as I step forward in order to observe it better.

"I'm always confused and angry," I yell at the alien and shake my fist at the alien.

"Let me cure some of your confusion,"

"What?"

"_I'm married to an idiot," Marge says as she disappears into the shadows._

"_My dad isn't much of a role model but he is a good tackling dumb for guys just starting out of fat jokes," Bart says as he disappears in to the darkness._

"_My dad isn't smart and neither is my mother, where do I get my intelligence from?" Lisa says as she disappears into her own smug. _

"_My daddy smells like beer," Says the littlest Simpson child as she disappears just like the others did._

"Homer, are you okay, there was like this big flash of green light, and lots of noise. I thought I was at a rock concert,"

"Did that cure your confusion about your family Homer?" The tallest alien asked me while the others weren't paying any attention to us. The other aliens doing things on the computer, probably trying to clock solitaire.

"No, not really, now I'm more confused than before,"

"Oh…. Well it's my first month, would you give me a break?"

"Calm down tall alien person, I just thought I was a good father," Suddenly the whole room is filled with laughter. The leader of the aliens, the small aliens and my friends were laughing so hard that some of them started to cough up blood.

"Look I didn't come here to play games,"

"Who said we are playing a game?"

"I came her to rescue my children and Bart's dead girlfriend,"

"Dead girlfriend?" The alien looked at me confused and I didn't stand what he was confused about. He could read my thoughts or something so there shouldn't be any confused look on his face.

"Anyways, We humanoids are nice aliens, we saw your son and his girlfriend lying on sharp rocks, near death. It was then we picked them up and attempted to heal them, okay so we took some blood for our research so what? We still saved their lives. We abducted two little girls who coincidentally were your daughters. We only be doing researching on them as well. In no way have we harmed anyone, in fact our research is finished. You may take them home in an hour when Jessica and Bart are fully restored." 

"What are we going to do? An hour is like 5 days away," Everyone starts thinking on what we could do to make time run faster.

"Hey, how about we fight?" A cute, small little alien said and all the aliens suddenly pulled out their weapons. I turned around to see my group also had their weapons pulled out. Some aliens returned to working on the computer while some of them fired at us with their lasers.

"Hide, Homer… what the fuck is wrong with you, pull out a weapon and dodge the blasts," I do what the angry professor says and I start shooting towards the head alien. Our technology is equally matched and we are equally sexy. The fight goes on for what seems like days.

"Restoration 99…" Says a voice that comes out of the walls. I stare up at the machine for too long because I get shot by the head alien. Everything starts too fade and I slowly fall into a pit of darkness.

"Wake up Homie," I wake up in my bed surround by my children and my wife.

"It was all a dream?"

"What was daddy?"

"The alien thingy…."

"No that was real,"

"But I was shot,"

"Yeah but the aliens quickly healed you and teleported us all home," I put my head back on my pillow and grab Maggie. I hold her tightly as if an infant holding onto a teddy bear. Those aliens were really kind to us and to think we were going to skin them alive and feed them to Willie.

They weren't very truthful though. No way do my family think I'm a slow, stupid fat piece of ignorance. I am a good role model aren't I?

"My dear family, what do you think of your father…. Be truthfully,"

"well look at the time kids, I think we should leave your dad to rest in peace,"

"Uhh yeah I got a book report," Even Lisa isn't going to tell me the truth. They all hate me. I got to win their respect, I got to trick them into believing I'm a good, caring father and person. I wonder if Marge even loves me.


	44. Bart VI: Mr Burn's death

-1A/N: I have realised that there has been a backlash in fans of this fic in the past few chapters. I don't most of the people who have been reading it like it as much as they used to before. I guess the story's momentum is fading and it's ultimately leading to the self-destruction of this fanfic. I was unsure if chapter 45 should be my last but I think it might be better to say goodbye to my favourite fanfic (of mine of cause) because I make it turn into a pile of crap that nobody wants to read.

**Bart**

Evil aliens aren't so evil I suppose and I guess I won't get to go to Egypt again. All that doesn't really matter now because I'm just happy to say good bye to this stupid year. I hate all that has happened to me this year besides passing my finals and my dad suddenly getting wealthy.

"Are you okay Honey?" Jessica questions me with her beautiful brown eyes observing me very carefully.

"Yeah I just got to say this year sucked," I say and for the first time in her house I got away with saying that.

"I have to be honest Bart it has, especially when I had to cleanse the church," Mr Lovejoy says in the kitchen cooking up something for us to eat. Mrs Lovejoy is holding her first Woman's group at the church so Timothy Lovejoy has had to fill in the kitchen.

"Everything seems to have calmed down for now," I say wondering if we have just entered the eye of the storm. The only thing that's strange is dad has quit beer again and has taken a job at the power plant he sold a few months ago. I don't understand why he did that….. He hates working and he is wealthy, rich beyond his fucking mind. He still refused to move to a better house and we still remain to live like we did when we were poor. I wonder what he is planning to do with all that money and why he isn't spending a dime. Another weird thing that has happened is that dad put a bed, a T.V and a few other homely features into the garage so Grandpa could live in it instead of the rest home.

"Good cause I don't want to spend Christmas wondering if my precious Bart is going to die or not," Jessica says as she pulls her sweet arms around me and starts holding onto me tightly as if afraid that she will lose me.

"Christmas is only two days away, got any plans Jess?"

"Yeah, I'm going to be at the homeless shelter helping the less fortunate," A year ago I would have laughed at that but I don't know why but I think me and Jessica are starting to grow up, starting to mature. I love the old Bart that was destructive and a little demon but I think maybe it's time to let that Bart go. He will always be in my childhood memories but now it's time to grow up.

"Bart, it's weird… the only reason we got together in the first place was for our thirst of danger, anarchy and destruction but now we are both… much more controlled and loving people. What if one of us didn't change? Do you think we would have broken up?"

"Yeah," I bluntly say knowing we would have broken up because the one that stayed a hoodlum would have despised the other person's kindness and told them to go fuck themselves. If it didn't happen that way then the loving person would have eventually gotten sick of the annoying trouble maker.

"Dinners ready," Says Reverend Lovejoy as I hear the moving of plates. Me and Jessica walk into the kitchen to see roast lamb, peas, corn, hot chips, crabsticks and baked potatoes. I instantly fill my plate and start digging in after Jessica says a prayer.

"This is really good, you should cook more often," I say thinking that he is probably better than Helen Lovejoy who also can cook quite well. In Springfield it's not that hard to find good food that's why a lot of the adult population is overweight. Suddenly the phone rings and Jessica goes and picks it up.

"Hello," I hear the muffled sound of a conversation from the other side of the room.

"Mr Burns, wants to see us?" She says surprised, I'm not sure if she is surprised that Mr Burns is still alive or that he wants to see her.

"Well my mum will be back shortly, is it okay if I bring a friend?"

"Who?" I hear quiet clearly from the other side of the phone.

"Bart Simpson," The person on the other end says something but Jessica nods to assure I'm allowed to go. The conversation goes on for about another minute or two and then Jessica puts the phone away. I don't know what Mr Burns would want to see the Lovejoys for but I don't know a whole lot behind Mr Burn's thinking. It's so strange, distorted and 9 out of 10 times, evil!!!

Jessica sits down again and I can't help but put my arms around her and start to cry. Mr Lovejoy gives me a strange glare but continues to eat his meal.

"I can't stand it, I know something bad is going is happen once again, my life is consistently destroyed and rebuilt but I'm sick of rebuilding it," My deepest and darkest emotions are all I can feel right now and I don't know how to explain it too her.

"Does he always have wild mood swings like that?" Mr Lovejoy asks Jessica while continuing to eat his meal. He quickly finishes his meal and leaves us alone.

Jessica clings onto me tightly but she looks confused on what to do, I bet she has never felt what I feel. How I just want to die, how I want to kill myself because I'm probably the leading cause in most of the bad things that happen to my friends and family.

"Bart, I know what your thinking," She changes her hug to make it that the back of my head and body is resting on her. She runs a hand down my spiky hair and gives me a kiss on the cheek.

"Your thinking about shooting yourself,"

"How… How did you know that?" She pulls me up a little bit so our heads are next to each other. Part of her blonde hair wipes across my face when she turns her head before talking again. Her head is turned away from me, I can't see the expression on her face or anything.

"When I got addicted to Heroin I saw how much damage I was doing and when I quit I became so remorseful I thought it would be better if I wasn't ever born, after being clean for about a month I took one large dose, a lethal dose that should have killed me," I remember that, Jessica became increasingly distant leading up to her overdose. She was in the hospital for nearly 3 weeks following her overdose and it's probably one of the most shocking events to take place in this town. She somehow survived, the doctors were shocked she was still alive and so was the rest of the town. I only the other hand was only happy, that was one of the few times when I was a rebel that I was truly sad that a loved one was dying, a good friend… not just a girlfriend.

"When I somehow survived I was shocked at how shocked the rest of the town was but more shocked at how sad you were, you had been a tough guy that lived by nobody's rules but his own but when I awoke I saw you a mess. Your spiky blonde hair had turned into a long and messy dirty pit, you were basically crying so hard that I thought you were going to bleed out your eyes or something and you were clinging on to me as if I was your most treasured possession,"

"You are…"

"Well then please don't die… I wouldn't know what to do, I would become just like you were back then," The whole thing was an awful nightmare and I'm glad she survived. I was such a mess and so depressed that I didn't have the energy to do anything but cry on Jessica's lifeless body. If I had been such a rebel back then broke down so easily when Jessica nearly died I wonder what will happen when Jessica does die. How I hope I am the first to go.

"Bart, I'll love you till the skies fall apart and till my heart explodes,"

"I can't believe you made me feel better in just 20 minutes, your fucking awesome," I wish I wouldn't have used the word "fucking" when I hear someone clear her voice and it was Mrs Lovejoy standing at the door with her husband glaring at me. They seemed to let it go and say we need to get into the car. I wipe the tears off my face and jump into the Lovejoy's new black family sedan. It's fancy but a bit too posh for a simple hick town like Springfield.

For the whole ride Jessica is holding into my tightly and resting her head on my chest. She keeps telling me how much she loves me till I want to tell her too fuck up but I don't get the chance to get pissed enough. We arrive at Mr Burn's estate and walk up the steps of the fucking huge mansion. Mr Smithers greets us warmly and says Mr Burn's is waiting for us in his bedroom.

"Hey look Marge, it's my wonderful son," Another thing that is wrong lately is the way dad is acting, he grabs me and locks me into a father and son hug and bushes my hair like he used to do when I was little. Mr Burn's is lying on the bed, pale and fading. My family for some reason also surround the bed of Mr Burns.

"Hello, Friends" I think Mr burns has gone old and senile to say something like that since he considers only Waylon Smithers to be his friend and no one really likes him except for Smithers. He seems to have gotten some sort of illness and is dying slowly in extreme pain.

"Homer, I'm sorry for never remembering your name,"

"About time, you old bas… I mean, oh that's okay,"

"Marge I'm sorry for making you paint me nude,"

"Yeah I still get therapy for that,"

"Lisa, I'm sorry for recycling the creatures of the deep blue sea when I opened up a recycling factory,"

"Well I've forgiven you a while ago but I don't know if they ocean has,"

"Maggie I'm sorry for taking BoBo from you and trying to steal that lollipop from you making you accidentally shoot me and then asking the police to arrest you,"

"Uhhh…. That's okay sir," She says a little confused, we haven't really told her a whole lot about her years as a baby. She was problematic at times but always made me laugh. Mum was kind of afraid that she might become "naughty" like me but that kind of change when she started becoming a sweet and darling little girl around the age of 5.

"Bart, I'm sorry for making you my heir and then erasing your name off of my will,"

"Well you know you still got time," Jessica firmly hits me in the rib before I can tell him he can still put my name on the will. She might regret that decision one day but I guess I would have regretted asking a dying man for his money.

"Of the families in this town I am somehow linked to the Simpson's the most which is why I am leaving Bart, Maggie and Lisa something in my will," Of all the things that have happened to me this year, one of the best things was having my father get rich. I mean we had live in poverty for years and years but now we were rich. Now we are going to get even more richer… how the hell did we get so lucky and unlucky in the same year?

"Jessica, I remember the time I first met you, you were about 10 and had been sent to my house because you had attempted to steal from me," Jessica broke into the power plant in order to get some nuclear thing so she could destroy the school. I never understood the plan fully and was going to help her but I had to bail when I got grounded for spraying "Gays alert!!" on the school football team's bus. She ended up being caught by my dad who was forced to work overtime because he nearly caused another meltdown.

"You were so angry and a disturbed child, I love that destructive behaviour… you were just like Bart except you didn't know when you had gone to far,"

"I… oh… yeah sorry about trying to kill you with rat poison when you refused to let me take a break and play in the arcade, I can't believe you kept some of that stuff you bought for Bart,"

"I still got it, anyways I liked that fact you two were so rebellious and loved to hate. Your anarchy and anger made me laugh and feel touched a few times so I decided to give you both something other than what the rest of your siblings are getting. I am leaving you both a house. I remember when you two burnt down Waylon's old house, I had to give him that house and kick out the tenants…. That house is yours now since Waylon is moving in here." I can't believe we are going to be living in Smithers old house…. Well owning, I know our parents won't let us live in it yet.

"Wow, thank you!!!" Jessica said as she gave Mr Burn's a kiss on the forehead.

"Well now that all that rubbish is out of the way, I have to say one last thing, Waylon… you have manage everything for me and you were a great assistant and an even better best friend, you get the majority of my belongings and I want you too know that I will always love you, but now it's time for me too die… remember me, good bye friends…" Without warning he pulls out a gun and with the last of his energy his blows his brains out.

"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Smithers screams at the death of Mr burns and drops to his knees and starts crying. Marge walks over to him and starts comforting him while Lisa tries to explain to Maggie why he did that.

"He…. He just didn't want to live anymore, too much pain and suffering," Lisa says as Maggie too starts to cry. I feel sorry for Maggie, she has seen a few deaths this year and she is only 8...

"Son, I just want to tell you that I love you and that I am always here for you," Homers says before tightly embracing me, I force him off of me.

"What the hell is going on with you?" I ask him quietly, trying not to show my anger at Homer's weird behaviour since everyone else is crying.

"I don't want to be a failure of a father,"

"Oh… your trying to do that with hugs and kisses?"

"No… but… hey I took my job back in the power plant,"

"So? Every father works… it's in the times of adversity and hardship when you can be a true father,"

"Adversity and hardship… Marge, can we eat some adversity and hardship tonight?"

"Also… I wider vocabulary and logically thinking would be a bonus,"

"A vocabulary and logically thinking for dessert honey,"

"You know what dad, even if you are sometimes a bad father figure and a complete idiot, you always make me laugh, you always make Lisa and Maggie laugh too… we will always remember you as a really funny dad instead of one of those asshole dads that just put food on the table,"

"hmmm food on the table. But I don't want to be a funny dad, I want to be a good dad,"

"Well good luck with that dad," I help Lisa in comforting Maggie. Homer stares at us for a long time and then at Marge and Waylon.

"Friends, Family!!! You shouldn't be sad at Mr Burn's death, he lived a long and wonderful life that he enjoyed. No, we should be celebrating his life… and how he touched everyone of you enough to make you cry. You can only feel sad if there was something really good or happy to start of with so Mr Burn's death should be thought of a happy sadness, R.I.P Mr Burns," I got to admit Homer always has fucked up logic but this makes sense in a weird way and it made Waylon and Maggie stop crying.

"….Homer, that was beautifully," Says Mr Lovejoy shocked that he was able to think of something so weird yet touching. Homer than picks up Maggie and holds her in a way as if she were a baby. Maggie seems to like it a lot and starts giggling as if a baby. This kind of reminds of how Maggie was a baby, when she was like two and I was around 10 and dad would occasionally do this kind of thing with Maggie. She and he used to smile and laugh for hours, it kind of worked for dad since he has the mind of a child.


	45. Bart and Lisa II: Scary Christmas!

-1**Bart**

"Merry Christmas!" Everyone says Maggie cheerful as she wipes away sandman dust from her eyes. She quickly runs to the Christmas tree and opens her presents.

"oh my gosh, it's a new C.D from Britney Spears, can I burn it daddy?" Maggie begs her dad as soon as she opens one of her presents.

"Why else would daddy buy it?" Answers Homer in a tone that seems over confidence and stupid.

"Bart, you got me something too?" Yeah that what I expected from her, since I never given Maggie a present. It's not that I didn't want to, it's just I never had any money and now I got at least $300 dollars in my pocket.

"Yeah Maggie, it's nothing much,"

"Wow, it's the latest Malibu Stacy doll, it's that limited edition one that comes with a model of the playboy mansion." She says excitedly staring at the mansion.

"Aren't you going to open your present?" Maggie asked me as I realised this is one of the first Christmas's where I didn't really care for my presents.

"Yeah," I grab Maggie's present and it reveals a little book.

_My big brother and I._

_Page 1: My brother is super cool, he takes me to places that my dad is banned from like the museum, zoo and R16 Movies._

_Page 2: One time I shot my brother and he nearly died… but he didn't so it's okay._

_Page 3: My brother is beats up people that pick on me because he is super sweet._

_Page 4: My brother once burnt the American flag because he believed that the war in Iraq is wrong and because he wasn't allowed to play guitar in his band in the school hall because his song only consisted of the F word. _

_Page 5: Recently my brother has become super smart and isn't naughty anymore which made my mum super happy. I like my brother because he is the best brother anyone could ask for and he is super nice._

I have no idea how to feel about that… how does she even remember me burning the America flag? I was like 13, she was like 5... I don't remember things from when I was 5.

"Oh how… sweet Maggie, that's so adorable," I give her a tight hug and give her a kiss on the cheek.

Another thing is I'm not the only one that has noticed the change in me and Jessica…. Well it's not that easy to hide, we kind of aren't complete assholes anymore. I'm not sure if I like being such a nice guy, I spent years building an image. An image of vandalising, graffiti and in some cases, violence. Me and Jessica were going down a path that Sid and Nancy went or Bonnie and Clyde however we stopped. Unlike the fucking awesome Sex Pistol's bassist and his girlfriend and the two infamous masterminds we weren't able to continue our anarchy and stretch our criminal records.

"Hey Bart, want to come to the Santa Parade with me and Maggie?" Asked Lisa but I just flip her and Maggie off. I hate being this little nice guy, fuck this dude.

"Christmas time and the old Bart is back, bitch," I say grabbing my skateboard and start skating towards the homeless shelter.

"Hey, look what I got… Money, you want some?" I mock at the homeless as they gather around me.

"Well your not getting any, get a fucking job," I say grabbing the pots and pans of food and throwing them at the wall.

"Bart!!!" Jessica screams at me but I just flip her off and skate towards the church. I spray paint the words God is gay on the church walls but I should have acted faster.

"Lou, look at that, Bart seems to have gone insane again,"

"Such a shame Eddie, I don't know whether to arrest him or call a psychiatrist,"

"You arrest him, I'll call the psychiatrist," I hear as I drop my spray can and see two cops coming straight for me.

"Hey bitches, eat my shorts," I start moving on my skateboard as fast as I could. Thankfully they were walking and don't have a car. Let these horse fuckers chase me, I'll shall escape the laws and relegations of this town.

**Lisa**

"Hello, Alex?" I haven't had a call from Alex in a long time but I guess she called because she wanted to say Merry Christmas or something.

"Hey, Lis, Merry Christmas,"

"Merry Christmas too you Alex,"

"I just want to tell you that Bart is acting really strange,"

"What?"

"Well I was talking with Mr Lovejoy and he said that Bart sprayed the words God is gay on the church door or something and now the cops are looking for him,"

"What, Where?" I scream into the phone, Maggie ignored the cute little baby pandas and looked at me confused.

"what's going on?" She questions me.

"I don't know what's gotten into him, I thought he was becoming more normal and stuff so like yeah,"

"He did kind of flip me and Maggie off today,"

"it's probably like stress or something cause like Christmas is suppose to be stressful,"

"Yea, they call it the silly season cause everybody goes mentally insane, just look at Santa, what a fat bastard, giving little children presents, how bloody stupid is that?"

"Totally. Christmas is meant to be about Jesus's birth, I don't get how a fat man in a gay suit giving people presents is suppose to be about the birth of our saviour." It really feels like I'm talking to the old Alex, everyone changed recently and I don't like it. I like how things used to be, I know it's better to have a loving brother and a father that seems to be slightly intelligent and doesn't drink as much anymore but I miss the asshole brother and father that screams and hits my mum when she takes his beer.

"Yeah and what's up with Christmas Ham?" I ask Alex before remembering about Bart.

"Yeah I know what you mean, everybody is like commercialised Nazi cheerleaders that dwell on conformity,"

"Yeah, anyways any idea where Bart is?"

"Nope, he seems to be on the run,"

"The run? From the cops… Budda damn it,"

"Lisa!!!!!!!!!! Never take Budda's name in vain,"

"What do you care, your Christian,"

"So… I won't have you forsake your beliefs, do you want to look for him?"

"Well duh,"

"D.W.Y where are you now?"

"At the zoo with Maggie,"

"Oh… well I'll get Milhouse to look for him,"

"No… I want to help,"

"Ok, uhhh you search that area of the town, oh wait there is a knock on the door," I hear Alex put down the phone and answer a vigorously abused door.

"Bart?" I hear Alex say on the other end of the phone.

"Yeah Alex,"

"What are you doing, the cops are after you,"

"Shut up Bitch, there is something I have to tell you,"

"Uh… okay, but hurry"

"I love you, I know I'm going to be cheating on Jessica for doing this, but I love you, I need a little desert on the side," I hear some sort of noise that I can't make out. It's like a bunch of rapid movement.

"Bart….Bart!! What the hell has gotten into you? You just kissed me!!! You just fucking kissed me!!"

"Shut up Alex, your going to silent yourself and like what I'm about too do to you," I hear a body hit the floor hard. And unzipping, it's almost as if Bart just unzipped Alex's new leather boots.

"is my brother raping my best friend?" I question out loud getting weird looks from people around including my little sister.

"What's raping?"

"It's uhh… nothing, you got to stay here Maggie, I'll be back for you later," I say as I start running towards Alex's house as fast as I could. It was such a long way away, I couldn't help but give up half way.

"Lisa, are you okay?" Milhouse pulled up his car next to me.

"When did you get a car and a license?"

"Like a month ago,"

"Right, you got to take me to Alex's house, Bart has gone insane," Milhouse doesn't ask any questions but opens the passenger door. He drives in a smooth but speedy way.

"Damn it, you can drive better than your dad,"

"That's not much of an accomplishment,"

We arrive outside the mansion and see a bunch of police cars already there. Along with police cars are ambulances and mental health vehicles. Oh damn it Bart, what have you gotten yourself into?

"What's going on?" Milhouse asks on of the police officers.

"Bart has gone insane, he caused trouble down at the homeless shelter and the church and he just tried to rape Alex,"

"He what?" Asked Milhouse shocked of the behaviour that Bart has displayed. Inside the house I could she Bart holding a handgun to Alex's head.

"Bart, don't do it…" I say as I rushed into the front of the police crew and doctors.

"Lisa!! What do you want?"

"Please Bart, Listen to me… don't kill Alex… you will regret it for the rest of your life… she was a good friend to you,"

"Your… your right," he pushes Alex down the steps.

"Bart… don't do anything stupid, just go with these officers,"

"No chance sis,"

He puts the gun to his head.

"Wait Bart, Don't!!!! for the love of Jesus don't!!!"

A/N: As you can see it's sort of a cliff hanger, a really lame cliff hanger. I haven't had much response from readers in the past few chapters and I doubt I will get any for this chapter. It is possibly the last chapter of this fic and it possibly isn't… my mind isn't made up yet but if you guys want me to continue then I will. If your sick of my lame fic then you can make the ending in your head. The fanfic was left with a cliff hanger so you guys could end the fanfic how you want to end it. However if you think I should continue than please say so and I might just do that.


	46. Bart, Milhouse and Homer: Nightmare

-1**A/N:**I got to admit I have some negative thoughts about continuing with this fan fic. I mean you can only go so far in a fic but you realise that your not funny and all the emotional crap you do is in fact stolen from Friends or something. I felt like chapter 45 might be the last chapter and I know I haven't thought much about concluding this fic. I told you all to think up your own conclusions to that chapter but I have decided to release my conclusion. Your ideas are probably more creative and better than mine but I just felt like continuing. I'm not entirely sure how much more life this fic has left but at the end of the 45th chapter I realised that it doesn't matter about the amount of reviews I get but the impact it has. Thanks to some advice that was worded much better than that in a review from a fan I got to admit I feel like a sell out musician, pleading for my crappy Cds to be sold but in the end I have realised that my music is crappy and even if I only have one person that actually listens, it doesn't really matter.

**Bart**

"I'm so sorry for my behaviour," I tell Lisa, the first phone call I have gotten since I was admitted to hospital. I had caused a huge drama and nearly killed Alex, nearly raped her… nearly attack the cops and nearly died. I gave up easily after the large commotion and I was sent to Springfield Mental Hospital. I been trapped in here for nearly two weeks, going serve testing on the cause of what I did.

"I'm sure in time everyone will forgive you, Maggie is having a hard time dealing with what you have done, so is Jessica and Alex," I nearly forgot about my love Jessica, how can I explain to her that I tried to rape one of my sister's best friends? I won't be shocked if she would leave me but I deserve it.

"Tell everyone I'm sorry,"

"Alright, but mum just spends her days crying, while dad walks around the house like a zombie, they are getting worse everyday. Could we possibly visit you one day?"

"Sure… I been wondering why no one in Springfield visited,"

"Time's up," calls out one of the reception as I say good bye and hang up. They say I'm mental insane too be honest I just miss the comfort of being normal. I wish I could turn back the clock, just go back to the days where I was a normal kid, a rebellious 8 yr old that wasn't trapped in this box being questioned. Back when ADD was the only mental disorder I had. The doctors think my ADD has grown into something else, maybe it's bipolar or schizophrenia or borderline personality disorder, I don't know and I as hell don't want to find out. I just want to go home.

-

It's been 3 months, and I'm finally released… finally out of a fate worst than death. On my release, I had one thing on my mind…. Jessica.

"Jess…Jess," I say running to the Lovejoy's house. I knock and Mr Lovejoy opens the door.

"You had led me to believe you changed Bart, from the worshipping to Satan to the righteous path of God. You lied, you lied to me and my daughter,"

"I'm sorry, I was…. Supposably high from my mental state, mania or something… I didn't mean to do anything like that," Jessica suddenly appears and walks towards me, an angry look on her face.

"I'm sorry Jessica please forgive me,"

"Mania, maybe if you can't control your mind then you aren't a very good boyfriend,"

"Jess… what are you saying… I can control my mind and I got lithium to help me,"

"How could you… How could you tried to have sex with Alex? I mean I thought sex was something sacred for me and you only,"

"JESSICA!!!!" He father roared but this wasn't about him, it was about me and her.

"Please I love you Jess, I have always loved you,"

"Bart… you know I hate you, I can't stand too see you now," She said as she starting crying and withdrew into her house.

"I suggest you leave Bart," Mr Lovejoy said as he slammed the door.

Next on my mind was Alex, I had to apologise to her. As I walked towards Alex's house I observed all the weird looks I was getting from the townsfolk. It felt like they were trying to kill me with their stares, the hateful stares burning my soul away.

"Alex, I just want to apologise. Can I come in?" Alex looked a little pissed off but said I could.

"Bart you tried to rape me, before that you downed a dozen of my pills and…."

"I just want to say I am deeply remorseful for my actions, I'm sorry… I really cherish our friendship,"

"Why did you try to rape me… I cherish our friendship too,"

"I don't know I'm stupid, I wish you weren't so hot… I wish I wasn't so stupid, I wish a lot of things but I just wish none of this happened, I wish this was all a dream!!!"

"If you wanted me, all you had to do was ask," She said as she got on top of me and put her tongue in my mouth. My penis grew… and now I felt confused, what the fuck is going on?

"Wake up Bart," My eyes open to Maggie's anxious face. Oh my God, it was just a dream!!!! Oh thank you God, you have no idea how it feels that it was all a dream. Jessica was lying next too me in a lifeless state but she was next to me, that's all that mattered.

"What happened?"

"You did your stupid tricks, you were suppose to take Maggie to the zoo, instead you ran into Nelson, got high and nearly died," Lisa explains in her normal angry tone that she uses when she protests to something.

"oh thank God," I scream but then I look at Jess. Oh shit, I think as I try to wake her. Her face pale, not a hint of life…..

"_Hey Bart,"_

"_Oh hey Nelson, dude I'm suppose to be going to the zoo with my sister in an hour,"_

"_How about you have something to make the experience more fun?"_

"_What do you mean?" I was shocked when he pulled out a bag and inside was the brown poison that I have had a few times. It was addictive, too bad I have shit for cash._

"_I'm not doing heroin, Jessica nearly died from heroin,"_

"_Look Bart, it's just a special stress reliever, aren't you feeling stressed out from your life? I mean these days are hard to live in without something to keep you enthusiastic." He was right in a way but I couldn't…._

"_Look, just cause I have known you for a while and I have come to like you, you can have this whole bag on the house as long as you buy 2kg of weed, special price of $50,"_

"_2kg of weed for $50," I hand him the $50 and head home, some how able to keep it hidden on my way in. T.V has helped me out so many times in the past. I decide to hide it under my bed and give Jess a call. A apart of me wants to get high, a part of me feels like maybe Jessica could talk me out of it. I love her more than anything in the world._

"_What do you want sweetie?" Jess said as she finally arrived, looking stunning I might add._

"_I ran into nelson he gave me like tons of heroin for free and 2kg of weed,"_

"_What?" She said as I locked the door and I pull the bag out of under my bed._

"_Shit… I can't do this shit again, don't you remember what it did to us before?"_

"_I know but this time we will be safer, nothing will happen,"_

"Get up Jessie!!! Please for the love of God," I scream, tears finding it's way onto her lifeless body.

"What… what's going on," She finally says and opens her eyes. I felt the greatest feeling of relief I think I have ever felt. I cling on to her, my arms tightly around her body and give her a kiss on the cheek.

"Bart and you went crazy," Maggie explains in a childish way.

"Yeah, you guys did so much weed that you ended up trying to climb the walls, then you started licking the walls… it was really, really weird. The smell was all over the house and even around the Springfield heights, were you guys tried to climb the giant d," Lisa continues to explain as I just think how happy I am that it was all a dream… that Jessica is okay.

"wow!!!" Jessica says in a less than satisfied way.

"Don't touch me Bart, I can't stand too see you right now," Jessica says as she breaks my grip and my heart at the same time. It feels like the nightmare was true. Jessica starts crying and walks out of the room. I can't believe I was so stupid enough to shoot heroin and smoke pot again.

**Milhouse**

"Push it, Push it" Yelled Willie but hands were tired.

"I can't," I say as he takes the bar away from me. We were doing bench ups at the G.Y.M I decided it's about time I get into shape, especially for Lisa. I got to get out of the low state and move over, I will always love Samantha but it's over now, she is gone… sad but true.

"Well see you later Willie," I say as I prepare to leave.

"I like killing horsemen," I here Ralph randomly say, I sometimes wonder if his brain would be able to carry out the stuff he says…. It would be scary.

"Hey Millie, how's it going?" Asked Moe, slightly hidden from others within the gym.

"Hey Moe, not bad, just beefing up for Lisa,"

"oh really, maybe you would like some help,"

"What do you mean?"

"Steroids, I got a new shipment from China, it's a special kind that doesn't show up in drug tests,"

"Steroids…. Well maybe I need a little help, you know special aid for my training,"

"What give you say my friend, you inject this twice a day and take these pills three times a day," He says as he hands me something that could help me win Lisa.

"How much?"

"First one's free but afterwards its gonna cost a pretty penny, so this month's free, just see how you like,"

"Thanks man," I say adding it to my G.Y.M bag and going towards my house.

"Lisa, hey!" I say running into my not so secret crush.

"uhh want to grab a coffee or something,"

"Sure Milhouse," She says as we decide to go to a Starbucks in Springfield.

"Wow, Starbucks must really be running out of business to open one in a town as crappy as this," I say and Lisa gives out a little laugh as she orders for an Ice Tea.

"You been working out or something?" She asks as she looks at my bag, hiding something I don't ever want her to find out.

"Yeah," I say with a giggle.

"You know Bart is so immature at times, did you know he nearly died last night along with Jessica after shooting heroin last night,"

"What?" My best friend nearly died and I didn't know till it was over. Me and Bart weren't the Stan and Kyle kind of close but I thought I meant enough to him to be by his side when he almost dies.

"Well don't worry about it, he is fine now and so is Jessica, but I think they need to get over all that crap, at least you have never done drugs before," She says with a smile holding onto my hand. I guiltily thing about that few times that I have experienced, never with my best friend but it doesn't mean I haven't tried heroin, marijuana and cocaine before. Now I'm going to try Steroids.

"Yeah Lisa, but you know what, I wonder about Jessica and Bart sometimes, how they have been good friends for many years and how they have been dating for many years. It's so good too see that their relationship has never plagued their friendship,"

"yeah, I always thought that your boyfriend should be a good friend. You know, I never actually… gave you a fair chance, you know I always wondered what it would be like if me and you started going out back when I was still 8. We would have been though so much together," Wow this is the greatest day of my life.

"Lisa, I love you,"

"And I love your friendship and wouldn't mind one day also… loving you," I give her a kiss on the cheek, how I long to feel her arms around me. Which is exactly what she does next and then rests her beautiful head on my shoulders.

"You know I love you,"

"Already said that,"

"Oh yeah…." I say a little annoyed that I repeated my affection for her.

"Meh," I finally add after a long silence as she finished her ice tea.

**Homer**

I never thought that having money would make me bored. I mean I'm rich but like what I'm I going to do now? There is nothing left to do.

"What's the matter homer, your drunk but not normal drunk," Moe questions me.

"Well it's just I think I'm bored of being rich, I mean I don't see the point of getting up in the morning other than coming here. Nothing seems to fulfil me anymore,"

"Maybe you just need another beer," Moe says, with nothing useful to offer.

"Cheer up las, maybe you just need to do something new," Willie offers a piece of useful information, maybe the Irish or Scots or whatever he is isn't full of red necks after all.

"you know your right,"

"Maybe you need a puff of this chronic shit," Otto says as he passes me his marijuana. I can't help but that I few puffs.

"thanks man but now I got to go and do something new," At home I realise my son is in his room, a depressed son. There aren't many times when I have been a good father, I try believe me I try but they are just so annoying and clingy.

"What's the matter boy?" I ask as I enter his room and destroy his privacy just like every parent does.

"I nearly died last night,"

"Oh yeah you were licking the walls and stuff, I was kind of wasted but that was funny, and you put your hand up Lisa's shirt thinking it was Jessica,"

"I did?" He screamed.

"Uhhh no!!! anyways you got to think that it's good that your alive,"

"Yeah your right, it's just Jessica is a little angry at me now,"

"Look every couple have arguments, I mean me and your mum fight all the time, it's what love is all about. Fighting and then making up and your mum's make up sex is the best. I mean the way she moves her legs and…"

"Okay dad, a little too much information,"

"Anyways son, just give it another day and call her, apologise again and then threaten to kill yourself if she doesn't take you back,"

"uhhh yeah except the last part, wow dad, I think your actually succeeding at becoming a better father,"

"well your becoming a better accident all the time," I scratch his head as if he was 10 again. I leave my son, thinking I have done my job here.

"Hey Marge honey," she was playing the piano, I got to admit everyone has a little bit of musical talent in this family but me… and Maggie. God damn it I wish I would have never gotten her that fucking violin. Practise can make you suck less but it doesn't work for my precious little baby.

"Hey Homie, I'm just working on a song, you want to hear it?"

"Sure," well I don't really want to hear it but who gives a flying fuck? Luckily the intro was super long, like 30 seconds, almost like a proper song.

"In the depths of my heart I know there is no one like you, I knew it from the start, you are my one and only. I don't want anything more but another pony. Me and you, are love isn't phoney. If you love me like I love you then together lets sniff some glue. I know today is just another day with my perfect Homie and I can enjoy life even when making a 10 inch poo."

"Uhhh Marge, that's enough honey,"

"What's the matter don't you like my song?"

"No, no it's not that, I can't stand your voic… I mean maybe the lyrics can have a few edits, how about I help you?"

"Oh I'll love that honey,"

"Well for sure you need a little rapping, you know G? that's how all those young kids rule, I mean I'm the hippest of the hippie flu,"

**Bart**

"Hey Jess," I say across the phone, taking some advice from my father and waiting a day.

"Hey Bart,"

"Look dude, I'm really sorry for the heroin and shit,"

"Don't worry, I was stupid too, I mean I took the stuff again so I dunno what I'm blaming you for. I have to admit it was fun and that's all life is about I guess,"

"Yeah!"

"Anyways you want to catch a movie?"

"Sure, which one?"

"I dunno, I wish they would make a sequel to team America or something, they all suck right now but who cares?"

"Jess, not all movies right now suck,"

"Yes they do dude,"

"Oh yeah," We decide to meet at the local theatre in an hour. I look under my bed, there is still a bit of weed left… the heroin all gone… how the fuck did we survive from so much heroin? I decide to smoke the remaining weed, it was a bit… like 200 grams.

"awh dude I'm blazed," I say when I meet Jessica at the theatre.

"I can see, your eyes are really red and your giggling at the picture of broke back mountain,"

"I know, it's just broke back mountain is really really gay,"

"Damn it Bart, puns are weak, super weak," We enter the theatre and watch some independent film about two gay cowboys eating pudding. That's basically what all the independent films are about.

"Dude super lame, I can't believe that movies suck so much these days that they have to play independent films," Jessica says as we exit the film.

"That was so funny, those two fags were eating pudding,"

"it was suppose to be an intense drama with horror,"

"yeah fags are scary," She hits me on the back on the head.

"Bart you know better than to be a homophobe,"

"I'm sorry, I'm high,"

"You want to do something crazy?"

"Hell yeah," I reply.

"Well I'm not sure what, we done a lot of things, how about we go beat up Milhouse or something,"

"Dude he is my best friend,"

"Ok, let's just go visit him, he might be able to think of something," I nod and we are on our way. At his house I walk into his room and see a different sight than I thought I would. His bookshelf had been removed along with his desk in order to make room for a bench, a weight bench.

"oh hey guys, let my muscles," He strangely lifts up his shirt and starts posing.

"Your not high too are you?" Jessica questions him which he lets go with a laugh.

"Well we want to do something outrageous,"

"Oh oh I got an idea, the beer shipment is coming today, let's hijack it," I suggest and they think about it.

"But how?" We walked towards the Springfield docks. We sit there thinking of a plan, being high makes you creative and smart except for the smart and creative part.

"Well how about you dress up like a slut and then when the shipment comes flirt with the guy while we go dump all the beer into the ocean and grab some for ourselves,"

"Bart you don't tell me to dress up like a slut, that's is weird, I don't know any guys that do that,"

"Well you gonna do it?"

"God damn it, well I'm going home," Me and Milhouse lay down on the docks.

"Hey you know what, me and Lisa met up yesterday, we are kind of dating, that doesn't affect anything between us right?"

"No, we are cool," I must be high, cause I would punch him in the stomach and then act like an asshole for a couple of days before apologising and then everything would be back to normal again. We talk meaningless talk till my beautiful girlfriend returns.

"Want a smoke?" I ask her giving her a cigarette and she takes it and lights it up. We spend our time waiting for the boat, its around 9pm at the fall of night when the boat comes.

"Hey cutie, what's up?" Jessica says too the person on the boat while we jump on it and start driving away.

"Hey wait up for me," Jessica says running and jumping on to the ship.

"Damn it Bart can't you drive a ship?"

"dude I'm high, when I high I can't even drive a bicycle." Milhouse takes control of the boat and takes it near an empty place near a forest. We start pouring the bear into the ocean and of cause start drinking a few barrels ourselves. This is definitely a fun day.

A/N: We that's all folks. I wouldn't mind some critics, harsh or pleasant. I want to be a writer one day possible and some harsh criticism couldn't hurt… well except my feelings.


	47. Jessica and Milhouse: Blood steriods

-1**Milhouse**

Last night was rad. Now I wake up with a hint of tiredness and make myself a breakfast. After breakfast I down a pill and inject myself. Time to start training, I lift more weight more times than I think I could ever do.

"Oh hey Lisa," I say as my beautiful girl walks into the room. She is wearing her normal orange shirt and skirt but she looks hot.

"Wow you are taking working out seriously,"

"Why wouldn't I baby, it's the second most important thing to me right now, guess what the first one is honey," She gives an innocent giggle and I can't help but get up and give her a soft kiss on the neck. She puts her arms around me as I grab her waist.

"What do you want to do Millie?"

"I dunno, I was planning on just doing weights today but if you want to do something then whatever,"

"I don't got any plans, mine if I sit here while you work?" I sit down on my bench and start bench ups, starting to feel my body adjusting to power, so much power I never thought I would have.

"Bart came home really drunk last night,"

"Yeah I know, we got pissed last night,"

"Yeah I heard, I didn't think you would be so immature, I kind of expected it from Jessica and Bart. I can't believe no one is pressing any charges even though half the people in this town are drunks,"

"Yeah I think Moe still has a bit of beer left, we are totally screwed in a week," I keep on lifting and pumping the muscle on my guns, my small little guns soon to be large healthy wrestling style guns.

"you don't drink often right?"

"No, Bart just told me to do it and we haven't been spending much time together lately,"

**Jessica**

I awake with a headache and I can't help but down a few aspirin, and stare at my draw. Either I'm tripping on the air in my room or a could swear it's glowing. I can't help but open it, no longer is anything glowing but I can see something I nearly forgot about. A present Bart gave me a year ago, when he returned from Egypt that set a chain of horrible events. Bart was shot by his baby sister when he returned, apparently she was possessed by an invention of Martin Price. I got to admit that is extremely weird but like I really give a shit.

I haven't worn it in a while so I decided to try it on, I mean it's not usually that I don't wear Bart's presents. It must have cost a dime, it's made of 22ct gold and it was so shiny. I decide to give Bart a visit, tell him how good last night was. Once Milhouse passed out me and him attempted to have sex but we were too drunk. He couldn't even unhook my bar but who really cares.

"Hey Bart…BART!!!" I scream looking at him tightening a strap around his arm and looking for a vein to inject into.

"oh jess, your wearing my necklace," He says with a smirk but I shake it off and sit down next to him.

"Bart, I know personally how addictive heroin is, you saved me from it and now I can't help but do the same to you," I grab for the needle, finding myself wrestling with my boyfriend and for the first time ever a hard fist hits me in the mouth.

"Bart… you hit me…"

"Oh my god, what have I done?" He said dropping the needle and putting his arms around me. I felt anger, anger that I haven't ever felt. I punch Bart and I continue doing it, almost as if I can't control myself. He doesn't attempt to block me, almost as if he knows this is his punishment.

"I'll kill you," I have no control, my hands are around his neck and I attempt to bite his neck and drink his sweet blood. What the hell is going on?

"Jessica… what are you doing? I… can't you just punch me… that's a better punishment," He says defencelessly as I feel my teeth get sharper, a taste for blood grows within me. I pierce his neck… and drink his sweet, sweet blood. It dances in my mouth.

"Did… did I just drink your blood?" I asked confused at my weird actions.

"uhhh yeah… and it hurt, it felt like you were a dog biting me,"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit you Bart… or bite you," I say putting my arms around him. The heroin he had was lying on the ground and tears were running down his pretty cheeks.

----

_I search for a human, it's blood is what I crave. Dolph, Jimbo and Nelson were sitting alone smoking marijuana. As they disperse Dolph is left alone and I decide that he shall be my victim._

"_Hey Dolph,"_

"_Oh hey Jessica, dye your hair again?"_

"_Yeah, you like it?"_

"_Sure, blonde suits you I reckon,"_

"_oh cool, want to take a walk?"_

"_Uhh sure,"_

"_Here hold my hand,"_

"_Wait dude, me and Bart are cool… I don't want to do anything to uhh jeopardise our uhh neutral respect."_

"_Don't worry, you won't," He grabs my arm and I take him to Springfield lake, past the forest an almost isolated part of Springfield. No one will be able to hear his screams._

"_So what did you want anyways," I don't answer with a verbal response, instead I kiss him, my kiss of seduction. While he quickly falls to a trance state I bite his neck. His blood pouring out of him like shit of a buffalo. All over me, my dress covered in his blood as I drink the fluid from within. Down my necklace the blood goes into my bra and my breasts breathing in a dark red liquid. _

"Ahhh!!!" oh it was just a dream, a horrible dream. I turn on the lights and stare terrified into the mirror. This is what it must feel like playing the bloody Mary game. My necklace and most of my clothes were dripping in blood. I run to the shower and tried to wash the stain off of me. It wasn't a dream but it felt like it. I clean my necklace, get dressed and decide too see Bart. It's 3 am…. But who else would bother to listen to my problems at 3 am?

"Bart," I scream while gently throwing rocks at his windows in order to get his attention. It works as a very tired Bart opens the window.

"Jessica, it's 3 am…. Cant you just fuck off sometimes?" He questions in a grumpy mood.

"Please I need your help, I'm scared," He mutters something to himself and heads downstairs. His door opens and we walk to the living room. He sits down while I lay down next to him, my head on his knees and staring at the plain white ceiling.

"What is it Jess?"

"When I bit you earlier, it wasn't me…"

"I thought we were over that… I kind of punched you, I kind of deserve it,"

"No.. no it wasn't me, it couldn't have been. I just had this really weird dream where I bit Dolph,"

"Yeah so?"

"In the dream his blood was all over me, when I awoke I was covered in blood, fresh blood that smelt…. What if it was real… what if I killed him,"

"Calm down, sometimes when you awake straight after a dream your mind is semi dreaming and you see things that aren't real,"

"But it felt so real,"

"Don't worry about, look let's just get some sleep, we will go check on dolph later, okay?"

Bart slides down and falls asleep on the arm rest. I can't help but hold onto his body, face down on his chest I fall asleep too.

A/N: Okay… work with me here, this chapter and the last and the next few coming have two stories going at once, Jessica's blood thirst and Milhouse's lifting steroids, now from this point they aren't going to be happening at the same…. Sticking with me here? The Jessica story is sort of going to be the present while Milhouse's skips ahead…. For no particular reason except I thought it would Milhouse's change in behaviour wouldn't happen after a few days of steroid abuse…. Or would it? I dunno but in this story it doesn't.

**Milhouse**

It's been 4 months since I been taking these steroids and I look like a professional body builder. There is no way anyone could have this much strength, agility and straight raw power.

"Hey Milhouse,"

"Hey Lis," I say continuing to do some weights, lifting 60kgs at a time.

"it's been a while since we have done something together, want to go to Valentines or something tonight?"

"I'm sorry I can't,"

"Why not?"

"What does it look like? I'm building my muscle, I'm gonna be a boxer,"

"Oh…. K, but do you have to train all day? I mean a nice romantic evening to much to ask for?"

"Don't stand between me and my dreams," I growl at her, she seems unstartled.

"What has gotten into, ever since you have been weight lifting you have changed, that Milhouse I love from my youth has disappeared and what's left is a shell of a person," I let go of the weights and stand up.

"That Milhouse was a weak little punk, he is dead and if you got a problem with that you'll be dead too,"

"Milhouse you never used to say things like that, maybe we need to break up for a little while,"

"You try to leave me and I'll kill you bitch," I say approaching her with my fist of steel.

"Calm down Milhouse," I punch her in the face, right under the eye… immediately it goes black.

"owh," she screams in pain and I take another shot, at her ribs. She instantly falls onto the ground.

"Please stop Milhouse," she says crying… I think she is right, I have changed and it might be for the worse. I love Lisa more than anything in the world but I just punched her twice… for no reason.

"Lisa, I'm so sorry," Lisa takes this as an opportunity to escape and she runs like the wind. Far, Far away from me. What has become of me? Have I dropped so low that I would lay my hands on a girl, not just any girl but Lisa, the love of my life? I have become that shadow of a man, but I got to keep taking these steroids, they are giving me my power, my rage and will help me fulfil the dream of being a boxer. Screw her, who needs her anyways?


	48. Jessica and Bart IV: Some egyptian stuff

-1Jessica

Bart comes running into the living room as I sit start eating a breakfast that Homer cooked for me… He isn't that bad at cooking but he could sure learn how to turn on a stove… I mean I don't really like frozen bacon but it's something I guess.

"Jess…Jess… Dolph is in hospital, dr Nick said he had suffered bites on the neck,"

"Oh no…." I must have done it…. What is becoming of me? Who will I attack next?

"you got to help me Bart,"

"Awh do I have to?" I frown at his question, never did he not help me with my problems when I asked. Then again I never turned into a devilish creature bent on sucking blood before?

"I was just joking honey," He says although I can see he is a little nervous for helping me.

"Bart in the past you have handled ghosts, serial killers, aliens, witches, Homer and 5 MTV videos,"

"Yeah I wish grunge was the only thing they played on MTV,"

"That's beyond the point…"

"Well I guess it's time to deal with my bitchy blood sucking girlfriend,"

"Bitchy?"

"well… I mean when you suck blood of cause, your not bitchy… most of the time," I kick him square in the nuts.

"What was that for? I am helping," I don't know how he could help me anyways, the dream ended by me floating home, well floating at least. And I know Bart can't fly.

"you know I love you, Jess… so when I say I'm going to tie you to the bed and not have sex with you, well your just going to have to forgive me in the morning,"

"oh good idea baby, sorry for making our future child crippled,"

"Don't worry we can flush it out today," You know when I think of kids, I think of Maggie….Still quite young and her role models aren't the best. Homer is a drunk hippie, not a good father and Marge believes that nagging is the way to getting everything done. Bart is an okay figure but he is sometimes lured into drugs, not always the most reliable role model. Lisa is probably the best out of all of them but she has her ups and downs too.

**Bart**

"And that's about it, and I'm really scared…" I sit down on Lisa's bed, explaining my problems. Me and Lisa always went to each with our problems, mum would make it overdramatic while Homer would tell us alcohol solves all problems but we aren't allowed to touch it.

"Well you and Jessica have been through tougher, she is one of your closest friend and you have to help her,"

"Well duh,"

"If you don't want my help then fine, I am meant to be reading anyways and Milhouse is taking me on a date,"

"Screw you Lisa,"

"Screw yourself," Destiny is fucking bullshit, you and your love are meant to face challenges but my ones include a blood thirsty night. I decide to go to Jessica's a little early, maybe if I saw how much fun it is to be around her then it would make me less scared.

"What do you want Bart?" Mr Lovejoy asks

"I'm staying over tonight remember?"

"well I have a change of plans,"

"wait, wait… don't you understand Jessica is blood thirsty?" He slams the door angrily and I can't help but think I shouldn't have said blood thirsty.

"Bart, over here…" I hear a voice from Jessica's window. I go to the side of the house and watch as she lowers a ladder. The ladder which I took out of my tree house. Rope and wood is all that it is but Jessica has used it a lot to sneak me into her house. My tree house of cause has a new ladder now, although I don't really use it. As I almost finish climbing the ladder Jessica lets go of it with a laugh. I nearly scream but clench onto her window still and she helps me up.

"Awh don't give me that frowny face," I think we are slowly becoming our old selves again, it's like we are sparks for each others bad side and I wouldn't have it any other way. Last year, up to chapter 45 we were slowly maturing but now I think we are starting to reverse the process.

"you know I know you love a night of fun, so I decided to get these off of the doctor," I stare at a small bottle of happiness, 14 Zopiclone, the sleeping pills Alex once gave me and it gave me the best high I had ever gotten. Tried to fly even.

"you know I can't take them tonight, what if I am too high to stop you when you become a blood thirsty lunatic?"

"The proper term is vampire," I turn around and see a man standing behind me. I nearly scream but luckily it wasn't Mr lovejoy, unluckily it was a stranger. Someone I have never seen in this town.

"who are you?" I ask the man, he was tall around 6ft 3, his head was hidden under a hood, an ancient looking hood attached to a very old religious looking robe. It was white, the hood was a creamy colour but there was one thing about him that scared me… his eyes. His face was completely covered by his hood except his dark blue hollow eyes.

"I am Anima, an Egyptian from uhhh Egypt. I have sense the powers of Pharaoh ratera,"

"Isn't that just a play on words of Pantera, I hope your not another mother fucker that things Pantera are stilling their songs, they broke up 5 years ago, get over it… Dimebag would still be alive if it weren't for assholes like you,"

"Pantera? No I am super serious, my ancestors protected Egypt from the evil Pharaoh ratera, his power was great. He was able to reach lvls of the dark art that weren't ever thought possible. The ancient Egyptians new that the only was to stop his trap his soul within his soul reaper."

"Soul reaper? Yes, the amulet of Anibus, the god of death. The source of his power. His sacrifice's power was stored into his amulet, giving him more power. Once he was trapped, the amulet gain unspeakable evil powers and those who wear it, will forever be trapped under it's curse and loath for destruction,"

"Wow, what ever your on.. I want it," Jessica harshly states and I can't help but laugh. That is about the lamest thing I have heard. Whoever thought of this crap must be super high. This Anima guy tries to attack Jessica but put I tackle him.

"Lay your hands on her and she is dead,"

"Please I need to get the amulet from her, destroy it before midnight,"

"Midnight… that's in 2 seco…AHHH!!!" Screams Jessica as the amulet starts glowing, apparently strangling her… I make for the amulet, trying to take it off. God damn it, I knew no one would just leave it in the sand for no reason. It looked expensive.

"Bart…help me…" She screams before she is taking over from the so called spirit. Her eyes turn a hollow black and her teeth sharpened, she looked like the typical vampire.

"Bart, remember that Halloween when I was a vampire? You said you always wanted to fuck a vampire, why don't you try the real thing?" She said, her voice had split, it sounded normal with a lace of evilness, almost satanic.

"If she kisses you, you will be in a trance, I must try and stop her, the blood she drinks slowly makes Rantera stronger, it will completely take over her soul. I must kill her…"

"You must what? No dude, no!!!" I scream but Jessica hovers over us, and flies off at an incredible speed.

"She will search for blood, the only way to stop her without killing her is using the hammer of Ra,"

"Then use the hammer of Ra,"

"I can't…."

"Why not?"

"Cause I left it at home,"

"You know, you are a really lousy hero,"

"Well at least I'm trying," She was heading towards my house… oh shit. I jump from the window, I realise that's a stupid idea when I land and feel the impact of gravity, the acceleration and friction.

"Shit, my legs," I say slowly walking, the anima guy flies across the room, in the same fashion Jessica did. God damn it, why am I the only one that can't fly. I slowly make my way to my house, when I arrive I see Maggie walking with Jessica and Anima standing in her path.

"Bart, Jessica was going to take me for a walk want to come?" Maggie innocently says, unable to see the demonic and hot creature that I see.

"Bart, if she takes this virgin to the grave and converts her, that will make our problems worst, I got to kill her," She pulls out a gun I can't help but tackle him and wrestle the gun from him.

"You stupid fool, her powers will grow, Maggie will become one of them…. Oh shit they are gone," I hold the gun tightly as the Egyptian so called hero flies away again. Walking is a lot slower than flying.

"Adolp amros devo salahm stica," I hear as I walk towards the cemetery, Maggie was crying while Anima was lying on the ground with blood dripping from his neck.

"Kill her, your sister shall become one of her. A virgin under the curse can only be stopped at the destruction of the leader," I try to tackle Jessica but her eyes glow and a shield deflects me. I pull the gun and point it too Jessica… am I really going to do this? My sister or my best friend? The one and only love I will ever have….


	49. Bart and Milhouse: Decisions N' troubles

-1**Bart**

I hold the gun tightly, what am I going to do now?

"That isn't your girlfriend, if she completes the ritual, your sister shall forever be a vampire, the amulet will lock away your girlfriend's soul and Rantera will be free, Save the world!!!"

"Shut up, shut up.. I need to concrete," I say thinking about my choices. I love her, I rather go to hell then kill her…

"She is nearly finished her ritual… hurry up!!!!" Time is something that is so precious, you never understand that till your in a position like me.

**Milhouse**

"Milhouse… you need some help," Lisa says as she enters my house. Followed by her is her brother, father and Willie.

"You are all just jealous of my muscles," I say bluntly.

"Milhouse, I hate this new you…..I want my best friend back," Bart says as he observes me closely.

"You mean the weak little punk you bossed around? I was nothing but your loyal pet, obeying your every word, I wanted to be equal, I was never your equal," I say enraged, punching a hole into the wall.

"Calm down," Lisa says in her sweet voice, the sweet voice that would have calmed the weaker me. I am better now.

"you were my equal, you always were but now… your nothing, you don't deserve to be in the same league as any human being," I had enough, I punching him in the eye. He retaliated by punching me and the face.

"You want to go Milhouse? I have stood behind you on every decision you made but this time I am not standing behind you,"

"calm down both of you,"

"No you shut up Lisa," I scream at her but she lets it go, Bart doesn't however.

"Don't talk to my sister like that…." Bart attempts to swing at me but Homer grabs his arm.

"Milhouse, we have emitted you to a drug rehab centre,"

"WHAT!!!" I scream.

"it's for your own good,"

"No… no it's not, Bart does mary jane and brain, Homer can't keep his hands off his beer mug and Lisa… even you take party pills now and then, why must I go to rehab while you enjoy the freedom of your precious drugs?"

"Milhouse, your personality has changed… your different… I want the whole Milhouse back," Lisa says putting her arms around me and crying. No.. I'm not going anywhere!!! I punch Lisa in the stomach and start giving her blows to the head before I stopped by Homer and Bart. I take out both of them, falling like dominos.

I start walking towards my door, the door of my house till I hear a knock. I was about to leave, but now I'm going to have some stupid visits, might just need to take them out, some boxing training.

"What do you want?" I say staring at my father, my weak pathetic father.

"I came to visit your mum," I punch him in the face.

"you never paid any attention to me, you and mum were always fighting in my childhood, you never thought about me once," Mum walks out too see what is happening and I punch her too. I was weak before because of them. I walk around town beating up all the people that have caused me pain in the past. They deserve it, all the jokes they made about me, it's time for me to have my revenge.

"Your under arrest," says Chief Wiggum as he points his gun at me, Professor Frink standing next to him with a flash gun, laser gun. I give up, my reign of destruction quickly, forced to lay on the ground as I am cuffed. They take me to a drug habit centre and I can't help but wait for my escape, the days slowly filling my rage. My next revenge plan will be twice as good, I will get them all even if it means I get the chair.

**Bart **

"I have no choice, I'm sorry Jessica, I love you and I always will," I point at her neck, I'll blow that god damn necklace to hell. As I slowly pull the trigger I fall into tears. It's over… the bullet went in what felt like slow motion. Slowly the amulet is pierced, falling into pieces just like the bullet. Jessica falls down and Maggie is safe.

"Jessica!!!!" I run too see her bleeding, her neck didn't get much off the bullet, it was a small cut but it was bleeding like hell.

"I'm so sorry Jessica… I had to do it,"

"Bart… I love you," She said as she faded away in sleep. I call the ambulance on the cell phone and again she is in hospital.

"You have done a good thing for the world," Anima said as I blankly watched her being strapped to life machines and stuff.

"shove the good thing for the world up your ass," I say as I jump onto the ambulance, we are rushed to the hospital.

"She will be okay, the bullet didn't harm her much… only getting a little bit of her throat," Said Dr hibbert with a laugh.

I return to the hospital a week later. My girl friend is no longer a vampire and I have to believe that I won't be giving her anything Egyptian for at least another 3 months. If Jessica died, I don't know how I would have lived with myself, its hard to make the right decisions sometimes. The right decisions sometimes affected the people closest too you, sometimes you have to do it to protect others.

"Bart, what are you doing?" Jessica awoke and said the first words she has spoken since I nearly killed her.

"thinking about how I nearly killed you,"

"oh… well, who really cares? I'm going to kill you one day," She save with a soft laugh, trying not to hurt herself. I respond by giving her a small laugh and moving to her neck, passionately giving her a kiss on her wound even though it was covered in bloody bandages.

"eww that's sick, it's like covered in blood,"

"So Jessie? You tried to drink my blood," I say taking a seat on Jessica's bed. She suddenly pulls me in hard and starts strangling me with her arms.

"that actually hurts,"

"I know," she says with a cheeky smile.

"so you been crying like a pussy over my injury, visiting me daily?"

"it's weird, I haven't… I dunno why but I knew everything would be fine,"

"you son of a bitch, you nearly killed me and didn't visit me," She said angrily before giving a warm laugh that implies it was a joke.

"yeah, you know this might sound crazy, but we are nearly 17... And uhh… this isn't the best time to do it but…." I get on knee and present her a small box.

"Jessica, will you… come to the smashing pumpkins concert with me?" I say opening it and revealing two tickets.

"oh," she says a little disappointed, expecting something more. I decide to grab my ring box and do what I was planning to do….

"Jessica will you marry me?"

"Of cause not, I mean we are way too young. Plus I'm not going to ruin my life by getting married to you. See I thought having some experience with a boy would get me experienced for my husband, you know some rich guy. I'm sorry but it's over," I thought she was joking but her expression didn't change for nearly 3 minutes. I sat there in silences… my heart broken.

"I was joking you gullible motherfucker," She said as she grabbed me and gave me a sweet and passionate kiss. Our tongues fusing our saliva and I can't help but feel like this is the best kiss of my life.

"But Bart, seriously… I don't know, I mean we are kind of young and did you have to ask me while I was in hospital?"

"Yes.. Yes I did, but I mean we are going to spend our lives together anyways, so why not get married now?"

"I don't know Bart, of cause we will get married some day…"

A/N: I was actually planning on making this my shortest chapter, only 100 words about Jessica getting shot and chapter 50 being the conclusion. However I decided to change that and make chapter 50 something special(or at least attempt to do so). All I'm giving away about chapter 50 is that there will be a death. I am going to take a break from this fan fic for a bit now before I start working on it. Sorry for those that expected me to come back and write a whole bunch of new material every week or something. Right now I'm going to try and work on The Simpsons X, Crime fighters Inc and a few one shots. 


	50. Mania causes 50 chapters

-1**A/N: I can't believe chapter 50 is finally up, I know the initial date for the chapter release was June 22, my birthday but I thought to give you an early birthday present(which is weird cause I could swear for my birthday you were meant to give me presents). Please review, I really want to know what you thought of this chapter. It's a record breaking chapter, I mean I don't think any Simpson's fic has gotten to chapter 50 and it is officially the longest fic in the Simpson's category. I think this chapter also is makes Bartman 100,000 words long(not entirely sure) but if it is long enough then it means this is the first Simpon's fic to reach that mark which I personally think is annoying. We need some Simpson's fic that are really long and a good read. I mean…. it's not really as good as some of the other fics other there but I put a hell of a lot of effort into it and all I ask is a few reviews for this chapter, criticism(especially ones that can help me improve this fic, for you guys… my readers) or praise is highly wanted… This chapter is special to me, it is at times a parody of work I have done in the past, almost as if recycled into my favourite chapter of my fics but at the same time I wanted to be original and write something that would please all of you. I wanted a mix of romance, friendship, family, adventure, humour and a whole lot of genres. It's around 53 pages and nearly 20,000 words long it is intended to be a good long read and made for that reason. I got out some of my political views, racial views(I was only mocking my heritage however), romance ideas, stupid humour and it was just a release from serious writing in a way but I tried to include that also. I know there are some repetitive themes within this fic, the drug abuse, the running from murders, the problems of alcohol and drugs and other stuff that you might have read in my past work but like I said, it's almost a parody of my past work. Seriously, review it and tell me what you think… I really, really want to know how you found this chapter and more than anything, enjoy it!! Also good luck finishing this chapter in one go.**

**Bart**

"Wake up Bart," I awake to Maggie opening my eye lids, letting the sun blind me. It was a rather hot day and the sun was surely doing it's job, this continues then I might have cancer. I would hate to have cancer, cancer is for sissy's that can't handle a little bit of U.V rays.

"What do you want Maggie?" I say a little annoyed, I was having a good dream about killing whale killers. I know that's more of an activist's dream but I was enjoying blowing people's brains out. Me and Lisa were doing it together and it was fun. I got to admit in real life I would never get to do something so fun, something about shooting a bullet and watching a man die is entertaining but in real life they have a place called prison. It's dark, dirty and you get rammed.

"I want to play hide N' go seek," Maggie replies, I sometimes wonder if every brother has to deal with this. I mean it's almost cute sometimes but its so annoying to have Maggie around me all the time. I'll be glad when I move out of this place and leave Lisa to deal with her, I know I love Maggie the best out of my family but she is way to annoying.

"Maggie!!" I protest, if every 8 year old woke up her older brother to play hide and go seek then I can bet you there would be less 8 yr olds. Although I would never lay a hand on Maggie now matter how much I wanted to sometimes give her a slap for being such a nuisance. She is worst than Jehovah witnesses.

"What? I just want to play a game, I'm bored. I like playing with you, your cool." I roll my eyes, I couldn't yell at Maggie, I could easily yell at anyone but not her. She had a power over me, she was so loving and clingy that I couldn't break her heart. I hate the magic she has, controlling everyone with her innocence and cuteness, she is worst than those evil teddy bears that wanted to take over the world… that is a different story, it happened to me some time a go and I don't want to talk about it.

"Can't you bug… uhh I mean play with Lisa instead?" I say with a smile, giving her a tight hug. I still want to have a few more hours of sleep and I haven't exactly been in the mood to play hide N' go seek for about…. 10 years.

"Lisa went to Alex's," Why didn't Lisa take Maggie as well? I bet you she does this just to torment me. God damn it, I hate Lisa sometimes but I guess I deserve it, I have done a lot of things that are worst. A clingy sister isn't as bad as having pig blood poured onto too you when you have a magically date with your crush. Oh I remember that like it was yesterday, Lisa was so angry she started physically attack me. Dad had to hold her back but she gave me a black eye but that didn't stop me from laughing. Collin, I think that was the name of the bloke she was dating, looked at me appalled but I told the Irish punk to go back to Scotland.

"Boy, your finally up," Homer says pulling my covers from me and opening the window. He gave me a warm smile that I was to tired to reply to. He patted Maggie's head, much like he has done to me and Lisa in the past. I have to admit Homer has become slightly smarter in recent years but he is still a couple of hundred I.Q levels below that of a mentally challenged person.

"Didn't have a choice Homer," I say crawling out of bed, Maggie not leaving me alone for a second. I'm glad I had fallen asleep in my clothes instead of pyjamas but then again I know Maggie wouldn't watch me change. Maggie knew sometimes when she was unwanted, I just wish she knew when she was unwanted better.

"Right, Right… well after much talk me and your mother have decided to move," I look at Homer with shock, did he say what I think he said?

"MOVE?"

"yeah I mean we have all this money, I can't spend all of it on beer, only most of it… so we are moving to a richer and better place to live…. California." He can't just make a decision like that, I mean he will ruin mine and Lisa's life, Maggie I guess is still young and hasn't establish a secure life in Springfield yet. She will one day, that is my hope. I got to admit Springfield is a piss filled town, one where if you think you got a future you got to think again.

"CALIFORNIA!! Wait, you can't… we can't.. Springfield is our home, can't we just give our money to the poor people or something,"

"Bart, God put poor people on the world for a reason, so we can laugh at them, if I solved poverty then all I'll have left to laugh at is fart jokes and Britney Spear's face," He did have a good point there. I doubt Homer will ever give money to charity but it was worth a shot, right? Well I think a good thing for him to do with that money is to blow it on alcohol, I mean live fast, die young instead of a boring life where you die of nothing but old age. I mean many of my heroes have done it, Sid Vicious, Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain and let's not forget that author of this fic has asked to have a bullet put on his head when life gets too dull.

A/N: That's right Bart, I have asked to have a bullet put in my head before I'm 30 cause after that you life becomes gay.

"You know it's a tragedy that Britney Spears is made fun of so much, I mean she is just a normal person like me and you. So maybe she had a little drug problem and shaved her head, so what?" Maggie said although I wasn't really paying attention. Britney Spears is a bitch that I hope gets assassinated one day, I'll do it myself if I had a gun.

"Maggie…sweetie?"

"Yeah daddy?"

"Shut up!" He says harshly, almost reducing her to tears. Homer was sometimes a very harsh person but he never meant to be a bad man, he just did a lot of bad things. I mean Homer is a good dad but I will never forgive him if he made us move to California, I mean I love the place but Springfield is home.

"Listen the point is, Springfield just seems to get boring after a while."

"California will too, please dad you can't do this," All my friends will disappear within seconds, Jessica out of my life for good… I can't let that happen. I know Jessica and I would be reunited one day but I can't help but think if we move then Jessica might get married to some little punk like Ralph.

"well we will see, right now I got to go down to Moe's, drinking contest." Maggie still didn't let me out of her sight. She was holding onto my tightly, maybe Lisa was right about how mum raised Maggie. Ever since she was an infant she was giving all this attention and it ended in her being really clingy. I decided to call Jessica, I got to tell her what my dad has just told me.

"Bart, oh hey… so good to hear from you. You hadn't called me all week, I was thinking something happened,"

"Dude… my dad wants to move," I say it bluntly.

"What? You can't move…please tell me your joking,"

"I'm not joking, California is where we might be going,"

"California… but the girls there are beautiful… I can't compete with them,"

"uhhh ok… that's not weird or anything, your not bi are you?"

"no… I meant if you go there then if you return… you might not find me attractive anymore,"

"Dude, look that isn't that important, I mean I know when we started dating, our face was the only thing in my mind but as time passed I have come to love the person inside. That demonic little bitch that always want to cause trouble is the thing I love."

"awh that so sweet, see you can't move… cause we were meant for each other, you're my bitch and I'm your goddess." She had me there. I couldn't move because being separated from Jessica would be hard, maybe if they moved then I would have to move out… stay back in Springfield somehow, I know I'm not old enough to have a good job but I got to try.

"I dunno, I guess I have to convince my dad or something,"

"Oh I got the perfect idea," I listen to what she has to say and I can't help but give a little smile.

"It's ideas like this one that keep things fresh, we are always up to no good," I say with a devilish grin. If Homer wants to move, then Jessica's plan will be perfect. I love the way she can come up with the perfect plan within seconds. She is so much more smarter than me, not a good thing all the time but this time it was.

**Homer**

"Look, look… I can't kill Bart, he is one of my best friend's son."

"Moe, you will do what my master commands of you," I can't help but overheard this conversation happening in the dark alleyway behind Moe's.

"I won't kill Bart,"

"you must not anger Sideshow Bob,"

"Look Prince, I am telling you I am not doing it, if that pussy was such a great criminal he could have done it himself," I hear there footsteps coming my way, I can't help but run inside the tavern. It was Martin Prince and Moe having an odd conversation. Maybe it had something to do with the Kennedy assassination. Soon both of them walked into the bar.

Already waiting for the bartender was Professor Frink, Reverend Lovejoy, Willie and Otto. The first two were a surprise to me. I guess being a mad scientist or a faggy minister has it's down sides and you are forced into man's paradise and have to have a drink. The man's paradise, where fumes of poison and drinks of death await… ahh it's so nice to have a bar in Springfield.

"you guys, it's a Sunday afternoon, do you really have nothing better to do than drink?" Moe asks as he starts pouring beer into mugs.

"no, not really,"

"I have to tell you all something, the Simpsons are moving to California." Everyone that was drinking stops. Everyone in the bar has there eyes on me and I was starting to get uncomfortable.

"What? Your moving? That's really gonna screw up my daughter, she and Bart have gotten really close despite my objections."

"despite your objections? Don't you think Jesus peaks on your daughter now and then when she is having a shower,"

"No!"

"good… cause I don't either," I lamely say drinking down the mug that was half full. I have to admit his daughter is hot, I mean if Bart wasn't already… uhh actually I'm not going to tell you that. It's kind of sick and wrong and it involves chains and a whip.

"oh gavin, you can't move, I was hoping Lisa would continue with my work in the science and galvin research. Without proper understanding of astrophysics, how is one going to disprove God? No offence Rev,"

"Yeah, if it wasn't for your boy's tree house I would have been homeless for quite a while," Willie says with a smile.

"Even I have to admit I don't want you to move, without Lisa I don't have a worthy rival," Martin Prince says. It's shocking that Martin has gotten away with some of the things he has done in the past. If we had a proper police force this geek will be making acid to break steel bars.

"We haven't decided yet so stop all your bitching," I say as I ask for another beer by simply handing Moe my mug.

"You know, you must have a bit of cash, I mean selling the power plant and getting some of old Burn's cash. I worked hard all my life and all I have is this crappy bar and you red necks."

"Red necks? I resent that, I am a Reverend after all,"

"A Reverend with a drinking problem," I correct him. He rolls his eyes and downs his beer. He is actually quite a nice guy, I have to admit we have gotten closer ourselves since our children have been dating but he is still a minister and church people piss me off.

"Without Bart, who's tree house am I going to occasionally crash in?" Otto says pulling out a pipe. I thought a brought that guy a house already. Guess he sold it for drug money.

"I told you guys to drop it, I'm not even sure yet."

"leaving town?" my jaw drops like a great white shark's when I see Sideshow Bob walk into the bar.

"You…You…who are you again?" I ask after drinking down my beer.

"your friendly homicidal maniac,"

"Friendly? Why don't you get a hair cut hippie?" His laugh is cruel but he decides to take a seat and ask for another beer. I'm serious, look at that thing, it's worst than a pineapple.

"I killed Krusty the clown, I mean I actually killed him. All your life you try to kill some innocent little boy and fail yet you kill one of the biggest stars on T.V."

"you killed Krusty? He was the God dude with the moustache right?" I ask.

"no that's your neighbour imbecile, I am shocked he hasn't moved," Sideshow Bob says, the bar is filled with an eerie silence. Everyone seems to be afraid to make a sound at the look of Sideshow Bob but I'm sure he isn't that bad of a guy.

"I have a neighbour? Well it's about time, I don't usually keep horses and stuff but this one time I got Lisa a pony and she like had a boner for it. And then…" I am cut off by Sideshow Bob.

"Anyways, I heave nothing more than a friendly warning, your son and Jessica are dead. I'm not too happy about Lisa foiling some of my plans, I think I'm break her legs."

"oh no Bart is dead? Well he had a good long fulfilling life. So when's the funeral?" sideshow Bob sighs as he and Martin leave the bar. I'm glad they are gone, they were really weird and I mean like O.J weird.

"don't you think we should call the cops?" The reverend asks.

"Hey man, if I want to do weed it's my choice, how can they make something that is grown in the ground illegal anyways?" Otto says as he takes another puff.

"no I mean about Sideshow Bob," The Reverend explains as Otto takes in another puff.

"sure, does anyone have a phone?" Professor Frink asks.

"Cell phones? Pfft that is so Generation Y and Z, not us baby boomers, they call us baby boomers cause we didn't have protection and I ended up having three accidents. Also we fuck babies," I explain to professor Frink. It's about time I teach the mad professor something and that was obviously something he didn't know.

"We can't just sit here and do nothing," The Rev says in a frantic state.

"Calm down, old Willie will take of your youngins, leave it up to old Willie to pay respect to people that helped him out,"

"I got to go warn Jessica," Tim says as he jumps off his seat and runs out the door.

"Hey, you didn't pay for that." Moe says.

"Wait a second, if sideshow Bob is going to kill Bart… that means he is in danger… danger of dying…. FREE BEER!!" I say as I run out of the bar and jump into my car. I rev my engine twice because that's how us Gs roll. I mean I was just chilling with them niggers on the west side when I realised how fly I was and that my fly was down.

"Bart…Bart, Sideshow Bob wants to kill you…again,"

"Dad can't you see I'm trying to read?"

"I'm serious, your going to be killed Bart,"

"Dad I meant I'm not Bart, I'm Lisa… do you really think Bart would read?" Oh yeah, I forgot that Bart was the spiky one not the pineapple head.

"Bart, I saw Sideshow Bob… he wants to kill you,"

"He might as well, I rather die than move from my home."

"I'm super serial."

"Super serial?"

"Yeah, super serious cereal."

"Dad, I really like Springfield, I don't want to move,"

"your only saying that cause The Rev's daughter sticks her tongue down your throat,"

"Partly, yes… but still,"

"Look, nothing is decide right now, except your living with Willie so pack you shit and you might want to buy some protection cause Jessica is going to be living there too…"

"Protection?"

"you know… cutie spray, anti chick magnets and of cause a gun in case Sideshow Bob comes and you have to kill Jessica because you can't let her be killed by Sideshow Bob."

A/N: Oh I'm sorry to interrupt and I don't want to gloat or anything but that is some good shit, am I right? Okay back to the story.

"oh yeah, so your saying to protect Jessica from Sideshow Bob I must kill her?"

"precisely,"

"but then I would be hurting Jessica,"

"look, I'm just saying that us fatalist believe that everything is predetermined and Jessica being shot is fate so it's up to us to decide who is going to shoot her. Can you seriously let her be killed by your mortal enemy? Of cause not, you got to do it yourself."

"That's not really fatalism,"

"Isn't it son?"

"no, no it's not,"

"oh, well it's something,"

**Bart**

"Jessica," I say as I enter Willie's house. This is a lot nicer than his shack, in fact it's better than my tree house and home too.

"now I know you two are going out but I don't want any hanky doodling in my house,"

"Hanky doodling?" Jessica questions as I enter the house and lock the door.

"you know, finger painting, I don't mind if you use brushes but come on children, using your fingers, that's only good for poking, am I right Jessica?" He says with a laugh, his red beard shaking as he laughs. I can't imagine Jessica don't something so… well I guess everyone has temptations and I don't really… do anything like that with her. I'm sure she doesn't poke though.

"I find that extremely sexist," Jessica says annoyed.

"sorry lass, you bleeding out your kotch today?" I can see Jessica hiding her anger but I decide to ignore it and take a seat.

"now, remember there must be no Tom foully,"

"Tom foully?"

"Yeah… you know, poor poetry, if you want to write some poetry go a head but no crappy poetry, I hate crappy poetry."

"how about… darkness clouds my life, imprisoned by suicide, death is freedom?"

"Jessica, keep your emo crap in the toilet, don't forget cutting your wrists is fun till you hit a vain," Willie is acting weird today.

"fine, how about… love is like a smoker taking their first puff in the morning," I might have given up smoking but that has nice memories. Me and Jessica pretty much had to quit when we ran out of money. I mean we shoplifted them after that but slowly we got bored of doing that.

"Similes, I thought I said no crappy poetry, anyways you want something to eat? Haggis maybe?"

"no way dude," Jessica says, everyone knows the only thing worse than Haggis is a Jew. Jew's are all stringy and after eating them you have a desire for money and stealing land. If America wasn't in Israel then that little Jewish land will be blown the fuck up by all the pissed off Muslims surrounding it.

Jessica switches on the T.V, the news is on. There is no information of any use on the news, as usual it's just propaganda created by Fox, the American Gossip channel. Willie walks into the kitchen, leaving me and Jessica alone.

"you think similes are cool right Bart?"

"why do you care?"

"well I don't." She said a little angrily. I never fully understood the mechanics of poetry, I mean metaphors, similes, syntax, connotation and crap like that? I think poetry should just been expressing yourself without that bullshit. Wait what the fuck am I talking about? I don't like poetry, I like song lyrics.

"Bart, we got to take this seriously, I mean since Sideshow Bob is in town, he will be looking for you. Not just him, his allies too. And we don't know who his allies could be."

"Jessie, Relax… we are safe for now,"

"What about your family? What about mine? No doubt he is going to pay them a visit,"

"Doh!"

"God damn right angry grunt. What are we to do? I mean my mum and dad are in trouble. Lisa and Maggie are too."

"Why did you say angry grunt?"

"I don't like saying Doh! I'm not a Simpson yet." She said with a typical school girl giggle. Well I asked her to marry me, what the fuck is she giggling about? 

"do you still have some of Alex's sleeping pills?" Trying to change the subject, I need something to relieve all this stress.

"uhh, yeah I haven't touched them."

"Pass me the bottle,"

"ok…" She said as she handed me the bottle. I pulled out a bottle of water from my bag and downed 3 pills of happiness.

"Problem solved," I say.

"BART!!" I grabbed 3 pills and shoved it down her throat along with some water.

"Bart… why did you do that?"

"We got to relax man, if we worry ourselves then something bad will happen. I know Bob, he isn't going to risk going near our families right now because he knows the cops will get him. So relax, and enjoy the euphorically enhanced state these pills give," The fact was Bob was going to visit my family, he knew the cops in this town suck.

"Wow… I guess I was stressing out a little,"

"A little Jess?"

"Yeah a little," I grab her and give her a passionate kiss. My tongue hated the taste in Jessica's mouth, it was the same taste in mine.

"Eww!!" Me and Jessica say in unison with Willie has he walked into the room.

"Did I mention no taurine seeking?" He says with a smile.

"Taurine seeking?"

"Yeah, no watching MTV."

"You can say that again," I say as Jessica giggles.

"Also, no sex!!" Willie was straight to the point with that one.

**Homer**

It's been a week since my son was forced to hide in an old friend's house. Marge has been worried sick and I have been watching T.V. Lisa looks a bit stressed out, for surely she is the second worst enemy on Bob's list. Lisa has helped Bart once or twice to foil Bob's evil yet stupid plans. Lisa actually looked worst than stressed, she looked depressed to the point of suicide. I wanted to help her but I was busy watching T.V.

"Daddy?"

"Yes sweetie?" I say turning the T.V up as Maggie sits on my lap.

"Where's Bart?" I put the T.V up a little more and drink my beer.

"At a friend's house,"

"for a whole week?"

"Yeah, good friend."

"But why?" The Television's speakers must be busted, I can't drown out her voice and it's on max.

"ok look, Maggie your probably old enough for this anyways and I'm not going to beat you around the bush. Remember that guy the hypnotised you and tried to make you kill yourself early last year?"

"Yeah. Sideshow Blob?"

"That's right. Anyways, he is actually a scary monster from the planet Xenon and he wants revenge on Bart because Bart has stopped him from destroying the Earth so many times in the past. Anyways now Bart is hiding the planet kilt town with Jessica cause the scary monster has some friends and they are going to rip off Bart's skin and peel of his flesh and feed it to the devil's dog which lives underneath this very house and in fact all houses."

Maggie's face has a look of terror and fear or maybe it was fear and terror. Lisa suddenly walks into the room.

"Lisa, what's the matter sweetie?" I say, observing her look of insanity. Stress is one of the worst things known to man, sure it can make you do things faster and speed up natural development just like steroids but in the end it screws you up, just like steroids. I should get Lisa some steroids.

"What's the matter? My brother could be dead but what's worst is that I could be too!!"

"Lisa, Lisa, a scary monster from Xenon wants revenge on Bart and is going to feed his flesh to the devil's dog which lives underneath this house?" Maggie says tugging on Lisa's skirt.

"What?"

"Dad told me that is why Bart is living in kilt town with Jessica. That's why he has been gone for a week."

"No! No it's not Maggie." Lisa screamed at her, causing Maggie to wince. I can't believe Lisa just did that, she was always so kind to Maggie.

"The reason Bart is gone is because Sideshow Bob is in Springfield and wants to get revenge for putting him in prison so many times. Sideshow Bob is a murderer, he killed Krusty the clown and Samantha, stupid little catholic bitch. I mean they worship a bitch that never got laid."

"oh…." Maggie says.

"Lisa calm down, here take some of Alex's sleeping pills,"

"I can't believe Alex just gives her sleeping pills to people,"

"uhhh gives… yeah that's what she did. Stealing is wrong!" So maybe I visited Alex, at 3 am when she was actually asleep and stole things from her, it doesn't make me a bad person. I mean bad people steal from the poor, stealing from the rich isn't really a crime. What are taxes anyways?

"Dad, what if sideshow Bob comes here?"

"Relax Maggie, you might need some of these pills. Look, I got a trap outside the house for sideshow Bob,"

"You mean the box filled with your old porno magazines?"

"Actually Lisa, they were Moe's,"

"Moe threw out his porno magazines?"

"no, I just borrowed them without his permission, I'm a Simpson, duh!!" My mummy always told me not to smoke inside, but I do it anyways. That is relevant to the plot somehow but you'll have to figure out how, cause I sure as hell don't know.

A/N: The fact is my mum walked into the room and told me off for smoking inside the room.

Homer: How longer are you going to add little author notes?

A/N: Hey I'm the fucking author not you, I can kill you… in fact I could make Sideshow Bob come into the house right now and shoot you in the balls.

Homer: I'm not afraid of you, anyways back to the story.

A/N: Hey I'm meant to say that.

Homer: Don't be a little bitch, back to the story now.

"How is that going to stop him?"

"Lisa, he went to prison, you can't have sex in prison, even jacking it off is hard with people watching your every move. See, someone is opening the box," I say as I open the door. 3 dozen men suddenly ran off, each carrying at least two magazines.

"Oh… well I always have a plan B."

"What's plan B daddy,"

"Well Maggie… I'm off to Moe's!!" I say as I sprint out of the house but run out of energy near the mail box and end up walking the rest of the way.

**Bart**

"ok, how are you enjoying your diner?"

"oh I love Haggis…" Jessica says in a sweet voice, only barely fooling Willie.

"Yeah, it taste like…uhh flavour country," A very dirty and horrible flavour country. How the fuck do they cook this shit anyways? I mean if the Scots had some spices and maybe an oven…

"awh serves my praise to know that wee ones like me food," Willie says swallowing down what's left of his diner. I wish he had a dog so I could feed him this shit but then again that's animal cruelty. When Willie finally finishes his food and leaves me and Jessica run to the sink and chuck the so called diner down the skin.

"Dude, I can't stand this much longer, I'm so hungry."

"Calm down Bart, here…" I hate to admit it but me and Jessica have a new drug problem, the sweet bitter taste of Zopiclone. I mean it makes everything taste like shit but it gives you a nice high, better than nice. We both down what's left of the bottle. You know, even if it make's thing taste like shit it doesn't really matter, Scots can't cook.

"okay, I got a plan. We can tell Willie that we are leaving his house because it might be dangerous to stay in one place for too long."

"Wow Bart, these pills make you smart," Jessica's speech is barely coherent, in fact I realise that me and Jessica are starting to slurry our speech even when we aren't high. We do exactly what I thought of, Willie dismisses our speech as us being tired but agrees to drive us to another place to stay.

"But where?" I ask Jessica after we have packed the small amount of stuff we had.

"well we are out of pills and you know there is one place where we can get them,"

"Dr Hibberts?"

"No Bart, Alex's house."

"Yeah!! We can actually live in a house that is fit for a king and queen. Do you think she let us stay?"

"Even if she doesn't, her house is fucking huge, I bet it has a hundred spare bedrooms,"

"Yeah!! We could kill her!!"

"No idiot, I meant we could secretly live there, Bart your skin is so smooth, can I lick it? I bet it would be like licking a cloud,"

"if I can lick yours, I mean you use cream and shit, do you use ice cream?" Willie looked a little freaked out from our conversation and did nothing more than move our bags into his car and start the engine. We jumped into the car, we are now feeling the high, obviously noticeable from our conversation.

"See yah!!" Willie says before checking if Alex will actually let us stay. We ring the bell, it's a sweet melody of Beethoven's, fur elise I believe and I can't help but ring it again and again.

"okay, Bart…. I'm here, what do you want?"

"this door bell!!" I say ringing it again.

"Alex, is that the new slaves?"

"Dad… I told you not to call them slaves and uhh no, these are my friends."

"Friends? But look at there clothes, they are all poor like." Her parents, who I have seen for the first time ever walk away. I know my jeans have a rip and Jessica's skirt does too but we can't be bothered shopping for new clothes.

"What do you two want?" We got into Alex's room and Jessica explains everything.

"Planet Xenon, feeding flesh to the devil's dog? Haggis? You guys must have been abusing my pills," She says sadly.

"look, look… it's simple, Sideshow Bob is going to kill me and I need a place to hide, Willie's house sucks so we want to live here for a little while," I say with a smile.

"ok, but uhh, do you have any of my pills left?"

"nope… we just had the last few,"

"Damn! Damn! Damn 1"

"Damn 1? Don't you mean Damn!?"

"Sorry, sorry… typo… but someone stole the last of my pills a few days ago."

"oh, well there is hints of it on my tongue? Want to lick it out?"

"BART!!" Jessica says slapping me on the cheek. Her hands were smooth but the pain was… uhh painful. When your high, you can't think of… uhh… fuck it!

"you can lick them out of my tongue but not my boyfriend's… you try anything and I swear that I will… oh my gosh your bed is so comfortable, did you make it out of a cloud?"

"uhh… ok, maybe I shouldn't have given you those… I thought you said you couldn't sleep,"

"well that was the problem before but I decided not to use them then. I'm glad now, it's like I'm in heaven, except God realised it wasn't my time so he sent me back to your house." Jessica said with a cheeky giggle.

"Jessica, I only want her to lick the pills off of my tongue, you know she's hot!!"

"Of cause I know that Bart, oh what the hell… I mean I always wanted to have a threesome anyways, I mean I would have prefer another guy but who can resist a hot blonde anyways,"

"uhhh, ok you guys are starting to creep me out,"

"oh, well can I touch your breasts?" Maybe Jessica was bi, that means we are going to have some fun later in life.

"Jessica, I think you guys need some sleep, even that Matt groening guy isn't this crazy,"

"isn't he the one that made that lame futurama?"

"Bart, that wasn't lame… it was funny. I love that bender guy,"

"I heard he had an even better show before that, it had this fat bald dad with an alcohol problem, a nagging blue haired mum, an annoying little sister, a boy who was always up to no good and a little baby that shot a really old guy." I say as Alex sits on a chair watching us uncomfortably. We were relaxing on her bed, which I have to admit is much better than mine. Homer has so much money yet I still sleep in my old krusty bed that I have had since I was like 10. I can't believe how cheap my father is sometimes, I mean all a good bed costs is 2000 and it would cure my sometimes insomniac periods where all I tell people is my famous line "Can't sleep, clowns will eat me." Some people actually think I mean that literally, I mean I did when I was little but now I had grown up and I only use it cause everyone else seems to love that phrase.

**Homer**

"ah… it's you!!" I say as I observe the door open and 3 men walk into the living room. I can't remember there names but I know they were just stopping by for a good drink with Bart. I guess I'll have to tell them that Bart is hiding in Willie's home.

"Dad, I told you too lock the door," Lisa said as I can't help but shove down 2 pills and a can of beer down her throat. I really hope that shut's her up, I can't stand her bitching anymore. I mean Lisa is smart but I hate people that show off about there smartness, so you can write 50 chapters? Who really gives a fuck? Not me cause I don't have an attention span long enough to last for 50 fucking chapters. I mean what happened to the good old days when writers knew they were unwanted?

"well Homer, I told you I would kill Bart, where is he?" That sideshow guy asks.

"I'm not telling you,"

"oh really?" He says grabbing Maggie and putting a gun to her head.

"now sweet little Maggie, you know I don't have anything against you, so your going to show my friend Snake the kitchen," Maggie does so and soon they return. I am confused about what is going on.

"okay homer, see this ham?"

"yeah!!" I say excited but he then throws it to the ground and steps on it. What an evil and insane man he is.

"NO!!" I scream as I fall to my knees. How could someone do something so cruel?

"what kind of inhuman person are you?"

"I'm am going to be reasonable, tell me where Bart is."

"No!! Not the beer!!" I say as he breaks of one can and spills it to the ground.

"please, no more!!" The insane man doesn't listen as he breaks of another two and lets them drain on to the carpet too.

"what kind of man are you?"

"Last can, Homer!!" He says as he opens it, slowly preparing to tip it.

"ok, ok.. He's at Willies, please just don't do it." He gives a harsh and evil laugh before walking away with the can.

"phew, I'm glad that's over."

"Homie, don't you see what you have done?"

"I saved a beer can and if there's anything wrong with that…"

"he is going to kill Bart now," Marge says sadly, holding Maggie tightly who was crying. Maggie must definitely be my child, crying over spilt beer.

"no he's not, probably misses his old arch nemesis and wants to say hello,"

"no homie, he is going to kill my little baby," Marge says as she starts to cry. If she was so worried about Bart why didn't she do something other than sit on her hot ass?

"luckily I got a call from Alex saying that Bart and Jessica are with her,"

"Lisa, don't interrupt, your mother was crying," Wait a minute… if he is going to kill Bart.. Then I have to…. Go to Moe's!!

After a quick drive to Moe's I stare at the tavern. Every time there is a problem, I drink it away but if I do it this time, then Bart might be dead. I have really come to like Bart in the past 17 years, I mean at the start I was all like NO!! the condom shouldn't have broken but a week after that I realised that having a son wouldn't be bad. Of cause he has been a thorn in my ass for the last 16 years of his life, I mean as soon as he set my thumb on fire after Marge pushed him out I knew he was going to be a little demon. But he is my little demon and I need to help him. He was so sure that I would fail him as a father that he ran away from home when things looked the worst. What kind of father drinks away his problems and leaves his son to die? The American father yes, but I'm setting an example. Only drink when your kids are the trouble not in trouble.

"Homer, haven't since you here in nearly 2 hours, what's been keeping you?" Moe asks as he cleans another mug. Professor Frink, Reverend Lovejoy, Carole, Lenny, Apu and Ned Flanders were already there.

"Ned what are you doing here?"

"drinking,"

"yeah but that's hot coco,"

"yeah, Moe really knows how to make a delicious hot chocolate drink, it's diddly-tastic,"

"look you guys I need some help, this town's police force sucks so we need to protect my son and kill that Sideshow dude and the white knight and maybe break Martin's legs and snap Snake's Spine."

"I'm in," they all say except for Moe.

"Sorry, no Reverends, Muslims, Hindus or gays,"

"What? I'm only half Muslim," Carole says annoyed.

"so, your half a terrorist."

"well what's wrong with us Hindus?"

"too many fake Gods and Goddess,"

"I'm not gay!!"

"sure Lenny, what about that time you were staring at Carole's penis in the decontaminant thingy after he got radiation poisoning?"

"I was just comparing sizes,"

"for half an hour?"

"well what about me, my daughter is in danger too because of your son,"

"look, Reverend's hate gays, there is nothing worse than repressing gays from their true selves,"

"I don't hate gays,"

"Fine, Fine, Ned, Frink, Lovejoy we got some asses to kick, the rest of you enjoy your sweet, sweet beer." We rush to Frink's house, cause he has the latest weapons of science, so much better than those fake weapons of mass destruction. I don't know if this is a bad move, what if Sideshow Bob is really just dropping in to say hello?

**Bart**

"you guys okay?" Alex says as she brings us both a glass of water.

"dude, we aren't going to drink that, that bitter taste of Zopiclone makes all liquid taste like metal,"

"oh, yeah. D.M.Y," She says as she takes the water back.

"Dude, did she say D.M.Y?" Jessica asks.

"Yeah, I know that's so lame. She said that in like the 2nd grade."

"yeah Alex is kind of lame sometimes, I hate those preppy bitches, make us girls into stereotypes, all my god, those shoes are so pretty, look Bart its got a lace!!" I roll my eyes. One of my favourite things about Jessica was that I could relate to her, I didn't need to listen about shoes or hairstyles, she was a down to earth person that didn't dwell on popularity. Also she is hot, that is always a bonus.

"Bart, Bart!!"

"Dad?" I say confused as I hear his voice.

"oh there you are, get up, brush your teeth, smack your bitch… uhhh cut that last bit out," He added the last part after Reverend Lovejoy's frown.

"What are all of you doing here?" Jessica asked after 4 locals walked into the room.

"Well you know how the cops in this town? They are obese and always wasted." Homer asks as he eats a donut and drinks a can of beer.

"yeah…"

"well we came to protect you and we are working for your friend's parents,"

"you are?"

"Yeah were slaves!! Except we get paid, look Bart… a 1 a day,"

"Dad… you got like a few million in the bank,"

"pfft, your just jealous that I'm getting paid," Homer says as he takes a seat. I roll my eyes, my dad might not be the smartest of men, in fact is the complete opposite of that but his heart is always in the right place. Even if his heart if filled with oil and lard, it still pumps love.

"Anyways, you, Alex and Jessica hang out here, we'll do the rest," I didn't know what the rest part meant but they leave the room and that's all I care about. Something randomly passed my mind, something that had happened to me many years ago.

"Jessica, when we first met, how come you stole from the collection plate and let me take the blame?"

"What?" She looked confused that I would ask such a thing, I don't know why that came into my mind it just did and I had to ask.

"I mean, we were going out and stuff and you let me take the blame for something so big."

"Bart… uhhh… does that really matter? It was like 7 years ago."

"but why? Why did you do it?"

"you know back then I was just seeking my father's attention… you were just like Milhouse back then, a puppet and a scapegoat."

"puppet, scapegoat…"

"I mean I was hoping you would have left with me, like I said back then you lost your cut. I mean I was starting to really like you then but you kind of betrayed me, I left alone that day and my revenge was sort of… letting you take the blame. But forget it, it was 7 years ago. We are now closer than ever and if the same thing happened, I would take the blame totally, you know that." She's right, the past is the past.

"your bad, your Bad Bart Simpson and I like it," Those words were ones she has said to me years ago, something that created a fire that burnt into self destruction.

"I'm bad to the bone honey," That had a lot of memories for us. That was the start of everything, start of the fun we had. After we split up for a short period I couldn't help but hate her, her witch like spell on me. All I could do was think about her but I knew she was no good for me. However it was fate that had us meet again…

"_Hey Bart,"_

"_Jessica…. Your back from bordering school?"_

"_I got expelled," I was sitting in my tree house, not expecting this at all. I didn't want to see her again._

"_wow, there mustn't be many bordering school's willing to accept you," She let out a warm chuckle, not the typical cold one's after our pranks but I had learnt she was a deceiver, she could hide the coldest of emotions with her cute smile, the way the lips curved to make an innocent look. I knew she was far from innocent. _

"_well it's nice that your back in Springfield but I think that maybe it's best that we didn't hang out together,"_

"_Bart… I didn't come here to ask for us too be friends again… I just came here to apologise, I mean I treated you with no respect. I just wish my apology was good enough, but I know it will never be." She started climbing down my tree house._

"_Wait, Jessica… apology accepted," She gave me a warm smile as she left. Was it wrong of me to accept the devil's apology? _

"well you did apologise for it before, I dunno why I decided to bring it up again,"

"cause you suck Bart,"

"not entirely true."

"yeah, yeah it is…" she says holding my hand.

"No it's not," I say a little annoyed but her soft kiss on the cheek fixed everything.

"You take things to seriously sometimes baby, you got to live and let live."

**Sideshow Bob**

"Please, ah don't know where they are,"

"right skirt dude," Snake says as he slaps the Scottish man tied to a chair.

"I don't know anything,"

"you know, maybe that fatty lied to us," Snake says as he rips off Willie's skirt.

"awh dude!! Don't you Scot's wear underwear?" He questions as I throw up a little bit in my mouth. That was the single most disgusting thing I have seen and the smell, oh it smelt like a decaying pig mixed with cow shit and a hint of school boy vomit.

"or shave your nuts?" The white knight says.

"wow your penis is quite a nice size, must be around 9 inchs" I can't help but hit Martin in the head for saying that. I sometimes wonder about how boy genius, he isn't obviously as smart as Frink and sometimes fails to even surpass Lisa but he seems to be the right member for our group but if he is gay…. Well personally I don't have anything against gays, my father was one after all… those nights he came home drunk, I was innocent studying and he came into my room, locked the door and pulled down his pants… horrible childhood memories.

"I mean…. uhhh… haven't you Scott's heard of getting rid of the foreskin?"

"Dude… not cool, you know the foreskin has 90 of the nerves in your penis, that's why when I root a girl I'm glad I have a snake skin on my little snake."

"Snake, your really weird you know that,"

"What at least I don't have a turtle without a shell little Prince,"

"Guys, Guys… please… find the Scott a new skirt and let's get out of here. I have a feeling I know what to do now," Yes I know exactly what to do now, Homer maybe have lied to us once but now I know how to drain the information out of the family. The Lovejoys should enjoy a little visit too.

**Maggie**

"Where are you going?" I ask Lisa as she gets her back pack ready.

"Well, Milhouse offered to take me to the museum, he has become a lot nicer now that he is clean and off steroids."

"oh cool, well I'll see you late." She was always such a nice sister, I loved her with all of my soul and heart. This family I belonged to was nice once you get pass certain flaws but everyone has flaws.

"Ok Maggie," She gives me a hug and gives me a kiss on the cheek.

"Lisa, I have a bad feeling for some reason."

"About what?"

"I… I don't know, it's just a bad feeling, be safe okay sis?"

"I always am." I love her so much and if something happened to her… if Milhouse tried something I would rip his head off and puke down it.

"Well I'm off, bye Magz." She says sprinting out of the room. I am left all alone now, T.V is just so boring sometimes. I decide to go into the kitchen to see what mum's up to.

"Oh hey Sweetie, I'm just preparing for diner. Isn't it nice to have the boys out of the house?"

"Sort of, but I'm starting to miss daddy and Bart."

"I know honey but soon everything will be back to normal." In this family there is no normal, it's something that makes life interesting, every day something knew.

"Quite the contrary my dear." The kitchen window smashes as Sideshow Bob, Snake and Martin enter the kitchen.

"Dude, that is so not cool, we should have just taken the front door again."

"You imbecile the front door is locked,"

"But dude,"

"Oh shut up snake and shove your snakeskin up your ass," Martin say firmly.

"May I suggest some pie?" My mother offers.

"No dude, we are here to… dude is that cherry?"

"Yeah, my secret recipe." Snake takes the pie and starts eating it.

"Dude you got to tell me your secret,"

"I'll never tell." Marge says with a smile.

"Seriously you guys, try this pie… it's awesome." Sideshow Bob and Martin prince take a piece each.

"Well it is rather lovely," Sideshow Bob says.

"It's so yummy, like having a thousand dicks in my mouth…. Ohh uhh I meant like… a thousand pairs of woman's breast."

"Are you gay?" I ask. I mean he just said something so strange he had to be gay but I'm not one to oppress gays, they deserve their rights.

"How dare you." He puts out a gun and shoots me, to my relief it shot out a net.

"Hey, let me go."

"Now who is the gay one?" He asked me kneeling down to the net.

"Just cause you got me doesn't mean your not gay," His face turned red and I didn't know if it was embarrassment or anger. I really didn't have a problem if he was gay, I was just curious and they always told me curiosity killed the cat, that's why Lisa's snowball is dead.

"Maggie… you watch your mouth darling. Gays are people too. Very, Very strange people."

"Mum I don't have anything against gays, in fact I hope one day they won't face prejudice and hatred. They should be allowed to get married."

"Yes we should… I mean they should… God damn it!!" Martin shoots another net at my mother.

"Snake take them into the aircraft."

"Wait dude, let a man eat a pie." He says as Sideshow Bob rolls his eyes. He sprays some kind of weird perfume on me and I suddenly fall into darkness. I completely black out and awake in a different place than home. It was a very scary place and I didn't want to be there anymore.

"Where am I?" I ask, the white knight is facing me.

"No where my dear," He says with a smile. I turn my head to see my mother asleep and next to her is Helen.

"What do you want?" I try to move from the chair but I'm tied to it and the chairs are attached to concrete.

"Don't think you'll get away with this." I say annoyed that I'm trapped like a candy wrapper caught in an updraft, that's what my daddy would say.

"We aren't planning too." Sideshow Bob says as he walks into the room.

"What?"

"We want to get caught, I want Bart and Homer to come running here. We have even filed a police record and have given the details of our hideout. It's the Burn's house, do you like the setting?"

"I swear if I wasn't tied down to a chair…" He cuts me off.

"Well you are and you can't do a damn thing about it. I have to admit I don't hate you Maggie, only your sister and brother. Speaking of Lisa, where is she?"

"I don't know," Sideshow Bob pats my head, it was eerily soothing.

**Bart**

"Alex, what do you use in your hair to keep that shiny and straightness?"

"Well I use…" I can't stand this. I want to be in a world were we are listening to puppies rap about niggers and I feel that I'm in a world filled dogs and Gs.

"Hey, you know what keeps my hair blonde and shiny, I bath in oil. Fuck Iraq if it's going to take my oil."

"Bart what are you talking about?"

"Sorry, I found 5 pills of yours and now I want too put my lips inside a furnace."

"Oh Bart, your so cute when your stoned," Jessica says as she grabs me and gives me a soft kiss.

"Can I kiss you? I want you too taste your bitterness…" I say as I shove my tongue down her throat

"awh damn it Bart, I hate that taste."

"I hate those little things in the fairy world. Pixies or whatever."

"Bart, come here sweetie," Jessica calms me down a little, dragging me onto the bed.

"dude, I should want to fuck you right here but I have to spent my life defending the diamonds of Pantera!!"

"haha," Jessica said stroking my hair and passionately giving me a kiss.

"You know…. I heard having sex is the best thing we can do when we your high," I give her a cheeky grin.

"Bart we can't sweetie."

"I want to jump off a roof, it's be so fun."

"Definitely not of Alex's roof," Jessica knows its about 12 ft high.

"Please KILL ME, I ain't the only one!!"

"Bart, what the hell are you talking about?"

"I don't know. You know why is that society makes us guys pee in urinals when sitting down is much more comfortable."

"That's cause you have a small penis."

"What? No I don't, you haven't seen it Jess,"

"Well then how can you sit down and pee?"

"Move back a little you idiot. How do you know how long a typical guy's penis is anyways? Have you cheated on me. I'll slice your throat out Jessica, I swear to Abraham if I was Jewish."

"Bart, I would never cheat on you and if I do… well your just not what I was looking for."

"WHAT??"

"I'm kidding, I don't care if you can't fuck me properly." Her voice was teasing, she was taunting me to show her what I can do. I must be high to want to go beyond the limits of physical attractions and I want to be in a world of lust and Jessica knows it.

"I can, I'll show." I get on top of her, I heard the most fun thing you can do when your high is sex.

"Get off of me Bart, my dad's in the house."

"Yes… Yes I am." I feel my cheeks going red.

"I didn't mean too…" I say awkwardly trying not to act high.

"Sorry daddy, we are high." God damn it Jess, your usually smarter than that.

"I want to touch you!!," I say crawling of her body.

"Let's dance,"

"you can't dance Bart,"

"Neither can you, what's the problem."

"We are stars that fall, stars are what's left of me. Can you go get some tunes?"

"You know that crap Alex has…."

"Hey!!" Alex had never left the room. The Reverend and Alex watch us a little frightened but at the same time curious, I knew they were curious but what the fuck are they curious about?

"you know one of my biggest problem…. It's with Author, I mean I love things like fan fiction but people are making it a mocking. I mean joke after joke, cell Phones, and no real character build ups. All they are interested is in how many reviews that get!! Fuck Reviews, although it is appreciated and I personally love them and it would be great if you review this chapter. This fic is a good example of no character build up and continuous teen issues, I mean it's chapter 50 and we are still doing fucking drugs. Who the fuck does the author think he is? He has soiled the work of Matt Groening and turned into a pile of shit like Family Guy."

"come here, relax Bart."

"I never felt such a high." Jessica wraps me in a lovingly hug.

"Jessica can I lick you eyes, they are stars…. You are a star to fall, a star of grace."

**Homer**

"maybe Sideshow Bob doesn't know where they are,"

"of cause they don't Homer,"

"but then why are we sitting here doing nothing,"

"Homer, the point of protecting our children and making sure they don't get hurt,"

"Well that sucks Timmy, we got to go kill that Sideshow Bob,"

"why? I mean as long as Bart and Jessica are safe…"

"how long are we going to postpone our normal lives?"

"well that's a good point," Professor Frink comes running into the room.

"There is a report of two attacks cause by a new group called Saint Riders,"

"Saint Riders?"

"Yeah it's lead by Sideshow Bob and worst of all will we have been sitting here, Marge, Maggie and Helen have been kidnapped,"

"They… What?"

"And they have sealed off Burn's old Mansion, they say they have a lot of weapons and stuff… it good be… Oh Galvin dangerous,"

"I was really waiting till you said Galvyn,"

"Yeah me too," The Reverend with a smile.

"well very well, but the point is we got to get down there." We assemble the rest of the team and say it's time to go kill some Saints…uhh Saint Riders.

"Dad, I got to go too,"

"Bart, you know he will kill you,"

"He'll kill you too find me,"

"Good point, here's a gun,"

"Dad…that's a donut,"

"well you got a big mouth, your sitting right there mister,"

"Bite me,"

"Listen Bart, Jessica. You too are too young, the youth is nothing but a bunch of stupid people not good for anything." I say with a smirk.

Me and my group of adult friends getting into a car and start driving towards Mr Burn's house. I can't believe everyone is so afraid of this place.

"Ok… ready to kill?"

"Yeah Galvin." Professor Frink says as we all jump out of the car. I wonder if Professor Frink has tourettes syndrome sometimes because of his outbursts mainly the word galvyn, galvin or however the fuck you say it. Perhaps he is in fact a cookie monster, wait what am I thinking for? I got some people to kill or something, damn I need to be thinking.

"Homer, so good to see you again. Where is your son?" Sideshow Bob asks as soon as we enter the house.

"Hiding, I'm here to kill you."

"I'm afraid you have your facts twisted for when the smoke is cleared it shall be you that is dead."

"I don't smoke man, never tried that shit… well maybe a little weed."

"That's great homer, anyways perhaps you would like too see your darling Marge?"

"Marge is here? Did she bake me a cherry pie?"

"Yeah dude but I ate it."

"You monster!!" I point my gun at Snake and take a shot, he however dodged it.

"Calm down Homer and take a look in that room right there," Martin opens the door and reveals Marge surrounded by snakes and I don't mean the ones that eat your pies. Two serpents were in the room, each 8ft tall with spit clinging onto their 3 inch poisonous fangs.

A/N: Ok, time for third person view again.

Homer ran into the room and shot of his gun, the beasts seemed to be unharmed. Martin closed the door with a laugh and put a chair under the doorknob. The oldest trick in the book really, teens use it all the time to make sure there parents can't see them smoking dope or injecting heroin.

"That takes of the fat problem, all we got left is the two Christians and a nerd." The white knight said pulling out his sword and swinging at Reverend Lovejoy. He also had a sword but his block of the blade sent sparks flying.

"Die Lovejoy, Die!!"

"No you die… 17th century person," Reverend Lovejoy says as he attempts to slash the White Knight, they end up on the top floor fighting a deadly battle.

"Where's Lisa? I want to give her my present."

"I don't know Martin, take Frink already and let me deal with Flanders."

"What am I suppose to do?"

"Fine, you deal with Flanders, Snake, I'm going back to bed… when I awake this better all be over." Sideshow Bob says as he walks up the stairs, walking past the vigorous battle between Lovejoy and the knight. It was truly an epic battle, too combatants who were equally matched.

"Well you heard him bible dude, time to fight."

"But we shouldn't fight, it's not what God would want."

"How do you know? Are you God?" Snake asked.

"No but I have read this entire book, it's jam back full of answers. Yes it is didlow." Flanders says taking Snake into the living room.

"So, I guess it's me and you Prince."

"I always thought this day might come, I have truly admired your work on advance physics, you have really furthered our understanding of quantum gravity and your work on the big bang theory has been great but I'm afraid I have to kill you."

"Well, I don't admired any of your work. The steady state theory is a pile of bullshit honestly and your work has proved that." Professor Frink has as he pulls out a laser and shoots the young mad scientist.

"Anti Laser clothing idiot," Martin says pulling out his own laser and shooting Frink.

"Touché, I have anti laser clothing too." Professor Frink says tossing his gun onto the ground.

"Well now what?" Martin asks tossing his gun also.

"Use your damn brain." Frink says punching Martin the belly and then kicking him hard in the knee.

"That is a cheap shot, your cheating!!" He screams as the professor pulls his hair and pushes him onto the floor.

"Reverend, I got to admit I admire your fighting abilities, I never thought a minister at the local church would be able to stand his ground."

"I used to take fencing as a teen and when my family members are in danger I go into overdrive."

"Well, I fought in many battles, ones with enemies beyond your imagination." The knight says swing his sword but Reverend Lovejoy was able to dodge the attack and swung his sword back at the knight who blocked it with his sword.

"They can't be very strong enemies, we are but equal knight." The Reverend says attempting to hit him again and he does except it just slashes his armour a little. The Reverend knows his enemy has an advantage primarily because of his armour.

"Blood, not bad minister." Says the knight putting a finger to the wound and licking his blood.

"Call me Timothy. I want you to know the name of the man that killed you."

"Well no point in telling me your name then Timmy," He says as he swings his sword the Reverend was just able to get his sword up in time to block it.

"I find this a bit unfair. You see that knight stature over there? Use it's armour and perhaps even the Excalibur that Mr Burns had."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Partly because I'm a gentleman and when I kill a person I want them fighting their best but the main reason is I like a good challenge, I haven't fought someone so equal to me in nearly 400 years." Reverend Lovejoy didn't know whether to trust this guy but he decided to.

"And then Jesus put the spirits into pigs that were nearby."

"Woah dude, that is some really spacey shit right there. God does all these things for me and I don't even know it."

"Exactly my friend."

"It really wants to make me change my life… one last crime though…" He grabs the bible from Ned and runs with a laugh.

"Hey, I only got 12 left… come back here." Ned chases him but unfortunately runs into the boot of Snake.

"Goodnight dude." Flanders was unconscious and dragged into the room that had Maggie and Helen were trapped in as prisoners.

"Let's us go!!"

"Don't worry little Maggie, as soon as your sister gets here your going to be ENJOYING freedom but it's going to be up to your sister."

"WHAT?" Maggie screamed but she couldn't move an inch.

"Marge honey, don't worry… I know this laser might be useless against the tongue of these furious beasts but Homer Simpson has a fat ass that can't be kicked by 8ft snakes."

"Homie, untie me…" Homer unties her as the serpents slowly move across the room, not intending to hurt them.

"Aww… these snakes are cute…" Homer says before one attempts to bite his hand off.

"No Snake, that's a bad snake."

"Homer… shoot the window down and let's get out of this room."

"Wait honey, the snake and I are playing a game."

"Oh for God's sake." Marge says as she kicks down the window.

"Come on Homie." They both escape from the room relatively unharmed, there was some snake spit on Homer but that was about it.

"That was easier than expected." Homer says with a smile. He had saved her.

"Let's go home now," Homer adds.

"Homer, your friends and daughter are trapped in that house."

"Oh right, well I guess I'm going to be at Moe's then." Marge grabs Homer before he can run and drags him back into the house.

"Owh… it really, really hurts." Says Martin as Professor Frink gives him another punch.

"I still got it. Oh Galvin!!" Professor Frink screams as he knocks out the young boy genius. Sadly for Frink he didn't see the clinched fists of Snake coming and he too is knocked out and dragged to the room of prisoners. Martin is unmoved and Homer and Marge walk pass him.

"Come on Timothy, you got to be better than that." The white knight says blocking the Rev's sword. Both the men were warn out.

"Ok, enough playing around. Time to release my true power!!" The white knight says slamming his sword into the ground and suddenly starts to glow blue.

"What the hell?" Reverend Lovejoy says at the sight of the knight glowing. He takes his chance but his blade breaks in half.

"Oh shit, sorry Burns…" He says as he runs and grabs one of his prized possessions. Excalibur, the same one King Arthur had pulled out of a stone. He returns to see the knight's armour start to shatter, parts of it fly off and his helmet is destroyed completely. Reverend Lovejoy can see his hair, it is long and blonde in a dread lock fashion. His eyes are a pale forest green and his teeth yellow. I guess he wasn't a guy who heard of Colgate.

"Ready to die?" He picks up his sword and swings it at Lovejoy, luckily Lovejoy ducked but the wall that he hit was completely destroyed. Reverend Lovejoy looked at the ashes of the wall and couldn't help but think that maybe fighting the knight was going to be harder than expected.

"Uhh… let's not fight, Christ is lord." Reverend Lovejoy says the knight drops his sword and uses his fists.

Homer and Marge ran into the room that Maggie, Helen and now Flanders and Frink were captured.

"Flanders, Frink… you lost?" Homer said appalled.

"Daddy, mummy… I'm so scared."

"It's okay Maggie, when your old enough you will realise that sex is actually a magically thing."

"Homer!!"

"What is sex mum?"

"Uhhh… I'll explain it to you later."

"I'm afraid not Marge." Sideshow Bob and Snake walks into the room.

"Martin couldn't even take care of Frink, I had to like totally intervene."

"Snake, stop being a smug son of a bitch and shut up for two seconds."

"Sorry sir."

"God damn right. Anyways what do you plan to do? As soon as Lisa gets here she and Maggie are done for but I'm waiting to see your son the most. He has caused me so much pain." Suddenly the white knight brings in Reverend Lovejoy, his body is badly beaten and bruised and he looks like he is dying.

"Timothy!!" Helen screams as her husband is tied to a chair next to her.

"No problems I assume?"

"Well as soon I as I unleashed my true power he was done for. Poor lad didn't stand a chance."

"Good, now what are we going to do about these two here."

"Marge, can you please give me your recipe for that cherry pie?"

"Snake, shut the fuck up!!" Sideshow Bob screams.

"Ok, I have had enough of you Bob," Marge attempts to punch Sideshow Bob but instead runs into a high kick to the head from Sideshow Bob. Sideshow Bob had long legs that he had learnt to use quite well in the past few years.

"Umm… I'll be at Moe's!!" Homer says as he runs out of the room.

"Let him go, we don't need to have any more prisoners. I know Bart and Lisa love you two my darling. Especially you," Sideshow Bob gets to his knees and pats Maggie on the head.

"Let's us go!!" Maggie screams, her mother is locked up and starts her life as a prisoner in this room.

**Homer**

What am I doing? I thought I already decided not to drink… not till this whole mess is over. I return home, it is empty without the cheerful Maggie, annoying saxophone practises of Lisa and Bart…. Uhh well what ever Bart does.

How could I do that? I just ran out of the room like a coward, my daughter saw me run like a sissy and I left my friends, family and whatever Helen Lovejoy is behind. They could be tortured or killed and I just ran to save myself.

"Dad, what's going on?" Lisa walks into the room and watches me cry.

"Your dad is a failure, just like Bart's dad… me!!" I continue crying as Lisa rolls her eyes and asks if I have been drinking again.

"No, it's not that… Maggie and Marge, they were kidnapped, I went to save them with some friends and we got beaten miserably. I ran out of the house, leaving them all defenceless and they could be dead."

"Calm down dad, I know Sideshow Bob… he wouldn't just kill them. He is carefully plotting out something and trying to lure me and Bart into it."

"Where have you been anyways? How come you didn't get kidnapped?"

"I was on a date."

"With who?"

"Milhouse…"

"What… why?"

"We have been going out for a few months now dad. Look that's beyond the point we got to go and rescue them dad."

"I can't let you risk your life for that… I must go alone." I had to face my fears, even if I die it will be for a good cause.

"Dad, you have to admit you need my help. You can't even tie your shoe laces without my help."

"Well, ok Big Maggie. How can we do it though?"

"I'm not sure…"

**Bart**

"Dude, hold onto them for later… what the fuck have we been doing? Our friends and family have been in danger and all we have been doing is getting high."

"I know, what is wrong with us?" Jessica says putting the bottle in her purse.

"Sometimes I think I am still really stupid, I'm just my 10 yr old self and I can't escape that."

"Bart… it was my fault, I shouldn't have gotten some of Alex in the first place." For hiding we were in a very open space. We were sitting near the Springfield Lake, totally miserable and if we were attacking now we would be done for.

"I wish I could grow up, I wish I could act like a 16 year old… I'm going to be 17 soon and I'm lured to stupid decisions, Maggie and Mum are kidnapped and all I have been doing is swallowing fucking pills." Jessica ran her hand through my hair, her touch is something that can bring me instant relief.

"Jessica, why do you always settle for me?" I say suddenly, surprising her a bit almost as if she already expected me to know.

"Cause you're the 10 yr old I love and I am the 10 yr old your trapped with." She says with a small giggle but I wasn't in the giggling mood.

"Don't you realise the severity of the situation?"

"I do, I know we got to do something. Look I still have a few ghost hunting weapons… maybe they can take out the knight but I don't know about the rest…."

"it's utterly hopeless." I say, I have to admit when I'm beat and I am now. There wasn't nothing I could do.

"Bart, it's not. We got to try, you were just saying you wish you could grow up. It's time to be a man, it's time to face your greatest fears and it's time to sacrifice everything and it doesn't matter what happens in the end, what matters is that you try." She was right, I got up and an idea came to me. Professor Frink's lab… it has a whole lot of technology and he had given me a spare key before he had left to attack uhh.. Saint Riders, that is such a lame name. I think I was right about fan fiction writers ruining the work of legends such as Matt Groening, Matt Stone and Trey Parker.

"We should check your house first… maybe it's all over, maybe Marge is preparing a diner and Maggie and Lisa are playing a game and your dad is having a beer waiting for you."

"Maybe," We go to my house and find Lisa and Homer sitting on the stairs, looking hopelessly at the ground.

"What's going on?" Jessica asks as she walks into the house.

"We are trying to think of how to save Frink, the Lovejoys, Flanders and my special little ladies." Homer says and Lisa gives him a hard glare.

"Well… uhh except for Lisa of cause…. She is my special little lady too." Homer adds in his defence.

"What? You failed?" I asked.

"My dad and mum are captured too?"

"Calm down you two, were screwed… get used to it Bart. When you got me as a father you got to get used to it." He says sadly as Lisa pats his bald head.

"No, I refuse to give up!! I have been a coward, swallowing pills while my friends and family have been in danger but now it's time to be a man." I say fiercely making Homer and Lisa wince a little.

"You been swallowing pills… they better have not been abortion pills…"

"Uhh dad… why the fuck would I take abortion pills?"

"I don't know, you tell me." I rolled my eyes. We needed a plan, if we all went together then it would be easier even if the odds are stacked against us. Jessica's father, my father, Professor Frink someone who is a lot more intelligent than Lisa and Flanders, Homer's friend and sometimes mortal enemy failed miserable and they were much more well prepared than us.

"Bart, you said you a key to Frink's… Lisa… could you invent something maybe?" Jessica asks.

"I'm not that smart…"

"Martin Prince does it and your way smarter than him." Jessica replies. Lisa can't help but smile a little but she looked as depressed as a prostitution in the jack the ripper era.

"Oh what the hell? Plus I know he has some weapons in his house." We all make our way to Professor Frink's house. It was filled with a lot of weapons.

"What the hell is this?" Jessica says holding a massive bazooka-like gun.

"Don't touch that, I'm not sure whether that's an antimatter quantum creator or a gun that possibly opens a portal to a different universe."

"Uhh… ok I won't touch it." Jessica said confused. She didn't want to accidentally make an uhh… whatever Lisa said.

"Well, what can we use?" Dad asked confused as well. I was however searching through the rest of his stuff and I came across something that I had told him to build last year.

"I can't believe he built it." It was a hover skateboard… well I guess a hover board and I instantly jump on it and fly. It moves at incredible speed, much faster than a car and it locks you in so it's safe as long as you got a bit of control. Of cause I have control, I have been skateboarding all my life and only one person I know is better than me and it's not Tony Hawks. Jessica was the only skater worthy of an opponent to me.

"Let me have a go Bart,"

"Screw you Jessica." I say not letting her touch my precious hover board. She can beat me at skateboarding all she likes, she isn't going to bet me in hover boarding.

"You two grow up already." Lisa says searching the rest of Frink's inventions.

"This, this can be very useful." Lisa says with a smile. It was a small air craft, very small no larger than the size of a single bed well the height was more than that.

"What is it?" I ask in curiosity.

"Well, it's a fighter plane, it seems to have photon riffles, machine guns and some laser guns but it's missing some circuits and other things…"

"You reckon you could get it going? I want to take it for a spin." Homer said excited. Lisa got some of Frink's tools and started working on it.

"Well what about this? Is it safe… I'm not accidentally going to make a black hole or something right?" Jessica asked holding a massive gun, one if the troops in Afghanistan had then this whole mess would be over and there would be no more Taliban… and Afghanistan… and Middle East.

"That's just a really power laser gun, I don't think it's working, giving it a test." She aims it at me.

"Wait… don't test it on me."

"Lisa thinks it doesn't work. So you might survive." She pulls the trigger and I feel a sense of relief when nothing happens.

"What the fuck Jessica?" I say angrily.

"You didn't give me the hover board and relax would you? I already tested it out…" She said with a laugh, one of these days I swear I'm going to put a real bullet through her head.

"Give it too me Jessica, I'll work on it." We leave Lisa to her work and relax in Frink's living room. Instead of photos of family it was filled with books of his work, journals and a lot of complicated things. He didn't even have a T.V, I swear I saw him have one last time I was here.

"Bart, you know that this is a sign of you maturing, I mean your actually going to possibly die, anyone one of us can die but we are putting that scary thought aside to save our friends and family."

"Would you shut up Jessica?" Homer barked at her.

"Dude don't say that to my girl."

"What you going to do about it boy?"

"I'm going to kick your ass!!"

"Calm down you two, we have to focus." Jessica says and we both sit down and wait for Lisa to finish. It's a while but Lisa comes out of the room with a cheerful grin.

"Ok dad, the plane is ready and here you go Jessica… don't shoot Bart with it though, he'll be screwed." Lisa says with a smile, almost as if she wanted Jessica to do it.

"Ok, see ya…" Homer said getting into the plane and flying it through the 2 walls before flying towards the Burn's mansion.

"I don't envy the guy that has to clean that up," I say as I get onto the board and start flying out of the room, instead of getting one of those lame laser guns I get an old fashion one. It shot bullets but it seems to be Frink's own model. It combined a rifle, sniper, machine and shot gun with modes you can change. Lisa grabbed nothing more than a small laser gun. I start flying off but I decide to be slightly smarter than dad, I know he plans to charge in there but I plan to sniper my foes from a hidden location.

I find a building that is perfect, Lisa and Jessica took the car to Burn's house and took slightly longer than me and dad.

A/N: Switching views again.

Bart: Dude you suck, can't you write in one view?

Jessica: Yeah man, you totally suck.

A/N: Shut up, you want me to kill you off? I'll do it.

Jessica: No you wouldn't, you love us too much you manic bitch.

A/N: Shut up Jessica?

Jessica: What's the matter? Going through homomania?

A/N: Fuck both of you, I kill both of you one day!! gets up and leaves extremely annoyed

Bart: That's not cool, he has a mental illness.

Jessica: Shut up you, if we don't mock people with mental illnesses then who is going to carry out the next school shooting? Anyways back to the story.

Homer flew into the living room of the house, smashing the front door of the house. Maybe he should have been less reckless but it was a matter of life or death, plus Burns was dead so what was he going to do about it? Homer flew into the room where his friends were captured. Too his amazement the room was completely empty.

"Thanks for playing, I'm afraid your turn is over." Homer hears the voice of sideshow Bob as the room suddenly locks down completely, pure steel walls surround him. For some odd reason his plane dies completely and it breaks but Homer is sucked up a hose. It is something that is beyond strange for Homer, where did that get the money to do that?

"Lisa, I have been expecting you." Martin says more than eager to see Lisa.

"What do you want?" Lisa said harshly.

"A game of wits."

"I already beat you at that before, don't be a sore loser and get out of my way." Lisa didn't have time for this, she went looking for her parents and the rest of the prisoners. But Martin stopped her again and had a sinister look on his face. He used to be such a nice boy at one stage but the cruel society we live in caused him to go into a life of evil and sin.

"This time the game will have much more server consequences." Martin says with a smile.

"I don't have time for this."

"If you win, you have the chance to save Maggie. If you don't play, I'll personally kill her."

"Ok, I'm in." Lisa said, she wanted to save her little sister. If something happened to Maggie because of her, she couldn't ever forgive herself.

Bart saw only one of his enemies, it was the white knight. Bart took aim for his head, he didn't have his helmet on. Bart always had good aim, it came from his years of practise with his slingshot. He pulled the trigger and the bullet sped into the room, going straight through the knight's head. The knight instantly died from the bullet.

"Bravo Bart!" A cold sinister voice was heard by Bart and he turned around to see Sideshow Bob. Sideshow Bob kicked the gun out of his hand and it fell down onto the ground, Bart was defenceless on the top of a building.

"Sideshow Bob…"

"Yes Bart and I have dreamed of this moment for so long, tell me… does my hair look ok? I want everything to be perfect for the day I get my revenge." Sideshow Bob said with a smile, his dark desires were soon to be carried out on Bart.

"Yes, that's the rules." It was a small quiz, it consisted of three questions. Maggie was trapped in a room above a lot of corrosive acid that Martin had produced himself. If Lisa answered one question wrong Maggie would be injected with a sleeping injection that will slowly kill her. If she answered two questions wrong then Maggie's room would open up and she would be dumped into the acid, killing her instantly and if she answered three questions wrong then Lisa would be sucked up a hose and killed also within the acidic solution that was taunting her.

"I'm not playing something so risky… I can't gamble with my sister's life." Lisa said looking at Maggie who was in tears inside the room. She couldn't escape, she didn't want to die but she had trust in Lisa.

"You have no choice, if you don't play then Maggie will fall to a painful death." Martin said with an evil laugh.

"What happens if I get a question right?"

"Maggie is freed…"

"Fine, if I have no choice I'll play." Lisa thought if she answered one question right then she will be freed, her sister will be saved and all she hoped with that it would be a simple mass determination or gravimetric analyse question.

Lisa: Hey stupid author, mass determination is a type of gravimetric analyse.

A/N: Shut up you, back to the story.

"Your first question is…" Martin starts.

"Damn it, where am I?"

"Homie!!" Marge says as Homer awakes, to his surprise he wasn't tied to a chair.

"Ok dude, smashing time… I'm going to take out 3 of you today."

"No way man, I'm not a bible fucker or a nerd." Homer says with a smile.

"HEY!!" Professor Frink and Flanders say.

"I'm just an average Joe with an extra fat fist." Homer says swinging his hammers of justice at him and if your plain stupid or don't like lame metaphors, I meant Homer swings his fists at him.

Homer: I'm getting really sick of your poetry mocking, some of your work is poetry and if you mock it, your mocking yourself ass face. Back to the story before the author can say anything.

"Ow Dude, you totally got me. My turn." He returns the favour by punching him in the jaw, a tooth of Homer's flies out. They have a full out fist fight and Jessica suddenly finds the room. She decides to run into the room and kicks Snake in the balls, yeah man, square in the balls.

Homer: I'm also getting tired of you stealing quotes from South Park. Your not Cartman ok, maybe your fat but you just a stupid Indian.

A/N: Hey, don't mock my race!! I mean I hate Indians and all but only I make fun of them in this fic. I am also the only one that mock my mother's Hindu heritage and my father's Muslim heritage, I allowed you to express my thoughts and now your mocking me?

Homer: Precisely you fat rice with curry. Back to the story.

"Ow, this like totally hurts!!" Snake says as he falls to the ground.

"Jessica… you actually helped me… sometimes I question whether our youth is truly being brought up in a society mixed with moralists and no morals but at times I think it's us parents…" Homer is cut off by Marge.

"Shut up and untie me!"

"Oh right," Homer said untying her and Professor Frink, Jessica had freed the rest of the people while Homer was babbling about nothing. Everyone escapes but Homer puts his hand on Jessica's shoulder, stopping her from doing so.

"Thanks Jessica,"

"No problem, although I think you owe me and Bart an apology… you said that us children wouldn't be useful."

"Apology… if I start apologising then I will have huge guilty trip and I have done too many things that are wrong."

"Well you can start with this little thing, Homer." She says with a smile as he looks at the ground with defeat.

"I'm sor.."

"Homer, what are you Glavin… I mean doing?" Professor Frink asks straightening his glasses. Everyone starts to run out of the house but Homer suddenly stop.

"Wait, what are we doing?"

"Escaping?" Reverend Lovejoy says.

"We came here to stop them not to run from them."

Sideshow Bob had a gun and Bart was forced to obey what he said.

"Get down, I'm going to have some fun with you now." He says with a smirk. His dark revenge was about to take place, when Bart's body is left without life he would be truly satisfied but he will need to wait for that, it was going to be a very slow process.

"What era marked the out break of Alternative rock into mainstream popularity?"

"What? That's the first question?"

"Answer the question." Lisa had no idea about something like that, Martin had out smarted her… if it was a simple nuclear physics or biochemistry question she could have answered it but not that.

"Was it… punk era in the 70s ?"

"Err Wrong!! I'm afraid it was grunge in the early 90s" Lisa wants to slap herself for that, Jessica and Bart always talk about that all the time and she can't believe she has answered so foolishly. Maggie in her room was running from an injection but another one came out and surprised her. She suddenly fell asleep.

"MAGGIE!!" Lisa screamed looking at her sister.

"Second question."

Bart was locked into a dark room, he couldn't see anything. He wasn't tied to a dark chair but he was afraid to move an inch since Sideshow Bob had a gun.

"Bart, you left your hover board behind." Professor Frink said flying into the room and knocking Sideshow Bob on the head. Bart grabbed the gun from Sideshow Bob and pointed it at him.

"Bart, are you going to kill me?" Bart was fighting a mental battle, this was his mortal enemy and if he killed him then nothing like this will ever happen again but Bart couldn't kill another man, especially when he was left defenceless like this.

"Get in the corner, the cops will be coming." Bart says.

"Bart, what are you doing… be a man and shoot him," Jessica said.

"No Jessica, I have learnt something. I can be a man and shoot him or I can be a gentleman and not. Gentleman means being gentle to everyone especially those that are defenceless. I will kill Sideshow Bob one day but today isn't that day."

"Your such a pussy," She said with a smile.

"Shut up before I'll kill you," Bart says with a laugh as he points the gun to her.

"You get this question wrong and your sister dies and the longer you take the closer she is to death from that injection, isn't this fun?" Lisa was traumatised, she can't believe this was happening if Maggie died… it was her fault. She never believed Martin would be so cold hearted to do something like this.

"Second question is… Heavy metal is typical admired but isn't commercial, how ever two types of metal have gained some amount of commercial success within the 80s and 90s. One of those is glam metal the other is?" It was useless, Lisa didn't know anything about heavy metal, she despised the loud noise and disrespect for the law and authority figures, it was just like punk but more… loud and the screaming was all too much for Lisa.

"Thrash metal!" Bart said as he walked into the room followed by Homer. Suddenly there is a large noise and Maggie is transported next to Lisa.

"What's happened here?" Bart asked. Martin was angry, Bart had ruined his moment and he decided to try and take him out with a punch.

"Ow, I mean it wasn't that hard of a punch but you got me off guard." Bart said and he replied with a punch that knocked out Martin. Martin might have been smart but was extremely weak, instead of reading a book maybe he should push some weights.

"We got to get an ambulance… Maggie might die."

"What?" Homer and Bart said confused. Soon the cops arrested Sideshow Bob, Martin Prince and Snake. No other villains were found at the house. The white knight finally rested in peace and Maggie luckily got to hospital in time.

**Bart**

"It's good your better, here you go." I hand her the flowers and patted her head. Maggie had been awake for the last two days and she was free to go home today. Maggie looked at the flowers, I knew it was her favourite and she gave me a warm smile.

"Thanks Bart, I heard you were the one that saved me in the end."

"I… I guess I was," I told Maggie with a smile. It was only her and me in the room, it was weird that there wasn't any else in the room because when someone was in hospital they always had a ton of visitors. I guess everyone just got sick of it, a lot of people went to hospital last year and everyone was sick of visiting the place.

"Thanks Bart, you a good brother you know. I sometimes take you for granted but I always was happy to have you as a brother. I mean sometimes your immature and fun but other times your mature and dead serious. I like the immature you." Maggie says with a smile. Her childish persona was what made her cute but she was just like Lisa, not me, she was a young genius and has the ability to do something great in this world, unlike me who would have to settle for a minimum wage.

"So do I," I say thinking that maybe its not all bad. I was thinking that it was a bad thing being immature but it isn't a bad thing at all. It's so boring being matured, all you do is drink tea and talk about stocks.

"So do I," A third voice said, I could instantly recognise her as Jessica.

"What are you doing here?"

"Visiting Maggie stupid and I just got my license so I can drive her home, not you though Bart, you need the exercise." I got to admit I walked right into that one. Jessica gave me a sweet kiss on the lips before her face dropped. For a minute I though she was going to say something depressing but she was in fact going to be serious for a minute.

"Bart, I have been thinking… about what you said before this whole mess. You wanted to marry me and I think… sure."

"What? Why?"

"Cause your who I was destined to end up with, I mean we might have to stay engaged for a long, long time… depends when we get money for a wedding or if when we want one." I had kept the ring in my pocket and gave it to her.

"It's pretty Bart," Maggie said with a smile.

"Yeah, it sure is Maggie." Jessica said feeling extremely happy. She was giggling like a school girl once again and was a little red.

"I can't believe it… you two are engaged now, I knew it would come sooner or later." Maggie said with a smile, she was so darling and the perfect little mistake of Homer and Marge, other than me of cause. I got to admit if Maggie had died, it would have been tragic and some have trouble dealing with loss, I haven't lost anyone that I love as much as her and….

"Bart, what are you doing?"

"Huh?" I say, Maggie had already starting walking to the car, Jessica was standing outside the hospital door looking at me with curiosity almost as if trying to guess what's on my mind not that it was important, Maggie was alive and that's all that mattered.

"Your blankly standing there, me and Maggie are going to Krusty's, if you want a ride you better come to."

"Jessica," I say as she starts to walk.

"What?"

"I love you."

"Well duh!" She says with a smile.

**Homer**

"You want a beer Homie?"

"No darling, come sit…" I say patting the sofa. She comes and sits next to me and I put my arms around her and give her a kiss.

"This time I think I am not going to go back on alcohol. I quit and I helped save the day. I want to be the typical father. One of those that sip their tea and clean their glasses, sitting in a circle asking, "What are we to do about this Homer Simpson?""

"Homie, you are a good father. Just look at Maggie and Lisa, uhh… Bart you were still learning." Marge says with a smile. Bart, Jessica and Maggie all walked into the living room. That was true I guess, Maggie and Lisa were excellent children, I guess it was Marge that had raised them so well but I guess my name has to be somewhere on that…

"Your all better Maggie?"

"Yeah mum and guess what? Jessica and Bart are getting married."

"Doh!" I say out loud. Marge also groaned. They were too young to get married, I mean Bart can't even drive yet and he can't even understand the basic theory of evolution. I told him before that he was nothing but an offspring of three generations of man monkeys and a retard fish squirrel.

"You two are too young."

"We know that, we just decided that we should get engaged… and when the time is right… we'll get married but it might be a while from now." Jessica said with a smile. Maggie jumped into my legs and I gave her a kiss on the cheek. She was possibly my favourite child and only because she is still young, the older they get the more annoying they are. There is a time in child's life when they are little angels and after that they become little assholes. Bart was by far the worst, he had numerous drug addictions and has a small criminal record. Lisa is a lot better but she is too smart, controversial and talks too much. This year she is going to be 15 but her brain works much better than people twice her age, mainly cause in college everyone does too much experimenting. Maggie, was going to be 9 near the end of the year and is the nicest, she is so cute and cuddly I could play ring around a rosy, or whatever that game where we have pawns, bishops, queens and other crap and need to protect the king is called, all day with her.

"Well, Jessica you know I have sometimes questioned what Bart and you do… a lot of the time, in fact I think it's the reason my hair is blue but… I wish you all the best." Marge says, pulling in Jessica for a hug. She had watched her grow up in front of her eyes and in recent years, well particularly last year and this, she had become a part of the family.

"I'm going to enjoy calling you Mum, Marge… and I'm going to enjoy calling Homer… Homer," Marge let out a little chuckle. I felt tired, it had been about a week since I had to deal with Sideshow Bob and all those pussies but I can't help but think we defeated them too easily. There was so much more that could have happened… so many thoughts that leave the mortal man back to his alcohol but I'm glad nothing like that happened.

**Bart**

"Bart, what are you doing?" Jessica asked.

"Thinking I guess,"

"You… thinking, seriously… what are you doing?"

"Shut up you," Jessica dragged me outside, tonight was a magical night. There was a meteor shower tonight and a lot of the town was in my back yard admiring the beauty of the shooting stars, playing games in galaxies far away. Me and Jessica were lying in the ground, the cold air was brushing against us and the stars were beautiful, something about distant lights that was so peaceful .

"You know, this is one of the things we wouldn't have done before…" Jessica said.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I don't think I could have ever convince you too sit here with me when you were younger." That was true and I don't think she would want to sit here in her youth either. I wish I would have paid more attention to the beauty of life, so many things that can help you achieved maximum satisfaction and productivity but I always was too destructive to pay any attention to it.

"God damn it, shut up… your ruining the night." I say giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Bart, I never thought you were right for my daughter." Reverend Lovejoy says taking a seat next to us. Of cause the one thing that could ruin a magically evening was a soon to be father in law that hated you and thought you are a bad example for her daughter. She is fucking 16 now dude, get over the fact that I'm turning her into a bad girl, in fact over the years she had made me worst as a person.

"Oh… k…" I say a little uncomfortable.

"But over the last year and a half I have continue to increasingly like you."

"Really daddy?" Jessica ask, I don't know why she was happy about that, she doesn't give a shit about what her dad thinks. Parents are possibly the one thing that teens hate more than school but unlike school you can drown your parents out by locking the door and turning up your stereo or as we do nowadays, turn up the ipod.

"Yeah, I have decided that you are a gentlemen, one good example was you not killing Sideshow Bob."

"Yeah, you're a coward aren't you." Jessica said moving closer to me. She rested her head on my chest.

"No Jessica, he is a man. 25 of the time and thankfully, the other 75 is just you being a typical teenager, I used to think you were 100 Satanic and 95 Evil. Yeah my math is sometimes bad." No shit, I only just passed maths with the right amount of credits last year but I knew that he was a lot worse with his percentages than me.

"Daddy, too many percentages…" Jessica said, I put my arms around her and for the first time ever I wasn't afraid to be close with Jessica in front of her father. I guess I'm not afraid of him anymore, I have to admit in the past I have been afraid of him a lot and not only cause he is the church's minister and I'm dating his daughter.

"Bart, you want another burger?" My own dad asked me. He was closely listening to our conversation while frying patties and making burgers for the numerous guests in our home.

"Nah I'm fine man." I say stroking Jessica's hair. It is thin and has returned to it's normal and beautiful black. She told me she was going to dye it red but I don't want her too, why ruin something that is already perfect?

"Bart, look at this little kitty, I found it on the road, poor little thing looks starved." Maggie says patting it's head. It reminded me of snowball II, Lisa's dead cat. It was a cute little black kitten, I wish my old dog Santa's little helper was still alive sometimes.

"Your just like Lisa," I say pulling her down to the ground, giving her a tight hug and a kiss. She was still quite small and adorable and I'm glad she doesn't argue like Lisa. Maggie was my favourite sister, she was so innocent and oblivious to what is going around her at times.

"But you know what, I like you better." I say giving her a kiss on the forehead.

"It's good too see your good with children… speaking of children, uhh Jessica." The Reverend says looking a bit nervously, he had some news there was no doubt about that. I think I knew where he was going with this, I thought Helen had picked on a little weight, Jessica however didn't notice it and I wasn't going to tell her…

"Yea dad?"

"Your mother is pregnant. Your going to have a little brother or sister." Jessica's face dropped, I could tell she wasn't taking the news well. The Reverend walks towards his wife, leaving me, Maggie and Jessica alone.

"What's the matter Jess?"

"I… I don't want a little brother or sister." She said dully.

"Why not? Lisa and Maggie are fun… I mean they are getting older but they are still fun."

"Lisa is nearly an adult, Maggie is nearly 9... I don't want a little baby to change and look after." I was holding Maggie tightly as she was holding her new cat tightly.

"It will be fine Jessica, plus look at it this way… one day we want children of our own and this will give us some practise. I looked after Maggie for quite a while, I mean…." I was going to say I thought I could be a better parent than her but that was plan wrong, she would definitely be a better parent, mothers always are although you can't beat my father. If I get caught with alcohol, he just asks for some, if I do something wrong… he says we all make mistakes, if I have a psycho path looking to kill me, he protects me… sort of.

"Maggie, did I ever tell you about snowball?" I ask her, trying to change the subject.

"No but Lisa has, I think I'm going to name this kitty snowball III." Funny thing, there has already been a snowball III but Lisa named her latest cat snowball II because it would save her from buying a new cat bowl. That kitty was however long dead, Lisa hasn't bothered to get any pets since then.

"Oh, Maggie you got desert." Homer said taking the kitty from her.

"DAD!" Maggie protests.

"I'm only joking sweetie. God how you kids all grow so fast. I remember changing your diapers and watching your first steps Maggie, your first words were daddy and you were the only simpson to never call me Homer." Homer seems to be in a good mood, I guess once you get rid of alcohol you got to be in a good mood.

"Thanks, Homer." Maggie says with a laugh.

"Maggie you nut," He says patting her head. He suddenly grabs a beer from the nearby barbeque, I knew he couldn't give it up.

"Hey Flanders, you want a beer?" He asks and throws him the can. Well… maybe I am wrong.

"Your right homie, they do all grow up so fast. Look at Bart… my special little guy is engaged." I can't help but smile a little. No matter how old I got, I would always be mummy's special little guy.

"And look at Lisa, she is going to be 15 this year and Maggie is finishing primary school next year, two years early. I'm so proud of you all and of you Homie, you gave up one thing you love just to be a better father and husband." She gave Homer a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey… where is Lisa?" Maggie asked, I hadn't seen her all night. She deserves to be a part of this golden family moment.

"I'm not sure," I say.

"I'm saw her in her room earlier, it was dark and she was lying in her bed, I told her to come and watch the shooting stars and she just told me to go away." Homer says, she doesn't ever say things like that to her father. She doesn't exactly have the highest respect for her father but I know she loves him very much and I couldn't imagine her saying something like that. I get up from the dirt, brush some grass that was on my t-shirt and go to Lisa's room. She was sitting there silently writing something.

"Lisa, what's the matter?" I ask, she had a sad expression on her face. It was beyond sad, it was an expression I hope she never makes again.

"Bart, get out of my room." Lisa hasn't said that to me in quite a while. What had gotten into to her? My little sister hasn't talked so coldly to me in about 3 years, she and I had gotten closer of the past 3 years and it breaks my heart to hear her say that.

"Are you okay?"

"Bart, get out of my room." She says again but I'm not going to leave. Every time Lisa told me to get out, I would stay and annoy her more but this time I want too see what's bothering her. She put down her pen, apparently finishing what she had written.

"Bart, get out of my room." Her tone was cold, she was always nice but this time it was a command, a harsh command and I wasn't going to obey. Was is going on? She looks so sad, I want to help her…. But I need to know what's wrong with her.

"No!! Lisa… what's wrong. You can tell me, I am your older brother and you got to know I will always be here for you." I say as I grab what she had written, it was a note…a suicide note.

_Dear family and friends, over the past few weeks my life has been spiralling downwards. I have slowly been eaten by a depression and even though the primary cause of that is Sideshow Bob's return, I have realised that there is nothing to live for. I am living in world of sinners, and a society that dwells on commercialism and how much money one can make. It is a hard world to live in, nothing seems natural as even our foods are processed in a inhuman way. The society we live in has shockingly not self destructed and it continues to sell the future of it's youth short, youth just like me. No one in school likes me and I am the forgotten Simpson. Have your precious Bart and Maggie, I was always only second to them anyways._

After I finish read the rushed suicide note, I look at Lisa in shock, she had pulled out a shot gun. Lisa is so… depressed… that she is going to kill herself? Why is she worrying about our society, a democratic will hopefully be voted in and it will mean that our lives we be better. Republicans totally suck ass, look at it logically… Bush Snr, war in Iraq, Clinton, most productive and best years I have had, Bush junior, an invasion of Iraq looking for Taliban, the wrong country by the way and now there is this mess in Afghanistan that only a democratic can clean up. Republicans are totally lame, I mean most of their laws are based on religion, I mean what kind of politicians oppress gays? I thought that the bill of rights was written to allow people freedom however it seems that gays aren't really people to Republicans. It's amazing how closed minded some people are, this is just like the African-American civil rights, they were limited before but luckily America made a change, allowing them equal rights. Hopefully gays will get the treatment one day as well, we can only hope….

"Lisa, where did you get that?"

"I said leave…" Her voice was hollow, that wasn't the Lisa I knew. She pulled the trigger but I tackled her before she did it, the bullet went into the ceiling. It made a loud noise. I was trying to wrestle it from Lisa, who was getting unexpected strong. How could I miss the signs of depression for Lisa? What if my tormenting her years prior caused her great emotional distress, enough to lead up to this? I am the blame?

Another bullet was shot, it got me in the stomach. God damn it, this was the second time a bullet had been shot at me from a sister. Why is always me that get's shot by my sisters? Why can't they shoot Homer or Marge or even better Patty and Selma.

"Bart… I'm sorry," She said instantly dropping the gun. Like I haven't heard that one before once someone shot me. It's funny when I think about it, my family members have been closer to killing me than Sideshow Bob.

"What's going on here?" Maggie asked walking into the room, I was lying in my blood that was spilling out of me in great pace and Lisa was in tears. Doesn't this remind you of something?

"I shot Bart…" Lisa says and Maggie has a confused look on her face but she runs downstairs, no doubt to call the ambulance. Damn it, I thought I wouldn't have to go to the hospital so often this year but maybe I was right. It was a powerful shot gun and I was surprised that I'm not dead but no doubt I would be soon. All in all, I have to admit this was a beautiful night, everything was just right till now but at least if I die then Lisa doesn't. I don't think I ever told her this…

"I love you Lisa,"

"What have I done?!" Lisa asks as her tears were diluting my blood, it's true what they say, blood is thicker than water. Why am I still alive? I should have been dead by now.

A/N: YEAH!! 50 chapters in less than a year. I was originally planning to kill Maggie off of this year, but there is a time when little children are cute and after that they become little bastards. I think there is still a lot of innocence left to be explored in Maggie so I decided not to kill her, instead the white knight died. I don't know what I was thinking when I made a character that was so lame, I mean I wanted a new villain but that is just… really, really gay. Please review it would mean so much to me if you did, I would love some criticism, I want to improve this fic for the people who actually read it. I would also love some positive feedback. I mean I am become a bitch pleading for reviews but come on… please!! I would love to have 15 new chapters up by the end of the year for you all and hopefully I can reach that mark by the end of the year but we will have to wait and see.


	51. Maggie and Jessica: A Baby

Maggie

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews guys. By the way GG, Meryl Streep kicks ass(because she voices Jessica Lovejoy). Alex Whitney, she is the preppy kid in one of the episodes. A new kid and its in that episode Homer goes into the grease business with Bart while Lisa struggles to be popular. First episode of the tenth season I believe and I think it's that just a recycled episode of the Allison one, uhh Lisa's rival. Homer even has a get rich quick scheme where he has a sugar business… sugar with broken glass which are prizes. Firstly I would like to thank everyone that has ever review my fic and if you have done it more than once like Helpful, Reverend Lovejoy and Hackrcam(of cause there is more), well you guys get thanked numerous times and you guys are the reason I continued :p**

**Maggie**

I can't believe what I just witnessed; Bart was pulled away in a stretcher, slowly dying. Only I and Lisa knew, everyone was in the backyard, they all had no idea what happened. They all thought the gun shot fired was backfire or fireworks much like I had.

"Maggie, what's the matter?" Jessica said as she walked into the room. Jessica was definitely in the dark, she didn't know what I had just witnessed, something so twisted I couldn't tell her. She was Bart's fiancée and deserved to know but I couldn't break her heart like that….

"Nothing, I'm just tired… I think I'm going to go to sleep." I say with a smile, she looks at me questioning, Bart told me she was the queen of lies and could smell one from miles away.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing, I just want to go to sleep okay?" I say, a little more agitatedly, she doesn't respond instead runs a hand through my hair. Bart also told me she was manipulative, she would get the truth out of you in such a sneaky way that you couldn't see it coming.

"I'll see you, later" I say as I start walking up the stairs.

"Wait, I just want you to know that I'm glad your going to be my sister in law, I mean you are a special little girl to me, so truthful and cute." She says pulling softly on my cheeks and putting her arms around me before giving me a kiss. Bart was right, she was manipulative.

"I'm glad you're getting married to my brother too," I say weakly walking up the stairs. She knows something is wrong but she doesn't bother to follow. What am I to do? I can't just pretend everything is fine; I can't let the sandman put me into another realm… I have to go to the hospital, where Bart and Lisa were or maybe Bart wasn't… I can't think like that, it's too… too depressing. I grab Bart's old skateboard, if there is one thing I learnt from Bart it was how to use this thing but as I look through his room I find something better that I could use… the hover board.

"WOW!!" I say, as the hover board moves through the streets in such speed I didn't think was possible. My eyes water at the velocity, I feel the wind trying to push me back but I move forward with no complications. I can't believe how fast I got to the hospital, but I have to admit it was dangerous and not something I would be eager to do anything without some more lessons from Bart…

"Maggie, I don't know what got into me." Lisa says observing Bart's lifeless body.

"Is he okay?" I ask, not in the mood to deal with her.

"Yeah, he is alive and slowly recovering." Lisa says with a weak smile not that she has anything to be smiling about.

"Lisa, you… you need some help." I say bluntly.

"I'm…I'm," She starts crying, I have never seen her in such a bad mental state. I wipe her tears from her and give her a hug.

"Lisa… don't cry," Is all that I could mutter out and amazingly she stops.

"Maggie, is it okay if you don't tell mum and dad?"

"Well… they are going to question me about where he is…" I say gloomily observing his body, the wound that cut deep into his soul looked painful but worst would be the mental anguish he is feeling, I shot him and now Lisa did it. I mean I might have been possessed and all but I can't believe I did that…

"I'll say he is at Jessica's."

"Lisa… Jessica is going to question me where he is too… she already knows something is wrong, it's almost as if she could sense it."

"Well, say me and him went for a trip to clear our minds. I think I'm going to stay a few days at Alex's to get my head cleared… get therapy or something."

"I'm glad to hear that you're accepting therapy." One of the hardest things to do is admit you have a problem but something harder than that is seeking help especially for depression.

"Maggie, I just want you too know that I don't hate life anymore, I just dislike it." She said with a weak laugh, she was faking it and I couldn't help but fake one too… although I am a lot better than her at acting.

**Jessica**

"_Am I supposed to know you?"_

"_Jessica we just…" Bang, right in the gut. Nelson hit him hard and he fell to the ground. I am so sadistic, I love seeing people surfer and I think I found my new scapegoat. Bart Simpson is just another guy I can easily control, just another knot on my string._

"_But why?" He says holding his stomach in pain._

"_You know I can't let my dad find out about us, plus if it's secret it's more exciting." It's shocking how men will do anything I say, I guess that's what I get for being pretty._

"_I guess so,"_

"_Want to go skateboarding?" I ask him, I know the perfect place for him. A place so steep that he has too fall flat on his face, oh please Lord let him bleed and cry._

"_I was just hoping I could sit down for 5 minutes," He says… the pain he shows is so inviting, I want to cause him more but instead I kiss him. That's right my puppet, I can make you do anything just by doing that._

"Jessica, you okay?" I was nearly asleep in Bart's bedroom when Moe walked into the room.

"Huh, yeah I was just going to go to sleep."

"Oh I know something more fun we can do in Bart's bed," He says with a laugh and I know where he is getting at and I think I threw up in my mouth.

"What's that Moe?" Reverend Lovejoy says as he walks into the room.

"Oh… I was just going to tuck her in minister, I'm sorry." He says as he runs off, I knew he was drunk I could smell the alcohol from here.

"Thanks daddy," My dad walks to the bed and pulls the covers up over and me and does what Moe was going to do, yeah I'm sure that was what he was going to do. I'm sorry but sarcasm can't be expressed that well in writing all the time.

"Your mother is 3 months pregnant; it's going to be wonderful to have another Lovejoy in the house." My father starts and I can't help but not feel the enthusiasm he feels. It was always me, mum and dad but now there is going to be someone else, they are going to pay all this attention to the baby that I'm going to be forgotten. How could they do this too me? Aren't I what they planned for? Am I just another mistake that can't be erased in my father's book?

"What's the matter Sweetie?" Dad asks, running a finger through my hair, searching for knots but he couldn't find any. I made sure my hair was perfect just for Bart but he doesn't seem to care that much about it.

"It's just… I don't want another Lovejoy, I like it as just you, me and mum." I say a little down.

"So do I Honey, believe me I love it how it is now but these things happen. I mean me and your mum have been really close lately and… it just happened. I mean soon you'll be moving out and on with your life,"

"No… No I won't, I still want to be daddy's little girl." I say appalled at the thought, I want to always be daddy's little girl and if this baby wants to steal that from me I swear I'm going to shove it in the microwave.

"It's okay Jessica, a part of growing up is moving on."

"But I love how it is now,"

"I know you got some good memories but you have already lived them, and if you have already lived them perfectly then why relive them?"

"Cause I don't want things to change,"

"Life is what happens when you're making all of your excuses darling," He kisses me on the forehead and walks off, closing the door leaving me in the darkness and not just literally.

"_Me and your father are going on a trip, look after the baby."_

"_Change the baby, Jessica."_

"_You have to share your room with the baby,"_

"_You can't eat, we have to have enough money for the baby,"_

"_The baby, the baby!!"_

"_The baby!!"_

"_The baby, Jessica!! The baby!!"_

"_The baby!!"_

"AHHHHHHHHH!!" I say awaking from my nightmare.

"What's the matter Jess?" Homer says coming into the room. I guess I can tell him since he is soon to be my father in law.

"Homer, it's just… the baby," I look into his eyes, I can tell I don't need to explain anymore to him which is unusually for Homer.

"Sweet little Jessica, I have seen you grow up in front of my eyes and I remember one incident that happened a very long time ago. See Marge and Helen brought you home from kindergarten. You saw Lisa and wanted to hold her, I was unsure whether I should let you but I did. It was so cute, you were holding the little baby and rocking her so gentle like a mother and you said something to me. You said you wished you had a little sister too, remember that?" He asked opening the curtains. Damn it, I guess when your not drunk all the time your brain slowly starts to work again.

"I do, it's my earliest childhood memory…. But things have changed since then." I say with a sad look.

"Well fine, but listen… you shouldn't be nervous about having a baby, one day… you'll have one of your one." He was right but I couldn't help but feel a little down about the issue.

**Maggie**

"Maggie, is that you?" Bart says, I'm sure his eyes are slowly adjusting to the seeing the sunlight for the first time in two weeks.

"We are all prisoners here from our own device." Jessica says sitting down and I'm starting too worry about her. I thought she would be happy to have a little brother or sister but she continues to disconnect with reality.

"Listening to the eagles again?" Bart says sadly, I think he can feel something wrong with Jessica.

"What's the matter now?" He asks after she shuts off her ipod. Why does every teen have one of those stupid things anyways? I mean can't they go without listening to music for 5 minutes, I mean they have it with them when jogging, driving and even at school. No wonder our generation has such a high rate of drop outs, all of them think they can play guitar or rap and start writing songs about killing themselves or gangsters not in the gang, respectively of cause. I like music mainly classical and light rock music, I do have respect for Bart and Jessica's whole metal, grunge and punk thing but these days all the bands have 3 poorly composed riffs and screaming about how bad life is. That my friend is emo music, I mean its cool if you want to do songs about suicide or whatever but first learn to play your instruments.

"It's just the baby."

"God dam it. You're bitching about a miracle of life while I had a fucking bullet shot into me by my sister." I don't like it when people swear, I know it's against my normal view of freedom of speech but I think some words should be banned, they are just so naughty.

"I'm sorry sweetie, I shouldn't be so selfish." She said that rather sadly and didn't even say her usual profanities before saying that.

"Jessica… it's such a nice thing to have a sibling and I don't understand why you got a problem with it… look at Lisa and Maggie. Besides them both shooting me, I love them both."

"I know… but it would have been better if they had one when I was younger, I mean it would have been fun to have a little sister or brother around Lisa's age we would be such good friends but now… now I'm going to have change dirty diapers and feed it."

"Well Marge still does that for dad," Bart says with a laugh before wincing in pain.

"Bart, don't laugh… if something happened to you right now then…"

"Shut up Jess, I mean if something happened to me now? What just happened to me? Wasn't I shot at by my sister?" Bart says a tad bit annoyed.

"I love you so much, I want to rush the wedding to next week." Jessica says suddenly.

"Good idea, we can get married in the hospital. Dipshit!" Bart says coughing out a bit of blood. I think maybe I should give them some time alone. I decide to walk home, I know Jessica was going to drive me but I think this will be better, for the both of them. Jessica is slowly becoming paranoid about a baby, she is going to start believing the baby is out to get her, its what she almost believes right now and Bart, well apart from the bullet wound, is fine.

"Hey Maggie."

"Gerald?" I turn around too see no one. I could swear it was him…. But he is… in a land of fairies, hopefully I'll see him again one day.

"Hello there Maggie," Professor Frink said adjusting his glasses in a cute fashion. I have to admit Professor Frink is kind of cute… in a dorky way.

"Hello Professor, is that a robot dog?"

"Yes… I have decided to work on robot pets."

"Awh that's cute but it's all cold and metallic. I got this cute little kitty, its so adorable and I just brushed its fur before going to the hospital."

"Not again, who is it this time?"

"Bart… Lisa shot him."

"What?" That took him by surprise but he didn't seem a little bit surprised about him being in hospital.

"Yeah, she was depressed and… she tried to shoot herself but Bart intervened and got shot himself."

"I see, well its funny that happened, I got this…" He pulled out a little bottle of pills. Damn it, not more pills. I think all that doctors do is prescribe children drugs and don't let them deal with their problems the old natural way.

"Funny that happened? What is this?"

"It's called Professor Frink's cure to life." He says with a smug look, damn it I hate smug people but worst are hippies. I got that from Bart, he always goes on about how they talk about saving the planet but all they do is smoke weed and play guitar all day.

"You made this?"

"Yes I was working on mass determination for caffeine when I realized that if I change the mol and it's structure by adding in a few other things it could possibly treat depression but I haven't teased it out on… a human, so I dunno it's up to you to decide whether you should sneak some into Lisa's food or not."

"Oh, I never understood why a simple change in the molecular formula of a substance can change it completely. Like for insists everyone knows H2O is water however if you take away one hydrogen atom and oxygen atom and add a chlorine atom and you got HCL, a corrosive acid and the one in your stomach."

"That's every good you know basic chemistry at your age. Maybe you could be my prodigy not Lisa one day. In fact both of you… wouldn't that be cool? Sisters working for the aid of human kind especially when it continues to do things like global warming."

"You don't really believe in global warming?" I ask with curiosity, I thought he would be one of the smarter people that knew it was more a myth rather than a fact. Further study needs to be done before we can accept it but the sad thing about that is that when that study is done it could be too late…

"Of cause not, ironically I am raising awareness for it. I got bored and needed to do something." He says with a smile and gives me a badge that says… "Global warning, stop Global Warming."

"Uhh… thanks I guess,"

"No problem, would you just sign this too let them know where you heard about global warming." I can't believe Professor Frink sold out his beliefs because he was bored, I guess the same thing happened with Nazi, there initial plan was to make Germany better for Jews but they got bored because PS2s weren't invented and they weren't allowed to have homosexual sex, well that's what dad told me a few years ago anyways. I wonder what this sex thing is, I have heard it so often and I wonder if it's a game I can play with Lisa and Bart. I'm always looking for fun things to do with my siblings and I think sex could be one of them.

"You know what you should do, put fur on that dog and instead of having it all cold and stuff… make it nice and warm." I say, touching the robot puppy.

"Of cause, why didn't I think of it before?"

"Cause scientists don't think?"

"Yeah, I guess your right, if we did then maybe Aids could be cured." Of cause I'm right, I'm not a scientist. I have to admit that there is a lot of controversy between religion vs science but I know one thing that gives scientists an advantage. When they don't know something they admit they don't but when religionists don't know something they say God did it. Although I love God, without him I would never be here, none this would be a reality but there are so many questions that are left unanswered. If God is the creator then who created him? Was there anything before God? Is it possibly that the big bang theory could be the work of God?

Lisa was still at Alex's, the servants were making diner and that was my chance.

"Alex, can I help make diner?" I ask.

"Well… uhh Maggie, maybe you should go play or something."

"Please, I want to be a chef and it would give me practice." A little white lie here and there doesn't matter if it's for the good of your family. Am I really going to put these pills in her food, something that is untested on humans?

"Ok, lobsters for the Whitney's and pasta with no meat for Lisa." I'm sure they put meat in pasta; I bet that would be tasty. I can't help but sneak in a little bit of Professor Frink's "cure" for life in Lisa's food; I really hope there are no bad side effects on humans….

**Jessica**

"It's going to be a boy," My mum tells dad, he had to work a little longer in church, doing baptisms so I had to drive her to the doctors for her ultra-sound. I'm already doing favors for the baby and he isn't even born yet.

"Jessica, what should we name your brother?" My father asks, kissing my mother's stomach. He gave a kiss to that damn son of his, I bet that's what he wanted me to be, all dads have this big thing about having their first born as a son. What's wrong with me? I tried hard to be a good daughter… He never paid any attention to me since I was little, I was force to be a rebel and I was forced into a small life of crime. I have to admit Bart was almost the same, his father didn't pay attention to him just like mine and we both kind of fell into a youth rebellion, senseless destruction but we never had caring fathers… well Homer has changed but what about my dad? He must think I'm a mistake, that his only child is the son inside of mum.

"Lucifer," I say bitterly.

"Jessica… I don't know what has gotten into you. I thought you'll be happy for us." Mum says but I'm not falling for that one. This is their plan against me, bring a child into this world so I couldn't go anywhere and am trapped with a smelly baby in my bedroom.

"Nothing mum but apparently something has gotten into you." I say crossing my arms. That baby is out to get me, he wants to make my life a living hell and he wants to prevent me from making something of myself.

"Jessica, I know this is going to be hard on you… maybe you can stay over at Bart's house or something after the baby is born… till you decide that you want to be a good sister, the one you are beyond capable of being."

"Stay over at Bart's? Is the god damn baby so important that you're kicking me out of the house?" I ask as I stand up, I was so angrily I wanted to punch someone, break something… but I couldn't do anything.

"Of cause not but if you're not ready…."

"I was ready 7 years ago, I said I wanted a sister or brother but you told me you didn't want one so what's the change of plans?" I ask dad, who looks at me with defeat. Screw it, I start walking towards Bart's house. He is out of hospital, Lisa is living at home again and now Marge was nagging Homer about him not giving money to charity. Things weren't far from the norm for the Simpsons but for me… things were just starting to change.

"What's the matter Jess?" Bart says as I storm into his room.

"They are having a God damn baby is what!!" I say, yelling at him making him wince a little.

"Ok, ok calm down." He says. I had walked into his room when he was catching up on the school work he has missed in the past 2 months, he is hardly ever in school and people think he is doing drugs all the time or planning a school shooting.

A/N: It's funny, that's basically what my life has been like for the last 2 months. I haven't been at school much and people are starting to think thoughts like that and its funny, rumors spread so quickly. I never thought anyone gave a shit about me but little facts about me have seemed to be in circulation for my form 6 school mates.

"I'm sorry Bart, your studying… I'll uhh see you tomorrow or something."

"Nah its fine dude, take a sleep in my bed, I bugged dad enough to get me one like Alex's. Put on some sounds and chill out."

"Are you sure I won't be disturbing you?"

"You're always disturbing me, dude you can pick out a CD or… just plug my ipod in, you know how to do that right?" He was so understanding at times, this wasn't one of them because he didn't know what I was going through but he was always helpful.

"Don't you know we cannot die? We are stars, we are, we are stars…." I say listening to one of Bart's newer C.Ds, it's not typical that he likes any new music but this was an exception, it was smashing pumpkins after all.

"Jessica, you're a star burning out." Bart says closing his book, I could read the words Physics level 2, he had brought a study guide for it but I guess that's only cause it's kind of tricky this year. He comes over to me, I was lying on the bed, and gives me a kiss.

"Your not ready to have a baby brother or sister, your still a little baby yourself." He said giving me a sweet and more seriously kiss, his lips lock with mine, his tongue dancing in my mouth as mine in his. I savor the sweet taste of him, without sleeping pills his salvia tastes rather lovely.

"I'm just afraid that mum and dad wouldn't pay that much attention to me."

"Jessica, trust me when I say this, your dad and mum wouldn't pay attention to you. I mean I was around 2 and a half when Lisa was born and I didn't get any attention at all. She was everything, I was nothing. I was going to run away but… Lisa's first word was Bart, something that made me love her… Mum said she was crazy about me. When Maggie was born, the attention was split between her and Lisa. I was old enough to take care of myself, well sort of… Your 16 and a half, you're old enough to take care of yourself but are you really going to take your aggression and hate out on an innocent baby?" I really wish he would have just told me that I would still matter to my parents.

"Jessica, look if your parents stop paying attention too you, then I'll pay more." I knew that what he said wouldn't be true, he already paid all the attention to me that he could.

"Plus when we get married… we can… have our own… baby." I wasn't sure if I was looking forward to that… I have heard about pregnancy and even though having a child can be a wonderful thing I heard it's a very painful thing to go through. It's going to hurt like hell, it's like have a watermelon for your period.

"Bart, when we have a baby it won't be yours." I say with a laugh but decide to take it back after his expression.

"Don't joke about that."

"Oh… sorry honey." I say gloomily, maybe Bart was more mature than me… maybe I was still a 10 yr old and he wasn't. He might have out grown me. Fuck it!!

A/N: Ok, I have to admit something… I quickly took a glimpse at some of the first chapters of this story and other than the spelling mistakes I think they are way better than ones like this. The story is getting seriously serious but… I dunno, what you guys think of the whole… Jessica struggling with accepting she is going to be a sister? Also if anyone has any ideas or anything on how to make this fic better, please shoot.


	52. Reverend Lovejoy and Homer: Dead to you!

Reverend Lovejoy

A/N: I feel it's necessary to write as many chapters before the holidays. I am only saying that cause a good friend of mine comes back from army training. He is being deported to Afghanistan in September and I want to spend some time with him. I wish Bush would pull out the troops now but no doubt there would be a retaliation… well I'm not sure what America should do… hopefully Obama/Clinton do. I hope Obama becomes president by the way… but you're entitled to your own opinions.

Reverend Lovejoy

It's natural to be a bit afraid of having a new child in the family, but most of that fear is suppose to be shared between the parents. How it is that Jessica is so annoyed that her mother is pregnant? We thought this would be a good time to have another child for two reasons… Jessica would soon be moving out and starting her own family and she could have some practise being a mother… Although it just happened, I mean me and Helen just have been making a lot of love lately I thought that Jessica would be happy, she always told me she wanted a sibling a long time, jealous of the Flanders, Simpsons and other families that had two children or more. Back then I was way to busy with my work and my salary was very low. In fact I only just got enough money to purchase a bible.

"What the matter sweetie?" I have another attempt at this… I don't know what to do honestly.

"Don't ask something so stupid, you didn't use a fucking condom you bastard." She barked at me, no one has ever spoken to me like that. I would send her away again for doing that, time in a boarding school will help her but I can't do that… I want to help her. Every time I send her to a boarding school nothing happens anyways, she comes back the same but hopefully my new child won't be as troublesome as her.

"I'm sorry… I didn't think this would be this big of a deal. Can you at least te;; me what is bothering you so much about the baby?" 

"Daddy, I used you be your little girl, why would you have another child?" oh….

"You will always be my little girl… I will always love you and you know that." I say and she gives me a little smile but she quickly wipes that off her face.

"I know that baby will become more precious to you than me, you will want me out of the house soon."

"Not true, you can stay as long as you want… I don't care if I'm looking after you when you're in your 50s." She doesn't pay much attention as she grabs her skateboard and runs out of the house. I don't know what is gotten into her but I know she needs to grow up, she is annoyed that her she will have a little brother, I mean what the… fuck?

**Homer**

"Homie, I'm so glad you gave up beer."

"My dear, you say that every night."

"Well, the Lovejoy's are having a baby, why don't we have one too except I'll use protection? You can still feel me inside of you." I ask Marge with a smirk, okay so I was never good at getting chicks into bed even Marge… the only lady I ever loved was hard at times. I almost never score when I try but she always does, how can I say no to that beautiful face and wild hair? I am so glad she doesn't have her hair up like she did before, she looked like a British guard or something. Now her hair is beautifully blue, lying near her lower back much like it did when I first met her.

"Homie… I'm tired tonight."

"Awh, come on? May one gander beneath thee skirt?" I had no idea what I said, I mean I know it's the right context but since I have stopped drinking I have started watching more T.V and I think that is the cause of my mild stupidity.

"Fine Homie," She says as I put my lips onto hers, I am so gently on top of her, holding her tightly. She undresses, and I do too… I get on top of her gently touching her breasts in that spot that Marge loves.

"Homie, Oh Homie!!" She screams as I thrust deep inside where no man has ever been and I hope that is true. I mean I think the old homer ray can go pretty deep and it would be a shame if some guy could go deeper…

"Marge, I love you so much!!" I scream thrusting harder and harder before I am forced to slowly stop, the climax is over and I fall on top of her, giving her a gentle kiss on the lips and holding her naked body tightly.

"That was a little fast but Homie, you're amazing." Well it has to be fast, I mean you bang chicks and then get them out of your house, I was so used to that but I guess I could have slowed down for Marge, I mean I was done in 3 minutes and chicks want it to last longer.

"Breaking the law, breaking the law!!" I hear from Bart's room. I decide to walk into it and tell him to turn it down myself.

"Jessica, get off of Bart's bed, Bart get into your bed, and Lisa… go to your bed. It's 11pm and Marge wants to sleep and I want to watch T.V."

"Can I sleep in here? My parents have to destroy what's left of me."

"Jessica I hate depressed people, they piss me of like midgets." I say pulling her off of Bart's bed and taking her down stairs.

"Look, I know your sad about your parents but let's watch something to take your mind off of… itself or something. I got some beers and spirits left if you want them. They used to help solve my problems… and make em but whatever." She didn't say anything she just decided to sit down and watch T.V. I grab the remote off of Maggie, she was watching Jon Stewart.

"Daddy, I was watching that…"

"Look Jon Stewart is funny but he is too political, politics piss me off because they have taxes. If they killed all the black people in America then it would decrease our surplus."

"Daddy… that's so racist. You can't say something like that; there are a lot of white families that are also kept alive with the help of government."

"Maggie?"

"Yes daddy?"

"Shut up!!" I change the channel to cartoon network.

"Wow Tom and Jerry, ain't that so cool?"

"Mr Simpson, your daughter was watching…" I cut Jessica off.

"No one calls me Mr Simpson, you suck Jessica. Go kill yourself!! Hurry up the new Lovejoy can marry Bart." She runs off crying like a little bitch.

"I was only kidding, except for the you suck and should kill yourself. Bart sucks too…" God damn children, don't you just hate them?

**Chief Wiggum**

"What are you doing here Jessica?" I say awaking her up, she had fallen asleep on the baseball field of Springfield Elementary. It was around 7 am, school kids would see her as they start to gather and they would be experimenting with their own medication to the life this society offers.

"I… I don't know, I just I just feel asleep." She smelt like alcohol, badly too… she had apparently spilled some whiskey on her clothes and she sunk like a… well like a girl that spilt alcohol over herself and then spent the night sleeping in the field of some lame school.

"You know your not suppose to drink." I say lifting her up onto her foot. Her hair is all over the place, her eyes half open and she looks in pretty bad shape. Get it? PRETTY and BAD? Two words to describe her and SHAPE… uhh that one meant she liked triangles or something.

"I know, it's just my mum and dad are… there are having another child."

"Your dad banged your mum, I was starting to think they were to old. Oh my God!! This is huge; the church's Reverend banged his bitch." Jessica starts crying, damn it… why does today's teenagers cry? Fucking fall out boy, all though I do love that song teenagers. "Teenagers scare the living shit out of me"… wait I think that was MCR.

"Don't cry Jessica… if it makes you feel better they are going to pay too much attention to the baby to care about you are doing. In fact they are going to throw you away like a candy wrapper. They are probably thinking of how to get rid of you right now." Oh isn't it swell to have a child, your current little treasure becomes a piece of shit when your new child is born.

"Look don't drink Jessica, I am not going to take you in or anything but alcohol doesn't solve anything, try to do other things in your spare time. Heroin, Marijuana and cocaine are all good examples; I can get you some if you want."

"Some heroin please,"

"Ah the magically painkiller, of cause. I got some in the car." I go and grab the heroin, it was quite a lot, I just busted down a drug lab and had a huge collection of activities for Ralph but I guess Jessica needs them too. It just feels so go to know your doing the right thing and that teenagers aren't going to be abusing Alcohol because of you.

"Thanks, Chief Wiggum," She says.

"You want a ride home?"

"Uhh… take me to Alison or Alex's… I want to chilli out for a little time I guess."

"Sure, where do they live? By the way stay away from Alex and Alison if they offer you drugs, they aren't real friends of yours." I thought it would be good to tell her something she should already know. Drugs aren't good for you; they ruin your life and create a reality only you can see but in reality your reality is warped and distorted and your going on a down hill.

"Sure…" I didn't know Jessica loved drugs, I mean I might be thinking that now and I very well knew she had a drug record but I have absolutely no idea she loves drugs. I mean how are you meant to know, I mean I have seen her shoot up a few times, she does some weird things on drugs and her criminal record shows that but how am I suppose to know she likes drugs? I assume she doesn't.

"Now remember Heroin can be a painkiller but only use it if you want to get a high, okay?" I leave her at the house of her friend Alex… damn it I got to steal from that place soon. I mean us police chiefs work hard and we deserve more than the 50,000 a year we get paid.

"Also if you're looking for some fun go to Bart's or Nelson's they have a lot of drugs. Don't forget that you and Bart can have sex all you like but it's always more fun high." Aren't I a great cop? Saving teens from alcohol and making sure they can have fun.


	53. Homer and Bart VI: My enemy you were!

A/N: Ok, this is just a filler but I have to admit I really miss writing a good Homer chapter but since I can't do that I'm going to such write a bad one

A/N: Ok, this is just a filler but I have to admit I really miss writing a good Homer chapter but since I can't do that I'm going to such write a bad one. I know in the last chapter Maggie was slightly more…. Adult than in the past chapter but don't worry, she is still an innocent little girl… that homer at one point wants to have in a threesome with Marge…. Uhh yeah, read and review :p

**Homer**

"Honey, I'm so proud of you. It's been about a month since you touched beer."

"I never cheated on you…"

"What?" She looks at me with confusion.

"I never touched beer, I don't know who that is I swear." She rolls her eyes.

"I thought your brain cells were returning back to normal."

"Well they were when I wasn't watching T.V but I got bored." Checkmate my sweet Marge; if you want a smarter husband boy did you ever make a mistake.

"What ever Homer aren't you just glad you got beer off of your back?"

"She was never on my back!!" I yell, oh my god, does Marge know I cheated on her? I mean I held Maggie's hand in the forest once because she was scared. I'm a bad husband.

"Homer, what's the matter?"

"I kissed Bart."

"So?"

"You're not angry?" She took that rather well.

"Well, he is your son."

"He is? Eww I kissed him on the cheek… eww, eww, eww!!" I threw up on the carpet. Suddenly there is a knock on the door and I think I know who that is, Reverend Lovejoy told me that he was going to come over today and it's probably him.

"Hi Homer,"

"Hey…. It's Allan right?"

"No… uhh it's Timothy. You can't remember my name, no big deal… I mean our children are only engaged." Allan walks into my house and takes a seat on the sofa.

"You have children? What poor sucker put her boobs out for you?"

"Marge… is Homer drinking again?" I thought that was a fair question.

"It's T.V, I think he had been watching M.T.V too much."

"Oh I see Marge," I pat Timothy on the head, he was alright but whose this Marge chick? Man she is a fox, I wonder if she is a demon in the sack. I just hope see doesn't have kids, I don't fuck single mothers… they are usually poor and smelly but married mothers aren't bad.

"Homer, I came to tell you about Jessica but I guess… you're not intelligent anymore."

"I am so degenerate. Anyways Jessica is that hot chick with black hair right, man I would like to bang that, am I right Rev?"

"That's my daughter!!" He said outraged.

"Oh, well don't tell me you have never thought about having sex with her." Maggie suddenly walks into the room.

"Ok, I have had enough of this… Daddy, can you please tell me what sex is?" Reverend Lovejoy moves his eyes awkwardly around the room.

"Ok, well when a woman and man love each other the man thinks it would be fun to hurt the chick by beating her in inside of her hip and sometimes ass, she screams her lungs off and then the guy gives her a smug look. Sometimes it's a guy and another guy and one guy spanks the other guy because he is hot…." I tell her, teaching her the fine points of life.

"Hot? You mean he has a fever?"

"Of cause, when a guy has a fever your suppose to spank him, don't they teach you these things in school?"

"uhh, maybe I should explain this too her." Reverend Lovejoy says, trying to steal my father-daughter moment is he?

"Sex is, when you love someone and you want to be closer to them. When having sex with the person you love you share special experiences that only you and that person will experience. It's a magically thing but you need to be sure it's your love." Pfft, I mean I was banging Marge before we were in love and things turned out fine after I trapped her into marriage with Bart. Speaking of Marge, she walks into the room with cups of tea. My darling slave making me fat and stupid, how I love her.

"Mummy, can we have sex?" Maggie asks Marge pulling on her dress.

"Doh!!" Me and Reverend Lovejoy say in unison.

"Maggie, you can't have sex with Marge… I mean we could share her but we got to do it at the same time, okay? Maybe we can do a DVDA if you and Lisa had penises and Bart was willing to join in."

"Okay daddy, I love you too. What's a penis?"

"Penis is something only guys have. Are you good at bending??" Man how me, her and Marge would make a good threesome.

"HOMER!! What the hell happened?" Marge asks.

"Maggie asked about sex… so I told her that it's a magically thing with many experiences that happen when your in love." The Rev says a little sheepishly.

"What he told you… it isn't sex, well it is… but it's different." Marge says, not knowing how to explain this to an 8 yr old.

"How is it different mummy?"

"I'll tell you when you're older; please Maggie… mum's head hurts." She gives me and The Rev the cups of tea, I was waiting for her to do that.

"Oh let me help darling,"

"Ouch!! Why did you slap me?"

"I was trying to beat the pain out of you." I look shamefully at the ground, what is going on? I could swear people were starting to like me, they said I was… smart but now everyone is questioning me and everything I do. I guess some people questioned what Jesus did… wait could I be Jesus?

"Marge… I'm JESUS!!"

"Marge, I need someone to talk too." The Reverend said completely ignoring his lord and saviour.

"Well I was your listen lady a few years ago." She replied with a smile, is she cheating on me?

"Well, it's just Jessica… she isn't taking the whole little brother news very well."

"Jessica is pregnant?" I ask, wow my son finally stuck his beer can in her mouth and allowed some guy to bang his girlfriend.

"No… uhh Marge, what am I too do?"

"Well, you know if Jessica ever wants a break she can stay here, I'll make sure they sleep in separate rooms."

"You know Maggie's bed isn't big enough for too people."

"Marge, you know when Homer is drunk, he isn't so… annoying. Either get him a beer or get rid of the T.V…"

"No!! not my precious T.V, the only child worth caring for…."

"What about me daddy?"

"Lisa, your not as nearly as fun as T.V." She starts crying and the Rev, puts his arms around her.

"Don't you dare sexually abuse my little Lisa."

"Homer, this is Maggie… damn it Marge, can you please get him a beer?" Marge storms into the kitchen.

"Mr Lovejoy, what is sexually abuse?"

"Sexual abuse is uhh… damn it, I came here to get away from being a parent…"

"You were running from being a parent but why?" I ask him.

"Cause Jessica is too… clingy,"

"Wow, well she can cling onto me all night long." I give him a warm smile, hopefully we can get rid of his problems and mine.

"Homer, here…" Marge handed me a can of beer.

"No way man, I'm not touching that stuff again, it makes me stupid and it makes Maggie cry."

"Homer, I realised that it's T.V that makes you stupid and Maggie is crying."

"No she's not, Lisa is…"

"Homer, just drink it okay?" The Rev says and I can't help but say it's probably what God would have wanted, I mean Timothy is a minister at the church and if that means he is telling me too drink God must be… wait a minute, the big bang theory is wrong, there must be a God. What the hell was I thinking? The universe exploded itself into existence and one day it will collapse into itself, that is so stupid and Homer J. Jay Simpson knows stupid. I mean I have to deal with Lisa and her Buddhist teachings.

"Well if God wants me to…" I grab the cold can, drink down the piss, it tastes bitter yet soothing in my mouth. Something new, something blew; Homer's drunk and so are you?

"I often think about the material world, is Lisa right when she talks about it. Is it possible that clothes are wrong, material is wrong, sewing is wrong?"

"Daddy, the material world means possessions."

"No, it is sewing and looming."

"Daddy, do you really like T.V over me?" Alcohol makes me a nice person sometimes.

"Of cause," She is reduced to tears and after a minute I decide to shut her up.

"You didn't let me finish, of cause I love you more than T.V,"

"Really?"

"NO!!" I say as she is reduced tears again, god damn it 8 yr olds cry easily.

"Dad, you're drinking again?" Bart asks as he and Jessica walk into the house.

"The Rev and Marge gave it too me."

"Sure they did," Jessica rolling her eyes before giving Maggie a hug and asking what she was crying about.

"Daddy said he loved T.V more than me."

"Look, when you touch alcohol it makes you mind distorted, you don't know what you're talking about. You got to forgive him sometimes…" It was shocking how easily she was able to stop Maggie from crying.

"See… you are a good sister," The Rev says, wait a minute… Jessica is my daughter? I was jacking off in the middle of the night to my daughter? I mean I wasted a lot of money getting those Zopiclone from Dr Hibbert and then I went too her house at 3 am and shoved them down her throat when she was sleeping and pulled down my pants and played with myself over my daughter? Wow, isn't that kinky?

"Daddy, it's different."

"Wait I thought I was your dad." I say a little annoyed that the Rev is stealing my daughter.

"No… but you're my dad." Bart says with a smile.

"Oh great Bart is my son." There is a little bit of silence, I know everyone was looking at me because their eyes were on me.

"Jessica, Bart… I love you both. Do you want to have sex with me?" Bart starts laughing and Jessica looks extremely sick.

"Doh!!" Me, Marge and the Rev say in unison.

"Daddy, what is going on?"

"I tried to explain what sex is to Maggie."

"Why?" Jessica asks bewildered why he would tell something like that to Maggie. Hell if I knew what sex and love were, all I need is my precious beer can. Oh how I could stick my penis in your hole, thrust in a land where no man has ever been. I can't wait to get you in the bed my dear beer can.

"She asked."

"Maybe sometimes it is better to tell bullshit like Gerald is in fairy world or that Sideshow Bob is from Xenon and that he is going to feed my flesh to creatures below this house."

"Bullshit? Gerald isn't in fairy world?" Maggie says dropping to her knees and crying after hearing Bart's words. You know, that is the first time I have ever heard Maggie swear, late bloomer eh?

"No, don't listen to him honey, he is just joking." Marge says holding her daughter. If Marge paid this much attention to me then I wouldn't have to have sex with beer.

"Mum what is fairy world like?" Maggie asks.

"I'm not sure,"

"Oh, oh I know." I was about to answer but the Rev and Jessica for some reason shove the rest of my beer down my throat and got me another one. I was just going to say it was a place filled with dreams and clouds and pretty fairies.

"Homer, you look drunk… time to go to sleep." Marge says.

"What are you talking about? I have only had one can... and a little bit of this one."

"Sorry Homer…" She grabs my arm and takes me up the stairs, everyone believes that I'm an idiot. Well I'm not, I know exactly what's going on… they are planning to have a baby shower for me. It's the extremes of misery and uhh something else. Maybe I am drunk. I fall asleep, knowing that Maggie wants to have sex with Bart, Lisa, Me, Marge, Jessica and Snowball III. Wow I'm a good father.

**Bart**

"Dude, you're for real? Wiggum gave you that?" I ask Jessica who was sitting in her room. Damn it, why can't we get over heroin, we need it every now and then and slowly we get a small addiction to it before we run out of cash. She looked pretty depressed and I can't get over the reason for it.

"Jessica, I can't let you inject that shit into yourself anymore."

"Bart… when have some we always inject it."

"Not… this time, if you inject it… I'm telling your father."

"I don't care… his son won't touch drugs and that's all he cares about."

"Ok Jessica, you have become really fucked up…"

"I know Bart but what am I to do…" She cut me off so I decided to cut her off.

"Stop being a little baby… just because your going to have a little brother doesn't mean you have to be so… pessimistic about it."

"It's easy for you to say that… I have heard about when Lisa was born. You wanted to run away from home, you cut her hair and tried to mail her away."

"I know but then I loved her, she said Bart and it was so… magically, I loved her since that day…" That wasn't entirely true, I mean we started fighting a lot when I was around 9 to about 15 but me and Lisa have gotten over that.

"My brother's first word wouldn't be Jessica unless if it's followed by I want to ruin your life." I roll my eyes, I can't believe Jessica is thinking like this. I can't help but search her draws, I have I feeling I will find something that I wouldn't like.

"Bart… what are you doing?" She asks but I ignore her and find some interesting things.

"A magazine with a list of 100 cutest males of the 21st Century? A bottle of abortion pills and a whole lot more heroin? How much did you spend of this?" I ask holding the bag that was loaded with heroin.

"Well the magazine was 11 I think and…" I mean I forgive her for looking at the cutest males of the 21st Century because she would never be able to get one of those guys in her bed.

"I mean the heroin."

"Oh… I stole some from Fat Tony."

"What were you thinking? He is a mobster… if he caught you…" I say and I wonder what she was planning to do with the abortion pills.

"Jessica, abortion pills? How low have you gone?"

"I don't know Bart…" I put the pill bottle in my pockets; no way was she going to do that…

"Jessica, I'm starting to get worried about you… this is a lot of heroin, I can't let you inject it all… it will kill you."

"Then help me finish it off."

"It could kill both of us."

"Let's go down like Romeo and Juliet." I can't believe she said that, she needed help. Damn it, why are all the chicks I know going insane, Alex needs sleeping pills because she has some mental problem not letting her sleep, my sister tried to shoot me and is now on Prozac, Maggie was prescribed some Ritalin from Homer… well I mean she doesn't have ADHD but she did try to shoot me as well and now Jessica, the one person I always thought was mentally indestructible was depressed. She used to rebel against her father in the past and now she is crying like a baby about a baby?

"Jessica… I'm only going to take a little bit with you… then I'm taking the rest, you can have some later." I say, a bit tempted to be drugged again. I know it's a stupid thing to do but I know Jessica was going to inject herself anyways and if you can't beat em join em, right?

"Ok," She said, putting a strap around her arm and tightening it and looking for a vein. After finding one she injects herself with the painkiller that is deadly. It spits out life and mixes it with excitement and risk before making you swallow your spit.

"Can you believe me? We seem like Brothers and I don't want another." Jessica says handing me the injection, it was empty and she had taken a lot.

"Jessica, you know you're my sister but I'm glad to have Maggie and Lisa and I'm sure one day you will be glad to have a brother." I say as I take the same steps Jessica did except having a little less.

"You know what, I bet Kurt Cobain had way more heroin when he shot himself." Jessica said pulling me in for a hug.

"Yeah but when he did it, he did it for a reason… well so are you I guess. I wish Kurt was still alive, he was killed by bipolar… it's not the hardest illness to manage but life can get very hard for manic depressives." Jessica's bed was thankfully big enough for the both of us and even another, it was a king size bed and I don't know why her father let her have one for so long, he was so afraid that me and Jessica were going to have sex and this bed has enough space not that I am going to mention any of that to him. Damn it, I need to relax a little, I was so scared of going to hell because a temptation in my life, Jessica. Sex is a sin, well premarital sex is anyways and I don't know why I believed so strongly in not having sex. I mean I don't even believe in hell, I'm not a Christian…. But there is a small chance that it is true and if it is… I don't want to go to hell.

"Bart, what should I do?" Quite frankly I don't care and I believe she needs to grow up.

"I don't know…"

"At least I feel better, can you just lay here with me? I want you close by." I roll my eyes but I don't get off the bed, we were laughing at… well I have no idea but it was so funny.

"I believe that democracy is founded on one rule, kill the republicans."

"Bart, you know you're getting to political. I seriously don't see what you hate in republicans; I mean I suck at history and politics… what's the difference?"

"It's simple, ratpublicans rules are primarily based on religion and because of that they oppress gays and in the past African Americans and women. Democrats are kinder to people, more morally correct."

"What does morally correct got to do with politics? Sometimes you have to start a war just for fun. I mean you do it all the time honey." She was right but I don't start a war for no reason, I mean people told me that Iraq was necessary, that Vietnam was necessary and the war now in Afghanistan that they have dubbed as the war on terrorism is necessary. Damn Jessica was right, I was thinking too much about politics and politics suck ass. I mean the only way you can become a politician is too suck ass. Except for Republicans that suck ass then fuck ass and then say being gay is wrong.

"Jessica, I been wondering… if we get married, then will we miss out on the joys of our late teen and early 20s?" I question Jessica, normally this is the time that most boys and girls start fucking like animals, numerous partners daily and not remember their names. They also go into deeper drug, alcohol and smoking addictions. But me and Jessica wasn't really that tempted to fuck other people, we were perfect for each other and I don't really care what the guys say. I don't want to fuck Arabs, Niggers, blondes, red heads, Indians, Asians and what ever else everyone talks about. Jessica and I are perfect for each other and I would die happy if her vaginal lips where the only ones that my penis inserted itself between.

"Of cause not, we can enjoy them better than others. I mean, they won't know how fun it is too do that stuff with your partner and once married our sex life will be better than theirs… no chance of getting Aids."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Are you HIV positive?" I ask with a smile.

"… that's not funny, Aids isn't funny."

"Well I'm just trying to stay HIV positive, if you want to be so HIV negative."

"Bart!!" We both slowly collapse under the drug's effect. Laughing at everything, lapses of unconsciousness and us lying down on the bed for the rest of the day.

"What are you two doing? I was reading the bible but I can hear your laughing through the walls."

"Hey man, relax!" I tell Jessica's father laughing and Jessica finds it funny too.

"What's this?" He says picking up the injection.

"Daddy, relax… its just something to get over having a brother."

"Did you give this to her Bart?"

"No!!" I say laughing, I wanted to tell him about Chief Wiggum but I decided not too.

"Bart, you had my respect but your childish behaviour made you lose it again and I'm not happy about you either young lady." He said slamming the door. To think I actually almost won his respect but I think that Reverend Lovejoy hating me was destined although I never really needed his thumbs up on me and Jessica going to get married.


	54. Jessica and Bart V: Breaking the law!

Jessica

**Jessica**

It's magically, it's wonderful it's another mouth to feed, simply one of my favourite quotes from Homer. You don't know what it's like, they are in that room and mother is about to give birth to their son. I can't just sit here and pretend to be happy. It's been months since I have heard about the news and slowly the hate has grew inside of me. I want that baby dead but I couldn't hurt my parents like that, maybe I should be dead instead.

I storm into Alex's room, I don't care that I had to "steal" my dad's car to get here. They can find their own ride home, maybe the baby can drive them back because I had to drive them there and only because my mum's water broke.

"Bart, Maggie… what are you two doing here?" I ask in surprise.

"Nothing, just talking about Lisa I guess… what are you doing here?"

"I don't know, I want a break from life." This anger in my heart isn't something I can tame. I can't help but start jumping up and down. I want to do something to teach them a lesson. Since they don't want me, I might as well go crash their car.

"Jess, where are you going?"

"Going to ride off the Springfield Bridge." I reply to my precious Bart as he runs after me and jumps into the car. Love is suicide.

"No… no your not."

"You have no idea what it's like."

"Yes I do, look instead of self-destruction lets just do some… destruction." He says with an evil look. I love that bad side of Bart, it's something that attracted me to him.

"What do you have in mind?" I ask with curiosity.

"Breaking the law! Let's add to our small criminal records by robbing Moe's tavern of liquor." I start driving to Moe's tavern. We decided to put on masks that ironically had the faces of Bonnie and Clyde.

"Put your hands up!!" No one really cared but the bar tender, they were all drunk. I have developed a serious drinking problem and it's all because of that stupid baby.

"Give us all the alcohol you got." I pointed a gun at him, it was a small hand held gun I had gotten a few weeks ago, when I was just planning on shooting myself.

"Fine, take it." We load up the car and drive off. I got to admit we did that pretty quickly.

"Now what?" I ask, I don't want this to be the only thing we do. I want a serious rush not just stealing alcohol from a frog faced turd.

"I don't know, I guess we could rob the bank for some serious cash but… I think that's too far."

"Perfect!!" I say with a smile. We rip the number plates off of the car and I know Bart thinks this is a bad idea. No one cares about me so I think I need to put some action into my life. You don't know what it's like.

"Jessica, forget it. Let's just go graffiti over your dad's church, it's his most precious possession after all." Bart says with a smile and that's exactly what we do.

"God is gay," I paint across the walls and I pick up and axe and start smashing the altar.

"Jessica, calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down Bart, I'll slash you too…" I say swing the axe also which he thankfully dodges. I continue my wave of destruction… smashing stainless glass windows, burning bibles and destroying the aisles.

"Uh-Oh, we are going to get if we don't get out of here." Too late, the cops busted the door down and hand cuffed Bart.

"Jessica, I gave you that heroin to make sure you didn't break the law."

"Fuck you, no one cares if I live or die." I was about to be hand cuffed but I kicked the cuff out of the chief's hands and ran for it. I was too fast to be tackled. I got into the car and sped off, I had just learnt to drive but I was in a high speed chase, they were shooting at me which I retaliated too by shooting back.

"Jessica… you got to stop." I heard Bart's voice over the speaker and I knew he was right but not just yet.

"Breaking the law, breaking the law!!" I scream with a smile. I decide to go through with my original plan and run over the bridge.

**Bart**

"JESSICA!!" I scream as I watch her car, in slow motion go over the bridge. The cops undo my cuffs, saying that I was free to go after that tragic. I got to admit Springfield's police force sucks but they are so good to criminals.

"JESSICA!!" I jump into the lake myself, a stupid move because the fall was so low and I couldn't really swim. She was trapped in her car; I opened the door and unbuckled her seatbelt. She was still conscious, thankfully because I couldn't swim and she ended up taking me to the shore.

"What the hell Jessica? How could you… it's just a fucking baby and I have had enough of your bullshit if your not going to be willing to accept that your brother is a miracle of life then I'm going to shoot you right here." I say pulling Jessica's hand gun out of her purse and pointing it at her.

"Shoot me," She said defeated… she can't be for real.

"Fucking shoot me, shoot me my friend and set me free from this misery." I was getting more and more tempted of shooting her non-fatally.

"Jessica, I am so sick of you!! If you're going to get depressed over something like this than fuck you. We are through, we are done and I don't want to see you again." I grab my engagement ring and throw it into the lake and I walk away hearing her scream.


	55. Homer VIII: Man, i have no idea

Homer

**Homer**

Perhaps my stupidity is the relationship I have with T.V, I can't help but take one glance onto my beautiful Sheppard, it is my master, I obey it's every word and image.

"Homer, are you hugging the T.V?" My darling wife asks me as I give the T.V a little kiss, hmm static.

"Yes, it has a drug like control over me. I wouldn't have it any other way… well except maybe a plasma screen."

"Homer, were aren't getting a plasma screen T.V. Everyone is throwing away perfectly good television sets today for no reason except getting a better one. Why waste money on a new one when your old one is working fine?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Frankly no."

"Stop your bitching and I'll tell you."

"What did you say to me?" She looked extremely angry.

"Nothing honey, don't worry… your right my delicate flower, you always are." I had never said anything like that to Marge in 18 years of a seemingly happy marriage. What made me say something so bad, it has to be the work of my precious T.V. Perhaps I will need to make a choice either watch T.V a little less or lose Marge. I mean its so hard to only watch 3 hours of T.V a day and Marge is so… annoying at times. Which do I love more? My sweet baby of dreams or devastation or my wife?

What is becoming of my fragile brain? Slowly thoughts of destruction fill my mind, slowly but surely I must kill Marge for she is trying to stop me from loving my precious T.V. Wait, what the fuck am I thinking?

"Maggie… Lisa… get in here." I scream and Maggie comes running down the stairs and sits on my lap while Lisa slowly makes her way down with Milhouse.

"What dad?"

"Are you going to tell us a story daddy?" Do I really have to mention who said which, well I guess I do… Lisa said the first because she is a pissed off teenager with hormone problems.

"No, where is Bart?"

"Dude, I think he is with Jessica. He doesn't pay any attention to me anymore." Milhouse said annoyed.

"You want him to pay attention to you, are you gay?"

"DAD!!" Lisa says, I can see she is tired, her eyes are frowning. Must be tired and getting grumpy.

"ok, ok… well I just want you all to know that I love T.V…"

"We know, you love T.V more than us daddy." Maggie says sadly.

"No I don't… its like drugs, it offers you happiness but not love… I have realised that because it's you that care for me. Except you nerd face, you can get the fuck out of my house." I say at Milhouse who does exactly what I say.

"Dad!!" Lisa says running after them. Typical, first Bart starts running after Jessica now Lisa after Milhouse. Slowly my kids are running away from me.

"Maggie, I hope you never grow up." I give her a kiss on the forehead and pull her closer to me.

"Why?"

"Cause your perfect right now. When my little angels grow up they start talking back and running away from me."

"Daddy, I will never talk back to you or run from you. I love you, I still want to have sex with you." I can't help but laugh.

"Ok, this time I am going to give you a super serious explanation about sex. When a man and a lady are in love, it's a different love than you share for me and your brother, it's a love you might have experienced with your dead boyfriend. Ok… sometimes they have sex, where the boy's penis grows and grows and then he inserts inside your vaginal causing you both pleasure. Now you must have sex only when you are sure your in love… it is best to wait till you get married. Although I didn't and masturbation is perfectly normal, I mean you can insert your finger inside your vagina and it is safe. No STDs and I swear if you get aids I am not touching you ever." The look on her face was slightly amusing but it was so cute. A little 8 yr old girl who was forced to learn about sex because of her curiosity.

"Has Bart and Jessica had sex?" Damn it, I thought I cured her problem of curiosity, it killed the fucking cat after all.

"No… uhh look, forget about it ok… it's not important till you're about 16."

"But daddy…."

"I said drop it, I'm your dad and you have to obey what I say… right?"

"I guess so." She is resting her head on my flab, it must feel like a soft pillow which underneath has flesh, blood and lard.

"See Maggie, you're my favourite child because you listen." I say with a smile, I still think Lisa is my greatest achievement but Maggie is a lot nicer. I rather win the peace prize then the noble prize for chemistry. Chemistry pisses me off.

"Daddy, I want to know if I have to keep taking these." She hands me the bottle of Ritalin I had made her take. Damn it, I opened her to drugs… the nice soothing effect of Ritalin.

"No, give them to me and never touch them again." I say with a smile. I just wanted her to stop asking questions but I was wrong to give her Ritalin, you don't need drugs to control kids, what happened to a good old smacking. I know in New Zealand they just passed an anti-smacking bill but New Zealand sucks, I mean Helen Clark is a bitch. Prime minister my ass, it's time for anarchy and good old Fiji-styled coup. I mean that George Speight dude got to live on a paradise island for his life sentence. Fijians piss me off.

"Daddy, what are you thinking about?"

"George Speight, New Zealand, the anti-smacking bill and anarchy."

"O….k…. forget I asked." My darling little girl, doesn't understand a bit about… what she is suppose to understand.

"Look, I'm just sorry." I say rather sheepishly.

"For what?"

"I have realised that alcohol in the past has made me do bad things. A few years ago I couldn't believe that I came home and slapped Marge… it should have been the wake up call." Of cause Maggie had no idea about that and looks at me shocked.

"Come on Maggie, you were 3,"

"Sorry daddy, I can't remember."

"Well you can remember every single element on the periodic table as well as their atomic masses and numbers and you can't remember that?"

"Well Chemistry is easy."

"No it's not, ever heard of titration?"

"Yeah, it's pretty simple once you get used to using the pipette and volumetric flask."

"Maggie?"

"Yeah daddy?"

"Shut up!!" Oh I love that so much, I think it's slowly replacing Doh! as my catchphrase and she keeps falling for it.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah Maggie?"

"Screw you!!" Wow she hangs around Bart too much.

"Come on sweetie, I'll buy you an ice-cream?"

"But we got some at home daddy,"

"Yeah but I ate all the chocolate ice-cream."

"Daddy, you seriously got to cut down on things like that and fried food… your getting on and…" I decide to cut her off.

"And what? You think I can't handle it?"

"No I didn't mean it like that." Suddenly I feel a sharp pain in my heart but I pound it out of me.

"See, the only way I'm going to die is diabetes, heart attack or cancer and it will be unrelated to my hypo obesity. I mean look at the wrestlers, that Batista guy weighs 300 pounds."

"Daddy, he is 6ft 5 and purely muscle."

"Maggie?"

"Yeah daddy?" I was about to tell her to shut up but decide not to…

"Let's go get some ice-cream."

"Can I get a sundae with extra chocolate sauce?"

"Whatever will give you diabetes, honey!"

A/N: Okay I know most of your Americans are too cool to know about Helen Clark, wish I could have the same freedom but then again your ruled by a faggy little bitch. George Bush is Ratpublican scum that needs to be assassinated, forget about Lincoln, you got a new assassination that needs to be carried out. And please don't do it and blame it on me… I only implanted the idea, I didn't give you the guy. On a slightly lighter note, I am giving a free gun to anyone that wants to kill George Bush. Just jokes :p I hear C.I.A helicopters, got to go… c ya!!


	56. Homer and Jessica: The miracle of life!

A/N: Wooh I'm a Nazi

**A/N: Wooh I'm a Nazi!! I know it's kind of weird but I actually had a period when I was obsessed with Nazi and Hitler, I know if I was alive back then, Hitler would have had me killed (probably). I'm way passed that shit now… **

**Homer**

"Marge, I don't want to see the baby."

"That's enough out of you. You know Jessica is feeling… down about this maybe we can cheer her up."

"Screw Jessica, Marge, there I said it." Marge continues to pull me into the hospital room where Mr and Mrs. Lovejoy were holding onto their new son.

"Wow, he looks like an alien." I say, holding it for the very first time. Its little eyes were so big, it's head so small and his fingers so cute. It looked like a prettier E.T. Oh no what if it's planning to invade our planet? USA! USA! USA! I'm going to go call the army now.

"Uhh… yes, an alien Homie." Marge says grabbing the baby from me.

"Where is Jessica?" Reverend Lovejoy said.

"I don't know, she's your daughter not mine." I say, I know exactly where all my children are. Bart's in a library, Lisa is on a motorcycle and Maggie is in the 13th Century being burnt on a stake.

**Jessica**

"Bart, wait…" It's no use, he runs away and I can't help but jump into the lake and look for the ring. I'll find it or die trying…. Bart means everything to me… am I so short sighted I can't see the future? This baby doesn't change anything… how could I have become so blind sided?

"Jessica, Jessica…." It was Bart, I could hear his voice as I slowly become unconscious, tightly gripping the ring and awaiting my body's resurfacing. But it doesn't happen, soon I am going ever lower, awaiting death as my shield from this dark misery that surrounds me. Only in sleep can I forget the lies I learnt.

"Damn, this seems a little rushed huh." I hear my father's voice as I awake. Bart was by my side, wow it felt so good to see him there…. I thought…

"What seems a little rushed?" I asked.

"We are getting married next month." Bart says excitedly.

"Your not angry?" I ask and he gives me a kiss on the forehead.

"You risked your life to get this back, you been in a coma for 3 months…" I realised I was in home, probably unconscious, but 3 months? I must be getting worse at recovering from life threatening experiences.

"Wow… 3 whole months?" Mum suddenly walks into the room with the baby. The evil baby ruining my life.

"Want to hold, Lucifer." Mum says with a smile, wait… they actually named the baby that. Lucifer is… evil… my dad is Christian and a Reverend… and they actually named the baby Lucifer.

"I was only kidding…." I say as she forces the baby into my arms. It looks up at me with its demonic little eyes, its fingers holding onto my hand and it attempted to kiss me, a kiss of death.

"Jizzica," Lucifer stuttered out. Babies aren't suppose to talk so young, I'll make sure this baby swallows its words.

"Tim, did you hear that honey?" Mum asks Dad.

"yes… I think we heard his first words." I look down at the baby, it was smiling so cutely at me… he thought he could use family love as a weapon.

"Jessica." The baby says more clearly. This doesn't mean my life won't change… but it's just so cute.

"Hey, maybe you could breast feed it." Bart says with a laugh as my dad gives him a smack on the head.

"Ow, isn't there a law against hitting children?"

"Your not a child." My father says annoyed. I don't care what my father thinks about Bart, I thought he was serious about breaking up when he threw the ring into the lake, I slowly saw my life shatter in front of me. Maybe he was right, it was just a baby and I was acting all… pissed off about it.

"Dude, I been thinking… just now that getting married is a bad idea." Bart can't make up his mind about anything can he? One minute he says he wants to get married next month and then he doesn't want to. I don't really care…

"Bart, don't worry about it," I say with a smile, I am disgusted at how quickly I am started to like my brother. Its little eyes looking directly into mine.

"Awh dude… I think it crapped its diapers." I say giving the baby back to mum. This is another thing I didn't want… responsibility, my dad always said the older you get the more responsibility you have but…

"Ok, don't worry about it honey… it doesn't as you say… crap its diapers often." Bart can't help but give a small laugh at my mother. My dad also leaves the room, closing the door.

"How come I'm at home?" I ask suddenly, thinking that I should be in hospital.

"I don't know… I think your parents didn't take you too hospital because a doctor's been checking up on you daily… it's cost them a fortune."

"Wow… you think my parents still care for me?" Bart rolls his eyes.

"Well duh!! Just cause they have a new kid doesn't mean they don't care about you. Damn it Jessica you are just so stupid sometimes." He leaves the room and I think he is right, sometimes I am stupid… really, really stupid.

**Homer**

"Wow, that last bit was badly paced." I tell Marge.

"Homie, what are you talking about?"

"This story, the last two chapters and the bit before this were badly paced." Marge pretends like she doesn't know what I'm talking about but I know she does.

"You know, if we were in a story then the author would feature me more. I mean I'm hip and cool."

"Yeah your right Marge, in 55 chapters all you have had is one part in the second plot about Serenity Granger and you weren't the main character, Jessica was."

"No, I'm pretty sure we were both main characters."

"Well, you still haven't had a piece where you're the main character." She looks down at the bed covers a little sad and I can't help but add something to cheer her up.

"Well after the 25th chapter this fic pretty much started to suck so there is still hope for you to be abducted by aliens or fight off lions."

"Yeah, I guess that's the lame ideas that the author would come up with. I would rather have a fic about sewing, now that is cool. I could sew a sweater and a hat. This author thinks ghosts, aliens, witches, murders, drug abuse and stuff like that are cool but he doesn't have an idea how cool sewing can be."

"Marge, let's admit it… if you were the main character of the fic then all it would be about is cooking, cleaning and having a F grade husband."

"Well, that would be slightly more interesting than this crap we go through. If Matt Groening ever found out..."

"See Bart is the main character because he is sort of cool but I have had more chapters than him because I'm cooler." That is partially true, even though there have been many Bart and someone else chapters, I have had the most only me chapters and that's mainly cause I kick ass.

"Anyways, I want to be noticed… I am going to… go sew Bart a sweater, Maggie some mittens, Lisa a puff ball hat and you… a testicle warmer."

"Thanks, this cold weather is making my testicles shiver up."

"It's summer…."

"Oh…."


	57. Bart and Lisa III: Serve me the servant

Disclaimer: I don't own the Simpsons and if I did, then it would be as lame as family guy

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Simpsons and if I did, then it would be as lame as family guy. I also do not own Slipknot or any of their songs however I do own hipsnot the parody band. It's called hipsnot because it's hip to eat snot. Also I don't own the white stripes, there music is too good to be composed by me.**

**Bart**

"My point of view isn't sane," I tell my mother with a smile. She was sewing for some reason, she made me gloves, a puff ball hat and a sweater, not that I really wanted any of it.

"Well then you're an American!" She says with a smile.

"Hey mum, I been thinking about Jessica, I want to take her on a magically date. What's the best thing that Homer has ever done for you?"

"Oh… uhh I don't think I'm the best person to talk to sweetie." I guess Homer's idea of a romantic date is spewing up after drinking too much and then having Marge feed him a donut while she is naked. Eww I thought about my mum's naked hot body… I meant naked body.

"Well do you have any ideas at all?"

"You could take her to Valentines, they opened one in Springfield. Kind of a bad business move though because they lost 200 million dollars by opening one is such a… poor town."

"Sure mum and what happened to town pride?" She had given me a lecture about it when I was little; this town is a part of us all, that stuck in my mind like glue and glitter.

"Oh you," Mum said with a giggle. Well it's decided, I'm going to take Jessica out on a date this Friday.

"Get her some flowers too,"

"But mum, Jessica doesn't like flowers… or does she?" I don't know… how I can not know something so simple. I hate flowers but we have some differences, I mean we are bound to be different in some way.

"Well what does she like?"

"Heroin, wait… I still got some of hers left."

"BART!!" She screamed.

"Oh, I was only kidding." I faked a laugh and I guess mothers don't always know what is best. I was definitely going to give her heroin back, she wasn't going to kill herself on it anymore… although I doubt she would have done so in the past.

"I really hope you and Jessica are off the drugs. I don't want deformed grandchildren."

"Relax mum, we aren't… I mean we haven't done anything for that to happen."

"Well that's good, remember it's also fun to be safe." God damn I hate those cheesy sayings.

"Sure mum, I'm just going to get a reservation" I run to the phone and call them up. It was expensive but I booked a table for two, it cost just 50 for a table and we hadn't even eaten anything.

"Jessica, Jessica… I'm so glad you're here." She walked into the house with her brother. I'm so glad she isn't pissed off about the baby anymore.

"Why? You see me everyday you little bitch."

"Beetch…" Lucifer says and I think he nearly has the vocabulary of a rapper.

"Beetch…"

"Dude, your dad's going to kill you."

"Keeeelll"

"Damn!!" I say, fast learner eh? Well I'm sure if I slip him a beer then he wouldn't be so smart.

"Jessica, we are going to valentines on Friday."

"Huh why?" She asks taking a seat.

"What do you mean why? Probably because I love you."

"Oh… well after being such a useless boyfriend you're finally blowing some cash."

"HEY!!" I scream a bit too loud.

"Well I guess we do blow our cash on unnecessary things." Jessica says with a smile.

"Hey, drugs aren't unnecessary but yeah I guess your right Jess."

"Look honey, I was thinking it wouldn't be that bad…. If… uhh we had a baby. It would be so cute if it had your spiky blond hair and beautiful eyes." Damn, why did she say that?

"Uhh Jessica, I think I'm going to go sleep." I say getting up.

"But it's only 2pm." She says.

"Tired though." I lamely respond.

"Don't lie, ok… let's not have a baby."

"Seriously I am just tired." I wasn't tired of cause but I wanted to shoot myself for her bringing it up.

"uhh ok, well I'll see you on Friday."

"See ya Jessica." I say walking into my bed room. Suddenly my mother walks into the room.

"Mum, I was about to…"

"Pretend going to sleep?"

"I had the chance to live in peace. Then I decided to get a girlfriend." My mother looks at me surprised.

"But you love Jessica."

"But… I think time is moving too fast. I just… need 5 minutes." She doesn't response but thankfully leaves.

**Lisa**

"Wow, I never believed that it can be offensive to call a girl a chick…" Milhouse was nice to come with me to a lecture about women's rights but I can't help but think he is slightly lost.

"Lisa, want to go to the uhh museum?" I look at him with confusion, did he… just ask if I wanted to go to the museum, I know Bart and Milhouse don't like museums unless if they are planning to destroy something.

"Milhouse what has gotten into you?"

"Nothing," I can see the lies through his glasses.

"Fine, I just talked to Colin a few months ago and last week… he told me you broke up because you like chemistry and he likes physics… I just been thinking that maybe, I could try becoming smarter…"

"Awh Milhouse," I give him a kiss on the cheek with makes him turn a little red.

"You don't need to do that, I didn't break up with Colin because of that, he had become rather possessive in the last few months before the break up. Plus he kept running chemistry down, over and over again. I mean it didn't bother me at first, I mean I don't really care about science that much but he kept mocking chemist and saying a PHD in chemistry should be handed out with the completion of kindergarten." Well that was pretty much it but he was also pressuring me for sex. I wish he was the same Colin he was when I met him, but Bono gave him cocaine and marijuana and hasn't been the same since then. Damn you Bono, fuck U2 they are the lamest rock band since Elvis Presley and the lords of the underworld.

"_Please give it up for Elvis Presley," Elvis walked up to the stage with his death metal guitar._

"_What ever you do, don't touch my blue sue shoes or I'm going to rip your flesh off." _

"_Boy you suck, play Hotel California."_

"_That's going to be released by the eagles in 20 yrs." Elvis went back to playing his guitar, he was working on his new song "How I want to suck Satan's tiny little cock"_

Why was there a flashback? Elvis and the lords of the underworld was a rap band that had elements of emo and country based metal.

"Lisa, you okay?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, I just had this really random thought…."

"Ok…." He looks at me, I know he is trying to read my mind but no one can. It's good to know you have a place of security, your mind.

"Hey, Milhouse… you want to go to the hipsnot's concert?" I suddenly say.

"Hipsnot's are heavy metal… Bart told me you hated heavy metal."

"Well yeah I don't but after what happened with Martin…. Plus I like shit it out and pooulity.

"Ok Lisa, sure I'll go." Wow, I can't believe I'm going to a heavy metal concert, I have often despised metal bands for their loud music, anarchist-like political messages but I have to admit some metal sounds are ok. I guess one of my favourite songs is sIcky Hump by the white shits and that is kind of heavy.

**Bart**

"Bart!!" My father screams walking into the room.

"What you doing son?" I thought I was in trouble but his voice goes from angry scream to mellow hippie activist so easily.

"Nothing Homer." I say, I had enough time to hide the heroin injection. That sweet, sweet evil painkiller that soothes my mild insanity and solves my problems.

"Oh, good son. I want to take you fishing." I roll my eyes; I don't want to go fishing.

"Cool dad!!" I didn't want to break his heart, it's so filled with grease that it would spray all over my room.

"Well get ready, we are going in ten minutes."

"What?... uhh I mean do we have to go today. I would… rather enjoy it on… uhh Sunday, you know like a father and son special day." At least on Saturday I can enjoy 24 hours before having to go to church and this lame fishing trip.

"No deal, get ready boy… I'll be back in 20 minutes to take you." Well I know how to make this day just fly by. I had gotten some marijuana off of my darling Jessica and there is no time like getting stoned when your father tells you he is taking you on a fishing trip.

"You ready boy?" I can't believe he didn't smell the weed, I guess he did but didn't care.

"All ready,"

"Now son… I don't have a boat so I stole the Flanders's."

"Dad, you got how many million dollars in the bank?"

"Uhh… 50 I think."

"And you couldn't just buy a boat?"

"Son, you have to learn something… stealing is fun." I roll my eyes, we get into the car which has Flanders's boat attached to it. Well I have always said it, there is no dad like mine but sometimes I wonder if that is a bad thing. He decides to fish the old fashion way, which is much better than using a buzz zapper.

"Boy, don't you think this is what life is about? Relaxing with family, drinking a beer and waiting for the stupid fish to come. COME ON YOU STUPID FISH!!" He screamed the last bit at the lake.

"Yeah Homer, I guess this is fun. I mean we are sitting here doing nothing, I'm sure I couldn't have done this at home."

"Boy, I haven't strangled you in a while. Do you want me to start?" His voice was so sweet and innocent, almost like a child's.

"Dad, I been thinking… when is the right time to… have a baby." His face lit up, almost as if he had the answer but it quickly fell again.

"Well son, there is no right time. Sometimes it just happens, sometimes you just want it to happen but there is no right age. You can have you first child at 30, at 20, at 16, at 75 but you got to ask your self something first. Are you ready?" I guess my father knows more than he sometimes shows.

"How do I know if I'm ready?"

"You'll know." He says with a smile. Suddenly something bit at his rod and he reeled in a huge motherfucker.

"Wow dad, Springfield Trout, ain't it just pretty?"

"Yeah dry on bread and with a bit of mayo." He said with a laugh.

"Why don't you just fry it?"

"Of cause!! I can get more fat in my attires."

"Dad… attires are like clothes."

"My heart boy, more fat in dad's heart." Damn it, I wish weed could shield you from server stupidity, I bet even Elvis would think my father is stupid.

"Dad, have you ever thought about death?" I was stoned, I don't know why I brought that up, I just had the urge to do so.

"Of cause, he is the guy with the scythe right?"

"Yeah…. But I meant like dying, what if I was to die before I'm 30?"

"Join the 27 club, Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison and I think Marilyn Monroe is a part of it too…"

"Dad, I'm trying to be serious." I say appalled that he suggested the 27 club. What if I die at 21?

"Ok, I hear you son. Well… try your best not to die. You got to quit some of your drugs… I know its hard but once you give it up… then you won't die early. Also, I tried Acid this one time… and oh, man it burnt my throat. Hydrochloric acid is so corrosive. I also tried grass. Man did I ever feel stupid eating out of a lawn mower. I also tried coke, it's not as nice as pepsi. And I tried Crack, man is Hilary Duff's crack nice."

"Right… maybe we should go home, it's kind of getting dark."

"But son, when it's dark, you can show the finger to the sun!" He starts pointing at the fading sun and I can't help but believe my dad is the stupidest man alive, I mean I don't really care that he is but…

A/N: I think I'm starting to become preachy and brain washing. I base that on absolutely nothing.


	58. Jessica III: The making of an addict

Jessica

**Jessica**

"This baby isn't that bad." I say to him as I put him to sleep. I am super stoned right now and that's why I love my brother. He forces me to due drugs to escape the reality that he is my brother.

"What's the matter Bart?" He was baby sitting, must be angry that I didn't say my drugs with him. What's he got to complain he took what's left of my heroin. Although I did buy some to add to this high, I had taken so many fun desserts today.

"Nothing, I just wonder if you still like your brother when your not really, really high?"

"I don't know. I don't want to find out. HAHA" I say with a giggle. It was fun to be high as a kite and it doesn't have to be Mania. No drugs are an essential part of over development. If the Beatles didn't take drugs then we wouldn't have good rock music, heroin made Grunge awesome. Also it enhances your vision. Dude, I think I can see my self in the mirror. She's smiling back politely as I smile too.

"Jessica, what did you take anyways?"

"A lot."

"Dude, when your dad gets back…"

"Shut up Bart, you got the devil's hair." I say with a laugh.

"Sit down Jess," No I prefer to stand. I like it when the world spins around and your in a different realm of bunnies killing cat urine.

"Jessie…."

"Hey they should make a pyramid that is black with a piss in your face fun time hour where you can stick your face in a lady's vagina and it releases isotopes of Carbon 12 which is in the air you breathe and in fact radioactive."

"Ok, it's time for you too… uhh get clean"

"Why?"

"Firstly your brother will be influenced by this, in fact he is probably in the same room you smoke weed."

"Well, I'm just speeding up evolution. Us Americans are doomed to be drug addicts and underachievers, that's the price you get for freedom. Go Communism! The political system that oppresses freedom and steals from the poor to make the rich super rich. Poverty is cool!! Screw capitalist."

"Secondly, it's fucking your brain up. You're not the same Jessica I used to know."

"Also you know how they have those little marshmallows that have meat in the middle, now that's something retro."

"Thirdly, if you ever want to have a child with me, I don't want it to come out like Homer."

"Bart… I thought you didn't want one."

"Not with a heroin addict."

"Hey back off Bart. Heroin is what everyone needs. If Bush was on heroin then he wouldn't have the need to start up any more unnecessary wars."

"Jess, you got to admit you have a problem."

"Heroin isn't a problem, it's a solution."

"It solves nothing, I can't believe your back on that shit anyways."

"Relax Bart, Wiggum gave it too me."

"That doesn't mean shit, so it's a police officer's stash, so what? It's still an addictive death maker."

"It doesn't kill it heals,"

"It killed the alice in chains singer, Jim Morrison, a red hot chilli pepper, that fat ninja from Beverly hills ninja and don't forget Kurt Cobain would have died from that huge amount of heroin if the bullet didn't beat it to it."

"Kurt Cobain is hot."

"Jessica, are you paying attention."

"You know that one nirvana song that has that really awesome singing. Hairspray queen, that song kicks ass. I mean its so unlike anything I have ever heard, makes my laugh."

"Jessica. Oh what the hell, naked boobs of a pigeon rabbit."

"OMG!! Pigeon rabbits are so cute, they are like winged rats of a naked boob."

"Shitty, shitty, fag, fag what do ya do?"

"You so stole that off South Park. South Park is awesome, especially Cartman and Butters. Also Stan and Kyle kick ass and Kenny is so cute, he has to be my favourite. He always dies in such cute ways. The political and sometimes satirical approach to current events makes it education as well. In fact it has made me think a lot about life and how it sucks."

"Oh… k, firstly South Park owns. Your just so stoned you don't realise it is cool for too many purposes…"

"I know, like that time Cartman got aids. Also don't forget that time Cartman became a ginger and also that time Cartman got an anal probe. Weird how cool episodes involve Cartman, Kenny, Kyle, Stan, Butters or any of the south park residents."

A/N: Okay, I wrote that bit stoned, just to try it out… not going to edit it or anything, so uhh please forgive me for spelling and grammar errors. I'm only human and stoned but now I'm not so… happy news years or something.

The next day I was awake in my room, I didn't know I had fallen asleep in my room.

"Jessica, we got to have a talk." Oh this so resembles that time he broke up with me before I framed him for stealing from the church collection plate.

"What is it Bart?"

"You got to lay off the drugs. Can't you see what it's doing to you?"

"It's doing nothing Bart,"

"Stop this shit, it's ruining your life."

"It's not ruining my life okay?"

"Yes it is." He says firmly, what's he going to do anyways? Take my heroin? He has already done that and that's the only drug I want. Screw all of this soft crap, heroin is the best drug.

"You have started to become a heroin addict." Bart says, almost reading my mind.

"Look Bart, everyone wants to escape reality. Some do it by T.V, reading, drugs, games and whatever but I prefer heroin. It's not ruining my life and I'm perfectly fine."

"Jessica!! I care about you too much to stand by and watch you do this…" I interrupt him because he is starting to become an asshole.

"Leave me alone then. You sound like my dad."

"Jessica, I'm just getting worried, maybe I do need to tell your father."

"Go right ahead dad!!"

"Jessica can't you see that this is destroying your life?"

"It's not!! Stop saying that. I'm fine…. I'm not going down like Sid Vicious or anything. I'm just enjoying life."

"So was Sid Vicious till he woke up dead."

"You can't wake up dead, see Bart… you're the one that needs help." He rolled his eyes.

"Don't roll your fucking eyes. I'll pull those fucking eyes out of your brain and shoved them up your ass. See what you can see then you little bitch." I wanted to slap him, punch him and hurt him anyway I could.

"Jessica, calm down… I just want to help you."

"Help me by going away."

"Ok that's enough Jessica. Look, I'm not going to talk to you or see you till you're clean."

"Well don't hold your breath."


	59. Marge: A vacation to bury my problems

Marge

Marge

Here I am, Marge Simpson in therapy, again. I never thought such a thing would happen, me sitting on this comfortable chair explaining why my life is such a mess.

"I understand Marge, perhaps you do too much for others and perhaps it's time you start living life also. Why don't you take a break from the house work, cooking, cleaning and whatever else you do and relax?"

"I don't think you understand how foolish my family are. I let them take care of the house and I'm sure it would be burnt."

"You need to trust your family. It seems you have a lot of trust for those around you but not those close to you."

"Well if you had my family you would think the same." I say knowing that if my husband was slightly more responsible then I wouldn't have to keep 911 on speed dial.

"Look, I cost 200 an hour Marge. You can either take my advice or waste your money." I can't help but think that my second time in therapy is slightly more personal. So I was afraid of flying, it doesn't matter because lots of people are.

"Ok, I guess I'll do something that would satisfy me."

"And don't say that sewing and cooking is fun for you. I mean something outside the box, do something you have always wanted to do but didn't have the chance." I decide to start right away, I have no idea what I'm going to do but it could be anything. I go home to find a very strange scene, Bart was crying or at the very least depressed, Homer was reading and Lisa and Maggie were talking about… hot celebrities. Meh!!

"Marge, what did you cook for diner?"

"Now you care Homer!! I asked for the last 20 years or so if you could see anything different with my cooking and all you do is chow it down like a Mexican dog." The whole family stare at me with shock.

"I'm sorry… Homie, I didn't make diner." I said ashamed. He put his arms around me and gave me a gentle kiss.

"It's okay my delicate flower. I'll order us a pizza." Homer was shockingly helpful since my therapy started; last time he thought it was going to destroy our marriage. He was the only one I told that I was going through therapy, I mean Lisa was going through it as well but I didn't want to mention it too them.

"Mummy, are you okay?" Maggie asked jumping onto my lap in such a lovely way.

"I'm fine, why don't I seem fine. I'm fine, I'm always fine." I start breathing heavily in a way to calm me down.

"Are you sure mummy, maybe you should… take a vacation or something."

"And leave you all here alone… not that I doubt everything won't be fine."

"Mum, you're seriously stressed out." Lisa says getting Maggie off of me.

"Lisa, you know I'm always fine. You need at least one stable parent." I let out a little laugh as Homer walks into the room.

"Honey, Lisa is right and so is Maggie. My children are always right as long as Bart doesn't interfere."

"HEY!! I got enough crap to deal without you taking a cheap shot at me."

"Anyways, Marge I been thinking that we should go take a vacation. Just me and you… Bart is nearly 17…. Uhh what I meant to say was Lisa is nearly 15 and can take care of the house and Maggie."

"What about snowball III daddy?" Maggie asked with a smile.

"No, she has had 5 or 6 cats that have died all within one week or so. Maggie, you take care of Snowball III."

Maybe they are right, I need a vacation. We have been to so many places in the past and Homer has gotten us banned from at least half of them and the list isn't pretty.

"Mum, you should go to Hawaii" Lisa suggests.

"No way man, too commercial." Homer was right, I wanted to get away for all that. All the rich folk sitting in the sun without a care in the world.

"I know, New Zealand. Its a little shit country in the pacific that no one cares about." Homer says with a smile.

"Oh I have heard about New Zealand, they have that town that smells like rotten eggs right?" I watched a documentary about it, it wasn't interesting or anything but I just wanted to watch something educational.

"Mum, Rotorua is filled with sulphur hot springs. I heard that their Auckland city Sky tower is the largest in the southern hemisphere." Sometimes Lisa is too smart for her own good, I mean it wasn't that time but….

"Well it's decided Homie, we are going to New Zealand."

"Yeah!! Hell yeah!! I can meet some of those Maoris, they have funny cravings."

"Dad, those cravings are art that Maori people specialise in."

"Maggie?"

"Yeah daddy?"

"Shut up!!" Homer lets out a loud girlish laugh. The promise land of New Zealand, a place that will hopefully get rid of all my stress. The multicultural inhabitants will hopefully not be a thorn in my breast.

A/N: I was trying to think of a good place they can go to but I thought I rather educate you about my crappy country. I'm not sure how much people know about New Zealand, some people think we are attached to Australia by a bridge… I mean what the fuck? I live in Auckland, South Auckland with is known to be one of the worst places in New Zealand and I don't know why but I think it would be fun to tell you about my home.


	60. Jessica IV: The fading of an addict

Jessica

**Jessica**

The same shit again, the only shit that heals the pain. I tighten the strap and inject my madness. Intoxicated and happiness are two polar opposites but at the same time the same thing.

"Jessica, me and your dad are going out. Look after the baby."

"Sure thing mum," My speech is slurred as it always is with heroin.

"Ok, well see ya." She says as she leaves my room, this euphoric state is so awesome I could shoot myself. I decide to run to the phone and call Bart, it's been a week since I have spoken to him.

"Bart…"

"Jessica… look I was wrong. I shouldn't not pay attention to you because of your heroin addiction."

"Oh that's so true." I know he hear my slurred voice, I'll just lie and say it was sleeping pills if he asks.

"You need help and…" I cut him off, I didn't want to hear this shit.

"No I don't."

"Yes you do and look I'm coming over and taking what's left of your heroin." Typically Bart, I know he will be injecting the shit as soon as he leaves my house. He hangs up the phone and I know he is coming, I decide to open the door. Slowly I am getting a tolerance to this drug, I need more and more but obviously I'm not going to overdose. My body is getting used to having the sweet feeling of heroin pumping through me.

"Hey Jess… where are your parents?" That's the first question he asked, if I wasn't high I would have slapped him in the face and told him to make the best of the time without them.

"Out, they left me with Lucifer." He spotted the empty vessel I injected with, I didn't try to hide it.

"Jessica, I don't want to… anger you by taking your entire heroin collection but you got to realise your really addicted and disconnected with reality."

A/N: I wish people would stop saying I'm disconnected with reality.

"Bart, it's not a collection. I just…" I couldn't end that sentence, I was feeling to good to end it.

"Jessica, please… you have to quit. I want too have a child with you one day and I don't want it to come out with a horn or something."

"Bart, we should listen to lithium, Nirvana kicks ass."

"Jessica… you really got to lay off the heroin."

"I miss you, I'm not going to cry, I love you I'm not going to crack." It was something like that right?

"I'm so happy today cause I found my friends, there in my head."

"Jessica, I'm trying to help you here."

"Maybe I don't want help." I say as I hear the baby crying. Me and Bart both run into the room, well I walked.

"Awh, poor little Lucifer… he can fly can't he?" I pick him up and start running around the room.

"Jessica, what are you doing?"

"Lucifer needs to fly not cry." I start throwing him up into the air and catching him. Suddenly Bart grabs him from me.

"Bart, you got Maggie or Lisa you can play with."

"Jessica, your beautiful but your really, really messed up."

"So are you." I say with a laugh, falling onto my parent's bed.

"Light my candles in a daze cause I found God." I say with a smile and Bart puts the baby back in its crib.

"Ok, look… we should go back on the sleeping pills."

"No way, heroin is too fun."

"But we could do it together, more fun together." I let out a little laugh.

"Why don't you just start doing heroin again?"

"I have had enough of that life threatening shit."

"It's not life threatening if you take it properly." He looked at me with disgust, I am not disgusting. I'm a lady.

"Jessica, please stop. For me?" He was on his knees practically begging me.

"If… if it means that much to you then I guess I can." It will be hard though, its something you need like food except better.

"Really? Wow Jessica, I guess you really do love me." I give a little laugh before drawing him closer and giving him a long kiss. His tongue in my mouth felt so right and it's not just the stoned me saying that. I can't help but move my hand up and down his body, stopping on the knee before drawing him closer, making him fall onto my parents bed with me tightly clinging onto him, not letting go.

"Jessica… this is wrong."

"I know Lucifer is watching, it's my parents bed and you're not stoned. Let's go to my room."

"That's not what I meant… plus I want our first time to be… clean. No drugs other than love."

"Are you hiding your penis from me because it's small? I don't care, really."

"Of cause not, I am just afraid."

"Of me?"

"Of God." He replied and I had the same fear but I was stoned and couldn't give a fuck unless if it was to Bart.

"I am too but he is an asshole if he doesn't want me and you too be happy."

"JESSICA!!" it was my father, how long had he been standing there? He walks into the room and pulls Bart from me.

"Well, Bart perhaps your not that bad… my daughter is the true fallen angel."

"Daddy… I didn't…"

"No Jessica, I have had enough of this." For a second I though he was going to give me a spanking but instead he sat next to me.

"Jessica, I'm having you sent to the detox clinic." He says, grabbing my arm and if I wasn't stoned on heroin I would be able to fight back better but instead I'm dragged out of my house kicking and screaming.

"Wait, Mr Lovejoy… she promised this was her last time." Bart said as I was forced into the car.

"And why do you believe her?" My dad asked.

"She has never lied to me before." Bart said with a smile and my dad gave up, he walked back into the house but before closing the door he said….

"Well it better be her last time." He then threw Bart the car keys, it was my car he had shoved me into.

"Oh… I think walking is more fun." Bart says with a smile.

"I'm wasted on heroin, drive me somewhere nice." I demand as he gets nervously into the driver's seat. He turns the ignition, holds onto it rather long.

"Oh it's a manual, sorry can't drive manuals." He says turning the car off again.

"Bart, stop playing around." I say, a little annoyed.

"Jessica, promise not to laugh?"

"I'm stoned but I'll try."

"I can't drive." I let out a huge laugh, one that echoed all over Springfield. He turned a little red.

"Hey shut up man, I just never bothered to learn."

"You're a boy and you don't know how to drive?"

"I said shut up." I got into the front seat and started the car up.

"What are you doing Jessica?" I was basically sitting on his lap as I put it in reverse.

"No Jessica, your stoned!!" He said as I reversed despite nearly running over a cat I did it rather well.

"Jessica… no!!" He tried to get me off of his lap but I knew he wanted me there.

"Bart, I'm just going to slowly drive us to your place." I pushed the pedal down fully and changed gears as soon as it got to around 7000 RPMS for that extra boost.

"Jessica, that wasn't funny." He said as I parked up in the driveway, like I said I was getting a tolerance to heroin and I could do simple tasks when stoned.

"I wasn't laughing."

"Yes you were!!" He said dragging me out of the car and into the house.

"Hello Bart, Jessica… well we are going to air port, see you around." Marge said leaving the house with Homer.

"Where are they going?" I asked as I went to lie down on their couch.

"New Zealand."

"You mean the country that has that giant L.P bottle and that zorb thingy?"

"Yup."

"Wow, we should go to New Zealand," I say with a cheeky smile, I'm sure me and Bart being trapped in a zorb going down a hill wouldn't be bad. Too bad if his penis accidentally makes a move cause I'm sure as hell tired of waiting.

"Maggie be a dear, go get a CD of Nirvana." I tell her.

"Ok Jessica," She runs up the room with such enthusiasm, almost as if expecting an award. That's what I love about kids before they become teenagers, they are so naïve.

"Hey man, save me!!" I yell at Bart who looks at me with confusion.

"Jessica, perhaps you should get some rest?"

"What's the fun in being stoned and sleeping?"

"Fun dreams?" Well he did have a point but I wasn't going to go to sleep.

"Bart, come here sweetie."

"You're just going to try and seduce me and I know I'll cave in."

"No I'm not." He rolls his eyes as I pull him onto the couch and give him a kiss.

"In slave me, Satan!!" I say with a smile as I hold him tightly.

"Jessica, you ever wonder about the future?"

"No, not really." I tell him as Maggie returns with a few CDs.

"Throw in the first disc of with the lights out." I say with a smile as she does so.

"Thanks, Maggie."

"Are you two going to have sex now?" I couldn't help but chuckle to that.

"No Maggie." Bart says a little annoyed at her question.

"Daddy told me you're meant to have sex when you're in love."

"Sex is physical interaction while love is psychological and a special thing when you learn about the person inside not just how hot they are." Bart says, he is right. Sex is physical interaction.

"Fall asleep, wish you'll wake." I say falling asleep, no one knew what I was talking about but me and that's how I like it.

A/N: Ok I have to be honest, I have no idea what was going through my mind when I wrote this. I guess I just couldn't stand to see Bart and Jessica break up again and this is the second time its happened in 10 chapters or so and they have lasted for very short periods. It's 3:31 am and I can't sleep so you guys might as well enjoy my insomnia because I as hell don't.


	61. Marge II: Rewa Hard

Marge

Marge

"Your not afraid of planes anymore right?" I give him a warm smile as I buckle up.

"No, not with you by my side." The plane took off and not even a single vein twitched with fear.

"That's good to know, cause I don't want a wussy as a wife." I let out a little laugh. Homer might not be perfect but he is damn fun for sure. The plane landed and there were no complications, my past fears now seem almost laughable.

"Man does it feel do to get out of that plane," Homer said walking into the Auckland airport.

"Hey Marge, look at that guy with tattoos on the face." Homer says running into a local.

"These tattoos are part of my culture. I am a Maori chief and my people are a master at certain arts."

"Haha, you look like a monster." Homer starts laughing and the local who doesn't take it personally.

"You know if the mongrel mob and black power get a hold of you, your screwed fat bald man," The local said before disappearing. What if he was right? My poor Homie shouldn't have to fight for his life, he already has to do that on a daily basis with his fatty diet.

"Marge, what do you want to do?"

"Well Auckland city has that giant sky tower but why don't we explore the heart of the city. No town says Auckland like Manurewa." I wish I hadn't suggested that as soon as we enter Manurewa.

"Rewa Hard?" That was graffiti across nearly every building.

"Yeah, I think Rewa is like a gang or something." Homer says with a smile.

"You couldn't be further off the truth brother." A slightly overweight Indian teenager says.

"Who are you?" Homer asked.

"I am Rajah."

"What kind of name is that? I'm going to call you Roger." Homer said patting the boy, messing up his already messed up hair cut. He was obviously growing it long but hasn't he heard of thinning?

"Right, look I got some advice for you. You don't look like locals, haven't seen you around here before so lady, tightly grip your purse and don't make eye contact with strangers." His words are very scary, it doesn't sound like he is playing a teenager prank.

"Well, we heard New Zealand was a beautiful place." The boy lets out a little laugh.

"It is lady, trust me however not all of the people in this country are. South Auckland is the worst."

"Oh… hey you're kind of chubby." Homer says with a laugh.

"So? You're fat, bald and stupid." The boy replies with a smirk.

"Rajah, can you show us the town?" I ask.

"I'm not in the mood too, however since I enjoy my lovely community so much I will."

"But you just said…"

"I was joking lady, I don't have anything also to do so I'll show you around." He took us to the local school, Manurewa High.

"This is the wreck of a school I study at. As you can see the students enjoy tagging along the walls and desk."

"Shouldn't you be in school?" I ask the boy who gives a laugh.

"Well I guess I should be. No point because our education system NCEA is shit easy. If you're finding high school hard then just attend a New Zealand school and you won't fail."

"Hey Rajah, your not planning on shooting us are you?" A group of boys say approaching him. I can see the anger rising in the boy, I feel kind of sorry for him. This town isn't exactly as good as Springfield and that's saying a lot and for some reason people think he is planning a school shoot out.

"Leave him alone!" Homer says before running around in circles. I don't know why he did that, a lot of things Homer does confuses me.

"Whoo punk. Yeah G, rock hard. Still playing that guitar?" One of his fellow Indian class mates says as he air guitars.

"Maybe you should put the Metallica C.D in the bin and listen to some real music."

"Hey shut up man!!" Homer and Rajah said that in unison. Suddenly the school bell rang and the students started moving towards their classes. It was like nothing I have ever seen, 2000 students in a small compact school. I guess this is like rush hour in Tokyo.

"Well never mind them Roger, let's see the rest of the town." Rajah walks out of the school in a rather bad mood.

"Look Rajah, you got to stand up to bullies." I tell him as I rest a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah, do it for Metallica!!" Homer adds.

"It's just so many of them. They class me as emo just for my love of metal music. They single me out just because I deny following society's aggression and woman oppression that is expressed in rap music."

"Serious that's the only reason they hate you?" I ask, that seems rather little to be a target for.

"Pretty much." This town must really be dull to fight over something so stupid. Everyone knows that true music is the classic rock and roll and country. I walk the line cause your mine, do do duh dun duh dun doo doo dun dun and so forth.

"Where do you live?" Homer suddenly asks, not a single place in this town looked safe but Roger… god damn it Homer, I meant Rajah lead us to his home. It has quite a long driveway and a lot of red. Red fence, red cobblestone and red roofing.

"Rajah, who are these people?"

"I guess friends." Awh he would consider two strangers friends, he must really be unpopular.

"Where have you been boy?" His father suddenly walks into the living room.

"I was showing these two the town."

"Is that your excuse for missing a prayer to Allah? Pants down." He gets out his belt as the boy runs. Me and Homer are forced to follow him.

"Wow for a fat boy he can run." Homer says with a smirk. He hijacked his father's skyline, I can't say I approve of that.

"You want to come or not?" He calls out to me and Homie as we rush to the car and jump in before he speeds off.

"Wow this thing can move."

"Of cause, might be a 2L but it's has a racing chip, racing exhaust system and we made the timing better. Don't forget that racing air filter we put into it."

"Didn't need to hear your life story." Homer says cruelly.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"Anywhere you want to go."

"Oh good, that liquor store over there." Homer says as he drives towards the liquor store that wasn't far from his house.


	62. Bart V: Life is filled with boredom!

Bart

**Bart**

"Ok Bart, dad left me in charge." Lisa said poking me on the shoulder.

"Ow quit it, what do you want anyways?" She had just randomly walked into the room and started poking me… ok not like that.

"Party!! I want to throw the biggest party Springfield has ever seen."

"Lisa… you know mum and dad will find out." Wow isn't this a reverse of roles?

"You worry too much brother," She says patting my head.

"Well, on that night I'll be spending the night away from here." I say firmly.

"Bart, you used to be so different, my brother is growing up." She puts her arms around me and gives me a kiss.

"Hey, back off man. Maggie is the only sister that is allowed to be compassionate towards me." I say as I break her grip.

"Bart, seriously what's the matter?"

"Is there going to be drugs, alcohol and stuff like that?" I ask her and she laughed. It's not funny, I'm being serious.

"Since when do you care? You occasionally drink and are a relapsing druggy." She says as I fall onto my bed.

"It's just Jessica has just gotten over her heroin addiction and I don't want to start one." I say dully as she puts an arm around me.

"Forget the party then. Just some close friends can get together or something." Lisa says before giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"We do that every day." I say with a smile.

"And?" She asked with a laugh. Milhouse suddenly comes running into the room.

"Dude, you won't believe what I saw."

"What did you see?" I ask.

"Jessica and Dolph, they were kissing."

"WHAT?" I ask as he starts laughing.

"Joking dude, I was just joking." Lisa decides to join in the laughter as well. It wasn't really that funny.

"Bart, your Jessica's bitch." Milhouse said with a smirk. I can't help it if that is true, she has a hold on me… a Satanic hold that will never let go of me. Even if she does cheat on me I know I'll end up crawling back to her. It's not really a nice thought either, what if she does cheat on me? What if I come home one night and she dresses me up like a post man while having sex with some guy I don't even know on my dad's bed?

"Hey Bart, do you want to play my new Nintendo 64 game? It's about bunnies!! And you get to shoot humans, the oppressors of Bunnies." Maggie says walking into the room. I wonder why she asked me instead of Lisa but I wonder more why she has a Nintendo 64… those are so retro much like the Beatles except the Beatles were actually cool at one point. John Lennon is awesome, he did this song with the word FUCK, I think greenday covered it or something and that's Greenday suck.

"I'm sorry Maggie, I'm busy doing this." I say lying down on me bed. Damn I want to go to sleep but I can't because clowns will eat me.

"Hey Lisa, we still going to that hipsnot concert?" Hipsnot, Lisa going to a heavy metal concert? I thought the younger teenagers only listen to emo music, I mean it's not that hard to depress teens and it's just as useful as a blind guy with short sighted glasses

"Yeah sure, Millie." I can't help but laugh at that.

"Shut up man," Milhouse says annoyed, turning a little red.

"Screw you guys, I'm going home." I say getting up.

"You are home you idiot," Lisa says with a smile. I start to walk out of the house and Maggie annoyingly follows.

"Where are you going Bart?"

"I don't know," I get into the garage and turn dad's car on.

"Bart… what are you doing?" She asks jumping into the passenger's seat.

"I'm going for a drive." I say firmly.

"But Bart, you can't drive… what if you crash?"

"What if I don't?" I ask as I reverse, that wasn't so hard. I quickly get used to slowly turning the wheel.

"Jessica!! I drove here!!" I say happily. Even though I didn't do it well I did it.

"Congratulations, you're now a teenage boy." I hate how every boy learns to drive at an early age just to be cool. What happened to the good old days when it was cool to do something that was cool? We used to have such fun doing drugs, drinking and tagging along walls.

"What do you want anyways?" Jessica asked giving Maggie a hug.

"I dunno, I was bored."

"So you wanted to share your boredom with me?" Jessica asked as Maggie ran into the house and started looking for Lucifer. That is such an evil name, why would the Lovejoys name their child that if Jessica suggested it? Jessica suggests a lot of shit. That's what makes her a dirty bitch.

"Of cause, what else are friends for?" I respond as she suddenly puts her arms around me.

"Well we aren't friends." She said giving me a kiss. She looked so cute, her eye lashes were those of a model, her lips definitely not of a niggers, her nose different not of a Jew's, her hair uncovered unlike that of a Muslim. Yeah she is my perfect little… fuck I get bored of thinking of lame metaphors in my head. What's the point? No one can read my thoughts and if they can, well I'm going to kill them.

"Jessica… I been thinking… you have a nice ass." I say with a grin.

"Eww, only gays acknowledge someone's ass."

"Well if you're a guy then I'll be gay any day." I say walking into the house. Mr and Mrs Lovejoy were on the couch watching the news and the stupid democratic debate.

"Obama is so going to win." Reverend Lovejoy says with a smile.

"No way, Clinton has him by the throat." Mrs Lovejoy replies as we walk into the living room. Maggie was gently rocking Lucifer who for some reason has taken a liking to my baby sister.

"I'm so sick of that democratic debate on T.V." Jessica says taking a seat next to her father.

"Now, now Jessica it is very important and you should care."

"Your right daddy but I totally don't." She says as I take a seat too. The Lovejoy's have always had a rough living, I mean they aren't rich because the bread earner is a priest and shit all people still believe in God.

"Well, who do you support Mr Lovejoy? I mean in terms of the two parties." I ask, although I know what every Christian supports.

"Republican obviously, Democratic party's wanted to legalise gay marriage. That makes me sick, I'm so proud that Jessica doesn't like girls…" He says and I would argue against that but I didn't want him to hate me more. It's my usual intentions to piss off people but I have decided not to do that.

"Bart you realise without aliens, ghosts and of cause murder our lives is kind of dull." Jessica says grabbing my arm tightly. She still has what my mother calls… "her baby face," she definitely had a child like cuteness but at the same time a teenage hotness. What the fuck am I talking about?

"Are you still a ghost hunter?" I ask, it was a weird hobby she once had. I mean who goes out ghost hunting?

"Yeah, but lately I haven't done anything." Jessica says with a smile.

"Look, you two don't need adventure in your life for it too be exciting, what you need is a good read." I roll my eyes, reading is so lame. In fact if my life was a book, no one would read it.

"No daddy, we need a sex life." Helen, Tim, Maggie and I gasp.

"What?" Mr Lovejoy asks appalled

"I was kidding, gosh everyone takes everything in a context that seems literally when in fact I'm joking."

"Jessica?"

"Yeah daddy?"

"Shut up!!" Wow that really reminded me of Homer, I wonder how is doing right now? My pen pal Rajah told me that South Auckland is just like east Denver.

"I'm just saying I was joking." Jessica says in her defence.

-

"With Mayor Quimby's 6 terms finally over, one has to wonder who the next illiterate, tax stealing drug addict will rule us." The news says, damn it everything these days has some relevance to an election.

"Our next candidates include Krusty the clown's corpse and a headless Ernest Hemingway." There aren't actually any candidates to date that's because no one wants to be in charge of the mess Quimby has left. Jessica wakes up, she had spent the night in the living room floor. Originally she had been in my parent's bed but I decided to drag her here.

"Dude, why are you watching the news? Fox news?"

"I know Fox news is the American propaganda machine but it beats MTV news." I say switching off the T.V. Suddenly Maggie and Snowball III run into the room.

"God damn it, I need some action in my life." Jessica randomly says punching the wall and making a hole.

"Whoops… who can keep a secret?" Jessica asks rather dully. I know exactly how Jessica feels, lately life has been rather boring. I mean it could be that we both stopped doing drugs.

We spend the rest of the day wondering what to do and what a waste of a day it was. Suddenly Professor Frink stops by and I guess that's our highlight of the day.

"You won't believe what I created. It's a quantum time vortex allowing man to travel in time and visit parallel universes." Professor Frink says holding a device.

"Dude no way," I say with a laugh. Jessica suddenly grabs the device.

"I want to go to a parallel universe." Jessica says firmly.

"Well it's not a toy."

"You don't understand, life is sooooooo boring…." Jessica says.

"Fair enough, well I'll send you too a parallel universe but to return back here, you need to reset the device." I hold onto one side of the device as Jessica holds onto the other. Professor Frink enters some numbers and shit into the device and suddenly there is this rush. We fall, we fly and we disappear.

"Dude, that hurt." I say getting up of the hard concert. This world was very old, it was kind of like a 30s town.

"Woah Bart, look it's us." Jessica says as I turn my head to see two replicas of us, dressed in very vintage clothing.

"Hey, Hey you two…" Jessica says running over to them, I can't help but think that is a stupid idea. I mean they say that you shouldn't interfere with anything when going back in time and I wonder if the same rules apply when you're in a parallel universe.

"Hail Nazi!" The Jessica of the past says.

"No, your laws are beyond the line of sanity." Bart, the other me, says.

"Nazi? Oh you got to be fucking kidding me." Jessica, my Jessica, says.

"Don't you see Bart, Nazi has allowed our country to renew our economy."

"But they single out the Jews as a scapegoat."

"Jews are so lame Bart, I mean they invaded our country and started to make their own laws and rules. They are trying to take over."

"No, that's just what Hitler said."

"Screw this world, let's go to another." The two copies of us look at us with confusion as Jessica starts playing with the dials and buttons on the device. Again we are forced out of this world and one closer to ours.

"Jessica, I think we are back in our world… except, it's the early 90s." I say observing the baby me.

"Woah look Marge, it's a grown up Bart." Homer says looking at me with shock.

"Homer, I have had enough of your rubbish. First you get me impregnated with that demon spawn and I am forced to marry you and now you're doing drugs." Mum also thought I was a mistake? Mum… I thought she loved me from the start. I can't help but start to cry as Jessica but her arms around me in an attempt to comfort me. Suddenly the device flicks again and we return to our real living room. Jessica tosses the device to Professor Frink but the thought of what my mother said rings in my mind. I'm a mistake to both of my parents…

A/N: God damn it, I'm running out of ideas. For the first time I am stuck on what to do with Bart. Anyone got any ideas, it would be highly appreciated.


	63. Bart, Homer, Maggie: Am I crazy?

Maggie

**A/N: I know Rajah is traditionally spelt but the way my middle name is spelt is Rajah. The character is semi-based on me, my dad isn't a hardcore Muslim and I doubt 16 year olds getting spankings but I have a cousin that used to call me Roger and didn't want to accept Rajah as it was Hindu or some shit, I thought it was just Hindi but whatever… **

**Maggie**

I can't take this much longer, Bart is disheartened about something mother said to him when he was a toddler and Lisa is almost finish therapy. I miss my mum and dad. Only dad reads my bed time stories with funny voices and only my mum makes diner the way I like it. I hope they are all right and having the enjoyment they seek. Mum looked pretty bad before she left and I hope she is feeling better.

"Snowball III, can I tell you a secret?" I ask my cute kitten as I brush it's hair despite it having much.

"Meow!" She said in response.

"I miss mummy and daddy."

"Me… Meow?"

"Yeah, it's kind of hard not having the soothing love of your parents."

"Meow, Me… ow meow, meow!"

"Well I know you didn't have parents snowball, I'm sorry for bring it up but it's just hard to have parent's in your life and then they disappear for a short while."

"Meow, Meow, Meow"

"Yeah your right, I'm a big girl now. I can deal with this. Thanks snowball." She was so intelligent sometimes. Animals have a sense of reasoning that I find mesmerizing. I find it rather odd that I have hardly anything to do. Lisa was out and Bart was down, I couldn't play a game with either of them.

"Maggie, Maggie… it's me Gerald." I could swear I heard Gerald's voice, I would swear it to God. The sweet touch of insanity embraces me but how do I know that it's not real. I'm not a schizophrenic or manic depressive in any sense, never have I felt what they feel and there is no way I am accepting that the voices aren't real and just an overactive imagination.

"Gerald? Is that you sweetie?" I say but there was nothing but air. That was the second time that has happened, am I becoming disillusioned with the death of one of my closest friends that I continue to hear his voice.

"Maggie, are you okay?" oh pickles, there it goes again. They say hearing voices is a distinctive sign of insanity but I'm not insane…. I planned to go insane at least after I'm 12, everyone does it and trends like that don't die out in generations. Making teenagers depressed is like shooting rappers in a barrel.

**Homer**

"Wow, it looks a giant penis with a donut around it." I say observing the magnificent sky tower. South Auckland sucks and all but this town, whatever stupid name it is, rules. It's as cool as mutilating a cow, cutting it's utters off and then feeding it to a fish god. I wonder sometimes if the fish god will share it's tentacles with me.

"Homer, it looks more like… a sky tower." Marge says, not being able to think of anything in time.

"I'm sure if Krusty was alive he would think it's a giant penis with a donut." I say in my defence.

"HOMER!!" Rajah seems amused by our conversation.

"Relax guys," He finally says. I know the sky tower or as they call it sky city has a casino. I mean that's the name of the casino, no one is high enough to call a sky tower a city. I don't want to stay long enough to have Marge indulge in the fine arts of gambling.

"Well let's get out of here before I am broke." I say jumping into the driver's seat. They are forced to get into the car, much to their displeasure.

"Hamilton is next," I say looking at the map and starting to speed down the roads. South of the tower is where we are heading, old Ham… hmm… Ham.

**Bart**

"Bart, you can't dwell on what your parents thought when you were born. They love you now and that's all that matters." Maggie says sitting on my lap. She reminds me of Lisa when she was 8 except her hair isn't in that ridiculous pineapple shape, she still wears her blue bow and is dressed in a blue skirt and shirt isn't of an orange dress.

"But Maggie, I thought mum thought I wasn't that bad…." I say lamely. My parents only got married because they were forced to do so because of me. If it wasn't for my accidentally birth then what would have happened? Would my parents have found other loves?

"Bart, mummy doesn't think your bad… she was probably just annoyed at daddy for some reason." That could possibly be true but the probability is it's not.

"Maggie, if it wasn't for me… you wouldn't be here, maybe I ruined Mum and Dad's life with my accidentally birth."

"I wouldn't be here, then I'm glad you were born." Maggie says with a smile. She gives me a hug, I have had enough of those, I want answers…. from my parents.

"Look Bart I have realised something, within analogous universes and time travel it is still unfeasible to read the literal train of thoughts a person has due to the insufficiency of our aptitude to enter a person's mind. It is very possibly that what you saw was in fact of a different realm and not a precedent you. We must also conjecture at times if technology as gone to remote and is starting devastate our lives; it would have been better if you didn't see what you saw."

"You can say that again," I say a little confused.

"Well I'm just saying that what you heard mum say could be something she didn't feel in her heart."

"But people say what they feel."

"Not always, mum was probably a little beleaguered and anxious about being a mother for the first time which is what made her divulge out something so obscene."

"Maybe…" I say, she gives me a kiss and jumps on to my lap and embraces me gently.

"Maybe you are right, maybe mum was just overwhelmed and nervous about being a mother that she blurted out that." I say feeling a little better.

"Well yeah, It doesn't matter what other people think of you anyways, you know I have always loved you."

"What about that time your strangled me when you were little?" I ask.

"I did?"

"Yeah, back when Lisa was getting good at dancing by inhaling second hand smoke." Maggie looks at me confused but that's what happened. Maggie had me down for the three count and she couldn't even talk. She was so cute when she did that but I was in too much pain to realise that.

"Well, want to go play connect four?"

"Sure… why not?" I say getting off of my bed and grabbing Maggie's arm as we made our way downstairs.

**Maggie**

"Bart, do you think… it's possible to hear voices from another dimension?" I ask him after he puts his counter in to get a connect four. I didn't really want to tell him about Gerald but hearing him in another dimension is the only thing that I thought was logical.

"Maggie, I had ADHD which developed itself into bipolar so my thoughts on the lines of insanity and different dimensions are warped." Bart says packing the set away. We played around 20 times, equally winning the same amount of victories.

"You got bipolar?"

"Yeah… remember that time I overdosed on Alex's sleeping pills and Jessica took me to the hospital? Apparently I have manic depression just like my hero Krusty. That's bullshit, they are trying to get your on drugs by saying you got this and that just because at times you're a little happy or depressed." I couldn't argue with that. Doctors need to stop prescribing drugs to teenagers, teenagers have always been depressed and in the past generations they have all dealt with it fine. In fact it's now with these anti-depressions that we see a rise of teen suicides.

"Bart, can you just answer my question?"

"Ok, well… I guess you can't really hear voices from another dimension although that goes against what I truly feel." Ok I'm confused, I guess what he is trying to say that his opinion is far from the truth but to me the truth doesn't seem real.


	64. Bart and Maggie: Can you hear me?

Bart

**Bart**

"Something is deeply disturbing her, I think you should go talk to her." Lisa said, bluntly referring to Maggie's state.

"Why me?"

"Well… you're the oldest and she does seem to like you more." Lisa replies.

"Well you're smarter and she needs to bug me less and annoy you more." I reply bluntly. I was stupid and she wasn't. I had no idea how to approach problems and answer them to an 8 yr old in a simplistic fashion. I know Maggie is intelligent and all which probably means her problems are worse than mine since smart people can easily solve my problems. Don't do drugs, fuck her already, talk to your sister already… you know, things like that.

"Bart, you're probably the only mental stable person in this family, mum doesn't look right, I'm getting therapy, dad…. Well dad doesn't need explaining." She was partially right, mum and dad weren't in America anymore as well and she was going through therapy. She has nearly completed it and she looks fine now but I give up, I walk into Maggie's room.

"What's the matter Maggie?" I say sitting down next to her. She was gripping her pillow tightly, she looking like she had crossed that thin line between sanity and genius. I mean they say that there is a link between insanity and genius, which is probably why Lisa is so fucked up. My dad on the other hand isn't crazy, just stupid… well most of the time.

"It's just, it's scary…." Maggie says, not trying to give anything away.

"Maggie, I'm your brother you can trust me… I'll try my best to help." She got up and fell into my arms; slowly I could see tears forming in her eyes.

"Bart, I hear… Gerald's voice…." She said honestly.

"Oh… well, when I thought Krusty died when I was little I thought I saw him everywhere. I told my mum and she said it was in my head but I was sure it was real…" That's not really a good example because Krusty was alive and Gerald is deader than the Soviet Union.

"Anyways, mum told me that I saw him because I wanted him alive so badly that I was imagining he was still with us."

"I see so I yearn for his existence so badly that I am envisage him still being with us,"

"Yeah… although that makes little sense compared to my explanation. Your saying that you want him to live so badly that you believe he is still alive?" She ignores that completely.

"But how do I deal with?" That was a difficult question, no one knows how to deal with something like that. Damn it, I knew Lisa should deal with this shit.

"Maggie… uhh you got to… well…" They could give her pills but they never do any good.

"Well Maggie…."

"Maggie help me… where am I?" Maggie gasped, she heard him again, I know she did because I did too…

"I… I heard that too…" She suddenly looks a little relieved.

"Uhh… Jared, can you hear us?" I say.

"His name is Gerald," Maggie says annoyed.

"I can hear you… oh no they are coming, I got to get out of here." I hear it clearly, damn it… if I wanted to hear voices I would listen to the radio.

"Gerald, where are you?" Maggie says but she gets no response. Who is coming? What the fuck is going on? I know I had to deal with some pretty insane shit in the past but I want no part in this….

"Bart, where are you going? You got to help me?"

"Maggie… a part of growing up is to deal with problems by your self, whether it be feeding yourself or looking for dead boyfriends in a different realm who are running from something…." I say the last bit rather quickly and walk out. I explain to Lisa what just happened and she looks at me shocked.

"Bart, I thought you quit the drugs?"

"I wasn't tripping, it was… real, no drugs, alcohol or shit like that…" Lisa had every right not to believe me, if she had told me the same thing I wouldn't have believed her.

"Bart, death is a transition as many believe it too be… to say that you hear his voice in a different world means that somehow you have established a link between this world and that, if you could do that then a lot of questions about life after death will be answered." She firmly said, obviously not going to admit that it's possible.

"Lisa, of all the things that has happened to us… ghosts turning into white knights, aliens abducting us and healing us, fighting witches from the past and finding a secret room in Maggie's room, don't you think there is a slight possible that it's real and not something me and Maggie imagined?"

"Maggie has a secret room in her room?" Lisa asked.

"Oh… no, I meant a secret room in the church." God damn it, everyone has a secret room but me. I mean I have my tree house but that's not a big secret.

"Oh, well I'm not saying it's impossible just improbable."

"Don't use your mathematics lingo on me, I know what I heard was real."

"Bart, I don't want you telling Maggie what she hears is real, you will only continue her disconnection from reality further and I don't' want that."

"Well… you can't tell her that I told you."

"Fine," She said, although I wasn't going to do what she said. If two people hear something, it has to be real, if one person hears it they need to be checked. I want to help Maggie, she must be very confused about what's happening but this is one of those many times when I don't have an answer to her questions or even a small explanation of what is going on. The smartest man I know could provide me with some answers or so I thought.

"Bart it's not possible to create a link to alternate universes or worlds." Professor Frink says bluntly. That's what Lisa said, it's not a solid link, and it's just hearing not seeing.

"But it felt so real."

"Bart, I understand science still has a lack of information, I know I say it's impossible now but there is a small possibility that I'm wrong. I mean they thought the world was flat once. I will research it." That's all scientist ever say, when they can't prove something that they'll research, what if it's too late by then? For instance Global Warming needs more research but I'm afraid that when we have that research it might be too late.

"Thanks Professor," I say.

"There is something that I want to talk to you about. It's your frequent absences… I never see you at school." I knew he was going to say that, he was my physics teacher this year also.

"I just… I've had a lot to deal with lately." That wasn't entirely true, I had a lot to deal with last year but I don't know why I don't want to go to school, I just don't.

"Like what?"

"I… look, I just don't want to go. Every night I smoke weed I don't go the next morning and I just never want to go basically."

"Bart, I know that lvl 2 is difficult but you're selling your self short. In the past I saw you as a student with no hope but you put in a lot of effort and you can easily be a university student…" I don't want to go to a faggy university.

**Maggie**

I know Gerald is in trouble, how could this have happened? I thought he was in fairy world….

"Maggie, Maggie…" I hear it again, damn I can't go to sleep with him in my head. Suddenly I see a bright light in front of me, on the other side is Gerald…. Ok, I got to be insane now.

"Help me!" He says and I grab his arm and I try to pull him out.

"Maggie, the portal is closing…" I try harder but instead I am pulled into the portal.

"Gerald, Gerald honey…" I say, so glad to see him again. I put my arms around him, he was always the best friend I had. This world was definitely fairy world, it felt like I was walking on clouds and Gerald had wings.

"This is fairy world?" I ask slightly amused at a cute baby fairy, must be an aborted child. He got stolen the chance of life so it's fair that he gets to go to heaven.

"This is heaven, it's like fairy world I suppose." He says with a cute smile. Heaven, I though that was a fictional parody of the real fairy world.

"What were you running from?" I ask, he sounded like he was afraid of something before.

"The demons…. They have invaded heaven." Gerald says. I don't see any demons, this place is empty except for me and him. If we were older this would be the perfect setting for something romantic.

"Demons? You mean like goblins…"

"Yeah, they got two horns and stuff… many variations…." He says.

"Well where are they?"

"They are attacking the kingdom of heaven now, a lot of us have fled, God and Jesus are fighting back well. They have a huge army and stuff but some are in hiding, I am one of those. Buddha has been working hard as well, he is helping get angels to safety." It was hard to believe this but thing again I am in heaven… or dreaming, let's hope it's the later for heaven's sake.

"I hear foot steps, it could be demon rangers, look we got to go down to where the rest of us are." Gerald doesn't explain what he meant, he just takes my hand and we run. He leads me to an underground hideout where others are hiding, familiar faces as well.

"Hey, hey Gerald who is she?" Krusty the clown questions.

"She is my… girlfriend, well when I was alive."

"Well are you dead little girl?" Mr Burns asks me, I thought these people knew me but I guess I was the forgotten Simpson at times.

"No… I don't think so, Mr Burns… how did you get into heaven?"

"What an obscured question. It's not that hard."

"Well where's Samantha?" Of everyone that had died recently she wasn't here.

"She went to hell and become a demon." Waylon Smithers answers.

"Oh… why?"

"She's catholic. That's beyond the point, your not allowed to be here…" Krusty says.

"Well… I don't know how to get back," I say rather sadly. I thought that I would be accepted with my old town citizens.

"Well too bad, go outside with the demons." Mr Burns says.

"Relax, we can't let the little girl go out their with those demons." Kurt Cobain says, if I ever get back to earth Bart and Jessica are going to be so jealous.

"Why Cobain? Your music is so 90s, only the 1880s music was good. Oh, so many childhood memories." Mr Burns says harshly.

"Listen old man, we can't send an innocent girl out there. Plus all you ever did was inherit money from your daddy and then have a power plant. I wrote original music, redefined rock music and then ruined everyone's dreams of nirvana being around for decades by shooting myself." He replies.

"She could be involved in the attacks," Jimi Hendrix says but he doesn't look like he wants me to go out there.

"Shut the fuck up and stop listening to teen spirit," Kurt Cobain says rather harshly turning on his amp.

"Wait, before you guys kick me out can I have an autograph? Please Mr Cobain, my brother and his girlfriend like idolise you. They got every album ever made by you guys, even the ones released after your death."

"I knew Courtney would release albums after my death." He bluntly says as he signs his guitar and gives it too me.

"Wow!! What are you going to do without a guitar?"

"Haven't you ever seen a nirvana show? I smash those things all the time." He says with a smile.

"Damn it, we aren't dealing with the issue here, music business is so shallow, I got way more fans than you." Krusty says. That wasn't true, I mean after Krusty's death no one really cares but after Cobain's death everyone was talking about it… I guess that's kind of sad, why talk about someone's death and allow it too minimise their music? I mean it's all Kurt Cobain did heroin, he did this, he did that but they never talk about nirvana's music.

"Look, shut up you guys. She isn't a threat to us… we need to protect the innocent and fight demons not feed the innocent to the demons." Cliff Burton says. Oh Bart and Jessica would be so jealous since they have never stood near anyone from metallica and I'm standing next to their best bassist ever, till he was crushed by a bus.

"Please, I love Maggie… I know she won't hurt us." Gerald says and they all mumble responses.

"Fine, fine… just remember if you die, it's not our fault." Waylon says. How I did I end up here anyways?

"Oh Mr Burton, can I just say that Metallica are also really awesome… I love that creeping death song, your screaming in the back ground is awesome."

"Well I tried to do whatever I can to please the fans,"

"Could I get an autograph from you as well?" He hands me his bass, wow if I ever going to go back to earth then I'll have a guitar and bass and all I need is a drum kit to make a one girl band.

"Yo niggas, they just smashed the 5.0… the demons have smashed the gates of heaven and us Gs on the front line are dying." Tupac says as he and Proof of D12 run to the front.

"Oh man, let's get down there… we can't continue planning a rebellion while our own are dying." Ok, mind my French but what the fuck is going on? Oh my god I swore, I'm so, so, so sorry.

**Bart**

"Where is Maggie?" Lisa asked.

"What? Probably playing with her friends or something," I respond.

"I went to check on Maggie last night and she was gone, she hasn't returned since then…" Lisa says and I feel a little scared. Maggie is missing? Dad is going to kill me and Mum is going to cook me up.

"Damn it, we got to find her quickly," I say, I don't want to be labelled a bad brother to Maggie, I am already a bad brother to Lisa and a terrible son to my parents.

"Bart, Lisa… I'm in fairy world, the goblins are attacking." Me and Lisa both hear that, but how is it possible… Maggie in heaven? She hasn't died yet… or has she?

"Maggie, stop messing around… where are you?" Lisa asks.

"In heaven, oh Bart… I got an autographed guitar from Kurt Cobain for you. And an autographed bass from Cliff Burton."

"Wow!" I say, I believe her simply cause I trust her and have heard Gerald's voice for myself.

"You're going to join in on the joke too?" Lisa says a little annoyed with her hands on her hips.

"Lisa, can't you even say that it's slightly possible." She rolls her eyes.

"Like one out a google chance."

"What do you mean? Like if we type it on google it will appear?" I ask and she once again rolls her eyes.

"I'm just saying it's a very small possibility."

"But why? I'm sure if we type it in google we will get something." I say firmly.

"Bart, you just so stupid at times."

"Well your just a little bitch, your sister might be in trouble and all you can think about is ways to deny the truth. You're a George Bush."

"Good, republicans make this country better."

"Yeah, by starting up unnecessary wars and oppressing people. They are fucking separatists."

"You guys stop arguing… Sid Vicious just smashed one on the head with his bass and then spewed up on another." Maggie says with a smile, although I don't know if she really is smiling, I just assume she is since she always is smiling. That isn't confusing is it? If it is I can talk about Algebra.

A/N: Ok I know that some of the people in heaven don't really sound like themselves but think about when you see a celebrity on the Simpsons like the who… do they sounded like the who?


	65. Maggie: Heaven with you

Maggie

**Maggie**

"Let's us rock!" Cliff Burton said as he and Kurt Cobain blasted their distortion pedals and killed some demons by playing stairway to heaven. Sid Vicious could have helped as well but he couldn't really play bass so instead he smashed demons in the head with his bass. Layne Staley added his vocals, his was definitely an awesome singer and Alice in Chains is really cool.

"Johnny Cash, you need to play the ring of fire to defeat those lvl 3 jakvosaur demons."

"I'm on it," He says. Of cause all the rest of the angels are fighting in their own way. Ernest Hemmingway is writing them away, Edvard Munich is painting them screaming and Jesus is using his special powers. How did I get caught in the middle of all of this?

"Retreat for now!!" A rather large demon says the demonic creatures start moving back. Heaven is filled with destruction, I was going to mention what it looked like but God told me I wasn't allowed.

"I just want to go home." I say falling to my knees, those demons were really scary and I didn't want to be here anymore.

"Calm down little girl, we will get you home." Mr Cobain says.

"We need to get her home now; she doesn't belong in this war or world at this point of her life." Jesus says.

"Well, how did she get here?" Hitler asked, don't ask how he got he cause I don't want to know.

"I just heard her voice one day and I tried to talk to her…" Gerald replied.

"Look, I'm God ok; you're not God Hitler so shut up."

"I was God in the 30s and 40s." Hitler muttered quietly to himself.

"I'm sending both of you back," God said and my heart suddenly felt whole again.

"Really?"

"Gerald, you shall have a different I.D, think of a name… Good bye." He snaps his fingers and we are suddenly back in my room. I look at Gerald, he looked different. He was around my height as he has always been, has short spiky hair similar to my brother except its black and blue eyes.

"Wow Gerald, I can't believe your back."

"If God can do that why doesn't he just destroy the armies of hell?" Gerald asked.

"Maggie!! Oh my God where have you been?" Bart put his arms around me and looked as if he was going to die.

"I went to heaven and they have this war between demons and angels. God sent me and Gerald back."

"That's Gerald?"

"Yeah… different look so people don't get freaked out by the living dead." Gerald says with a smile.

"You two can't mention that to anyone else." Bart says with a smirk.

"Why?"

"Because they will believe you're insane." Well that was true. I look on my bed, there were two guitars, one a bass and they were both autographed.

"Bart, there's a present for you." I say pointing at the bed. He almost screamed.

"Wow!! You really saw Kurt Cobain and Cliff Burton?" He asked as Lisa walked into the room.

"What?" She asked.

"Nothing, Maggie's back… she just went to stay a few days at her new friend's home." Bart replied with a big grin.

"Well why you didn't tell us?" Lisa asked.

"She told me, I just wanted to freak you out."

"Ah-ha" Lisa responded walking out of the room. I gave Bart a hug he was always a good big brother, always looking out for me.

"Gerald what are you going to do now? You don't really have a… place to stay anymore." Bart said.

"It's no longer Gerald, call me Axel." He said with a smile.

"Ok Axel… you can crash here for now… till mum and dad come home." Bart says. You know Bart or Dad are always the ones in the spot light with great adventures but this time it was me. It felt good to be in an adventure, okay so it was rather short and I didn't get to do much it was still my adventure. I'm sick of being a secondary Simpson, not getting any action in my life… I want to be in the spot light with my brother and dad.

"Thanks Bart."

"No problem Axel. You got to tell me what heaven is like."

"We promised God we wouldn't."

"Oh…. Well you can't have everything I guess."


	66. Bart VI: Saving she that can't be saved

Bart

Bart

_I couldn't help but inject the last of the stash I had stolen from Jessica. Everyone must be so sick of hearing about me shooting up but heroin makes me feel like a hero. _

"_Rape me!" I scream at the walls for no reason at all. Maggie and Jessica apparently heard this, I was lying on my bed without enough energy to get up._

"_Bart?" Maggie said._

"_Oh God damn it, you took that shit from me to use it yourself." Jessica said taking the needle out of my vain._

"_I need it," I say lamely._

"_Jessica, what did Bart do with that injection? Every time I go to the doctor's for an injection I get a lolly pop." _

"_See? This is what I have to deal with. No parents, Lisa being a bitch and you two!" I say grabbing the injection back and finishing it fully._

"_Bart, this isn't the answer… damn it you got me off of this shit so I could be a better brother. My brother isn't even 1 so he ain't going to remember shit, Maggie and Lisa are though."_

"_Just this one time dude,"_

"_Ok, this one time. By the way… who's that Axel kid?"_

"_Tell her." I say with a smile and she reveals hidden information about Axel. _

"_That's Gerald?" Jessica said in disbelief._

"_You know, of all the things that have happened to us this year… I think that's the strangest."_

"_No shit," I say with a smile._

"_What are you going to do about him?" Jessica asks, she was asking no one in particular but I know what she means. Dad and Mum wouldn't adopt another kid or anything… I don't even know if they will let him stay. Mum might._

Woah, that was a really weird dream, it seemed real. I awake to find Maggie walking into my room, no doubt to wake me up.

"What's going on?" I ask her rubbing my eyes.

"Dad and Mum are back…" She said rather cheerfully. Already, I walk down into the living room and it was true.

"What happened?" I ask, not that interested.

"I got to go into this zorb thing, it gave me a head ache and this town smelt like rotten eggs. Oh they had this garden city, Christchurch or something. What kind of name is that? It should be Satanchurch. Anyways we got to bungee jump of this bridge and we went really, really low. Oh and you got to try lake taupo's trout. It's just so pretty. Oh the waitmo caves had these glow worm thingies, man you should have seen them… they were like fire flies." That's Homer's description of the trip, I know he lacked a lot of detail but it was probably mostly true.

"We will not talk about that place again," Marge says.

"Why not mummy?" Asked Maggie like a loving daughter.

"No reason, I just feel so for the Rajah kid… isolated in his own fear and misery."

"Awh mum, every teenager is isolated in his or her own fear and misery." Maggie replies.

"Well, that seems like a mistake. Who decided that depression and anger are cool?"

"George Bush since that's what Americans feel about his reign." Marge groaned at Homer's answer.

"Senior or junior?" Maggie asked, their was a senior Bush?

"Does it matter?" Homer replies with a smirk.

"Well, I think Afghanistan was necessary Homer," Marge says.

"Really?" Homer said with interest.

"Of cause not," She replied with a laugh. She started cooking, I was getting tired of cooking meals… I'll be damned if I let Lisa cook her vegetarian shit.

"I'm so happy, today I found my mum and dad." Maggie said with a smile as Axel walked down into the room. This was a bizarre event, I mean I can't believe Axel is Gerald but I don't have reason to not believe my little sister. She doesn't lie, a trait she doesn't pick up from me.

"Tonight I'll be happy, dad will be in mum." Homer says with a dirty look. I think I threw up a little bit in my mouth.

"What? Mum is going to eat you?" Maggie asked afraid.

"She can eat me all night long." Homer said with a smirk. Maggie looked terrified but then dad said he was only joking.

"By the way Bart… Alex called… she wants something." Mum says.

"What does she want?"

"It's either sex or urine." Dad replies. The gates of hell open up as I walk to Alex's, I don't know what I mean by that.

"Hey Bart…" Alex looked sad, although she is always an emo bitch.

"I just wanted to say goodbye."

"What?"

"If I suddenly go away for ever promise you won't be sad." What was she talking about…?

"It's just its been getting harder and harder. God continues to mock me."

"Don't do anything stupid…" God damn it, why is every teenage a suicidal bitch?

"I can't wait to meet you there." She finally says as she grabs a bottle of pills. It was like 30 sleeping pills which I wrestle from her.

"You think suicide is funny? Pleasant?" I open the bottle and swallow all 30 and wash them down quickly with some water.

"BART!!" She screamed. That was an impulsive move for sure.


	67. Bart and Homer VII: Reverend's punch!

Homer

**Homer**

"I thought you were going to stop drinking." I say as I walk into the bar and see Reverend Lovejoy.

"I was, that baby is just starting to drive me insane." He replies. He looked a mess and I wanted to laugh so badly.

"Well, it will be all worth it when they are 13 and arguing against you. Calling you a bastard and stuff… yeah it will be worth it then." I say with a smile.

"You right, what was I thinking? I could hardly deal with Jessica… she was my little angel that turned into a demon."

"Well your just a bad father." I say bluntly.

"But that's okay, cause I have learnt something… you have to be firm on your kids, you treat them like friends and they will crawl all over you. Push them to the ground with their ass waiting to be crushed by your thrusting manhood." I add.

"I tried being firm on Jessica… I gave her glory and gifts. I try so many things with her but she turned into a heroin addict, alcoholic and a demon spawn."

"Well Bart's not perfect, two negatives make a positive according to maths although a positive which is what this relationship is times by a negative gives a negative…." I say. Too much thinking, Homer need beer now!!

"I'm glad Jessica and Bart have each other, hopefully they will realise their mistakes and try to make up for it." Reverend Lovejoy says.

"And Bart could get lucky and bang that hot slut." Moe said with a smirk.

"Hey, Fuck you!! I don't need this shit," Reverend Lovejoy said punching Moe hard on the nose. He was on the floor unconscious. Reverend Lovejoy grabbed some alcohol and ran, I did the same.

He jumps into my car because he didn't bring his own on his way to the bar. I feel sorry for the minister, he is becoming a Barney… or at least what Barney once was.

"Hey Homer," Barney says as we stop at the local Starbucks.

"Hey Barney, I love you, you love me." I respond with laugh.

"How's the kids?" He asks as I sit down next to him. Reverend Lovejoy also takes a seat and orders for two cappuccinos.

"A handful as usual." I say, not even a joke.

"Oh hi, Reverend Lovejoy." Barney says looking at the man sitting next to me.

"Hi… Barney." He says taking a sip from his coffee as soon as he gets it.

"How's the little girl… Jessica right? It's been odd years since I seen her… she must have been what 7 at the time?"

"Yeah back when you used to attend Church." Reverend Lovejoy said.

"She is always around Bart these days." I say with a smug look. My daughter in law is going to be a Reverend's daughter.

"Oh so that's the girl hanging around Bart all the time?"

"Well yeah, they are kind of engaged now… rushing things in my opinion." Reverend Lovejoy shot back.

**Bart**

"I love you Jessica!!" I say falling all over her.

"What did you take this time?" She asked rolling her eyes.

"30 sleeping pills, Alex was going to kill herself so I stopped her." I said with a smirk.

"30 SLEEPING PILLS?" She screamed.

"Relax, I got a tolerance to it now." I reply.

"Well I suppose you do but that was such a stupid thing to do…"

"So is your face!" I reply.

"That doesn't matter any sense."

"Don't say that, that's what Lisa says and if you kill Lisa and replace her…."

"Stop me from doing this shit and you do it yourself." She said under her breath but I hear all. I am God of cause; I control all existence and destroy all life forms.

"Stop licking me, you're not a dog." She replies to me, but she tastes so good.

"I know I am but what are you… wait that's not how it goes." I say.

"I'm sorry Bart, but I think I need to leave you to yourself for a little time…" She said.

"Wait, if you leave I have to jack off instead of have sex." I really wished my mum didn't walk by when I said that.

"BART!!"

"He is uhh… tired, he needs some sleep."

"Jessica, do you really think I'm stupid. He is either on drugs or drunk."

"Why can't it be both?" I ask with a laugh.

"He… uhh took some sleeping pills cause Alex tried to kill herself. I don't care if that emo bitch does kill herself, I just care about Bart…" Jessica said. Even though I was stoned I knew that was true. Nothing meant as much to Jessica as me and I felt the same way about her. We would kill for each other, and I'm sure that would come in handy one day.

"What? Alex tried to kill herself with sleeping pills?"

"Apparently, either that or Bart is lying when he is stoned."

"I'm not lying!!" I scream.

"Bart?"

"Yeah sweetie?"

"SHUT UP!" Damn, does Homer's new catchphrase have to be used by every body? It's only funny when dad does it too Maggie cause she is so young, naïve and cute.

"Don't kill the baby," I say, it was the right thing to say I think.

"Ok… honey, why don't you get some sleep…" Jessica said closing the door. I was laughing at the ceiling, it seemed really funny with it's whiteness and all. It was like a people. Maggie suddenly walks into the room.

"What's going on Bart? Why are you laughing?" She asked as I drew her in for a hug.

"Awh, your so cute Maggie… with your giant eyes to drown in, and you perfectly straight blonde hair… much cuter than Lisa when she was 8." I say cuddling her like a teddy bear which she responds to by giggling.

"Bart, why is your tongue blue?" Oh I love this part. Time to give an explanation to my sister.

"There was a magician that painted my tongue blue with rat spit to ensure that I can kill the dragon haunting the black tower inside the forest of darkness. There is a direct route to it underneath your bed." I say with a smirk as she looks terrified.


	68. Otto: Its so soothing to be homeless

Otto

Otto

I have nothing left, I pissed away all my money. Drugs, alcohol and woman are cool and all but only when you have them. Now I live under a bridge, jobless, homeless and only get enough money for weed every 3 or 4 months. My life sucks dude!! OW! I walk back into town, I got friends but I'm too afraid to ask. I got helped out so many times and I ended up pissing it all away. I walk into the local bar, I don't know why I got to cash but I just want to talk to my friends maybe they can cheer me up.

"Whazzup?" I say walking into the bar.

"Oh hey Otto, I saw a beetle this big!! EWW!!" Homer said drinking his beer.

"Hey, aren't you that Alex chick?" I ask.

"Uhh Alex Whitney…" She replied in a preppy force that made me want to punch her.

"You're not allowed to be drinking in here…" I say taking a seat.

"Well, she's depressed so I don't see a problem." Moe says and give him a harsh stare.

"Come on… she's rich!! Plus I think it's making Lenny and Carl less gay." Moe says as I turn to look at Lenny and Carl.

"I think boobs are great." Carl said.

"Yup." They both take another sip of their beer.

"Want to have sex?" Lenny says.

"I thought you'll never ask." Dude that totally awesome, they are like having sex in piss, blood and beer. How romantic! I sometimes wish I had a partner, anyone at all… but I can't stay away from drugs long enough. Hey but some say you got to be this high to have sex. Get it high? Get it? I meant stoned!! God damn you people are stupid but that doesn't matter your totally hot. Dude that rock is hot, dude my fingers are hot.

"You want a beer Otto?"

"Nah man, I got to save cash… wait I meant maybe I shouldn't."

"Save cash?" Professor Frink says. Man, its not fun getting drunk around nerds and Scots.

"I fucked World War 1 with chemical warfare and had sex with a giant pig eating squirrel bear" Grandpa said with a smirk.

"That's great dad," Homer said rolling his eyes.

"Why is your dad here?"

"I thought we should spend sometime together and what better way to get to know someone than drinking?" Yeah that makes sense, get to know your dad by slowly killing him. It's what I did, I started smoking his cigarettes so he would live longer. He didn't respond to well to it though.

"I hear faith in your cries Otto, what do you need? A 50? A 100?" Homer says with a smug look. How can a nuclear physician earn more than a bus driver? This world is unfair. I don't see nuclear physician's risking their lives and others but I do it all the time. No one pays me for it anymore…

"I can't borrow your cash, I have wasted enough of your cash."

"Oh Otto, you don't understand how friendships work, you help out your friends no matter what." Homer said smiling.

"Awh dude, can I just crash in Bart's tree house?" I know Willie did that in the past.

"Sure, and if you want a job I got some chores I'll pay you for." I really hope that involves banging Marge.

A/N: Just out of curiosity does anyone still read this fic lol? I have seen the last 20 chapters or so have a hit averaging around 15. It seems this fic is definitely starting to fade in popularity. At one point it was almost what it had what I would consider a cult following. It never rated high in terms of reviews and favourites but lately it seems no one is even reading it. Meh, I have slowly started to work more on my sp fics but I have to return to update this fic.


	69. Bart and Jessica VI: The dumber of 69

Bart

**Jessica**

"What are you doing sweetie?"

"Fuck you!!" I scream at him causing him to slightly wince.

"I have seen what you have done… your trying to break me and Bart up aren't you?" I say throwing him the letter.

"Oh Honey, it's for your own good."

"No its not!!" I said nearly crying but instead I slapped him hard on the cheek. He didn't respond.

"Why did you do it?" I ask him wanting to strangle him. I swear I could take him out, he is starting to turn into an old man now. I want to take him out, I want to kill him.

"Because of things like this. Get your stuff packed." He said staunchly.

"Do you think you can command me? Screw you, I'm moving out and never returning," I say walking up into my room and I start packing in a midst of anger and tears.

"Honey, its only for one term… I just want you to be away from here because of…"

"Of Bart? Is that it dad?" I ask.

"No, the drugs…" He replies as I speed up in packing my stuff.

"Well if you think it's necessary to send me away, I might as well go away…. Have fun with your god damn son." I say as I finish packing everything I need.

"Jessica!! Wait, its only boarding school… you went before, why are you acting so childish?" He asked as I grabbed my keys.

"I went when I was younger, I thought now you would understand that I don't want to be locked up in that Christian hell. Fuck GOD!!" I say getting into my car and driving off as quickly as I can.

I stop at the Simpsons house, I know they wouldn't take me in right now….

"Otto?" I say confused as he gestures me into the house.

"Hey… Axel isn't it?" I ask with a smile.

"Yeah, your Jessica right?"

"Yeah… where's Bart?"

"I think in the basement…"

"Thanks…" I say walking towards the basement. I switch on the light which seems to startle Bart.

"What are you doing down here in the dark?"

"Ssh, I'm rolling up a cigarette, I don't want mum to find out I'm smoking." I almost laugh at him.

"So you hide in the basement? Your mum is like the only one that comes down here."

"Well… I wasn't planning on smoking it here."

"Bart, I'm left home… my dad tried to force me back into boarding school."

"Go then, it's only for a term." My heart broke in half within a second.

"Do you know how long a term is?"

"Don't be a whiney little bitch. I'll visit you as often as I can, plus if you leave home where are you going to live?"

"I don't care, I'm sick of Springfield… by the way I finally got my phone…."

"Jessica, where are you going to live?"

"A town without witchcraft, ghosts, aliens and drunken idiots."

"We live in America, your bound to run into a drunken idiot in every town." Bart says as I start to walk up the stairs. He couldn't understand how I felt but no one is closer for sure.

"Jessica…." Bart says running up to my car as the windows slowly go down with the pressing of a button.

"Yeah?"

"I'll miss you…" He said giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"I'll miss you too," I say.

"I love you Jessica."

"Are we just going to go into sappy shit all day? I'll come back but I just need a break. You understand don't you?"

"Not really but here," Bart says handing me his engagement ring and I look at him with confusion.

"Hold onto to it, no point on having it with you gone." He said smiling before walking back into the house. I know he did that to confuse me because he was confused on why I was taking a little trip.

**Bart**

"Bart, why are we here?" Maggie asked.

"Cause our parents fell in love and had sex,"

"No, no I meant… why does God put us here instead of automatically putting us into heaven?" I didn't have time for this. I got my hover board and flew out of the house.

"Hey Ralph," I say landing near him.

"Hello Bart, I saw daddy beating mummy with his snake." I roll my eyes as I walk into the Wiggum's house. I wanted to ask about Sideshow Bob and his friends.

"So, sideshow bob still in jail?" I asked the chief who was dipping his gun in onion dip before licking his gun clean.

"Yeah, for once we actually did something right." Chief Wiggum said.

"Bart, did you hear about this new site called ?" Ralph asked me.

"Yeah this dude wrote a fic that was about 69 chapters long, he must have really had no life."

"Oh yeah I read that but got bored after the first few sentences. Talk about no talent." Chief Wiggum says as me and Ralph start laughing.

"He tried to get reviews by sending a little girl to heaven. His story is so stupid; I mean no one wants to hear about drug addictions 100 times in a fic." I say

"Yeah you're right," Ralph responds.

"Have you ever heard his not a happy ending? What the fuck was that about? The last chapter was such a mess, he talked about having sex with a giant creature and on top of that he said had pictures of some chick that he needed for medical use." Chief Wiggum said.

"I bet you shreds the photos down to their most concreted form and injects it." Ralph says smirking.

"Yeah, as close as he will ever be to an actually girl ay?" I add.

-

"Woah dude… I came back from the library and Lisa is acting really, really weird." Milhouse said running into my room.

"What?" I ask.

"She was talking to herself… and when I asked her something she completely blacked out, she didn't move at all… not even to breathe well at least that's what it seemed like." Milhouse said.

"Great you date my sister for a few months and she becomes all weird."

"You got to check it out." Me and Milhouse start running down stairs when the door opens and Lisa walks in.

"You don't think we can do it, you are a pathetic sister." Lisa said to herself but coincidentally Maggie walked by and started crying.

"Crying earth child? I have watched you for the past 3 months, you need to grow up." Lisa said with a laugh. What the hell has gotten into her? She never talked like that to Maggie…

"Lisa, what's gotten into you."

"There you are, I been looking for you." Lisa said and all of a sudden I felt a little scared. Has she finally blown a fuse and wants revenge on me or something? I mean I didn't do anything that bad to her… I mean so what if I put her hamster in a microwave? Can you tell me a better way to cook a hamster?

"What do you want?" I asked. She suddenly froze up again, it was true what Milhouse said… she doesn't look like she is breathing. I was so afraid she was going to suffocate or something….

"Speak up you idiot." Lisa said and I was confused on what she meant.

"Bartholomew I am so glad I could run into you. You see, for you seem to be very good at criminal activity so we need your help."

"What?" I ask confused.

"See… I need you to help me with a satellite…"

"What the fuck?" I ask. She suddenly pulled out a gun and shot me. God damn it!!

A/N: Meh, I just wanted to get rid of Jessica and weaken two of the protagonist's relationship. I think they are getting way to serious, it was stupid to introduce the engagement idea in the first place.


	70. Maggie II: Help!

Maggie

**Maggie**

"Maggie, where is your brother and sister?" Gerald asked. I open my eyes, what just happened?

"I'm not sure, I can't remember… what happened? I remember… Lisa walking into the room, something happened… and now they are gone…" I say trying to remember what had happened. Did I hit my head or something I can't remember it well at all.

"Milhouse… Milhouse… wake up." I say.

"Bart… I can't play now, it's 2 am." Milhouse says lazily as I shake him up. Apparently he was dreaming about something.

"OH Bart… there you are, what happened?" I ask running up to him.

"What are you talking about?" He asked confused.

"You were just with us and Lisa was here too…"

"I just saw Lisa… I think, I'm not sure… I awoke in Springfield lake and I can't remember what happened… was I drinking or something?" He asked.

"No, something weird is going on…. We got to go see Professor Frink. He probably knows what's going on." I say leading the way. Bart follows me, Axel says is gonna wait till Milhouse is awake.

"SHE LEFT ME!!" Professor Frink says crying. The smartest most reliable man I know is crying now…

"What happened?"

"I was just teaching little Galvin about driving and he crashed our sedan. He wanted to learn how to drive."

"Yeah… but… Galvin is only 3 yrs old." Bart said.

"I know but he wanted to drive, I can't say no… now I don't have Galvin or Carol." Professor said crying. The one person that could always help us was crying like a little bitc… uhh baby.

"But we come to you with our problems… we need help." I say.

"Well I'm sorry, I can't help…" He says running away in tears.

"Who else is a nice, smart man?" Bart asks.

-

"This is work of Satan." Ned Flanders says after we tell him.

"Or it could be something real…" Bart replies.

"Satan is very real," Ned said. Next person?

-

"Well its seems someone has fed you tainted Haggis, well I got some good Haggis that will fight it off." Do I really have to say who that was?

-

"My dear Jessica ran away and it's entirely my fault." Why does everyone have problems or can't be of any help when we need help?

-

"Well it sounds like aliens dude," Otto said.

"IT'S NOT FUCKING ALIENS, GOD DAMN IT WHY CAN'T YOU BASTARDS BE MORE HELPFUL…. Wait a minute, it could be aliens… that would explain a lot." Bart said.

"So that's why Lisa is missing," Otto said.

"Yup, and that's why there is a UFO outside right now." Bart said.

"Oh that's what it is, I thought it was a flying cat bowl." I say. I don't know what a UFO looks like, I know I have seen one before but still.

"Hey you shit fuckers, give back my sister or I'm going to kick you square in the nuts." Bart screamed out.

"I know what you shits are like, you like to fuck shit and piss on shit you fuck and shit fuck on shit then masturbate with dead rats so that your evil race can live past 20. Well fuck you all, I'm going to fucking bastardize you." Bart screamed out. The aliens responded as the UFO got closer. Soon a green ray came from no where and I was lifted into the UFO.

"Man, I could really go for a taco now," Otto said.

"GIVE BACK MY SISTERS!!" I heard Bart screaming as he disappeared from my sight. I was in a dark room and suddenly bright lights flashed and revealed what was in the room. Lisa was standing with the aliens that helped us in the 40s, I mean chapter 40+.

"Why did you kidnap Lisa?" I ask.

"Do not worry my daughter, we needed her to fix up a satellite so we could get Fox News again." Wow they watch Fox News, there race must be as backwards and stupid as America.

"Once finished we had some alarming news, apparently the demon hunters have invaded our home land of Xenon."

"Xenon I thought that was…" One of the aliens cut me off.

"No, that's just what Bart told you. Sorry, we went through your sister's memory." The alien responded. He was around my height, green and very cute.

"Well can you let me and my sister return home?" I ask as I look around the area, through a window it is apparent is we are moving. I thought we were not moving but apparently the UFO has a super quiet motor.

"I'm afraid not, we must quickly return home and fight the demon hunters. Apparently they are teaming up with some races from the isotopic sector of mud monkeys and blood rabbits."

"Uhh… ok, that sucks for you I guess." I say.

A/N: Ok I have no idea why I'm still writing this fic but apparently I am and if you got a problem I don't give a fuck. SLIM SHADY!!


	71. Bart and Lisa IV: She's back

Bart

Bart

All my friends and family are slowly disappearing. Everyone is slowly starting to have fucked up problems when I need help.

"Bart, what are we going to do they have Maggie…and Lisa." Gerald, uhh Axel said depressed.

"Bart!! Axel, we are fine!!" Maggie's voice echoed through the house, for a moment I thought she had returned but it was in my imagination.

"Did you hear that?" Axel asked me, maybe it wasn't in my imagination.

"Maggie, where are you?"

"We are safe, just preparing to fight demon hunters."

"WHAT??" I scream confused. There was no more conversation with Maggie. After a minute of silence my cell phone rings. It was Eminem's when I'm gone, for some reason the refrain explains what's between me and Jessica now. In my screwed up head this explains our situation perfectly, even Jessica doesn't understand why I think such strange things.

"Hey Jess where are you?" I ask her.

"Hey baby, I'm just in Florida!! SPRING BREAK!!" She screamed excited.

"Dude, you better not get another boyfriend down there." I say annoyed.

"Don't worry fag, your always gonna be my bitch." She replied. Apparently she was returning back to her normal state, nothing like what she was when she left.

"Your dad wants you to come home, your not going to boarding school anymore." I tell her.

"I thought he will change his mind but I'm having too much fun to come back now." Jessica said laughing.

"Please come home," I beg.

"Fuck off Bart, you know I deserve this break. _Hey bitch, want a fuck?_" The last bit I heard over the phone, it sounded like a drunken red neck.

"Fuck off, I'm talking to my boyfriend." Jessica responds before I heard a loud smack and someone fell over.

"Anyways, I'll see you in a bit okay?" Jessica asked.

"Yeah dude, sure…Remember, you cheat on me and I'll kill your entire family." I was only half joking.

**-**

"Wait why did you tell me this earlier? I'm very disappointed in you and if I want so drunk I'll be yelling at you." Mum said falling over, apparently they both went for a drink at a small gathering.

"Yeah, wow your hair feels like soft needles," Dad said patting my head.

"Ok, I should have told you earlier, I know I stuffed up but what are we going to do?"

"Well, Professor Frink is having some emotional problems, he was at the party shooting up, saying that it's the only thing that helps him now, so I don't think we can fly over and save them." Homer explained, rather well I have to admit considering his state and the fact that he is Homer.

"I know, damn can't anyone help?" I ask.

"Maybe God could,"

"He isn't real," I say annoyed.

"Are you sure? Then why is Gerald sleeping upstairs?" Dad asked and I look at him shocked.

"How do you know about that?" I ask.

"I have a very good relationship with at least one of my children." Homer said with a girlish giggle. I guess God is real, after all Maggie has been to heaven which apparently in a war against Satanic forces or something really fucked up like that.

"Look I'm sure they are fine." Mum said.

"Fine on an alien spaceship, that probably has things like anal probes." I say.

"Well Lisa and Maggie would be crispy girls, hmmm eating people." Homer said.

"Yeah, we could have cooked up Maggie when she was a baby, can you imagine having baby on your pizza? Now that is French!!" Mum replied as I had enough of the bullshit. I can't do anything about it so I might as well go to sleep.

-

"_Wake up sleepy head!" Maggie said shaking me awake as my eyes tried to adjust to the strong sun light. Her childish giggle, her fingers pulling my cheeks as if she were my grandma thinking I look adorable and having the suddenly urge to rip my cheeks off, it has to be her._

"Jessica?" I say shocked as I wipe away the sleep from my eyes. I could have sworn it was Maggie that was awaking me.

"Yeah, I decided to come back home." She said with a smile. It has been 2 months since Maggie and Lisa have been gone and now I'm starting to get worried. What if they never return?

"Did you hear about my sisters?" I ask getting up. Slowly I start making my bed, still tired from my now insomniac nights. At first I wasn't worried about Maggie or Lisa because they seem to know how to stay out of trouble a lot better than me but now….

"Yeah I heard," Jessica said with a smirk.

"Don't fucking smile, this is serious shit." I snap at her. She had been away from Springfield for so long I nearly forgot how immature she is at times. That was what I loved about her, we were so alike but now it feels different. It's like meeting Jessica again, except this time she is hiding behind a slick friendly image.

"I'm sorry, look there is nothing we can do about it. We just got to wait for them to return. One more thing… why is everyone in town acting so weird? Frink is crying and mentally unstable much like dad, your mum is drunk and it's like 11 am and

Otto isn't stoned. It's fucking weird dude," She said with a smile. 

Jessica's black hair was now filled with dirt and substances I rather not know about. Her clothes were covered in liquor and ripped in certain places. The beautiful eyes I used to love were now hollow and unfriendly. It could be not seeing her for so long but something about her look is uncanny, it's like looking at a completely different person. One thing hasn't changed though. Her smile will always remain the same, something that instantly puts my heart at ease.

"I know, its fucking weak." I say walking out of the room.

**Lisa**

"What the hell is going on now?" I ask as we walk into what seems like a replica of the death star.

"We are going to try and defeat the revolution with something like what you earthlings call a nuke," One of the short 3 ft aliens says.

"Oh… cool." I reply not knowing what the hell is going on and why me and Maggie were dragged away like that. It makes no sense, we have no purpose in this war at all.

"So how come we were dragged into this?" I ask.

"I don't know, the leader has something planned for you."

"The leader?" I ask.

"Yo don't be trippin my G, she'll spill the rhyme in time but G, I ain't got a clue what she wants with you." Some weird gangsta alien said. Woman leading a race? I'm already starting to like this civilisation over what America is now. I just hope this gangster alien is the only one around for a few miles or light years.

"Wow, this kind of sucks, maybe she will sacrifice us or something." Maggie says.

"Oh don't worry, she is rather kind hearted to humans, we used to eat them before but since her reign she has put in new laws." An alien said and that wasn't really comforting to know.

**-**

Everyone was on their knees bowing as the all mighty leader walked into the room. Me and Maggie decided to join in, our heads were tilted as she walked into.

"Stand up my children," She said, a voice so familiar. As my head turned up I freaked out at the smile she was giving. She was… Oh my god!! What the fuck is going on?

"Maude… Maude Flanders?" I asked surprised. This just keeps getting weirder and weirder.


	72. Maggie III: The slave becomes the master

**A/N: **Okay I know this chapter is short but because I wanted to finish the last bit about aliens and crap. It sucks, I'm sorry the last few chapters have been crap… in fact since chapter 50 Bart has sucked but I want to change it for the better. After this chapter, im gonna work hard on redeming this fic.

**Maggie**

"Who is she?" I ask Lisa who screamed out a name in disbelief. I believe she said something Flanders… is this Ned's dead wife?

"Queen Maude Flanders," An alien said as Lisa stared blankly at her.

"Lisa, is so good to see you… and Maggie, your all grown up now." Maude said with a warm smile forming on her face.

"Umm okay what is going on?" Lisa asked confused.

"You see, I never really died… that was just what the greys had shown you… I was abducted to becoming the new queen of Reichstag."

"Reichstag?"

"Yeah… we are like trying to exterminate all the rebels and kill the Phews that have infested in our great nation of Reichstag." One of the aliens says.

"That kind of sounds familiar," I tell Lisa who nods her head.

"Ok, well what's the point on abducting us." Lisa asked.

"Because of Joshua," A 6 yr old boy that resembled a young Todd.

"Due to this war we have been to busy with universal battles and couldn't return him home. Please, take him home… he doesn't belong her. As soon as this war is over, I shall return as well." Maude says as all of a sudden me, Joshua and Lisa are transported home.

"LISA, MAGGIE!!" Mum says as she put her arms around me and bombards me with kisses.

"Whose the kid?" Axel asks, I'm still getting used to having Axel around.

"The last member of the Flanders family." Lisa said as she explained what just happened.

"You know, I'm sort of fed up with weird things happening like this too us." Mum said bored.

"But honey, its so cool that we get to go to amazing worlds without drugs or alcohol." Dad replies.

"Daddy?" I ask him.

"Yes sweetie?"

"Shut up!!" I tell him as he gasps. All was back as normal once again. For how long? I don't think anyone really knows.

-

"Magz, I don't know how long I can stay here." Axel says as we climb to Bart's old tree house.

"What? Why?" I ask confused. Everything seemed normal for the past 2 months, nothing of strange happened at all but now Axel hits me with a bomb.

"You know I love you and all but I just need sometime alone, also I think its important you spend more time with your family." Axel states in a very mature manner.

"But we are like… 8," I say shocked at what she said.

"Exactly this is not normal for an 8 yr old, you need to live a normal life like a normal 8 yr old girl." He said trying to act mature but I could see a tear forming in his eyes.

"Life is never normal for me, it can't be with my family." I say as he gets up and prepares to leave.

"Where are you going to go?" I ask him as he makes his way down the ladder of Bart's tree house.

"I don't know…" He says as he starts to walk out of my life. I grab him and for a second we stare each other deeply in the eyes. I move closer to him and he moves close to me, we lock lips and it feels like I'm in heaven again.

"Oh Snap!" Lisa says from her window as her and Bart are staring at us. Suddenly I feel a little embarrassed and I can see Axel's face turn red as well. What ever dude, that was amazing. And Axel claims I need to spend more time with my family, I feel the presence of Bart with me all the time. Is that good or bad?

"Maggie, I love you but I got to go…" Axel says snapping me out of my train of thought.

"I love you too, hopefully our paths will cross again someday." I say lamely as Bart and Lisa stare at us with enthusiasm.

"They will," Axel says as he walks away.

"Wow, isn't this interesting?" Lisa said with a grin. I watched as Axel walked away, as Gerald disappeared from me once again. For some reason I don't feel sad like I did the first time, I mean last time he died this time he just kind of walked away. Normality is returned back onto us? I'm not sure, how normal is it too have a dead boyfriend brought back to life as someone else and then leave you again without you feeling sad? I just feel there is going to be a change in our lives, for better or for worse... i don't know, without Axel... without Gerald, i don't know...


	73. Homer and Marge: Its 79 and i'm not high

**Bart**

I finally understand this shit, in the past I used to get euphoric over something exciting and adventurous but I feel so happy understanding diffraction. Physics looked so difficult but I finally understand it!!!!

"Bart?" Jessica said walking into the room as I was smirking at my succession.

"Haven't you heard of knocking?" I ask as I close my physics manual.

"Oh… ummm sorry, what are you doing?" She asked.

"Studying, finals start in like two days dude… gotta study," I replied. It feels so good that there hasn't been any kind of trouble lately.

"Hmm… maybe I should start,"

"Yeah… you think?"

A/N: Okay… that was only done so you know that Bart and Jessica aren't going to be in this next arc or whatever they are called. It's going to be mainly Homer _ too much teenager angst, now its adult angst and of cause… pure fun stupidity! It might start serious but don't worry… its not.

**Homer**

Looking in the mirror I see a fat, old man staring back at me. His head, hairless, his face wrinkled… I am not 39 anymore.

"What's the matter honey?" Marge said walking into the room.

"Well… its just… am I still attractive?" She looked at me with confusion.

"Yes, your very handsome." She lied.

"Stop with the lies and charades. You think that mirror's lying woman? I'm going to be at Moe's." I heard her mutter something like 'if you didn't spend all your time at Moe's maybe you wouldn't look so old' but it could have been something else. I'm going to pretend like she said something else…

At Moe's I take my usual seat and ask for the usual duff beer. I wonder why I spent most of my life in this dark, dirty little tavern but the fact is… having a family and a job isn't so great. In fact, Bart bugs the hell out of me, I can't help Lisa with her homework and Maggie is too… clingy. Marge, I love her with all my heart but does she always have to be such a bitch?

"What's the matter Homer? You're depressed but not drunk depressed." Moe asked.

"Well… I want to have a big adventure, its been a while since I have had one of those… something that will make me feel young again." I spit out as Professor Frink and Moe look at me with disbelief.

"Are you kidding? 2008 has been nothing but one big fucking adventure for us…. We nearly died how many times?" Moe said.

"Well I just been thinking… what life would be like if…" I didn't want to say it, I didn't want to even think of it. Marge was the greatest thing that ever happened to me… but what if I never met her?

"If? Galvin?" Professor Frink asked.

"Yea, galvin, if I didn't met Marge…" I say lamely.

"What are you on about? Marge is hot… she must be near 50 and I just jack off to… uhh I would totally suck her tits… uhh I meant she is very pretty and you're a lucky guy Homer." Moe says.

"Hey that's my wife asshole!!!" I say ready to fight but instead I take a huge gulp of my beer.

"Well… you might just want to come to my house… I got something that will help you." Professor Frink says.

**Marge**

Hmm it's getting late and Homer still isn't home, neither is Lisa or Maggie. Only Bart is upstairs… with Jessica… all alone, together… in Bart's room with the door closed… and they are… studying….

All of a sudden a frantic knock fills my ears, Homer must have forgotten his keys. I open the door to see a freaked out Professor Frink.

"Oh Galvin, the… galvin… he… i… we… something galvin, oh fucking galvin!!!" Professor Frink said panicking.

"What's the matter?" I ask scared of his behaviour.

"I sent Homer to another world… a parallel universe… it was suppose to be a reality only created by the mind but for some reason something stuffed up!!! Now he is in this world… like 40 years ago or something… Oh Galvin."

"What?" I ask confused.

"Homer was drunk in the bar and he said he wondered… uhh how his life would be if some things were different… so I thought it would be a good time to try out my new invention, the alternate universe creator. Uhh I was actually gonna market it but now…."

**Homer**

I open my eyes, I'm back at home… home in 79… when I was 17. My dirty room looked so familiar, it was like I went back into time. I look in the mirror, there I am… who I used to be… a hairy (I got hair on my head again!), fatless teenager that was remarkable handsome if I may say so myself.

My old guitar, the Gibson Explorer 69, I never had any money after I sent all my money on this and quit my job. The amp was just some piece of shit but it didn't mean I didn't have fun. I take a look at the calendar, March 21st 1979… the day I met Marge.

"What are you doing Mellon head?" My dad, it was just me and him that lived here. My mum had ran out on us and back then I thought she was dead… cause that's what dad said but I know she actually ran away.

"Nothing…" I say, he was such an intimidating man before he became an old loser that we shoved into a retirement home.

"Get to school!" I look at the clock, when did school start? It's 8:30 now… school used to start at…. Shit 9… and I didn't take the bus, I never had the money for it. I grabbed my stuff and ran out of the house. This is great, I feel so young… this was the day I met Marge… that magically day that changed my life.

Why the hell am I reliving this? This is a bad invention… how much longer am I here for anyways? Maybe I should have asked Frink the full details before I agreed to this… I was drunk. I run into class late and there she was….

"Hi I'm Marge…" She was the new girl in school, she turned around to look at me and gave me a smile… the teacher didn't.

"Why are you late Simpson?" He said bitterly. Wait… what the hell? Frink said Marge wouldn't be in this reality… I thought that was the whole point.

"Uhh… alarm clock broke." I said lamely as I sit down next to Barney.

"She's hot," Barney whispered to me when she took her seat. On the actual day this happened, I wasn't late and I told Barney to back off cause she was mine. Today… in this false reality… I am not going to tell Barney anything but agree with him.

"Did you hear me Mr Simpson?" The teacher said as I lose my train of thought.

"Huh, nah what did you say?" The teacher looked at me angrily, I forgot that these people actually were scary once. No wonder Bart hates teachers. I forgot how annoying they are and the fact that we can't do anything without getting in trouble. No wonder me and Bart have such bad records.

"I asked if an aeroplane travelling at 6.0 ms-1 is an example of projectile motion."

"No," I replied.

"Why?"

"Cause it has an engine and isn't only under the influence of gravity therefore it can't be projectile motion, a projectile is an object moving under the influence of gravity only and air resistance is usually ignored in this sense." That turned heads, I caught Marge staring at me. I nearly forgot that I was very stupid in school… and well I am totally stupid but I'm a nuclear physicist so I know a little bit about physics. I was forced to go back to university around the time Maggie was 5 because its apparent that they needed people to know what they were doing in a nuclear power plant. Maybe if they did that before than Chernobyl wouldn't have happened.

Homer: Dude? You can't say that… Chernobyl was a horrible disaster and the guy that did it tried his best to stop it, he stayed in their for like 3 days before dying of nuclear poisoning.

A/N: Well that douche bag should have known what he was doing in the first place.

Homer: It was an accident, people make accidents… can't you say you never made an accident?

A/N: Yes, I am perfect.

Homer: Well what did you do to that chick?

A/N: Umm… get back to the story!!!

Homer: Guilty as charged. 

"Dude… how did you know that?" Barney said looking at me with confusion.

"I… I been studying…" I say lamely.

"No you haven't, you been getting pissed and stoned with me everyday for the past month, remember?" Barney said. I have no idea what to do, I want to go back to my time or reality or whatever and tell Professor Frink that his invention sucks.

-

"Dude!!! Seems like she can make friends easily," Barney said admiring Marge. I told Barney that she was mine those 30 something years ago and he let it go. He seems to really like Marge but he let her go… for me all those years ago. He has always been a good friend, I never realised that before and lately… I just have been ignoring him.

"Barney, can I ask you something?" I say randomly.

"If I said that she was mine what would you do?" He looked at me stunned.

"I don't know what's with you today, you seem different man but… bros before hoes right?"

"But why? I mean you obviously like her… so why would you just give up if I say I want her?" He looked at me confused.

"What the fuck is wrong with you today?" He asked confused.

"Answer the question…" I said but he had a good point, what the fuck is wrong with me? I guess it's an alternative reality… our reality… just in a different time so it would be interesting to know what Barney thought of me…. 39 years ago. Or maybe… its some other world… I have no idea the full details of this device, when do I wake up in Frink's lab again?

"Cause you're my best friend, and nothing means more in life than friends dude." Awh that so sweet, Barney is really a fucking loser. Just as Barney said that Marge walked over to us.

"Hey, what are your guys' names…?" I was speechless, that teenage feeling I had when I was young returned. I was silenced by the angel I loved.

"I'm Barney… and that's uhh Homer." Barney said looking at me. I was petrified… this was the feeling I had when I first fell in love with Marge, I just stared at her. She was way hotter 39 years ago…

"Homer and Barney? Hmm hi I'm Marge." This isn't what I had planned when Frink told me I would return back in time in a different reality, this is the same reality… this was the first time Marge talked to us… the same exact damn thing.

"I gotta go, see you two later." I say lamely get up and run outside. Of cause this isn't what I did that day… but I have to do it today.

"Okay, Frink… I want to go back home." I say to the sky. Some students walking by look at me confused.

"This isn't funny!!!" I scream. This was actually the happiest day of my life, well one of them at least but I don't want to relive it… I wanted an answer to my question. What would my life be like if I didn't met Marge?


	74. Homer IX: Back to the future

**Homer**

Something has gone wrong, I been here for weeks… hiding, hiding from the past. This sucks, nothing new… just the old… well things that have already happen to me. I am avoiding all of it. I have been smoking weed and hiding in the Springfield forests for nearly 3 weeks with Barney. I let him in on the whole, me not being in the right time plan or whatever.

"Man, that's some really fucked up shit," Barney said as he finished off his blunt.

"I know, I'm so fucking high right now but if I wasn't… then I would be panicking, something went wrong." I tell him as I finish off my blunt and light a cigarette. See, the thing with weed is… if you want to have a real good buzz, you got to have a cigarette. I learnt that from Barney, he had taught me so much… uhh not that all of his teachings were important… or… even made sense.

"I can't believe its not even the 80s yet, you got to wait to metallica hit the music scenes. Thrash is definitely not something I want to live without." I say as Barney rolls up another blunt.

"You know, the ball isn't far away… maybe I'll ask that… Marge chick out, you know," Barney said. Usually I would be extremely pissed when someone said that but like, I'm just gonna go with it. I got Marge in my world, this isn't my world.

"Hey… HEY What are you doing there?" No fucking way. That's her voice, it… no… no… NO!!!!

"Oh… hi…. Marge," Barney said embarrassed. I momentarily stopped breaking little bits of weed out of my tin foil, then continued. So its Marge, meh not my world.

"Don't you know that smoking weed is dangerous, it kills your brain cells." Marge said angrily before turning her head towards me.

"Homer… uhh like the ball is coming up and I was like thinking… that uhh, maybe we could go… together." Wait, what? I asked her to the ball, if I hadn't have… she would have asked me? How… wow.

"What? Why?" Ok, that is definitely not something a guy says after an extremely hot chick asks him out but…. I mean this isn't my world.

"Cause, I want to get to know…. I can't stop thinking about you since I met… and I know we have only known each other for a very short period of time but…. I really like you." I thought all those years ago how lucky I was to have Marge, how… she always stood by me but nothing, nothing she has done has confused me like this. I thought I purposely got her pregnant with Bart to trap Marge into marriage, did she get pregnant on purpose to trap me? Wow…. Life is confusing when you're an idiot. Nothing makes sense, I should stop smoking weed.

I ran home, that was kind of said cause I didn't give her a response. Meh, who cares, I have found out all I want from this world. Marge and I… were destined to be together and even though I just ran from her, it doesn't matter we were destined to be together.

Professor Frink… wait, that's it. Why didn't I think of it earlier, man this weed is really fucking with my head. Its getting late, I need to crash…. I have no idea what's going on!!!! Suddenly, I black out… I have no idea how, I guess I must have tripped badly on weed.

-

"Homer?" I awake to find myself in a familiar room. All the pretty girly things that I haven't seen in so long.

"Marge?" I said confused, why this is so familiar? Why am I doomed to this time now?

"Yeah, it's me, you okay?" She asked in a very caring matter. No matter I have to say that Marge always cared for me. That's one of the reasons I loved her as much. Man, this is fucked up shit right here. Am I having an inauguration into what really mattered all along? What does that mean? This is an epiphany or something, Marge and I… were meant to be together, no matter what. Suddenly, this world starts to fade again. What the fuck? I'm not even high or drunk… this is strange.

"Homer?" I open my eyes to find myself in Professor Frink's Office with Marge pondering over me.

"Marge, I had the craziest dream. It was like today except 30 years in the past and I was really, really high." I say to her as she studies me carefully.

"I know, Homie… you want to go home?" She asked.

"Yes, that would be an awesome idea."


	75. Bart and Homer VIII: Death of a century!

A/N: This is the chapter I have been waiting for in Bart man, one that I am completely satisfied and I haven't been enjoying what I have written after chapter 50 but this is the exception. I ran out of ideas and started rushing things, I'm so sorry about that but now… I think everything is set for Bartman to become what it used to be, a good fic.

**Bart**

_The tests have only just began, 2009, a new year and just like every year, it will be filled with trials and tribulations._

Summer vacation is great, you don't need to worry about anything, just kick back and relax. You can smoke all the weed you want, drink all the alcohol you want and do whatever the fuck you want without worrying about the consequences. No annoying exams tomorrow, no days of work, nothing to interrupt this precious time of nothingness.

"Hey aren't you going to share that?" Jessica asked me, taking off her seat belt and moving closer to me.

"You're the driver, you can't drive stoned…" I say, we were parked near Springfield Heights, apparently one good making out spot. Things might just get more interesting, need more weed though.

"Yeah I can," She said grabbing the joint from my hand and sucking it in as hard as she could. She has a very power throat and good at sucking for sure. I tried grabbing it back and she kicked me hard in the leg.

"Awh, that hurt…" I said.

"You want some of this don't you," She gave me a smile, inhaled some of the smoke and kissed me sweetly, slowly pumping the venom into my lungs.

"Hey… look at that," I say stepping out of the car. I started moving closer to the forest… what a cute little bunny!

"Honey, where the fuck are you going?" Jessica said hopping out of the car. I follow the cute little bunny through the forests.

"Wait, come back here…" Jessica screams as I start running after the rabbit. After chasing it for about 10 minutes, it races off to some other part of the forest. Catching my breathe, I also catch sight of something I haven't seen before… a waterfall.

"Bart, what do you think your doing?" Jessica said coming out of nowhere.

"Dude… look at that…" I say pointing to the waterfall, I never seen one around here… I walk closer to it.

"Don't you know what that is? Cave of death is behind that waterfall, This is not good, we have to get out of here right now, it's cursed." I think Jessica was playing mind games with me, we love doing that when we are stoned.

"Cave of death?" I ask going closer to the stream of water, flowing from what looked like the sky. How could a cave behind this? That's almost impossible but I am not going to try and check right now, the water is vicious, I guess its been raining lots. Which is weird cause its summer.

"In the time of the great Springfield-Shelbyville war, soldiers from Springfield that were injured were brought to this cave, many died inside. Your grandpa never told you that? Wasn't he in the war?" I wanted to investigate further but Jessica had just scared the shit out of me, if she's playing mind games with me… she's winning.

"Damn, that's what I should do… visit Grandpa, its been such a long time…" Of cause I don't really want to visit Grandpa, I want to find out about the Cave of death. I should visit him more often though, he's getting old and the older you get, the closer you are to death.

We get back into the car and are there in a jiffy, well that's how Grandpa would have said it.

"Hi, We are here to see Grandpa Simpson," I say at the front desk of the retirement home.

"Oh… there is some bad news about Abe Simpson… he had a major heart attack, three hours ago… we don't know what happened to him but the chances of him still being alive are very little." The lady says in a sweet tone that fails at undermining the bad news.

"What… Grandpa… we got to go to the hospital," I tell Jessica as she nods and we run to the car. I can't believe it… Grandpa!!!!

**Homer**

"Simpsons residence, can I ask who is speaking?" Maggie says on the phone, she's still cute, I hope see doesn't get any older. Wouldn't it be great if you can just freeze a frame in your life? I don't want anything to change, for once in my life I am completely happy with my life. Not only do I have a lot of cash and can provide my queen with all she needs, my prince and princesses are finally loving and caring individuals. I thought I failed miserably with Bart, it took a long time to get him under control.

"Daddy… it's for you," She says handing the phone over. Daddy's little girl, just cause Lisa was too smart and opinionated to be my little girl doesn't mean that Maggie can't be. She's getting older though, you know what they say… the older you are, the closer you are to death. I am getting old but it's my dream to out live my kids.

"Hello, Homer Simpson here, what can I do for you…?"

"Mr Simpson, I have some bad news for you. Your father, Abe Simpson has suffered from a major heart attack around 3:30 pm, at 4:02 pm his death was confirmed." The lady said.

"Well that's no reason to call me when meet the fockers is on, Ben Stiller is such a fox." I reply but then I suddenly realise what she said. It was bad news, not the kind of bad news that I normally ignore but the kind I have to listen to.

"My dad is dead…" I ask but even after hearing the bad news for the second time I couldn't believe it. The man that raised me so well, to become the success I am now, he's dead.

I sit on the coach and get all emo, this sucks… my dad wasn't suppose to die right now, he hasn't even had the pain of cancer or anything like that. At least if he had cancer he would have died a slow and painful death, not by a heart attack which is most likely quick and slightly less painful. I saw him last week, and he was doing so well but now he's dead. How could this be?

Daddy… Daddy, why have you died and left me here alone? I was suppose to die first, that's what you always wanted… now the only thing to hope for is that Bart dies before me. Hopefully he dies of a drug over dose soon, it's the only way to pay tribute to grandpa.

All the good times, all the bad times that I had shared, why does it have to come to an end? Although at times my father and I were in two different worlds, like that time professor Frink sent me to an alternative reality, but I knew he always loved me. He even told me personally that he was always proud that I wasn't a short man. I'm going to miss you daddy, Rest in peace.


	76. Bart VI: Close the door, open the window

**Bart**

A cold chill runs down my spine, amongst the harsh breeze there are mourners. Friends, family and even people he rarely saw, turned up to say farewell to Grandpa. I always knew this day would come sooner or later, he was getting old but I thought he could fight it for a few more years. He fell a victim to death's untimely scythe, now he rests with fellow souls watching him, for the very last time.

The casket closes, his face forever hidden from the mortals he once loved. The hearse moves so slowly, grandpa didn't want to leave us all, not just yet, but it happened. He is gone and forever, nothing more than a memory now.

"Uhh you must be a Simpson, you resemble a young Abe," A tall, old man said to me once gloomily mourners started to vanish. Only I and he stood near the tombstones, the others had already started making their way to the reception.

"Yeah, I am his grandson, Bart Simpson. You an old friend of his?" I ask, I don't think I met this man. He had lines cracking his face, a greyish beard and a walking stick in the shape of a snake. That's so cool, I want one of those when I'm an old man.

"Yes, tell me boy, did a Mr Burns also die recently?" He asked. This man was strange but I was fascinated by his personality. He was a mourner but seemed more curious in something else.

"Yeah, last year… did you know him?"

"Yes, I knew both your grandfather and Burns, they were last surviving peacekeepers."

"Uhh what?" I ask confused.

"Tell me boy, have you heard the term, cave of death?" He asked.

"I thought that was something Jessica was making up, it was used during the war?"

"Yes and the death of the peacekeepers marks the start of the prophecy." The man said. Great, for once everything was normal, nothing was weird… and now after my Grandfather's death this weird man is going to tell me about some prophecy and we going to end up saving the day or something…

"Ok, what's the prophecy? What do I do? And how long will this take? School starts next week." The man looked at me startled.

"Uhh… well the prophecy says as soon as the last peacekeeper dies, then the Shelbyvillians will be free to attack the cave…Within the cave, the chamber of moments leads you to the past, if the Shelbyvillians are able to unlock the gates of time… then they can alter history, the war will start once again." Okay, I know I have dealt with some stupid things in the past, but that is just too farfetched for me to care about.

"So let me get this right, people from Shelbyville that are pissed off at us for winning the war are going to start war again with uhh that cave of death thing when they got modern technology and could wage war against us with better weapons that what was used during the war… ok, why don't you go bother Lisa?" I tell him as I walk away.

"Wait, you're of Simpson blood, your family dates back to the start, they were one of the founders of this town… you don't understand what will happen if you run away, you will die!"

"Like I said, go bother Lisa… She's a Simpson." I say getting completely out of sight from him.

Now if things go according to plan, I will run into some Shelbyvillians on the way home and then something will happen and I'll end up in the picture and stopping this war, well not this time. This has nothing to do with me, even if I am a Simpson. If it was our family that were one of the founding pioneers, then this town must really suck ass.

Hmm some out of towners, I guess this must be the Shelbyvillians that I'm supposed to stop.

"Hey, you from Shelbyville?" I ask randomly, walking up to 3 teenage kids around my age. One was a rather tall male, with long blonde hair, another was also male who was slightly shorter and had… emo hair. Their was also a girl, she was pretty hot… and pretty short. She had piercing hazel eyes, long black hair with random red strips going through it and was wearing some tight jeans. If I wasn't dating Jessica, I would definitely bone this chick.

"No, we moved hear… from a small mountain town in the Colorado mountains, quiet close to Denver… Hi, my names Kirk, yours?" I shook the blonde hair boy's hand.

"I'm Bart, what you all friends that moved at the same time?"

"Nah, these are my brothers… I'm Lexus," The girl said as I shook her hand, she had very smooth, weak little fingers.

"And I'm Honda, wait you guys are related? You look nothing like each other…"

"Well I'm Steve, Steve Simpson that is… yeah, our mums kind of a… uhh slut," The emo looking boy said with a grin. That's not something you grin about, only someone really stupid like a Simp… wait, what did he say?

"Simpson… wait… why are you really here? This has nothing to do with the prophecy? I don't want to deal with that shit." All three of them stare at me dumbstruck.

"Uhh… our home in Colorado burnt down…" Kirk said.

"Oh… I'm sorry, it's just that this town has some crazy things…. I mean really crazy things, I'm Bart Simpson… maybe were like related or something."

"Yeah maybe… our town was crazy and stupid, we actually saw a Succubus and fought a giant mechanised Barbara Streisand." Lexus said with a cute smile.

"Woah, Barbara Streisand is creepy…" I reply as Jessica appears out of no where.

"Bart, that's where you are… uhh we got a bit of a problem, your dad kind of went to that bar after the funeral and drank himself into a coma…"

"WHAT?" I scream.

"And that's not all, your mother and sisters were in a serious car crash… they in the intensive care unit right now," She said quietly.

"What? On the same day?" Steve asked.

"Yeah… and my dad, he had a heart attack… and was rushed to the hospital, apparently now he's seeing demons…." Jessica said.

"You should have stayed and listened to the prophecy fully my boy, the founding families of both Springfield and Shelbyville will die. There won't be a Simpson, Lovejoy or Flanders left unless if you can permanently seal the gates of time…" I knew that I would be dragged into this somehow, even though I don't want anything to do with this, I am doomed too be in crazy adventures for the rest of my life. Good bye Bart, hello Bartman.

A/N: Whoo, 2009 has gotten off to a great start, not only have I found my passion for this fic once again, its near 10000 hits!!!! I got to admit I was planning to end it around chapter 75 because I ran out of ideas, well too bad! Bartman is up and running properly once again.


	77. Jessica V: So it beings

**Jessica**

All we had to do was fight off the Shelbyville army as they started ascending from the chamber of moments and seal the gates of time using the Simpson key. The difficult bit was before this, we had to go into Shelbyville and find the Simpson key. It was locked away in the Shelbyville museum and we had to steal it. The Mayor of Shelbyville had issued out a death warrant for any Springfield citizens found in their town, something that confused a lot of Springfield citizens. It was obvious that he had some knowledge about the prophecy or whatever the hell that old man had called it. I don't even know much about the prophecy, a lack of details for sure. All I know is that we are facing the very fabrics of the space and time continuum, something that I am not to keen on, especially when it involves the Springfield and Shelbyville war.

Steve, Lexus and Kirk had agreed to steal the Simpson key while Bart and I guarded the chamber of moments. We entered the cave of death slowly, inside it was dark and I had brought my flash light knowing there would not be a source of light in this cave. As we travelled into the cave, we went underground deeper and deeper, till there was a tunnel that we went into. After coming out of the tunnel we saw something that surprised me. I turned the flash light off.

"This must be the gates of time," Bart said. Behind it, we could see a small little chamber that had a mysterious blue light emitted from it.

"And that must be the chamber of moments…" I said staring at the light. It was pretty quiet, no action so far but the gates of time was open. Slowly Bart and I closed it, but it was still unlocked.

"Help, Help…" A young man said running out of the chamber. Bart clinched his gun, ready to fire but stopped. It was a Springfield soldier, covered in blood.

"Are you new medics?" The man asked.

"Uhh… no," I said. Bart just stared at man blankly, I guess he is just stunned at what was going on.

"What are two doing here? Don't you know how dangerous it is… and what's with the funny clothes?" I was hoping that Bart would respond, he was always good at getting us out of tricky situations like this. Bart just stood there and stared but then slowly moved closer to the gate.

"Abe… Abe Simpson?" Bart suddenly said.

"How do you know my name?" Asked the man confused. It was Bart's grandfather! Holy shit.

"Uhh we… are lost in this cave but I read a newspaper article on you in the past. You're the general of a battalion right?" Bart said.

"Yes… and we got a big problem, the Shelbyville army is getting closer." Bart looked at me, something lit up in his eyes.

"Take us too where your injured soldiers are…" Bart said. I quickly dragged him to the side.

"What the hell are you doing?" I whispered to him.

"If the army is advancing we can wipe them out before they get here," Bart whispered.

"But we don't know anything about medics… and we have to stay here and wait for Lexus and her brothers to get back here." I whispered annoyed at him. This was a crucial war that determined Springfield's status but it was a horrific war, I couldn't handle going back into time and witnessing it first hand. I was already scared of the whole war thanks to history.

"You stay here… you wait for them… I will go back into time and fight off the advancing army." He said as he opened the gate and walked towards the chamber of moments.

"Bart… Bart… be safe," There was no stopping him now, once his mind was made up… it was made up.

"I will…" He said as he disappeared into the bright blue light with his grandfather. What if he doesn't come back alive? What if he can't come back at all and is trapped in that war forever? I wish that old man had told us more about the chamber of moments. How long will he be gone for? This is all so scary, why did he go? He didn't have to go, maybe this is some kind of side effect of his grandfather's death. Maybe he just wanted to spend time with his grandfather but it was just so risky.


	78. Bart VII: Warfare!

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER IS GRAPHIC, IF YOU DON'T LIKE HARSH WAR STORIES, PLEASE DON'T READ THIS!

Bart

I can't believe it, I know I just stepped back in time but it's just so unbelievable. I turn to see the light of the chamber of memories. It was so bright, so magically… and now, I get to live through one of my grandfather's experiences.

"General Simpson, the new infantry has arrived, a lot of the previous front line soldiers are in critical state but the medics have arrived, some have died…" A young soldier says to my granddad who takes in the information all at once. I can see soldiers, slowly being carried, one by one into the cave. Some have been shot in the leg, some have cut in the chest… some have had their arms cut off. Bare limps, broke bones and lifeless men. It was a bloody site, like nothing I have ever seen before.

"Water…. Water…" One of the soldiers cried as he was dragged into the cave on a stretcher. His face, scarred and cut… they didn't have any photographs or videos of the war, there wasn't a gallery of despair to watch like Vietnam but this war was just as inhumane.

"Sir, I almost forgot to mention, we are running low on some vital supplies… we don't know how long we can continue this war…" The soldier said.

"We got to attack much more viciously, got to send back the Shelbyvillians back to Shelbyville… how many men are still able to fight?" My grandpa asked.

"57, excluding you and me." The young man said.

"Make that 59," Grandpa said.

"Make that 60," I said clenching my gun tightly, it was a standard machine gun but it was much more advance than the weaponry they had. My grandpa turned around and looked at me.

"Well, let's assemble all 60 men and have a concentrated attack at the battalion invading our town…" Grandpa said as he started walking. The soldier and I followed slowly behind him. We could see the bodies being dragged in, through the lake, into the waterfall. In the distance you could hear the rattling of gunfire, the shattering of bones and the screams for death. The sounds were like nothing that I had heard but my grandpa just kept on walking.

"What's your name?" The soldier asked.

"Uhh… its John," I said quickly.

"John? How come I haven't seen you around here before, those are unusual clothes that you're wearing… out of Towner?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm not from here… but now that I'm here, I can't… I can't let this happen," I say pointing at a dead soldier. His eyes, wide open… staring at the sky blankly through the blood that had consumed his face. He must have been one of the unfortunate ones, one of the soldiers that died on the way here… and without time to be given a proper burial; he was slowly beginning to rot. His flesh smelt so horrid, the hot sun enticing his body, helping him decay in the dirt.

"I knew that man, Mr Flanders, he was a friend of my father… his two children left all alone in the world. Mrs Flanders had been one of the first in our town to die when Shelbyville attacked, 1947, that was 6 years ago and so many more have died since then." That must be Ned's grandfather; he had been one of the causalities in this war.

"Man… that's just awful," I say as we walk past Mr Flanders and into the forest area.

"He was just a normal man, after his wife died… he changed… he became violent, wanting revenge… he never had an ounce of hate before this war… but… well this war has changed everyone's life. Can you believe that I used to be a Reverend?" The man asked. I looked at him more closely, his eyes were so similar to Jessica's and he had Reverend Lovejoy's jet black hair. But his face was wrecked, it had aged horribly, unshaven and filthy. I can't believe this is Jessica's grandfather… he looks nothing like the man in the photos I have seen.

"A Reverend?" I ask surprised.

"Yeah, but they burnt down my church… there has been many brutal battles, the Springfield company has invaded successfully and so have they, it's been back and forward but nothing shook me like my church being destroyed. It happened a year ago, how could they do that? Attack God's house? Before that I didn't want to get involved in this war but then, I had no choice... I hope the lord will forgive me for my sins, for all the people I have killed…" He said sadly as we arrived into the town, the sound of guns firing, the site of bullets flying and people dying, it was all so harsh. I gripped my gun and fired blindly at the Shelbyville troops… running like a mad man. I should have been more careful, a bullet whizzed pass me, past my head… missing me by just an inch.

"Retreat, Retreat!!!" I heard someone yell as I continued firing. The troops started retreating but many of them were on the floor, screaming in agony… what have I done?

"That was good work soldier," Grandpa said as he observed the bodies on the ground. Blood painted the concrete, many dead bodies laid… this… this is what it was like?

"Order the men to take them to the healing place, take the Shelbyvillians as well, and keep them prisoners once they have recovered." Grandpa said as Reverend Lovejoy quickly rushed out of sight.

"What was your name?"

"John…"

"John what?"

"John… uhh rose, John Rose." I said quickly.

"Well Mr Rose, you deserve a medal for that, charging into the front lines like that… that was quiet efficient in scaring the enemies away. Rarely does anyone have that much energy anymore…" Grandpa said.

We quickly return back to the cave. A lot of soldiers were now in there, wounded and ready to fight, both filled the cave.

"What is the next plan of action?" A young soldier, one that looked around my age asked. My grandpa looked warn out, he just sat down silently, the men watched as he thought of what to do next.

"I think I know how to end the war, we have to do it soon… otherwise we will all die,"


	79. Kirk: Time to die!

Kirk

This isn't exactly what I had anticipated on when arriving in Springfield. It looks so much nicer than our horid Colorado town. Now we were either going to die or become criminals. It was a lose-lose situation, we could do nothing and die or we could enter Shelbyville and die. The chances of breaking into a museum and stealing a relic, that's not an easy chance. How are we going to enter the town and escaping it without being seen?

"Do you think we could trust this Bart and Jessica?" Lexus asked out of no where, crushing my train of thought instantly.

"What do you mean?" Steve asked.

"Well… it's just, the old man… this prophecy thing, what if it's all fake… what if they set us up, the old man just an actor?" Lexus said as we neared the boarder.

"What if it's not?" Steve said. Right now, I know my younger brother and sister were missing their cosy beds in Colorado, the security of the small little town we called home. They didn't want to be a part of this, neither did I but now we had no choice. The problem is… I know a little bit about our family history, they don't. Our great, great, great Grandfather had moved away from Springfield in order to live in the relaxing Colorado Mountains. We could very easily be in danger of being killed by fate.

"You know what happens when we step pass this line? We are officially criminals… you heard on the news what the mayor of Shelbyville said… if any Springfield citizens were found in this town, they would be killed… breaking into a museum, well that's going to be hard to do without being caught…" I say as I take a step forward, right foot first, then left. I am now endangered of being killed but perhaps I had been when I first stepped into Springfield. Who knows?

"One small step for a Simpson, one giant leap for Springfield…" Steve lamely says as he steps forward.

"Can't you guys disable the alarm?" Lexus asked, staring at the white line that separated Springfield from Shelbyville.

"We don't know how…" Steve says as Lexus slowly steps into Shelbyville. I couldn't say that I wasn't scared either, and I don't know if we can trust strangers so easily but there was panic in Bart and Jessica, pure fear that couldn't be faked. They claimed to know nothing about the prophecy before Bart's grandfather's death.

"HEY!!! What are you doing?" A moderately deep voice suddenly yelled out as we flip our heads around to see who had called.

"Uhh…" Steve, Lexus and I said in unison, exchanging scared glances.

"If you go into Shelbyville, they will kill you…" A nerdy looking boy said.

"Uhh… how do I say this… there's some uhh cave of death, chamber of moments, gate of time or something like that and to seal all of it we need the Simpson Key…" Steve says.

"The prophecy… so it is happening, I had a feeling the events that had taken place in the past two days were more than a series of unfortunate events… My dear Lisa, my dad… who else knows about this?" The boy asked, we just stared at him in confusion. I want to be back in Colorado, this town is strange… the people in it are strange….

"Uhh some Bart and Jessica," Steve said.

"Bart and Jessica, those two are always hiding important things like this from me…" The boy lamely says as he steps forward into Shelbyville.

"I must come with you," The boy said.

"No… that's okay," Lexus said.

"Awh come on, I have to… Bart is one of my best friends… I need to help him out and I… am of founder blood." The boy said.

"Yeah, I seriously think we are okay…" Lexus said, moving a little closer to me. I can see she was getting scared of the boy, as he stepped a little closer we could see he wasn't a skinny nerd at all. He was quiet strong looking.

"I have to come, I don't want to die… I'll be real quiet… I won't talk till someone talks to me…" The boy said.

"No, no it's okay…" Lexus said clinching my arm.

"Please, Please…"

"Make him go away," She whispered into my ear.

"Look, I think he could be useful… what is your name?" I ask.

"Milhouse," He replied as he walked closer. Suddenly my phone went off, I took a look at it… it was mum.

"Hello?" I asked.

"WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU LITTLE BRATS NOW??? I'M CALLING THE COPS RIGHT NOW, RIGHT NOW!!!!!" She screamed before Steve grabbed the phone and turned it off.

"Why did you bring that thing? You know the only reason mum brought you one is so she could check up on you when ever she wanted to…" Steve said.

"If she calls the cops and they come into Shelbyville looking for us, then do they die as well?" Lexus asked.

"We don't have time for any of this… we have to get the Simpson Key, I know it was rumoured to be in the Shelbyville Museum but its not." Milhouse said out of the blue, no pun attended with his hair.

"How do you know that?" I asked.

"My mum is from Shelbyville, and my grandmother told me stories about it when we were kids."

"Ew… his mum is from Shelbyville." Lexus said making a funny face.

"Well, where is the key then?" Steve asked.

"In the mayor's office, since the war ended it has been the Mayor's job to hide the key," Milhouse said.

"You got to be fucking kidding me, instead of breaking into a museum we got to break into the office of a politician?" I ask.

"Uhh yeah…" Milhouse said. How could we trust this kid though? He might just be leading us the wrong way, into a trap set up by the Mayor to catch any of us Springfield citizens.

"Why are you out so late?" I ask the boy.

"My Lisa… uhh Bart's sister has been in critical state for two days now, I just can't sleep…" The boy says.

"What's is her last name?" Maybe if he knew the answer, there would be more in trust in him, from Steve, Lexus and me.

"Simpson… she has founder blood in her… she could be dead soon… that's why I need to help," Milhouse said. I still don't know if I can trust this guy but I guess we have no choice, he knows more about this prophecy thing than us. I just hope he isn't leading us the wrong way.


	80. Bart VIII: To the end

Bart

"That's crazy… a full out assault into Shelbyville… what if we fail general? We would be using all our resources in this attack, if we fail, we lose the war…" Reverend Lovejoy said.

"If we don't take a shot, this war is going to go on forever…" Abe Simpson said.

"Isn't there another way?" One of the younger soldiers said.

"No, I'm afraid it's a do or die mission, this platoon will have to give it its best shot and I can't guarantee that all of you if any of you will still be alive after this, but isn't it worth one chance? Too defend our land, to make sure that we have fought for the liberty of our town and its inhabits. Just one shot, one piercing bullet from the end… now its up to men to save this town." Grandpa said.

"Awh… God damn it!" Reverend Lovejoy said.

-

We charged into Shelbyville, our last chance for freedom. I let my finger do the talking and I ain't doing about txting or msn either, bullets where flying in all directions. The air was filled with a hint of gun powder but no one was willing to give it up. Bodies hit the floor, one by one, we all fell.

"John!!! John!!! You have to keep fighting," It was useless, the bullet sank into my leg and as blood flowed out of me, I could feel my world fading. A shelbyvillian stood 3 ft at me, pointed his gun to my head and boom! Just when I thought I was about to die, a bullet shot the soldier and he fell faster than Wall Street in 2008.

"Abe, you saved my life…" I said as I started crawling to safety. I was forced to crawl over cold, lifeless bodies… the men that had died for freedoms I have exploited all my life.

I need to find a way home, if I don't get back to my time soon, then I might be a causality.

"We surrender, we surrender…." One of the shelbyvillian soldiers said as he realised that he was one of the few soldiers on his side still alive.

"Work well done," Abe said. He ordered for some stretchers to take us back to the cave of death… or the 'healing spot'.

-

"Bart, your coming home right now!!!!" Jessica? She must have stepped through the gate of time. My leg was still damaged pretty badly but I could limp… limp back to my time.

"Okay… But first, I want to say goodbye…" I limped over to my Grandpa with the help of Jessica.

"I know you don't know me very well, but I just would like to thank you… thank you for everything you have done." I said to Abe.

"Not a problem son, maybe one day our paths will cross again."

"Maybe one day," Our paths will cross again, but I won't see it… Abe will on the other hand. I just wish I could tell him that his grandson Bart always loved him, even if he didn't always show it. I limped back to my world.

"Damn Jess, that was crazy…" I said as she locked the gate, once and for all. What's in the past is the past. I guess I have learnt some things from this experience, first of all… war is horrific, Wilfred Owen was right and also that my grandfather was a much better man than I thought.

A/N: I want to write a good fanfic that's main purpose was too be humorous. This is going to be the last… stupid strange chapter, no more time travel, ghosts, knights and witches. From now the story is going to return to the good old days of Bartman, the days where you read about Homer and Bart's crazy antics. I wish to explore Homer's stupidity further in the next few chapters.


	81. Bart and Homer IX: Breakdown, Breakup?

**Bart**

"What do you want Sweetie?" I ask.

"I want to talk to you… uhh can we meet some where?"

"Yeah sure, how about we go see a movie first and then you can say what ever you want to say…"

"Ok? How about new moon?"

"No way, I already downloaded that… I was kind of expecting a good movie, it was so gay… and now all I hear is… Team Jacob or Team Edward, well how about Team SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"You know what, forget the movie… meet me in the alleyway behind Moes…" Alleyway behind Moes? She better not have a drinking problem. Knowing Jessica it's hard for her to stay away from the bad girl scene for too long. Some days I wonder why I even put up with her shit but then again, she is the female version of me.

"Okay I'll be there in 15 minutes…" I say hanging up. I don't know what she wants right now but if it wants to talk about something, I am willing to listen.

"Hey Bart…" Maggie says running into the room and clinging onto me.

"What do you want?" I ask annoyed.

"I want to know what a Cletus is…"

"Well… its… too be honest I don't really know… I mean obviously I played with Jessica's… but I have no idea what it is… ask mum." I say walking out of my room.

"Hey Bart… how come there are so many Asians in China but not one in Springfield?"

"Oh… I don't know…" I say walking down the stairs.

"But I want a pet Asian, they look so cute… with their funny eyes, how much do they cost? I want an Asian!"

"Oh… well they are… they are humans… just like us… you can't really buy one… well actually you can. If we go to China I'll buy you a Chinese baby."

"Yay!!!!" She said running, probably to mum or Lisa. I'm going to get in trouble for that later but oh well.

-

"Hey baby, what's the matter?" I ask her. She doesn't respond…

"Jessie… Jessica, what's the matter?"

"Bart…." She fell silent again.

"Yeah?"

"I… hate you…"

"What?" I ask confused.

"I know that we have had some good times but I just can't be around you anymore."

"But why?"

"The whole I hate you thing…"

"But why? Why do you hate me? This makes no sense…"

"Good bye Bart…" She said walking away.

"WHAT DID I DO??? GET BACK HERE YOU… YOU BITCH!" I guess there was a reason why she bought me outside Moes. This makes absolutely no sense, we were going good… Jessica and I were in love for so many years. I know our relationship wasn't always perfect but I never thought she would dump me. She didn't even give a reason.

"Hey Boy, what are you doing here?" Dad asks as I walk into Moes…

"Jessica… broke up with me." I say as Moe cleans a mug for me.

"Well there is a thin line between love and hate son," Homer said as I drank my first beer.

"Yeah but she didn't even give me a reason…"

"Well find out. It must suck to know that you will never get to have sex with Jessica again. I mean, look at that body… she's boobalish"

"But it was more than that… I love her, I still do. I mean I know I wasn't always the best boyfriend but… I didn't think it would be like this…"

"Cheer up son, I know… I'll tell you a joke… Why did the chicken cross the road?"

"Why?" Dad punched me in the story.

"Awh what you do that for?"

"Well why do you think they call it a punch line?" This doesn't seem to be helping. At first, I felt angry, how could she do this too me? No explanation or anything. Now I feel like an abandoned child. Break ups sure do suck.

**Homer**

Being a father is the worst full time job a man could have. Your son gets dumped and starts acting like a girl, with all his emotions and feelings. Doesn't he realise that woman are only good at sex… except for Marge of cause. She's good at cooking, cleaning and nagging. I hate my life so much.

Bart stands up and leaves the bar, looking a mess, maybe Marge can clean him up. It's not my job, I'm only the father.

"I thought you quit drinking Homer," Moe said.

"Well the doctor did say that my liver is going but what are you going to do. I think the author made me quit drinking but like I'm listening to him."

"What author?" Carl asks.

"The one writing this fanfic, duh…"

"What's a fanfic?"

"It's like… a story written on a website about a show, movie, book, etc that already existed." I explain.

"So people are ripping the characters and ideas of other people in order to gain fame?" Lenny asked.

"Well they try too, this author isn't very popular… haven't you realised how our lives have been kind of boring in the past 80 chapters? Nothing like the T.V show you know…"

"Yeah, and I think this is the first time I have been mentioned in like 30 chapters… no… maybe 50 chapters, this author sure does suck." Lenny said.

"Well… think about it, he is making us talk about fanfic and his story right now, I mean he must have run out of ideas or something." Carl said.

"Anyways, I have found this advertisement in the papers, its about this fanfic… it says, if any body has any ideas on what whacky and/or amazing adventures should happen next, then metallicanirvana would like to hear from you!" Moe says looking through his newspaper.

"But isn't there a story line about Bart's break up?" Carl asks.

"Yeah but its not like you can't have more than one story line going through… plus he's probably going to rush it next chapter."

A/N: Actually I do have a plan for that, all your ideas will be put into play after the break up chapters. As you can see, I have officially run into writers block. I want to hear from you guys on what I should write next. Please send in your requests for what should happen next. You have the opportunity to control Bartman, the longest running and lamest Simpsons fanfic on this website.


	82. Bart and Lisa VI: Get over it

**Bart**

"Bart… cheer up, so Jessica broke your heart… its not like you can't say this was inevitable." Lisa says walking into my room.

"What do you mean?"

"Did you think that you and Jessica were going to last forever? I mean you hardly go out on real dates… fighting witches and stuff like that doesn't count."

"That was like chapter 15…." I say.

"The point is, you never did romantic things with Jessica… you never stopped to ask her how she was feeling or made her feel special… you too were more friends than a couple…"

"That's not entirely true…" I say. Lisa never saw all the nice things I did for Jessica but I guess she is telling the half truth. I can't remember the last time me and Jessica went out on a date. I just kind of thought that she was my girlfriend so I didn't have to do that kind of stuff anymore. Maybe that was what went wrong… but then why does she hate me? Jessica and I were always close, I didn't think she would hate me. That's not enough to make her hate me, why does she hate me?

"Well it might be a cliché but there are plenty of fish in the sea, you shouldn't beat yourself over it."

"Are you joking, after everything that Jessica and I have been through…"

"This is another problem, you're too needy… I mean look at you, your happiness is all linked to Jessica. You got to be a man. You need to let this go, if it makes you feel better I can set you on a date with one of my friends… I mean Allison and Alex are pretty hot too right?" Lisa said with a smirk.

"It wasn't about looks, I mean Jessica was beautiful and all but I seen hotter. It was what she made me feel…"

"Bart… I don't know how much longer your going to hurt yourself over her but maybe its time to move on… at least get your life back on track. Everyone suffers a little bit of heart break now and then."

"It's just too much right now…"

**Lisa**

"You sure Bart's okay with us using his treehouse for our slumber party?" Allison asks.

"He's too concerned with his breakup, I don't think he cares if we are up here." I tell them.

"Stop calling it a slumber party, it's not that. Wait… Bart and Jessica broke up?" Alex asked.

"Yeah…" I say.

"Awh poor Bart… I should go make sure he's okay." Alex says with a wide grin.

"Wait, don't you think you're being a little insensitive? I mean he is going through one of the harshest periods of his life and you want to capitalise now?" Allison asked.

"Well duh… I mean rebound, he is going to jump onto the next hot thing he sees… and it just doesn't get any hotter than me." Alex says quickly descending from the tree house. Bart better stop being a girl with all these emotions and make out with one of my best friends. This could be a recipe for disaster, I mean if Alex and Bart do actually work out and then something goes wrong, I'm going to be left with a difficult decision. Meh!

"Lisa, Lisa…" Maggie comes running into the treehouse.

"What's the matter?" I ask.

"Its Professor Frink, he's got a giant monster with him." This I got to see! The three of us went to the front door to see Professor Frink and Barney.

"He's scary!" Maggie screamed.

"It's just Barney," I reassure her.

"We just came to tell you we saw a crash… Jessica was involved in it." Barney said.

"Oh… Bart and Jessica don't go out anymore, so we don't care."

"Oh… that's fine then. Just trying to let you know."

"Wait, you saw her in a crash and decided to run here to tell us? Its that a bit uncanny?"

"Well we were in the neighbourhood you know… Gayvin?"

"Okay… go away now," Maggie said poking out her tongue at them.

"Yeah… we are going…"

**Bart**

A quiet little knock echoed in my room. The door slowly swung open and Alex walked in, finding me covered in my bed sheets with the drapes closed.

"Bart… are you feeling okay?" She said as she took a seat on the bed.

"What did Lisa say?" I ask. This is a typical trait of women, they all gossip like hell.

"That you and Jessica broke up, I don't know what your feeling what right now but is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" She gently ran he fingers through my hair.

"I just don't understand why it happened…" I say.

"Well sometimes we can't control some things in life, love just isn't one of those logical things."

"Neither is hate," I say lamely.

"Well, you know like that 3rd law of Newton, for every action there is an opposite reaction or whatever, well what if like… for love there is always an opposite reaction in the form of hate… I mean like think about, don't you hate that it's your love for Jessica that is causing you this sadness?" That is possibly the smartest thing Alex has ever said.

"Yeah… I… I… hate Jessica, that stupid bitch thinks she is so great. She pretends that I am not worthy of her, well I can do better. Wow, thanks Alex…"

"No problem sweetie, and now with Jessica gone… maybe you can find someone, prettier and younger, that will always care for you no mater what. Bart, I love you." She said before kissing me on the lips and leaving. Guess Christ, what was that all about?


	83. Bart and Homer X: Drinks on

**Homer**

"Pick up the phone, fucker, Jessica you bitch… you can't do this to me. You got to give me a fucking explanation you wretched whore. I bet your not so pretty on the inside you motherfucking bitch," Bart screamed.

"Bart, who are you talking to?" I ask him going into his room.

"Jessica," He said putting his phone away.

"It seems to me that the only long and fulfilling relationship you are in right now is with Jessica's voicemail."

"I don't get it dad, everything was going so good…" He said.

"I thought you were over this, its time to move on. Have you even considered Maggie? She likes you, you know?"

"She's 8… and my sister…"

"So, Jessica was no angel. Take a chance boy."

"Well… I been thinking of hitting a party this week… maybe I'll run into someone there,"

"Maybe you will son, but don't forget… always have protection."

"What you mean like condom?"

"No, I mean a baseball bat… those teenage parties get extreme. I remember one time I crashed this party, everyone beat me up and threw me in a dumpster. I woke up the next morning with brain damage. It was fun while it lasted though…."

"Right…"

-

It was a causal day at Moes, I was having a drink with my friends, Professor Frink, Lenny and Carl.

"So, what have you been working on Frink?" Lenny asked.

"I invented a chick magnet." Professor Frink says pulling out a small device the resembled a cell phone from his pocket.

"A chick magnet? Oh… let me see," Moe says grabbing the device from Frink and pushing a few buttons which release a little pink gas that makes Moe fall asleep.

"You see, the laughing gas is released from this mechanism to help the holder to fall into a light coma where they are oblivious to their bodies being defiled." Professor Frink explains.

"Yeah but how do you get ladies to hold your phone?" Lenny asked interested.

"Well haven't you work in a science lab before, those chicks are crazy for technology." Professor Frink says with a cheesy grin.

"So anything new with the rest of you?" Carl asks.

"No not really," Lenny and I say in unison.

"Well, why don't we head of to a strip club?" Frink suggests.

"Can't, I'll feel all guilty cause I'm married and all." I say.

"Well, we'll catch up with you," Lenny says as they prepare to leave.

"I guess I should be heading home anyways." I say. I decide to leave before my friends. I tell you, it sucks to be in a committed relationship, I can't even go to strip clubs, have sex with other women and all the usually guy stuff. I don't know what Bart is bitching about, I would do anything to have Marge break up with me, I couldn't break up with her… it would break her heart.

Screw it, I'm going to the strip club.

**Bart**

Alex's 17th birthday party, one in her expensive mansion and with lots of my friends. Something I would have looked forward, this could have been a fun day for me and Jessica, we could have been banging in the closet or something. Maybe we would have been getting wasted and ruining everyone's good time, just like the good old days.

"Well aren't you two here early, how'd you get here?" Alex asked.

"Oh, I got a new car…" Milhouse says.

"What he really means is that he has gotten an old car that is new to him," I say with a smirk.

"So… Bart, you got a car?" Alex asked as we entered her house. The whole house seemed to be decorated with party streamers and tables of entrée. Oh I nearly forgot the best bit, there was so much liquor… I can't believe her parents let her drink. She just turned 17.

"No… Jessica was kind of teaching me to drive…" I lamely admit.

"Uh huh, by the way, this is an open party… anyone might show up so don't forget to invite people that don't what's like going down." Alex says.

"Milhouse, could you kind of excuse Alex and me for a little bit, I want to talk to her about something."

"What? I just got here!!!" Milhouse said annoyed as he gets up and walks to her massive backyard.

"Woah… she got an even bigger pool!!!" Milhouse screams from outside.

"Alex, what did you mean by… you love me?" I ask. Not exactly the best way to break the ice but there was a reason why I decided to come early.

"Oh my God, I was just kidding. I was trying to make you happy, you broke up with your girlfriend and… well I care you for," Alex said giving me a cheek on the kiss and getting up.

"So you didn't mean it like…" I utter in confusion.

"We might see tonight," She says.

"What?" I ask confused.

"Another joke, come on Bart… you're usually the one good with jokes but I think I got your number this time…" She said with a grin walking into the kitchen.

"That's practical jokes… and it's different," I reply.

"No it's not, comedy is comedy." She says as the doorbell rings. I decide to answer it and find my sister and Allison.

"Uhh, you can't drink tonight…" I say.

"Not even a hello," Lisa says walking into the room.

"I'm serious, mum and dad told me to look out for you tonight, dad even suggested I take a baseball bat and a gun." I say.

"The way you drink, it's probably better that you didn't bring one." Allison says.

"Seriously Bart, it's just not your day today…" Alex says walking into the room.

"It hasn't been my day for a long time, you mind if I just have a shot or something?" I ask.

"Go ahead…" Alex says after rolling her eyes at me.

"Thanks," I say taking the bottle and two glasses.

"Hey, I said a shot!" Alex said annoyed when I walked out of the room, through the kitchen and into the backyard.

"You're going to start drinking already?" Milhouse asked.

"Of course not, we are going to start drinking together." I say pouring out two glasses of whiskey.

"I rather wait," Milhouse said uneasily as I hand him the glass.

"Fine… I guess I'm going to be the first one to get drunk." I say downing first my glass and then Milhouse's.

"This isn't going to be a good night," Milhouse says looking at me.

A/N: Okay, I know I said I was going to go back to the good old days, that didn't happen… its harder than I thought. I just want to know if I'm going the right way…


	84. Bart IX: Conflict of interests

A/N: I am sorry, I wrote this chapter ages ago but I couldn't get it up because my internet stuffed up. During that time I have been working for some new material for this fic and I'm no sure which ones you are going to like but uhh I should have another chapter up sometime soon.

**Bart**

"Oh… umm, you might want to have another drink," Milhouse said as he looked through the glass doors of Alex's kitchen.

"Why, what happened?" I ask as I turn around.

"Oh… nothing," He said a little uneasy.

"Seriously, what happened?" I ask.

"Well… Jessica's here, anyways… I got to go see Lisa," Milhouse said getting up and leaving quickly.

"What?" I ask getting up. I follow him back into the house. More guests had arrived. She had arrived. I could go in there right now and make an ass of myself for a few answers or I could avoid the party. Alex was so right… this is so not my day.

"Bart… uhh I'm going to have to take this from you," Alex said.

"Wait… I need it," I said trying to wrestle the bottle back from Alex.

"Bart… I don't want to do this, but if you can't pull yourself together then you have to leave…" She said.

"Fine, I'm going…" I said standing up.

"Are you like serious? You're just going to bail on my birthday party?" She asked. I thought she wanted me to leave… Girls, I just don't understand them at all.

"We aren't even friends… you're my sister's friend." I say starting to walk towards the kitchen.

"If that's how you want to think of me then fine, just leave… you're just a selfish jerk. So what if your girlfriend dumped you? You have to bitch about it for weeks and ruin my birthday? You have wrecked this day for me, I hate you and now I can see why Jessica doesn't want you."

"Alex… I didn't mean it like that…" Well to be perfectly honest, I did.

"I don't care what you mean, you have to leave now and I don't want to see you again. I hate you!" Alex says.

"Doesn't that make two of us?" Jessica said walking outside.

"Well finally, someone else came outside, I didn't just get a new pool for nothing you know." Alex said walking back inside.

"What do you want?" I ask Jessica.

"I just… want to say, stop calling my cell phone, you know how many messages you left?" She said.

"Well… you know how sometimes you keep your cellphone in your pocket and forget to lock the keys and then it calls people… yeah I think that's what happened."

"Great, another lie… just get out of here Bart." She said walking back inside. I guess this is Alex's party and if she doesn't want me here, I got no business being here. I walk back into the house, the only exit is at the front…

In the kitchen I encounter Alex who is angrily frying some sausages.

"Don't you have a butler to do that for you?" I ask.

"Yeah… I do," She said.

"So uhh… I know I did something wrong out there… I think I'm kind of over her now…"

"That's good, you like still have to totally leave." She said.

"Awh come on, I'm sorry… what can I do to stay? I mean it's your birthday party and we are friends…" I say weakly.

"You're acting like a leech now, so what's the deal now? Jessica doesn't want you so I'm second choice?" She asks.

"What? No… I mean your hot and all… its just… I mean, I don't want to break your heart… you're one of my sisters best friends. So what if I like you… I don't want to hurt my sister or you."

"All I needed to hear," Alex said pulling me into her arms. Our lips met, something unfamiliar, something so sweet that neither of us wanted to end.

"Oh… uhh I guess, happy birthday?" I say as she gives a cute little giggle.

"Thanks," She pulled me in for another kiss, I could feel the insides of her mouth, her snake like tongue and the vodka that she had drunk not too long ago.

"Uhh I got to go… don't drink and fry, you might just die." I say with a smirk.

"Wait, where are you going?" She asks.

"I don't know…" I say.

"Stay, it could be a magically night," She whispers into my ear.

"Yeah Bart, I'm the one that shouldn't be drinking…" Lisa says walking into the kitchen.

"I'm leaving," I say walking out of the room.

"Wait… it's fine," Lisa said.

"What?" Alex and I ask in unison.

"You think I really care, I just wanted some sausages." Lisa said. She grabbed some sausages and disappeared. What kind of party thrown for a 17 year old girl has sausages anyways?

"So, how about we go upstairs and really make my birthday special? You know I never had a boyfriend before…" Alex says with a cheeky grin.

"You don't have one right now," I say.

"It doesn't matter, after tonight I might…" She said pulling me out of the kitchen, and into the back path into her bedroom. The last thing I want people to see is the birthday girl dragging me into her room.

"Come here baby, I always fantasized about this moment…" Alex said collapsing onto her bed. You know, if this experience has taught me anything, it's that a 17 yr old girl has dramatic mood swings. Wasn't I supposed to leave like 20 minutes ago?

"Woah… it's so tight and moist, much tighter than Jessica's." I say with a sheepish laugh.

"Well let's see if you can widen it," This is kind of awesome, I am about to have sex with an extremely hot chick.

"Oh, you're a bad girl Alex… your about to sleep with someone you hate." The door busted open and the light reached full brightness. Our naked bodies were exposed to one vicious whore.

"What are you doing? Get out of here!" Alex said pulling the sheets over her body.

"Jessica…" I say.

"I can't believe you… I was looking for you all over the place, then I realised that Alex was missing too…"

"Maybe it's because you're getting fat!" Alex said.

"What does it matter to you?" I ask.

"You asshole…" Jessica said.

"Umm, can you like give us 5 minutes… I would like to have this conversation with some clothes on…" Alex said.

"Fine," Jessica said closing the door. This is great… now I have to go out there and sort this out. I might need to sneak out of the window.

"Okay, you want to go out there alone or do you want me with you?" Alex asked.

"I don't know…" I say.

"Go alone… if I hear screaming, I'll come out." Alex says.

"Ok, by the way… next time, lock the door…" I say walking out of the room into the hallway.

"Bart… here is a restraining order… I now have the law on my side. Stay away from me." Jessica starts.

"Jessica, if there is something bothering you, you can tell me. You can't just go and get restraining orders and be a bitch about the break up. You and I have known each other since we were 10… at least we can be friends. I mean, Jessica, you didn't even tell me you're so upset at me. You broke my heart and having explained why. "

"Just obey the restraining order!" Jessica said walking away.

"Fine then, fuck you and I hope you going to hell,"

"I'll meet you there," She said with a giggle, a devilish giggle… now she has lost me. For fuck sake this doesn't make any sense. I guess it's true what they say. It's a thin line between love and hate. I have crossed that line somehow.


	85. Bart X: The calm before the awaking?

**Bart**

"Whoo!!! Fuck yeah!!! This feels better than doing God if he was a chick," I screamed as I walked into the dinning room table.

"Hey young man…. Watch your language." Mum said. The aroma of crisp, fried batter with so much seasoning that I could have a heart attack told me that we were about to rip into a bucket of K.F.C.

"Daddy, what does Bart mean when he said doing God? Does he want to be more religious now? And does "if he was a chick" mean that if he was a chicken? Wait a minute Bart, that's so stupid, you shouldn't engage yourself in religious practise based on your divine creator's appearance. If you want to 'do God' like you said then you should get into a better personal relationship with him, get real close to God and then you might be able to 'do God'." Maggie said.

"Ok… anyways, I got into university" I said sitting down next to my family. My father was eating his dinner really interested in how much chips, gravy, chicken, coleslaw and pepsi he could shove in his mouth at the same time.

"That's wonderful… you'll have to send in your application sweetie and then wait. I'm sure you'll get in sweetie!" Mum said.

"No, no… I did all that already and they accepted me." Bart said.

"What really? Oh you know son, uni is so expensive and is it really worth the risk?" Mum asked.

"What's risky?" I asked.

"If you finish the degree or not… it's a few years degree and let's admit it, you never stick with anything you like. You might get bored of next year and then what? They wouldn't refund your $6000 just like that." Mum said.

"But mum, I have been dedicated to law all my life." I say.

"Yeah but breaking the law… come on son, it's much easier to break the law than learn it, that's why there so many criminals…. We haven't learnt the laws we are breaking. The government should really tell us what the laws are. We don't know anything, I mean did the judge that let Michael Jackson off really know his profession. You just can't trust the court systems here." Dad injects.

A/N: Those kind of jokes were funny 5 or 6 years ago… and now that the guy is dead its offensive and everyone wants to listen music and dance like him and blah blah blah. I was a Michael Jackson fan since 97 and have always stood behind Michael. So all those fakeys that find this offensive. Fuck you!

"What mum and dad are trying to say is… you're too stupid for university." Lisa said with a smirk.

"Yeah but I got in, didn't I?" I ask.

"Yeah but getting in, so easy, getting out with a degree, no way Bart Simpson could do it." Lisa said with a smirk.

"Yeah… I mean you wanted to get more religious because you though God turned into a chick. You can't be very smart." The rest of the family started laughing. I can't believe them. How… wait… something seems strange.

"Wait a minute, didn't we just skip a few chapters?" Lisa asks.

"Oh remember… how in the last chapter, he talked about having a lot of new material well apparently he made a bad choice on which one to start off with."

"Oh right, he said that the missing chapters are going to be released as ff Bartman volume 1: Bart and the lost chapters. Retail prices are $25.96. Apparently there is going to be some never before seen chapters that were scrapped from the original fic." Lisa said.

"Oh really? Sounds interesting, might buy a copy. Back to the story!" Homer said.

"Back to the story…." I say annoyed.

_

"I can't believe they don't believe in me," I tell Alex. Despite me turning 19 this year, I still love my childhood tree house. It's an awesome get away place.

"Well if it makes you feel better, I got you a present for getting into uni…" Alex said with a cute smile.

"Oh… you didn't have to do that." I said with a smirk.

"Here you go," Alex said handing me a pair of keys.

"What's this?" I ask.

"Keys to your new ford focus RS." Woah Alex is a way better girlfriend than Jessica… she just bought me a car… I mean what the fuck?

"Wow… its so shiny… and comfortable, you really shouldn't have." I said.

"Well I am not going to be seen with a boy that doesn't have his own car. And with a 2.5L turbocharged engine you can actually race at the drags with this, rather than sit in Milhouse's car like you normally do." Alex said with a smirk, referring to what happened last week.

"Oh so there is a catch… you want your boyfriend to have a car… so you have a taxi service?" I ask.

"What? No… I mean… don't you like it… we can go everywhere in this thing." She said.

"And I thought you were the girl that had a crush on me since I was 10 because she genuinely liked me." I said.

"Umm… don't be silly sweetie… why would I buy you a car if I didn't like you. It just a small change and with a few more, you'll be perfect."

"Oh… great… am I going to be whipped?" I ask with a smile getting into the car and starting it up. It was such an easy car to drive… I love it.

This week is awesome, I get my first car, I get into university and too top things off… I can see that Alex isn't wearing a bra.

"Alex… listen I know things have been going pretty quick for us… maybe we should slow it down a little."

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"I know your rich… I don't want your money… and I don't want expensive gifts."

"Well you needed a car… I mean your 18 now… what kind of loser 18 yr old doesn't have a car and gets his hands around me." Well I hope time improves her…. Uhh… attitude.

"Well look I'll drop you off, I got some things to organise Mags birthday." I say.

"Awh that's so cute… you really love your little sister." Alex says making that face someone makes when they see a 3 legged puppy. I never seen a 3 legged puppy and never known anyone that has so this is new too me.

"I was supposed to book us in at kiddie fun land."

"Oh that's so cool, I'm so glad that they got rid of those paedophiles. Can I come? Pretty please…" Alex asked.

"Hmm… I already got a date…" I say.

"What?" She screamed.

"I'm joking, calm down… you can come." I said. It's so fun and relaxing just to have a kick back week, just doing fun things with friends and family. This isn't going to last long so might as well enjoy kicking back and being a normal person for a little bit longer.


	86. Bart and Milhouse II: Highway 61

**Bart**

1000,2000,3000,4000,5000,6000,7000,7500- shift into 2.

0,10,20,30,40,50,60

1000,2000,3000,4000,5000,6000,7000,7500,7600- shift into D

* * *

* * *

"Woah man, you're totally dusting the prelude," Milhouse screams over the roar of my engine. At the end of the line, my fans await and so does my $5,000. Who would have guessed it's so easy to make money in a ford focus rs?

"Fine you win, Bart man," Nelson said after finally passing the finish line. He hands me an enveloped and inside is fifty $100 notes.

"OH SHIT, WE GOT PIGS IN THE SKY." Someone yelled from a car as a chopper came flying in. This meant the cop cars were on their way here and everyone evacuated into their cars as quickly as they could. I jumped back into my car and floored it as quickly as I could. Two police cars came racing after us.

"Dude, not the highway…" Milhouse said as I entered the highway and zipped in and out between cars, trying to find the quickest way to my destination. The cops were doing the same thing.

"This is not fun man…" I say as we enter residential area, it would be a good idea to pull over right now but instead I just keep on driving. They probably got my license plate numbers anyways.

"Dude, sharp bend… sharp bend," Milhouse says as I hit the brakes as hard as I could but it was too late, the car went sideways into a metal barrier. The passenger side got most of the impact.

"Milhouse…. Milhouse…." I scream.

"Please step out of the car with your hands up!"

**Milhouse**

"_I walked into the barn to see my wife dead, I picked up the gun as an honest mistake"_

"_Is that's so? Then can you tell us who murdered your wife on the night of July, 26__th__, 1961?" _

"_I don't know… the guy that was running from barn… he was just so fast."_

"HOLY SHIT… HE'S AWAKE…" Bart screamed as my eyes opened up. Bart and dad were sitting by my bedside.

"Bart… what happened?" I asked.

"You were in a car crash…" He said.

"Really, I don't remember it at all… dude… I had this really weird coma experience…" I say.

"I know… trust me, I have had them." Bart says.

"It was Grandma… she got murdered and… Jordan was blamed…" I say. My dad looks at me in disbelief.

"How did…" He stuttered.

"How did I what?" I ask.

"You haven't been checking through police files have you?" Dad asked.

"What? Of cause not… wait… you said Grandma and Grandpa died in a car crash after you were born." I said.

"Sometimes it's better to leave the bone in the backyard rather than dig it up," Dad said.

"But we aren't dogs…" I say.

"I shall not hear another word of this…" Dad says and walks out. Bart and I watch him in disbelief.

"Woah… so whose Jordan?" Bart asked.

"My grandfather…" I say.

"Oh… your grandfather killed your grandma?" Bart asked confused. I always thought it was a car crash, why would dad lie about something so important?

"_I have only one thing left to say," Jordan says lying in his hospital bed. It was this hospital bed, the one I'm in… in this room… how bizarre._

"_What is that?" My father asked._

"_All these years, I have been trapped here… to rot in this temple of horror. I never did it son… I never killed your mother, I loved her with all my heart." The heart machine flat lined. Apparently there was no more love in his heart… Sorry I just saw that as a good pun._

"He… he didn't… this room… he was here… WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON???" I ask getting up.

"Dude, relax your still disillusioned." Bart said.

"No… I saw them… dad… grandpa… they were here… he was here…." I said.

"Umm well don't have a cow man but your dad walked out about 20 minutes ago… and you have never seen your grandpa… so how do you know it was him? Oh yeah and this is the one thing that I can't seem to explain…. I'm standing right here and I saw nothing." Bart said.

"It was them… it felt… it felt so real… this makes no sense…" I say.

"Oh great, I think I made you crazy… last time I go to the drags for sure." Bart says with a smirk.

"What are you smiling about? This is something you smile about…" I said.

**Bart**

"I don't know what to do… whether to admit him to the loony bin or to help him out with what ever is going on…" I tell Alex.

"Maybe his brain is still screwy from the coma…" She says.

"I thought it was that at first but he somehow he was able to tell that his grandma was murdered and his granddad was put in prison without knowing any of that. He just spat it out… all this information that couldn't have been because of the coma." I say.

"Yeah but he is having these… visions or what ever they are… I mean maybe its in his head… he is just tricking himself into believing that what he sees is real and it is just concurring with what is real…" Alex says.

"Sorry to break up the honeymoon,"

"Jessica? What do you want?" I ask as she climbs into my tree house.

"I want to talk to you… without Cinderella and the $50,000 glass shoe." Jessica said.

"Maybe it's too late for words, I mean Bart found someone younger, better looking and richer… how many words can describe that?" Alex asked.

"I got one," Jessica says.

"It's okay Alex," I say as she sighs and leaves.

"Ok, Bart… look the simplicity of decisions are only affected by the complicity of love." Jessica starts.

"That's a fair statement, although where does the word hate come into this?" I ask.

"You know that was a lie… I love you… well loved you…. It's just I kind of didn't want to hurt you…" Jessica said.

"Well you done a good job there…" I said.

"Well the truth is… I cheated on you… I didn't want to tell you the truth… I only hated you because I hated me… the part of me that was in you." Jessica lost me again. Maybe she's on drugs again.

"You did what??" I ask confused.

"You remember Mia? Well… me and her… kind of got into a relationship… after seeing her for a few weeks I knew that… well that we have run our course and now I'm bored and tired of you." She said with a laugh.

"You're gay??" I asked confused.

"Yeah… I know… it's so weird," She said with a giggle. Women are so lucky, they get to experiment with their sexuality, it's only guys that have to make a choice and stick with it. But that doesn't excuse her for what she did to me.

"Can we still be friends?" Jessica asks.

"BART!!!! We got a problem…." Alex yelled out.

"What?" Jessica and I rushed down the treehouse as quickly as we could.

"It's Milhouse… look at him…" Alex and Lisa had their eyes glued to Milhouse who was standing their looking blankly at the wall.

"Milhouse?" I ask approaching him.

"Milhouse?" Still no answer. What the hell happened to him in the hospital? Did the crash fry his brain?

"RANDY!!!!!!!!!! RANDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO DAD!!! IT WASN'T MY FAULT!!!!!!!!!" Milhouse suddenly bursts out in a fit of anger.

"RANDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


	87. Bart and Milhouse III: Drugs are friends

**Bart**

"What happened?" Milhouse asked as he found himself on my couch.

"You… kind of went insane," Alex bluntly stated.

"Does the name Randy, ring any bells?" Lisa asked.

"Randy… was my brother," Milhouse stated.

"You had a brother?" Lisa, Alex and I asked in confusion.

"Well it looks like as soon as I run into Bart Simpson, I run into a freak show, once again," Jessica said with a smirk.

"I don't want to talk about this… I got to get home," Milhouse said getting up and leaving.

Milhouse and I never kept secrets from each other, he has been my best friend since the sandbox and I don't understand why he never told me any of this. Milhouse has always been a little weird, but that coma did something to him. It was a stupid idea to get involved in the drags, now not only is my car totalled but my best friend has lost his mind.

"Again, its always so fun when you get into these amazing adventures Bart… ones that have huge mysteries and end up in near death experiences… but I got to run." Jessica says. Jessica left and Alex seemed annoyed so she also got up and left. Well Jessica was wrong, the simplicity of decisions isn't affected by the complicity of love… not when you can just walk away.

"Bart, have you heard of genetic memory?" Lisa asked.

"No…" I said.

"Well Milhouse seems to be having memories of his grandfather… its quite possibly that its real memories, his grandfather's memories." Lisa said.

"What? That's impossible." I say.

"Well Bart, I could give you a lengthy discussion about how it is possible but I think you would rather take my word for it." Lisa says with a smile.

"Yeah, I guess so… but look this Randy business… does this have to do with his Grandfather too?" I ask.

"Look I don't know all the answers, I know that he is in therapy and they are giving him some pills… so there is only one way to find out." Lisa said.

"What is that?" I ask.

"The information about Milhouse's recovery from the coma is classified, they aren't telling me what they are giving him or what's going on in therapy. Only his father and Dr Lola Burns know about it."

"Wait, Dr Lola Burns?" I ask.

"Mr Burn's daughter… let's just say we don't know all of Mr Burn's past but it's not his past that we need right now, it's Milhouse's. The only way to find out what is going on there is to do some investigating. We have to get a hold of the police records of Milhouse's grandfather and the medical records of Milhouse." Lisa says.

"Are you insane? How are we supposed to do that?" I ask.

"We don't know how dangerous the medication that they are giving Milhouse is… we don't know if this Randy incident is linked to the medication or too some suppressed memory. Either way we can find it out and also might be able to help him." Lisa says.

"He is in the hands of Dr Burns, she can help him out." I say.

"Well… that's the problem, ever since he was admitted into her care, he has become worse… I don't think she is helping him… I think there is something more going on." Lisa says.

"What if getting worse is the only way the real healing can begin?" I ask.

"Bart, this is your best friend, it's up to you if you want to help him."

**Milhouse**

"Son, please just take the medication…"

"What is it that you're giving me? I wasn't insane before Dr Burns started drugging me… is this about Grandpa… your afraid that I will find out the truth?"

"Son, please… you're starting to scare me," Dad says. Maybe I am going insane… I don't know. But I wasn't like this before… even when I came out of the coma, I was just having visions… now those visions are gone. Now I am just losing my mind and it has to do with the medication.

"Take your pills or I might have to find you a new home… one where you will be forced to take the pills… you don't want that to happen do you?" Dad asked. I reluctantly swallowed the pills. I start to feel my mind shut down… sleepy… slowly… crack in the wall…

**Bart**

"Look dude, they are drugging me… I got this… a bottle of the medication… what are these pills?" Milhouse asked, he looked in an unstable mental state that I never expected from him.

"Ok, look… Alex's cousin, Jeff is a clinical pharmacist, I'll get him to analyse this. In the mean time, you got to get home." I say.

"I can't… they will continue to drug me there… this is some twisted plan of my dads… as long as I'm insane, he can't get me climbing the family tree and finding out what really happened in 1961." Milhouse says.

"Okay, dude… you really need help… that is completely insane… your dad won't drug you to make sure you can't unravel family secrets." I say.

"No… he would, trust me… there is something very dark that he has left in the closet for too long. I want to find it out and this medication is making me lose my mind." If it's not the medication… it's something.

"BART!!!!!!!!! Milhouse's dad wants to talk to you." Dad called out from downstairs.

"Dude, don't tell him I'm here… please if you value our friendship you will not tell him." This is great, I don't know if he is insane or not but I think I'll let Jeff decide.

"Hey, can I help you?" I ask Milhouse's dad.

"Well Bart, it's just that Milhouse has run away. I was wondering if you know where he is." He asked.

"No, but if I hear from him I'll tell you." I say.

"This is dangerous for him, he has lost his mind… if you know anything at all I need to know. I am worried about my son, in his mental state he could be a threat to anyone around him… or a threat to himself." He said.

"Well… hopefully he will turn up soon." I say. I just hope I'm making the right decision here. If he really is insane… I just stuffed up because he would need medical attention. I walk back into my room.

"Milhouse?" Oh great, he just ran away.


	88. Bart and Milhouse IV: The test

**Bart**

"Well I'll see what I can do," Jeff said with a smirk.

"Try to get it to me A.S.A.P, I need to know what that is…" I tell him.

"Alright, I'll give you a call…" Jeff said. Now only if I knew where Milhouse was I could get him the type of help he deserved. Maybe that meant hospitalising him and if that's the case I have denied my best friend the kind of help he needs.

It's time to go home, there isn't much more I can do about Milhouse's situation. His father has sent search teams to look for him but I have no idea what is going to happen if they find him. Will they chuck him into SMI?

"Bart… look at this… Jordan was convicted of the murder when he was 32, when Milhouse's dad was 12… Milhouse was wrong… he wasn't murdered in 1961, he was murdered in 1981" Lisa said as I walk into the longue. Maggie and she were reading through some newspapers and police records.

"How did you get these?" I ask them. Milhouse got the date wrong, maybe he was starting to lose to his head.

"I used to date the son of the police chef remember?" Lisa says with a smirk.

"Look at this, the death of… Chelsea left Jordan with a large sum of money. A Life insurance policy of $100,000 was taken out 3 months before she died." Maggie said.

"Well it's not hard to find a motive," I say.

"Yeah but Milhouse was almost convinced that it was a wrong conviction…" Lisa said.

"Yeah but Milhouse might be insane. Even if Jordan was innocent, that doesn't mean we can bring him back to life just to restore that decades he wasted in prison." I say.

"Touché my brother, however, if you truly want to persuade being a lawyer, maybe you should consider that justice is more important than the past. Maybe we can't give Jordan back his life, we can't take away the days he decayed in that prison but what if we can bring justice to the death of Jordan?" Lisa asked.

"Bart, before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile way and you have their shoes. So go steal Milhouse's shoes, maybe it's his shoes that made him insane." Maggie said.

"Look I got Jeff analysing Milhouse's medication… has anyone found any information on where Milhouse is?" I ask.

"If we knew that we wouldn't be sitting here," Lisa said. Damn how I hate my sisters sometimes.

**Milhouse**

"Dude, you got to believe me, I don't know where else to run too…" I say sitting down. This might have been a last resorted but if there is one person he could always trust, it was Professor Frink and he was more useful than most of the other adults in this town.

"Relax, you want a drink or anything?" He asked.

"A coffee would be fine," I say.

"Two sugars?" He asked from the kitchen.

"Yeah, two sugars…" I just can't help but wonder why. Why was dad drugging me? Without the medication my head is much clearer now.

"_So what is this exactly?" I ask the mad scientist. He had called Abe and I too see this new weapon. The calendar said January 3, 1981… my memory hasn't been too good, I have dispensed false information about my death and I am sorry Milhouse. 1961 was the year I survived a bullet shot. _

"_This is my latest invention, it is a gun that releases infrared radiation in a concentrated beam that can burn a victim from 100ft away. It's my prototype to what I call a laser gun." He says with a smirk._

"_Well maybe we can use this in case of warfare," Abe said with a smirk._

"_Look, there is something else I brought you both here for… it's Chelsea, she's in great danger…" Dr Frink says._

"_What do you mean Jonathan?" _

"Oh glavin… Milhouse…?" My eyes adjust to Professor Frink's longue.

"The flashbacks have returned…" I say grabbing the coffee out of his hand.

"Ok, I'll need to take a blood test, there might be traces of what your father was drugging you with. However there is one thing I ask in return. If the results are negative and they aren't really drugging you… you must return to your father in order to get the help you deserve." He says.

"Are you insane? I can't take anymore of this so called help… I got to solve this murder and I have to figure out why my father so badly wants to hide all of this."

"Milhouse, if what you're telling me is true, then something will show up in the blood test but if you're just facing some kind of mental breakdown, there will be no traces of any foul play. You have to face the option that maybe you're suffering from some kind of post-coma illness and need help."

"Okay, take the blood test… if it's negative, you can take me to my father" I say. He takes me to the medical lab, where he pulls out a needle and shoves it into a vein.

Wait, the date… 26 July, 1961… dad always said that it was 1981 that he lost his parents in the car crash. Shortly after that he inherited some money and started off his cracker business. It was him… he was somehow involved in it, that's why he is trying to drug me and erase my memory. He killed his mother for the insurance money and framed his father in order to start his cracker business. But he couldn't have done it alone. I need evidence…

"Okay, the test is finished… in your bloodstream there is…."


	89. Lisa and Milhouse: SMI

**Milhouse**

"It's negative, there is only trace amounts of Thorazine in your blood stream," Professor Frink says.

"No… that's a lie, maybe it's been out of my system so long you can't see the real drug that they are using…" I say.

"Milhouse… you need help…"

"No, my father killed Chelsea… he framed his dad to start up his cracker business…" I say as Professor Frink shoves another needle in my arm. This time, I watch the world get bright, a blinding whiteness till I can no longer see anything and then slowly black, very black.

**Lisa**

I really wish Bart would have come; Springfield Mental Institution was not a place I ever wanted to visit. Bart couldn't face seeing Milhouse in SMI but it has been 4 weeks and the treatment apparently was working.

"Miss Simpson, I warn you, once you step inside you will be exposed to things that you couldn't have imagined." The guard said as he opened the door.

"I know, but I have to see Milhouse…" I say as we walk in. Instantly my nostrils are filled with the smell of urine, it felt like walking into a prison. Some patients were roaming around, using some of the hospitals facilities such as 11inch black and white television sets or magazines and newspapers from the 60s-90s. Other patients were confined behind their glass doors.

"Hey babe, how would you a spanking tonight?" One of the freaks says as he approaches me.

"Hmm you smell like vinegar," He says smelling me.

"And taste like salt…" He says as he starts licking me. Suddenly he bites my neck while two guards appear out of nowhere and tackle him to the ground.

"I'm sorry about that, Milhouse is in his room," More like a cell.

"Lisa!!! Awh I missed you so much," Milhouse says running into my arms.

"I missed you too, look I'm not insane… my dad was drugging me, he wants to cover up the murder cause he was responsible." So much for saying my boyfriend wasn't insane.

"You know I would love to believe you more than anyone else but do you have any proof?" I asked. I have to listen to his insanity. I knew that Alex giving my brother that car was a bad idea from the start. Who would have guessed that it would end up like this?

"Saint Veronica, find out everything you can about her…" Well apparently Milhouse got a copy of Billy Talent's new album.

"Whose is she?" I ask.

"She was the catholic teacher at my dad's boarding school before the murder… I think she had something to do with the murder." He says.

"Okay Milhouse, you have gone completely insane… I don't know if you understand but these visions are hallucinations," I tell him.

"Lisa, trust me… have I ever been wrong about anything before?" I could tell him the truth about that question but it would just hurt him more. What the hell happened to my Milhouse? He was always the strangest guy I knew but never did I imagine him in SMI with conspiracy theories.

"Please Lis, just trust me on this… my dad is trying to bury the truth… that's why he locked me up in here." Milhouse said.

**Milhouse**

"Son, I am getting worried about you… your accusations of horrid and unspeakable crimes is disturbing." Dad says.

"Why won't you admit it? You and Saint Veronica killed my grandma and framed my father so you would have the money for your cracker business." "I say.

"Okay, I'll come clean son, your absolutely right. I pulled a gun and shot my mother, Saint Veronica gave me the gun and helped frame dad. Are you happy now? Even with this information there is not a damn thing you can do about it." Dad said with a smirk.

He is right, his plan worked perfectly… with me trapped in here there is no one willing to believe. I pray that Lisa and Bart haven't given up on the case. I can't just escape.

"One more thing, you're not going to remember any of this after tomorrow." Dad said with a laugh as he walked away.

"What? What are you going to do??" I asked chasing dad out of the room but surprise, surprise, the guards tackle me down to the ground. What is he going to do? Somehow erase my memory?

**Lisa**

"Saint Veronica?" Bart asks confused.

"Yeah, it's the craziest thing… he believes his dad murdered his grandma for insurance money and that this Veronica lady had something to do with." I tell him.

"Well I found something interesting in the newspapers, this Saint Veronica lady did exist." Bart says handing me an old newspaper article.

_27 July, 1981_

_Small farm, big murder._

_Late last night, a murder took place that would shake the foundations of this small town. The peaceful town of Springfield witnessed its first murder since the civil war ended. Chelsea Van Houten, 39, was found dead within the family barn that has been in her family since they moved to Springfield in the early 1900s. Veronica Simpson found the dead body at 9 pm last night when she was supposed to have supper with Chelsea. That diner was, however, never meant to be. Police Chef Andy Ross has already started investigating the brutal murder and it is suspected that it was Jordan Van Houten, 36, that had murdered this poor lady. R.I.P Chelsea Van Houten._

_Article written by Chloe Flanders_

"Veronica was a Simpson?" I asked confused.

"Well yeah, I mean it is a common name. Jessica and Ashley Simpson?" Bart says with a smirk.

"Yeah but what if she's related to us… we don't really know much about our family do we?" I ask Bart.

"Do you really want to know more about our family, we know dad… that's enough." Bart says.

"But this doesn't prove anything, Milhouse has access to these newspapers too, in SMI they got a whole lot of old newspapers." I say.

"Well there is only one way to find…." Bart says.

"Yeah and we got a limited amount of time… I took a quick look at Milhouse's medical record… he is going to be taking some called Quasarpen tomorrow." I say.

"What's that?" He asks.

"A new, untested drug that is either going to wipe out the last few weeks of his life or make him a vegetable." I tell him.

"What? Who would authorise something like that?" Bart asks.

"His father, maybe Milhouse is right… I mean why would someone go to such extremes to erase the memory of a son?" I ask.

"Because he is afraid of prison…" Bart replies.

"Exactly, this is Springfield's biggest secret and we are about to unravel it. If we can do it before Milhouse takes the injection, we can save him and bring justice to this situation. We got exactly 24 hours."


	90. Bart and Milhouse V: What can I do?

**Bart**

"I'm sorry but Saint Veronica died 3 years ago," The nun said at the local catholic school. It was old and creepy, it must have been around when Kirk was a child.

"Okay, do you know anything about her relationship with Kirk?" I ask.

"You mean that poor boy that was traumatised from the death of his mother?" She asked. No I meant the murderer that killed his mother.

"Yeah, that one…"

"They were quiet close, she raised him up and in return she took half of his inheritance and invested it into the creation of the nuclear plant. She was married to Mr Burns," She said.

"Wait, Lola's mother?" I ask.

"Yes, Lola's mother…" Maybe Lola knows something about this but this is taking too long… How are we supposed to find information on a murder committed 3 decades ago?

"So she raised him up after Kirk's father was chucked in prison… this might be a weird question but… she didn't seem the person that would have the motives to kill anyone right?"

"Saint Veronica? No, she was an angel… but made a poor decision in love that always baffled me."

"Thanks for your help, any idea where Lola lives?" I asked.

"Yeah the Burn's mansion." She says. Now I had a location to get to, I have to walk it… if I never went drags that night not only would I have a car to drive there but I wouldn't be involved in Springfield's biggest murder mystery.

-

"Yes?" A young woman asked as she opened up the door.

"Dr Lola?" I asked.

"That would be me," I say.

"I want to know what you know about Kirk and his murder of Chelsea…" I say.

"I have no idea what your talking about… did you hear this from Milhouse?" She asked.

"Does that matter? If you know any information about the murder come clean, we can help bring justice to this case." I say.

"Listen little man, Milhouse is deluded with his post-coma psychosis, don't believe a word he says…"

"The new medication your going to give him in 4 hours is going to wipe his memory out completely or leave him a vegetable, why would you do that unless if you knew he was hiding something big?" I ask.

"To help him, it might be the only way… now get out of here before I release the hounds." She says.

"That's your father's dirty tricks… but unlike Kirk, you never framed your father." I say walking away. I am not in the mood to be chased from the hounds, I have ran from them in the past… not the most fun of experiences.

I wish there was something more I could do but I have to face facts, no matter what we have done in the past… this is a battle we will lose. Great, we defeated aliens, vampires, witches and ghosts but we can't take out a doctor with a powerful drug? This is insane.

**Milhouse**

"This is insane… you can't do this…" I say as the guards grab me and drag me into a dark room. They strap me to a table as a bright white light turns on. I try moving but I'm strapped too tightly to the table. This is like some kind of nightmare, I wish I could just wake up.

"Dad… please don't do this…" I say.

"I'm sorry son but this is for the best…" Dad says as he walks out of the room. He is watching me. I could almost see his eyes piercing at me from behind the glass window.

"Now, this might sting a little bit but your going to feel better once it's over…" Lola says shoving a needle in a little bottle. This is a highly untested drug, what if it fails and I'm left a vegetable. What's worst is if it does work, then dad would have won, he would have buried the truth.

"You know the truth, your helping a murderer…"

"If it wasn't for that murderer my father would have never had the money to start the nuclear power plant."

"So you're in this for the money?" I asked.

"Yeah, pretty much… but it doesn't matter… after this you won't remember a thing," Lola says shoving the needle into my arm.

"Mark my words, I will figure out the truth…"

-

"Milhouse… it's so good to see you out," Lisa say running to me. I decided to visit the Simpsons. Apparently Lisa was the only one to have visited me in the hospital apart from my dad.

"Dude, how you feeling?" Bart asked.

"I feel fine, I'm just glad that my dad admitted me and I got the help that I needed. Last time I'm going to the drags with you bro," I say with a smirk.

"Yeah well it's good to just let everything return back to normal," Bart said with a smile.

"Yeah, back to normal," Lisa said with a smile. This is just a dark chapter in my life, I never planned to get into mental hospital but now that it's over it's just time to put this all behind me. It's strange though, I have seen so many people enter comas before but none of them suffered from any kind of post-coma illness. Well now that it's over, it's just time to return back to being me.


	91. Homer X: Not another Easter fic

A/N: Okay, I'm sorry that I haven't updated recently, its my first year at uni and it's a lot of work. Semester break it's starting so hopefully I will have a new arc up sometime in the next two weeks, I can't promise anything though as I got a lot of assignments. I'm sorry if this chapter is absolutely crap :p

**Homer**

"So this Jesus guy died for our sins and then he came back to life?" Maggie asked.

"Yeah… after 3 days he came back to life…" I tell her.

"But what happened to him after he came back to life?" Maggie asks.

"That's the part of the story I don't know, it's the part no one knows....I think he died again." I say.

"Well that's stupid, a guy dies and then he comes back to life and then no one knows what happens to him? It sounds like he was trying to do life insurance fraud or something. And if he actually did die again, then what was the point of coming back to life?" Maggie said.

"Maggie, why don't you go ask Lisa… I'm Christian and therefore am an idiot, she's not… so… go bother her." I say.

"But Lisa's working..." Maggie said.

"Wait, when did Lisa get a job?" I ask.

"She's playing the Easter bunny at the mall."

"Isn't that what paedophiles do?"

"You're thinking of Santa… but what's a paedophile?" Maggie asked.

"Men that can't have sex with woman like a normal person and turns to children, kind of like homosexuals except they have sex with little kids." I say.

"What's sex?" This was one of the talks that parents have to have with their kids sooner or later. Just like telling Lisa that eating vegetables is wrong, or telling Bart that it's not okay to take naked photos of the neighbour's wife and then post them on the internet, this is going to be awkward. This time I can't inject meat fat into carrots or steal the photos for personal use, this time I have to do the right thing.

"It's like this, when a man and woman fall in love, they express their love by hugging each other so tightly that it feels like one of them is inside the other. It's like parking a car in the garage, at first your garage is full. You got so much stuff in there, you can barely fit your car inside, but that's okay because it's fun to park your car in tight spots. But when your like your dad and have been in a serious relationship with a women, then she throws away your boxes of porno, machine gun collections and basically everything till you can fit nearly 5 cars in there."

"So sex is like parking a car?"

"Oh, we're talking about sex? No, that's when a man puts his penis in a woman's vagina and oozes inside of her, accidentally creating Bart." I tell her. It's best to be honest with her.

"Oozes inside of her? Is that like a chocolate Easter bunny that melts inside your mouth?" Maggie asked.

"Sure, sex is like chocolate, so sweet and delicious… but unlike chocolate, it's just not as tasty as after 20 years of marriage." I tell her.

"Ok, I'm going to go tell mum that you don't like having sex with her now... and that you said her vagina is like a cave that you have explored to often." Maggie says getting up. Kids, don't you just hate them.

There is a knock on the door, what a stupid way for a story to introduce a new character into the plot. The talentless author makes me answer the door, how original!

"Hey neighbourino," Oh great, Ned Flanders… my best friend that I hate. He made me tell everyone that I hate Flanders as if they don't already know that.

"What do you want Flanders?" I ask.

"I need your help today, to spread the lord's good word."

"Jesus Christ, can't you Christians just leave me alone? It's Easter, do you even know what that is?" I ask.

"Of cause I do, it's the weekend we celebrate the death and resurrection of our saviour." Ned says.

"The Easter bunny is not our saviour you idiot, he only died for our economy because stupid Indians and Asians were opening up diary shops and businesses everywhere and taking away money from the pockets of hard working Americans. We had to indulge in commercialism for this holiday in order to save the working class Americans, although most of the money just goes to the executives and vice-presidents of chocolate manufacturers in this great, corrupt nation." I say.

"I'm not even going to try and understand that… but I tell you what, how would you like to work at the soup kitchen for the homeless this Easter? Help those unfortunate souls by spoon feeding them some of Springfield's most sugary fudge."

"Give homeless people diabetes? Okay…" I say, and that was it. We stepped out of the house and into the car, driving to the homeless shelter that wasn't too far. The men looked hungry, one with a battle scar and another that looked like he just hit the bar. One woman stared at us as we entered, she wore no bra but looked ugly when not afar.

"So who wants some chocolate?" Ned asked as he opened the pot, it was melted chocolate that looked so hot. Ned grabbed a bowl and handed it too the lot of em', I did not.

"Homer… what are you doing? That's for the homeless and stop with the stupid rhymes."

"I'm Homerless today too, don't discriminate against me just cause I have a home!!! I deserve chocolate as much as these bums," Materialised the editable goods, I felt so ostracised. I had worked hard all my life, these homeless had found the price too high so confined in the prize of free rider behaviour. How the folk that smell of gin and pee are the ones I despise. They ask for change, they say it's for food. I say LIES…

"Hay man, I'm really hungry… can you stop with your rhymes and give me some chocolate?" He asks.

"I'm not going to feed you, you see… the fact is… everyone contributes to society in some way… they get a job, workers create the mechanism that allows society to operate. You on the other hand don't, it's free loaders like you that the government has to waste extra money on just to make sure you're alive… when in fact, your death would help our society out a lot more."

"But dude… like the recession and stuff… it's hard to get a job…" The man said. How I fantasised that he was dead. Later that night, I awoke in my bed. The homeless were left unfed I thought, and then, I realised my wife had bled. Ew, no tampons? The sheets were red. How could this happen? 3 hours ago she was busy giving me head.

"Homer… hurry up and give that man a bowl of fudge." I did what Ned said.

"So Ned, what do we get for feeding these people?" I ask giving another poor dude some food.

"Nothing, its voluntary work." Ned says.

"What's voluntary work?" I ask.

"It means your working without pay." Ned says.

"You mean slavery?" I ask.

"No… you choose to be a volunteer, you don't choose to be a slave."

"That's stupid, what kind of person would choose to work without pay?" I ask.

"Homer, there are many of us that want to help people and aren't interested in the monetary gains as long as we can make a difference."

"Wow, you socialist suck… Capitalism FTW" This is how this story ends. I know, there is no real plot, no crazy adventures but I want you to enjoy the beauty of this Easter special (it has nothing to do with Easter so whatever). It proves that you don't have to be talented to write a story, in fact your story can be 100% crap but people will read it if you post it on fanfic. In fact most of this fic is absolute rubbish, I still can't believe Bartman got 15,000+ views.

I have decided to run a promotion contest. I want anyone to advertise this on youtube, facebook, twitter or even fanfiction. The writer will not only get to choose which character dies in the 100th chapter but also how they die. This can be any character, even Bart… the title character of the fic. You can kill anyone at all in Springfield, it's entirely up to you.

How will I know who wins the contest you run? For youtube it's easy… just PM me the videos you have posted this fic. For Facebook, if you create a fanpage, each member will be seen as a vote for you… status updates count for 5 new readers. PM me your fanpage link or a link to your profile. I don't know how to twitter works so you will most likely lose if you use twitter.

Too all of you, I hope you enjoy your Easter holidays. Remember, Easter isn't all about the holidays… I hope at least some of you spend sometime in a church for Easter to honour the sacrifice of one of the coolest dudes in all of history.


	92. Bart XI: April Fools day: Prank time!

A/N: Okay, the message was about the competition was an april fool's prank… Jesus Christ… april fools and Easter just had to be at the same time this year.

**Bart**

APRIL FOOLS…. For all you Americans!


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